Disclaimer: Tolkien owns LOTR and all things Middle Earth, blah blah blah.
Chapter 35 - Stupid Pride
They were greeted in celebration upon arriving in Rivendell. Word had traveled quickly of Malficent's demise and his army's surrender. The residents of Rivendell had prepared a series of feasts to commemorate their victory, and the group spent several weeks basking in the glow and peace they found there.
For Alania it was a time of reflection as well as relaxation. Legolas rarely left her side, but when she had a few moments to herself it was spent at her favorite spot thinking about all that had happened in the last year and how much she had changed. Though she was not innocent or naïve before coming to Middle Earth, she did lose something of her more carefree side. The things she had experienced and seen would never leave her, though she would dwell on them less as time passed.
It occurred to her that she had not danced, at least not the way she used to, in many weeks. At one point in her life she would have thought she would not have been able to live without her dancing. Now it seemed almost mundane. Alania realized that she would never be able to return to her job as choreographer when she returned home. Though she was at a loss as to what she would do when she returned home, her desire to leave Middle Earth remained as strong. The only thing she would regret leaving behind would be Legolas.
Her heart ached every time she thought about him, but in her mind her decision to part from him was the right one. She believed that in time he would eventually forget about her and find love elsewhere. Because what else did an immortal have but time? And though he lavished attention on her now that he had no other pressing issues, she wondered when he would grow tired of her and how old she would be before he began to find her unattractive.
Alania also spent time with Roxy, talking about all they had been through, how they had each changed and what their plans for the future were. It was during one such conversation that Roxy told her that Georn had asked her to marry him. They were to be wed in a few weeks time at Rivendell, and would then return with Alania for a short time. It seemed that Georn had a desire to see their world. Roxy and Georn would spend a few months touring and then go back to Middle Earth to live. Roxy had fallen in love with Middle Earth and she felt at home there. Alania was thrilled for her friend and though she would miss Roxy terribly, she supported her decision.
They talked a bit about upcoming wedding and how it would be a merge of traditions of Middle Earth and their world. Roxy positively glowed as she spoke about it. Alania smiled as she watched her friend jabber on about the planning of it. Roxy noted that though Alania smiled, she was silent and the smile didn't fully reach her eyes.
"So. Enough about me. Has Legolas asked you yet?" asked Roxy.
"Asked me what?" replied Alania.
"Duh! To marry him, of course. It's disgustingly obvious how in love the two of you are."
"He hasn't asked, and I hope he never does because I would say no" answered Alania thoughtfully.
Roxy gasped and exclaimed "Why not?! Chica, you love each other. You can't throw what the two of you have away like that. That elf would do anything for you, Alania. Anything. We talked to Gandalf about it and he's got some theories about an elf's immortality in our world, but he won't say anything until he has solid ideas. But Legolas wants to be with you. He will be coming with us when we return. He says he will not stay anywhere if you are not there."
"What? He hasn't said anything to me about this. What is he thinking?"
"He is thinking he loves you and wants to be with you for as long as he can, and frankly I think he's right. He and Gandalf believe that there may be a way for him to give up his immortality. I told you there had to be a loophole, and I hope with all my heart that there is."
"Roxy, I thought I told you not to get involved. How could you do this?! I could never ask Legolas to give up his immortality for me. It would be selfish on my part and cruel to him. What does an elf know about growing old? About how frail the body becomes? Roxy, I know you meant well, but Legolas will not be coming back with us."
"And what do you know of growing old, Alania?! I haven't seen you do it yet. Legolas, on the other hand, has watched many of his friends grow old and die. What he does not know from personal experience he will learn, as will you. And it is extremely unfair for you to dictate what Legolas should or shouldn't do. Besides, how in the world do you think you can stop him? He's the most stubborn and determined creature when he decides he wants something."
