A/N Okay to be totally honest, I'm not 100% happy with this chapter. But, it's short and all of the important things that need to happen do. So here it is! Maybe I'll go back and try and revise it some time, but I'm ready to move on with the story. I absolutely love writing this and hope it is fun to read!
He couldn't do this. He just could not do this. He knelt on the ground outside the tent, bowing his head in distress. He knew his uncle would never forgive him. He'd thought this before and knew it again now. When he remembered his betrayal of his uncle, his insides curled and clenched in disgust and anger, all of it directed at himself.
His eyes shut. His anger at himself was overwhelming, pulling him into his own personal hell of regret and anger and worry. He felt deep down that he couldn't be properly redeemed without his uncle's forgiveness, yet he knew he would never get it. He'd been so awful. He'd give anything to go back and change what he'd done.
He thoughts became darker and darker.
He heard a voice that brought him back to the present.
"Are you okay," she said sweetly. Calmly. He opened his eyes and looked into her big, blue ones. When he did so his anger dissipated, but only a little.
"No. I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it. He loved me and supported me in every way he could…and I still turned against him." As he spoke, Katara knelt down beside him. "How can I even face him?" His voice broke slightly as he asked this last question.
"Zuko," she said. Hearing her say his name calmed him even more and he didn't know why. How was she so good at this? "You're sorry for what you did right?" She asked this like the answer was obvious.
"More sorry than I've ever been about anything in my life."
She shrugged like all this worry was no big deal. "Then he'll forgive you. He will," she said, repeating what she'd told him on the beach. He turned and looked into her eyes again. They calmed him so much. She calmed him so much. How had she known that he needed this boost right now? How did she always know what to say? (Why did she smell so good?) Because of course his uncle wouldn't hate him. He said this over and over to convince himself and walked into his uncle's tent.
Everything went dark and then suddenly lit electric blue.
He ran. He ran as fast as he could to catch it, because she could not die. Too many people needed her. Depended on her…
He needed her. He didn't know why but he felt that deep down.
Azula couldn't get her. He wouldn't let her…
He stretched as far as he could, but it wasn't enough…
He jumped but was too slow. The lightning buzzed passed him. He felt the heat of it. The crackle of it. His body hit the ground.
NO. He turned his head and saw two blue eyes wide with fear. A look he never wanted to see on her face ever again.
He watched her try to bend, but she didn't have enough water.
It was closer now…zooming towards her. Her movements became more frantic…it was too late now for her to run.
He reached to her from the ground, but it was too late….
A loud crackle and thud filled his ears. Then laughter.
Zuko woke in a sweat, Azula's laughter still echoing in his ears. Reality came flooding back to him quickly and he tried to sit up. A pain on his stomach reminded him of what had actually happened, even though his dream had felt so real. It was all so poignant. Zuko's breaths came in heavy gulps.
"Zuko, it's okay," she said, though he continued to struggle. "Stop. Don't try to sit up." She was there. He felt her gentle hands on his shoulders urge him to lay back down. Zuko felt his head fall onto a soft pillow. She was really okay, he told himself. They both were. His breaths were still heavy and ragged.
Zuko's sleepiness began to fade and his surroundings became gradually more clear. He turned his head on the pillow to get a good look around. He was lying in his old bed. The furniture of his old room was exactly how he'd left it the night he wrote a note to Mai and joined Aang. Through the windows he could tell that it was nighttime. Katara was sitting in a chair next to his bed.
"I can do some more healing if you want," Katara said nervously. She seemed scared and unsure how he would respond. He sat up only slightly so she wouldn't stop him again and tuned his head to face her. She seemed tired. Her eyelids looked heavy and it was obvious she hadn't slept.
"It's okay Katara. It doesn't actually feel too bad," he lied. His voice was deep and groggy from sleeping. He truly didn't want her to worry. Katara relaxed slightly.
"Come on Zuko, I know you're just saying that." She moved her eyes down to his stomach, currently covered by blankets. Concern was evident on her face. Zuko could tell she was itching to bend some water and start healing.
"Have you slept at all? You look terrible," he said. Katara gave a small smile. It faded quickly though, and her face became solemn again. She shrugged.
