I miss the scent of her, the ocean and sandalwood. Like some High Priestess from some forgotten ancient religion, she smelled of mystery and magik. Her pale skin, perfectly smooth and silky, rubbing against mine was pure torture, and at the same time my salvation. Only her soul could free mine, only her love could in turn make me love life. Her lips, so perfectly delicate and delicious, I want them now more than I have ever wanting anything in my entire life. More than being human, more than going home, I need her now.
Michael misses her too, but he simply misses her friendship. I miss everything about her. Her laughter, echoing in my mind, so childish and free spirited. Her sighs, her moans, and the way her hair felt in between my fingers, soft and golden angel hair. Her eyes, blue flames staring straight into my soul, are frozen now in my mind. As frozen as her body is in the ground. My body is numb to the core too, cold as ice and at the same time burning as if in hell. I am utterly empty and devoid of life.
They don't understand my pain, couldn't possibly. They didn't see how we were together when no was around. They didn't hear the words she whispered to me in the dark, the moans she made when I touched her where she was most sensitive, her sides, everywhere. They didn't see how well we fit together. Before her there was nothing, and now that she is gone there is too much to cope with.
I rise, turning on the cd player to play the cd she made for me. Tears begin to stream down my face as I begin to cry again, making small hitching noises. I've been crying two weeks straight, and I can think of only one thing that will make me stop.
"Love ridden, I've looked at you
with the focus I gave to my birthday candles."
I remember our first night together; the night she told me she loved me and only me. The way her eyes were filled with so much fucking compassion; I would kill to see that look again. She'd called that night, crying. Michael was being himself, and he'd said some things he hadn't meant but which had stung nonetheless. I took her into my arms and rocked her prone form to sleep, humming. She awoke, looking up at me. I cannot say for how long, but when I woke up there was need in her eyes.
"I've wished on the lidded blue flame
Under your brow
And baby, I wished for you
Nobody sees when you are lying in your bed
And I wanna crawl in with you
But I cry instead
I want your warm, but it will only make
Me colder when it's over
So I can't tonight, baby."
She kissed me lightly, unsure of my reaction but damn sure of her intentions. I melted into that kiss, melted into her body's warm embrace. And she made love to me. Not fucking, I'd been fucked before. This was purer, more real and sane and crazy then anything I'd ever felt. And I knew I'd need it every night from then on. And it was when we were preparing to tell the world about our love, when she was killed in the car crash, her body no longer beautiful as pieces of it riddled the highway. Max had been unable to heal her, and I grabbed him, screaming hysterically. But nothing made her or me better. We both died on impact.
"No, not "baby" anymore
If I need you
I'll just use your simple name
Only kisses on the cheek from now on
And in a little while, we'll only have to wave."
No, they don't understand why I weep for you. I think Max suspects something, but he doesn't dare ask. Tess is always by Kyle's side now, Max and Liz have each other, and Michael never needed anyone. They are all whole and complete, and I am broken and bleeding.
"My hand won't hold you down no more
The path is clear to follow through
I stood too long in the way of the door
And now I'm giving up on you."
I open the drawer of my dresser, dig beneath the folded panties and bras, past the pairs you bought for me. I take out the bottle of sleeping pills, wondering how they'll affect me. When Mom and Dad came to me about my lack of sleep, they'd insisted that I see a doctor for something to help me sleep, knowing of my recent sharp intake of alcohol to sleep. Apparently, alcohol only affects the men of our people. I'd agreed, and told Max that I only did it to appease them. But truthfully, I'd been hoping I would find courage to do this.
I sit down on my bed, my sobbing has faded, and I am calm and at peace with my decision. I take out my note, and lay it neatly on my dresser before I walk to my bed and sit down. I pour the contents of the bottle onto the bed, laying them all out flat. I count them as I chase each one with Gin, 1…2…3… until I've taken all 60. I crawl under the covers, peacefully awaiting my slumber. I pray silently that when my eyes open, I will see your face.