Alania said nothing to this. Instead she sighed with resignation. It seemed the one thing she didn't want to happen was going to. She foolishly believed that she would have to be cruel to be kind. Unable to live with herself if Legolas chose mortality for her, she would have to make him stay behind. It never once occurred to her what her decision would do to her heart or how it would affect Legolas.
Knowing that the only way to keep the elf from returning with her was to make him question her love for him, she began to avoid him. Little things at first, she allowed Roxy and Georn's upcoming wedding to be her excuse. Soon enough she was spending no time with him and she could see the pain etched across her elf's face. Her resolve only hardened as her ache for him grew. She refused to give in to what she believed were selfish desires.
Her behavior was a complete mystery to Legolas. He knew nothing of the conversation Alania and Roxy had. Perhaps if Roxy had mentioned it, things would not have gone as bad as they did. Sure enough, the less time Alania spent with Legolas and the more confused he got, his anger slowly grew. He attempted to find her and speak with her about it, but she seemed to disappear whenever he was around. The frustration he felt increased until finally he began to wonder about her feelings for him. He began to feel the same pangs of jealously he felt in Minas Tirith when he discovered how much time she spent with other elves, Elladan in particular. It seemed that whenever he questioned her whereabouts someone would tell him that she was training with Elladan or in the library with him or in the kitchens or walking with him. Legolas knew better than to suspect them, but her absence and obvious avoidance of him exacerbated his insecurity.
The timing couldn't have been worse when Legolas caught Alania for a conversation on the morning of Roxy and Georn's wedding. She was leaving in two days time and he had yet to discuss with her that he would be going as well.
He walked into her room unannounced and caught her fixing her hair. His breath caught when she turned and met his gaze. Legolas hadn't realized how much he missed having her near him. That she had kept herself from him and his bed for weeks worsened his fury and though he had intended to be calm and rational during their talk, his intentions disappeared with her curt acknowledgement of his presence.
"What can I do for you, Legolas?" she asked, attempting to keep her eyes cold and distant. Alania thought that the next few minutes would be the most difficult of her life, but they were nothing compared to what she would experience later on. He was beautiful to look at, standing there ready for their friends' ceremony. Regal in his attire, his hair loose and his eyes angry and passionate. It took every ounce of will to keep herself from running to him and begging his forgiveness for her cruelty and avoidance.
"I thought I would escort you to the wedding. I was also hoping to ask why you have been hiding from me these past weeks" he responded, as coldly as she had spoken to him. He knew there was something behind her attitude, but her words and tone cut him to the quick and his ire was rising fast.
"I have not been hiding from you at all. I have merely had better things to do with my time. Surely you can understand that" she said with a nasty smile. Alania was using everything Gandalf had managed to teach her about hiding one's true intentions. To stand there and taunt him this way was tearing her up inside. She could tell that Legolas was angry with her tone of voice and her answer. "As for escorting me to the wedding, I already have an escort. But thank you for your consideration."
He crossed the room quickly and grabbed her arm pulling her up close to him. Staring down at her, his pride and ego were shattered to see her looking up at him with an almost bored expression. Something snapped in Legolas and he grew terrifyingly quiet with fury. Whispering he asked "What is going on here Alania?"
Legolas thought he saw a brief flicker of fear and sadness cross over her face before she fixed it back to the aloof expression. He dismissed what he thought he saw with her next words though.
"What do you think is going on here, elf? I have grown tired of your constant attention and had hoped that you would have understood this when I no longer shared your bed at night. But perhaps you need to be told more directly. You have become needy and clingy, and I find it most unattractive. Now let go of me so that I can finish getting ready."
She attempted to free herself from his grasp, but he only tightened his hold painfully. The look on his face made her heart race with fear and agony. Alania began to rethink her intentions, but before she could utter a word he accused her of his worst fear and said "Have you taken another lover, Alania? I should kill you if you have. You belong to me and no other. Tell me then, have you?"
Alania found she could not answer him. Instead she whispered "Let go of me Legolas. You are hurting me."