"I just felt I should stay with you until you woke up to make sure you were alright," she said, explaining herself plainly. Zuko felt slightly embarrassed knowing she'd been there the whole time he'd been asleep, but he nodded appreciatively.
"How long have I been out?" he asked, not sure if he actually wanted to know.
"I'm not sure. It's probably been about four hours." He nodded again. Her eyes drifted back down to the spot where his injury would be and Zuko could tell she was still dying to check it. After a couple more moments of silence she pointed to his stomach. "May I?"
Zuko nodded for a third time. "It's not like you're going to let me say no," he teased. Katara laughed at the joke. It eased him a little. He didn't like seeing her all serious and worried.
Katara stood from her chair and walked the few steps towards his bed. She gingerly grabbed the blankets that were covering his stomach and folded them down. She seemed to be putting in a lot of effort in trying not to touch his skin more than she had too. For the first time since he'd been awake, the fact that he wasn't wearing a shirt dawned on him. Well, he re-examined. His shirt was still technically on, but barely. It was very singed, and it seemed Katara, or someone, had untied it. Another wave of embarrassment flooded though him. It wasn't as if he hadn't walked around without his shirt on when he was training Aang, or when they'd all gone to the beach. But for some reason, being alone with Katara now and not having a shirt felt different. Why did it feel so awkward?
Zuko sat up a little more, grunting at the pain it caused. He hated the weird feeling of vulnerability he had lying flat on his back with Katara standing over him. Katara didn't stop him but called water from a bowl on his bedside table to her hands. Zuko watched the water start glowing as Katara lowered her hands to his abdomen. The coolness of the water felt amazing. Soothing. He could almost feel his skin growing back.
"It helps if you can tell me where it hurts most. I did a few healing sessions while you were out, but I'm not sure how much they helped. If you can tell me though, it might be better," she explained. Her hands circled and her fingers poked and prodded.
"Maybe a little lower," he said. Katara adjusted, and though he tried not to, he grunted again at the pain, his eyes slamming shut. "Yeah. That's good."
Katara worked for another minute or so. Watching her heal was so mesmerizing and calming. Not to mention it did feel pretty good. Too bad fire benders couldn't do something like this. Instead all fire benders did was cause injuries.
"Where is she?" he asked, trying to sound non-chalant even though he'd be wanting to ask the question since he'd woken up. Katara hesitated before answering, her eyes focused on her hands.
"After I knew you were settled, I told some guards where she was. They came back and told me they'd put her in a prison cell in the palace." She paused. "I don't know where those are exactly, but that's where she is." Katara finally looked at Zuko. He tried to keep his face expressionless so she wouldn't read too into his thoughts.
He didn't know how he felt about Azula being alive. He'd been so focused on killing her ever since he knew he'd have to fight her. He'd gotten used to the idea. Even started training with that in mind. But once the Agni Kai started, he hadn't felt so sure anymore. And now it was all over and she was still alive. Maybe that was good though? Zuko met Katara's eyes. He was honestly impressed at how she'd beaten Azula. He'd been so worried. When they had landed, he'd instantly become intent on keeping her out of it; but looking back, he didn't know why. Katara could handle herself. Actually, she could more than handle herself. He wouldn't ever let himself forget that again.
Zuko looked up at Katara and could no longer ignore how tired she looked. She'd been up since early that morning, beaten Azula, and had been healing him on and off again. No wonder she was exhausted, he realized.
Zuko reached his hand up to her wrist. "I think that's good Katara. It feels a lot better."
"Are you sure? I still feel li-"
"It feels a lot better. Thank you." He paused. He wanted to thank her for so much more than the healing. For her help with his uncle, for Azula, for saving him. He wanted to thank her for accepting him and forgiving him. "I would've died if you weren't there." The water around Katara's hands stopped glowing, and she guided it back to the bowl.
"I'm sure someone would've found you," Katara said. "Eventually I mean." She sat back down. "I was able to find a maid in the palace to help me get you in, so someone would've come. It wasn't all me."