"No, not "baby" any more-if I need you
I'll just use your simple name
only kisses on the cheek from now on
and in a little while, we'll only have to wave."
THE END
Michael misses her too, but he simply misses her friendship. I miss everything about her. Her laughter, echoing in my mind, so childish and free spirited. Her sighs, her moans, and the way her hair felt in between my fingers, soft and golden angel hair. Her eyes, blue flames staring straight into my soul, are frozen now in my mind. As frozen as her body is in the ground. My body is numb to the core too, cold as ice and at the same time burning as if in hell. I am utterly empty and devoid of life.
They don't understand my pain, couldn't possibly. They didn't see how we were together when no was around. They didn't hear the words she whispered to me in the dark, the moans she made when I touched her where she was most sensitive, her sides, everywhere. They didn't see how well we fit together. Before her there was nothing, and now that she is gone there is too much to cope with.
I rise, turning on the cd player to play the cd she made for me. Tears begin to stream down my face as I begin to cry again, making small hitching noises. I've been crying two weeks straight, and I can think of only one thing that will make me stop.
"Love ridden, I've looked at you
with the focus I gave to my birthday candles."
I remember our first night together; the night she told me she loved me and only me. The way her eyes were filled with so much fucking compassion; I would kill to see that look again. She'd called that night, crying. Michael was being himself, and he'd said some things he hadn't meant but which had stung nonetheless. I took her into my arms and rocked her prone form to sleep, humming. She awoke, looking up at me. I cannot say for how long, but when I woke up there was need in her eyes.
"I've wished on the lidded blue flame
Under your brow
And baby, I wished for you
Nobody sees when you are lying in your bed
And I wanna crawl in with you
But I cry instead
I want your warm, but it will only make
Me colder when it's over
So I can't tonight, baby."
She kissed me lightly, unsure of my reaction but damn sure of her intentions. I melted into that kiss, melted into her body's warm embrace. And she made love to me. Not fucking, I'd been fucked before. This was purer, more real and sane and crazy then anything I'd ever felt. And I knew I'd need it every night from then on. And it was when we were preparing to tell the world about our love, when she was killed in the car crash, her body no longer beautiful as pieces of it riddled the highway. Max had been unable to heal her, and I grabbed him, screaming hysterically. But nothing made her or me better. We both died on impact.
"No, not "baby" anymore
If I need you
I'll just use your simple name
Only kisses on the cheek from now on
And in a little while, we'll only have to wave."
No, they don't understand why I weep for you. I think Max suspects something, but he doesn't dare ask. Tess is always by Kyle's side now, Max and Liz have each other, and Michael never needed anyone. They are all whole and complete, and I am broken and bleeding.
"My hand won't hold you down no more
The path is clear to follow through
I stood too long in the way of the door
And now I'm giving up on you."
I open the drawer of my dresser, dig beneath the folded panties and bras, past the pairs you bought for me. I take out the bottle of sleeping pills, wondering how they'll affect me. When Mom and Dad came to me about my lack of sleep, they'd insisted that I see a doctor for something to help me sleep, knowing of my recent sharp intake of alcohol to sleep. Apparently, alcohol only affects the men of our people. I'd agreed, and told Max that I only did it to appease them. But truthfully, I'd been hoping I would find courage to do this.
I sit down on my bed, my sobbing has faded, and I am calm and at peace with my decision. I take out my note, and lay it neatly on my dresser before I walk to my bed and sit down. I pour the contents of the bottle onto the bed, laying them all out flat. I count them as I chase each one with Gin, 1…2…3… until I've taken all 60. I crawl under the covers, peacefully awaiting my slumber. I pray silently that when my eyes open, I will see your face.
"No, not "baby" any more-if I need you
I'll just use your simple name
only kisses on the cheek from now on
and in a little while, we'll only have to wave."
THE END