Legolas laughed in her face cruelly. How he hated her at this moment. Her refusal to answer his question was proof to him that she had, and his heart tore in two. There was a part of his brain that screamed to him that it wasn't true, that she was saying these things and acting this way for a reason. He knew her and knew she loved him. She was meaning to hurt him, but instead of calming down and asking her about it he simply reacted. And he reacted poorly. His doubts and fears and insecurities all coalesced in that moment and he gave no thought or care to what he was doing.
Sneering down at her, he said "Hurting you? You do not know the meaning of the word, human. I have been a fool to dally with a simple mortal." His eyes raked down her body and he smiled cruelly and said "Though I must admit to enjoying the fruits of you body."
Alania knew he was simply reacting to her words and deeds, but his words still hurt. She felt a pain in her chest and a desire to fix things flared up in her. Her façade fractured momentarily, but Legolas took no notice of it. He was beyond noticing. His eyes caught sight of the necklace he had gifted to her. She still wore it and again his mind screamed at him to stop because she would not wear it if what she said was true. Legolas quashed these thoughts down, his ego and pride and heart were in agony. Before he knew what he was doing his hand reached up and grasped the chain. Ripping it from her neck as she gasped in pain, leaving a red mark around her neck, he said "You never deserved this." He turned and walked out, vowing to himself he would not look back.
Alania's hand flew up to her neck and when she pulled her hand away she saw blood. The pain she felt when he tore it from her was more in her heart than her neck, but now her neck flared with it. She began to shake with emotion when he slammed the door behind him. 'What have I done?!' she asked herself in a panic.
She stared at the door for some minutes and attempted to calm down by taking deep breaths. Her heart was racing and pleading with her to run to him, but her head argued and argued until she allowed her misdirected and well-meaning logic to win. She only needed to face him once more before she could let him go.
Alania forced herself to get a grip on her shaking. She moistened a cloth and gently cleaned her neck. Looking in the mirror she knew it would be visible to all, and decided to hide it with a carefully place scarf. She was determined to keep her agony to herself on her friends' day.
Alania managed to head to the wedding soon enough and plastered a smile on her features as she joined the guests. She had lied to Legolas about having an escort, and so when she arrived she kept close to either Elladan or Elrohir.
The brothers knew something was amiss when Legolas and Alania arrived separately, but neither said a thing. Alania kept fingering the scarf and Elladan noticed the necklace Legolas gave her was missing. Looking Legolas's way, Elladan saw him blatantly staring at Alania and the look on his face was fierce.
When the wedding began, Alania's joy for her friend surpassed all the hurt and fear she was feeling and she genuinely enjoyed Roxy and Georn's ceremony and their obvious happiness. Roxy wore the dress that Aerdin had given her in the parcel before leaving his city, and she was the most beautiful bride Alania had ever seen. That they were so in love and able to share their lives struck Alania as the two kissed at the end of the ceremony. The pain that had momentarily dispersed flared anew and with intensity. Her eyes welled over and she allowed the tears to fall. When asked, she merely whispered how happy she was for the couple and forced another smile onto her face.
Alania could not bring herself to look at Legolas. She felt his gaze and his anger at her throughout the wedding, but refused to cave into the urge knowing it would be her undoing.
As the guests mingled at the feast, there was music and dancing and laughter which filled the air. The irony of the atmosphere in contrast to his raging emotions was not lost on Legolas. He couldn't stop watching Alania, no matter how often he cursed himself for it. He wanted to take her and lock her away in his keeping forever, even as he wanted to hurt her as much as she hurt him. He saw the scarf around her neck and knew that he had physically hurt her. Regret and satisfaction coursed through his veins at the same time.
When he left her with the necklace in his hand, he swore to leave Rivendell that day. He would have left immediately had the wedding already occurred. Now he merely had to wait it out and having her within arms reach was slowly tearing him up inside. Never had he felt so angry and hurt. The pain that filled him was worse than any wound he had ever received. He felt a hatred growing in his gut for her, that she could make him feel so horrible and low. His mind twisted with thoughts of her laying in the arms of another, even as his heart screamed that it wasn't true.