"I'm still glad you were there," he said simply. A couple moments of silence passed. But just like back on the beach, it felt comfortable. Zuko turned to take another look at Katara. She was looking at her hands in her lap. Her smile had faded and a look of something else had replaced it. Disgust? Confusion. Zuko kept his gaze on her until she looked up to meet it. He didn't question her out loud, but she explained.
"It's just," she started. "I can't believe she would do that. She wanted to kill you Zuko! I could tell. The whole time, she wanted you dead. I mean that's just evil. How could anybody want to kill their brother? And when you got hit, she laughed. She actually laughed. I mean….that's just…that is just absolutely disgusting!" Katara's voice had risen higher in rage. After she finished, her head continued to shake in disbelief. Zuko shook his slightly too.
"The world isn't filled with perfect families. Some people are just evil. Some sisters are perfectly okay killing their older brothers." Katara scoffed at this as if she still couldn't believe it. Her eyes had turned sad though. Zuko looked away and down at his own lap.
"How did you get all of those scars? I've never noticed them before." Katara had nodded her head at his chest. Zuko looked down. He had genuinely never noticed all of the various small burns and scars that scattered his chest, shoulders and arms. Most of them were old and faint. Did she think they looked disgusting?
He shrugged. "I guess mostly from training or sparring. I studied with a sword master for a lot of years. That's how I got most of these." He gestured to some of the slightly larger ones. The worst of which was partially visible on his shoulder. "I think I probably got a few from living on the streets of Ba Sing Se too." Zuko was feeling awkward with this conversation, but didn't know how to change it.
Katara looked sad. What was she thinking right now?
Zuko saw her eyes shift to his face. And then to his scar. The scar. The one she had touched so long ago in Ba Sing Se. He looked down again, angrily. He knew it looked awful. Ugly even. He didn't need her stares, or anyone else's to remind him. Zuko didn't feel the need to explain it, and Katara seemed too timid to ask, so they fell into silence again. This time was more uncomfortable.
"I have some wrappings here for you," she said. Katara grabbed some white linen bandages from next to the bowl and began unraveling them.
"Katara you've done enough. It's really okay," he tried. "Where'd you even get those?"
"Come on, Zuko. It's no big deal." She smiled and Zuko was glad the awkward moment seemed to have passed. "And the maid that helped me lug you in here brought them after she realized I wasn't going to leave."
Zuko breathed out a laugh and conceded to her demands. He turned so he was sitting on the side of the bed and then gingerly stood up. The rest of his robe came off with a shrug.
Katara started the bandages right under one of his arms, wrapping it quickly, but skillfully, around his whole chest and middle, then over his shoulder for good measure. When she finished, she picked up his robe and slowly helped him put it back on, tying the belt in front. Of everything she'd done so far, it was this moment of kindness that struck Zuko. No one had ever cared for him this closely before except perhaps his uncle, and he was family. Katara sighed and shifted uncomfortably on her feet. Zuko watched her face, until she could no longer ignore him. She looked up to meet his gaze. She seemed nervous for some reason. He wasn't aware until now just how close they were. He could smell that scent he'd smelled only a few times before. Katara. Both had their arms by their sides now. Though she was clearly tired, her eyes still shone a brilliant blue. Katara looked at him as if waiting to see what he would do. At the same time his stomach dropped and his heart started racing.
Suddenly, she took a step back, almost as if she had changed her mind about something. There was now a respectable distance between them. "Sorry. I'll leave you alone now," she chuckled. She quickly grabbed her waterskin off the table and started walking towards the door. Zuko watched her back as she left, totally confused at what had just happened.
A/N Hope you enjoyed! I still think Zuko feels out of character in this chapter, so I'm not completely satisfied lol. But it was fun to write! Also, just to explain, I think now that Zuko has healed his relationship with Iroh, he's going to struggle with how to move on with Azula. I also think in regards to Katara, he's not gonna recognize his feelings for a while. His relationship with Mai kind of fell into his lap since they'd grown up together, so falling for someone new is gonna probably be weird for him. But he'll get there eventually. And Katara, of course, still needs to figure out what the crap she wants, but she'll get there too! Please review! I'd love to hear your thoughts! xD