Though they both thought they were managing to keep the tension between them hidden, only Georn and Roxy were oblivious to it in their happiness. Gandalf, Elladan and Elrohir were actually impressed that neither Alania nor Legolas said or did anything to worry their friends. The love and respect they were showing to Georn and Roxy was most admirable, and Gandalf decided to take advantage of their manners to see if he could help fix whatever problem they were having. He asked Alania for a dance and she graciously accepted.
As they danced, Gandalf kept up meaningless banter with her until he made her smile. He slowly maneuvered them closer to Legolas, who had been unable to tear his gaze away from her. Nearing the elf, Gandalf frowned a bit seeing Legolas's face contorted in anger. He wondered what could have possibly happened between the two of them that would enrage Legolas so. Finally close to Legolas, Gandalf feigned that he had seen Celeborn motioning to him.
"Ah, Legolas! I see that Celeborn needs my attention with something, perhaps the fireworks I have planned for later. Would you be kind enough to fill in for me and dance with this lovely young lady?" he asked with a kind grin, and Legolas found he could not refuse.
Alania stiffened as she felt Legolas take her hand and wrap his other arm at her waist. Gulping as he began to lead her gracefully across the room, she fixed her eyes at a spot on his upper chest and refused to meet his stare. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she was sure he could hear it. The need to confess and apologize was overwhelming, but somehow her jaw was frozen and she could not find the ability to speak.
Over and over as they moved, she asked herself 'This is what you wanted, isn't it? That he would hate you and not go with you? Well, you got what you asked for, now shut up and deal with the consequences.' And even as these thoughts ran through her head she memorized the feel of dancing with him. She noticed every detail of these last few moments with him, thinking it would be their last, and fought the urge to lean against him.
His body played havoc on him as he attempted to control his reaction to holding her. That he could still desire her with all this pain he was feeling made him hate her all the more. Legolas stared down at her and was mentally willing her to look up at him. He needed to look her full in the face one last time, to prove to himself that he could walk away.
The song ended and they stopped moving. They stood there, in the middle of the room, even as another tune was struck and couples moved around them. Finally Alania gathered enough courage to look up into his eyes. Had the elf paid attention to anything other than his feelings at the time, he would have seen the regret and pain she felt in her eyes. But his anger ruled him that evening and a nasty smile crept up his face. Legolas allowed himself to indulge one last time and kissed her. A hard, punishing kiss, his tongue battled hers and when he felt her resistance crumble and she began to lean into him, he pulled away from her and said "Goodbye Alania. You will not see me again."
Legolas turned and walked out. He headed straight for his room, packed what little he brought and headed for the stables. Readying his horse, he check his belongings one last time, and found the necklace in his pocket. He would have thrown it, but something in him stopped him and he tenderly placed it back in his pocket. And as he mounted his steed and rode out, Gandalf's fireworks began exploding in the night sky. A humorless smile crossed his features as he watched Gandalf's magic and heard the sounds of laughter in the air. Legolas urged his horse faster, headed for Mirkwood and didn't look back.
Alania managed to hold herself together until she reached her rooms. Thinking that she would burst in tears, she sat at the window and waited for the onslaught. Instead she found she grew numb. She sat at that window, neither sleeping nor eating. Two days later, she found the will to get up and pack.
That Legolas had left was a shock to all. Though Gandalf and Roxy both asked her about it, Alania merely shrugged and kept silent. That the elf was not joining them on their journey back to Alania's home created a problem for Gandalf. In order to answer the questions and theories he had regarding her world, he needed an elf to join them. When it was discussed, Elladan happily volunteered. Gandalf carefully explained the situation and circumstances of it, and still Elladan was glad to go.
And so, Roxy, Georn, Gandalf and Elladan returned with Alania, who's heart was heavier than she ever imagined it could be when she left.
*****
Couple of more chapters to go folks, but in the meantime won't you please take a moment to review and let me know if this chapter was angsty enough. I know it made me tear up, but I cry during Hallmark commercials.
Chapter 35 - Stupid Pride
They were greeted in celebration upon arriving in Rivendell. Word had traveled quickly of Malficent's demise and his army's surrender. The residents of Rivendell had prepared a series of feasts to commemorate their victory, and the group spent several weeks basking in the glow and peace they found there.
For Alania it was a time of reflection as well as relaxation. Legolas rarely left her side, but when she had a few moments to herself it was spent at her favorite spot thinking about all that had happened in the last year and how much she had changed. Though she was not innocent or naïve before coming to Middle Earth, she did lose something of her more carefree side. The things she had experienced and seen would never leave her, though she would dwell on them less as time passed.
It occurred to her that she had not danced, at least not the way she used to, in many weeks. At one point in her life she would have thought she would not have been able to live without her dancing. Now it seemed almost mundane. Alania realized that she would never be able to return to her job as choreographer when she returned home. Though she was at a loss as to what she would do when she returned home, her desire to leave Middle Earth remained as strong. The only thing she would regret leaving behind would be Legolas.
Her heart ached every time she thought about him, but in her mind her decision to part from him was the right one. She believed that in time he would eventually forget about her and find love elsewhere. Because what else did an immortal have but time? And though he lavished attention on her now that he had no other pressing issues, she wondered when he would grow tired of her and how old she would be before he began to find her unattractive.
Alania also spent time with Roxy, talking about all they had been through, how they had each changed and what their plans for the future were. It was during one such conversation that Roxy told her that Georn had asked her to marry him. They were to be wed in a few weeks time at Rivendell, and would then return with Alania for a short time. It seemed that Georn had a desire to see their world. Roxy and Georn would spend a few months touring and then go back to Middle Earth to live. Roxy had fallen in love with Middle Earth and she felt at home there. Alania was thrilled for her friend and though she would miss Roxy terribly, she supported her decision.
They talked a bit about upcoming wedding and how it would be a merge of traditions of Middle Earth and their world. Roxy positively glowed as she spoke about it. Alania smiled as she watched her friend jabber on about the planning of it. Roxy noted that though Alania smiled, she was silent and the smile didn't fully reach her eyes.
"So. Enough about me. Has Legolas asked you yet?" asked Roxy.
"Asked me what?" replied Alania.
"Duh! To marry him, of course. It's disgustingly obvious how in love the two of you are."
"He hasn't asked, and I hope he never does because I would say no" answered Alania thoughtfully.
Roxy gasped and exclaimed "Why not?! Chica, you love each other. You can't throw what the two of you have away like that. That elf would do anything for you, Alania. Anything. We talked to Gandalf about it and he's got some theories about an elf's immortality in our world, but he won't say anything until he has solid ideas. But Legolas wants to be with you. He will be coming with us when we return. He says he will not stay anywhere if you are not there."
"What? He hasn't said anything to me about this. What is he thinking?"
"He is thinking he loves you and wants to be with you for as long as he can, and frankly I think he's right. He and Gandalf believe that there may be a way for him to give up his immortality. I told you there had to be a loophole, and I hope with all my heart that there is."
"Roxy, I thought I told you not to get involved. How could you do this?! I could never ask Legolas to give up his immortality for me. It would be selfish on my part and cruel to him. What does an elf know about growing old? About how frail the body becomes? Roxy, I know you meant well, but Legolas will not be coming back with us."
"And what do you know of growing old, Alania?! I haven't seen you do it yet. Legolas, on the other hand, has watched many of his friends grow old and die. What he does not know from personal experience he will learn, as will you. And it is extremely unfair for you to dictate what Legolas should or shouldn't do. Besides, how in the world do you think you can stop him? He's the most stubborn and determined creature when he decides he wants something."
Alania said nothing to this. Instead she sighed with resignation. It seemed the one thing she didn't want to happen was going to. She foolishly believed that she would have to be cruel to be kind. Unable to live with herself if Legolas chose mortality for her, she would have to make him stay behind. It never once occurred to her what her decision would do to her heart or how it would affect Legolas.
Knowing that the only way to keep the elf from returning with her was to make him question her love for him, she began to avoid him. Little things at first, she allowed Roxy and Georn's upcoming wedding to be her excuse. Soon enough she was spending no time with him and she could see the pain etched across her elf's face. Her resolve only hardened as her ache for him grew. She refused to give in to what she believed were selfish desires.
Her behavior was a complete mystery to Legolas. He knew nothing of the conversation Alania and Roxy had. Perhaps if Roxy had mentioned it, things would not have gone as bad as they did. Sure enough, the less time Alania spent with Legolas and the more confused he got, his anger slowly grew. He attempted to find her and speak with her about it, but she seemed to disappear whenever he was around. The frustration he felt increased until finally he began to wonder about her feelings for him. He began to feel the same pangs of jealously he felt in Minas Tirith when he discovered how much time she spent with other elves, Elladan in particular. It seemed that whenever he questioned her whereabouts someone would tell him that she was training with Elladan or in the library with him or in the kitchens or walking with him. Legolas knew better than to suspect them, but her absence and obvious avoidance of him exacerbated his insecurity.
The timing couldn't have been worse when Legolas caught Alania for a conversation on the morning of Roxy and Georn's wedding. She was leaving in two days time and he had yet to discuss with her that he would be going as well.
He walked into her room unannounced and caught her fixing her hair. His breath caught when she turned and met his gaze. Legolas hadn't realized how much he missed having her near him. That she had kept herself from him and his bed for weeks worsened his fury and though he had intended to be calm and rational during their talk, his intentions disappeared with her curt acknowledgement of his presence.
"What can I do for you, Legolas?" she asked, attempting to keep her eyes cold and distant. Alania thought that the next few minutes would be the most difficult of her life, but they were nothing compared to what she would experience later on. He was beautiful to look at, standing there ready for their friends' ceremony. Regal in his attire, his hair loose and his eyes angry and passionate. It took every ounce of will to keep herself from running to him and begging his forgiveness for her cruelty and avoidance.
"I thought I would escort you to the wedding. I was also hoping to ask why you have been hiding from me these past weeks" he responded, as coldly as she had spoken to him. He knew there was something behind her attitude, but her words and tone cut him to the quick and his ire was rising fast.
"I have not been hiding from you at all. I have merely had better things to do with my time. Surely you can understand that" she said with a nasty smile. Alania was using everything Gandalf had managed to teach her about hiding one's true intentions. To stand there and taunt him this way was tearing her up inside. She could tell that Legolas was angry with her tone of voice and her answer. "As for escorting me to the wedding, I already have an escort. But thank you for your consideration."
He crossed the room quickly and grabbed her arm pulling her up close to him. Staring down at her, his pride and ego were shattered to see her looking up at him with an almost bored expression. Something snapped in Legolas and he grew terrifyingly quiet with fury. Whispering he asked "What is going on here Alania?"
Legolas thought he saw a brief flicker of fear and sadness cross over her face before she fixed it back to the aloof expression. He dismissed what he thought he saw with her next words though.
"What do you think is going on here, elf? I have grown tired of your constant attention and had hoped that you would have understood this when I no longer shared your bed at night. But perhaps you need to be told more directly. You have become needy and clingy, and I find it most unattractive. Now let go of me so that I can finish getting ready."
She attempted to free herself from his grasp, but he only tightened his hold painfully. The look on his face made her heart race with fear and agony. Alania began to rethink her intentions, but before she could utter a word he accused her of his worst fear and said "Have you taken another lover, Alania? I should kill you if you have. You belong to me and no other. Tell me then, have you?"
Alania found she could not answer him. Instead she whispered "Let go of me Legolas. You are hurting me."
Legolas laughed in her face cruelly. How he hated her at this moment. Her refusal to answer his question was proof to him that she had, and his heart tore in two. There was a part of his brain that screamed to him that it wasn't true, that she was saying these things and acting this way for a reason. He knew her and knew she loved him. She was meaning to hurt him, but instead of calming down and asking her about it he simply reacted. And he reacted poorly. His doubts and fears and insecurities all coalesced in that moment and he gave no thought or care to what he was doing.
Sneering down at her, he said "Hurting you? You do not know the meaning of the word, human. I have been a fool to dally with a simple mortal." His eyes raked down her body and he smiled cruelly and said "Though I must admit to enjoying the fruits of you body."
Alania knew he was simply reacting to her words and deeds, but his words still hurt. She felt a pain in her chest and a desire to fix things flared up in her. Her façade fractured momentarily, but Legolas took no notice of it. He was beyond noticing. His eyes caught sight of the necklace he had gifted to her. She still wore it and again his mind screamed at him to stop because she would not wear it if what she said was true. Legolas quashed these thoughts down, his ego and pride and heart were in agony. Before he knew what he was doing his hand reached up and grasped the chain. Ripping it from her neck as she gasped in pain, leaving a red mark around her neck, he said "You never deserved this." He turned and walked out, vowing to himself he would not look back.
Alania's hand flew up to her neck and when she pulled her hand away she saw blood. The pain she felt when he tore it from her was more in her heart than her neck, but now her neck flared with it. She began to shake with emotion when he slammed the door behind him. 'What have I done?!' she asked herself in a panic.
She stared at the door for some minutes and attempted to calm down by taking deep breaths. Her heart was racing and pleading with her to run to him, but her head argued and argued until she allowed her misdirected and well-meaning logic to win. She only needed to face him once more before she could let him go.
Alania forced herself to get a grip on her shaking. She moistened a cloth and gently cleaned her neck. Looking in the mirror she knew it would be visible to all, and decided to hide it with a carefully place scarf. She was determined to keep her agony to herself on her friends' day.
Alania managed to head to the wedding soon enough and plastered a smile on her features as she joined the guests. She had lied to Legolas about having an escort, and so when she arrived she kept close to either Elladan or Elrohir.
The brothers knew something was amiss when Legolas and Alania arrived separately, but neither said a thing. Alania kept fingering the scarf and Elladan noticed the necklace Legolas gave her was missing. Looking Legolas's way, Elladan saw him blatantly staring at Alania and the look on his face was fierce.
When the wedding began, Alania's joy for her friend surpassed all the hurt and fear she was feeling and she genuinely enjoyed Roxy and Georn's ceremony and their obvious happiness. Roxy wore the dress that Aerdin had given her in the parcel before leaving his city, and she was the most beautiful bride Alania had ever seen. That they were so in love and able to share their lives struck Alania as the two kissed at the end of the ceremony. The pain that had momentarily dispersed flared anew and with intensity. Her eyes welled over and she allowed the tears to fall. When asked, she merely whispered how happy she was for the couple and forced another smile onto her face.
Alania could not bring herself to look at Legolas. She felt his gaze and his anger at her throughout the wedding, but refused to cave into the urge knowing it would be her undoing.
As the guests mingled at the feast, there was music and dancing and laughter which filled the air. The irony of the atmosphere in contrast to his raging emotions was not lost on Legolas. He couldn't stop watching Alania, no matter how often he cursed himself for it. He wanted to take her and lock her away in his keeping forever, even as he wanted to hurt her as much as she hurt him. He saw the scarf around her neck and knew that he had physically hurt her. Regret and satisfaction coursed through his veins at the same time.
When he left her with the necklace in his hand, he swore to leave Rivendell that day. He would have left immediately had the wedding already occurred. Now he merely had to wait it out and having her within arms reach was slowly tearing him up inside. Never had he felt so angry and hurt. The pain that filled him was worse than any wound he had ever received. He felt a hatred growing in his gut for her, that she could make him feel so horrible and low. His mind twisted with thoughts of her laying in the arms of another, even as his heart screamed that it wasn't true.
Though they both thought they were managing to keep the tension between them hidden, only Georn and Roxy were oblivious to it in their happiness. Gandalf, Elladan and Elrohir were actually impressed that neither Alania nor Legolas said or did anything to worry their friends. The love and respect they were showing to Georn and Roxy was most admirable, and Gandalf decided to take advantage of their manners to see if he could help fix whatever problem they were having. He asked Alania for a dance and she graciously accepted.
As they danced, Gandalf kept up meaningless banter with her until he made her smile. He slowly maneuvered them closer to Legolas, who had been unable to tear his gaze away from her. Nearing the elf, Gandalf frowned a bit seeing Legolas's face contorted in anger. He wondered what could have possibly happened between the two of them that would enrage Legolas so. Finally close to Legolas, Gandalf feigned that he had seen Celeborn motioning to him.
"Ah, Legolas! I see that Celeborn needs my attention with something, perhaps the fireworks I have planned for later. Would you be kind enough to fill in for me and dance with this lovely young lady?" he asked with a kind grin, and Legolas found he could not refuse.
Alania stiffened as she felt Legolas take her hand and wrap his other arm at her waist. Gulping as he began to lead her gracefully across the room, she fixed her eyes at a spot on his upper chest and refused to meet his stare. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she was sure he could hear it. The need to confess and apologize was overwhelming, but somehow her jaw was frozen and she could not find the ability to speak.
Over and over as they moved, she asked herself 'This is what you wanted, isn't it? That he would hate you and not go with you? Well, you got what you asked for, now shut up and deal with the consequences.' And even as these thoughts ran through her head she memorized the feel of dancing with him. She noticed every detail of these last few moments with him, thinking it would be their last, and fought the urge to lean against him.
His body played havoc on him as he attempted to control his reaction to holding her. That he could still desire her with all this pain he was feeling made him hate her all the more. Legolas stared down at her and was mentally willing her to look up at him. He needed to look her full in the face one last time, to prove to himself that he could walk away.
The song ended and they stopped moving. They stood there, in the middle of the room, even as another tune was struck and couples moved around them. Finally Alania gathered enough courage to look up into his eyes. Had the elf paid attention to anything other than his feelings at the time, he would have seen the regret and pain she felt in her eyes. But his anger ruled him that evening and a nasty smile crept up his face. Legolas allowed himself to indulge one last time and kissed her. A hard, punishing kiss, his tongue battled hers and when he felt her resistance crumble and she began to lean into him, he pulled away from her and said "Goodbye Alania. You will not see me again."
Legolas turned and walked out. He headed straight for his room, packed what little he brought and headed for the stables. Readying his horse, he check his belongings one last time, and found the necklace in his pocket. He would have thrown it, but something in him stopped him and he tenderly placed it back in his pocket. And as he mounted his steed and rode out, Gandalf's fireworks began exploding in the night sky. A humorless smile crossed his features as he watched Gandalf's magic and heard the sounds of laughter in the air. Legolas urged his horse faster, headed for Mirkwood and didn't look back.
Alania managed to hold herself together until she reached her rooms. Thinking that she would burst in tears, she sat at the window and waited for the onslaught. Instead she found she grew numb. She sat at that window, neither sleeping nor eating. Two days later, she found the will to get up and pack.
That Legolas had left was a shock to all. Though Gandalf and Roxy both asked her about it, Alania merely shrugged and kept silent. That the elf was not joining them on their journey back to Alania's home created a problem for Gandalf. In order to answer the questions and theories he had regarding her world, he needed an elf to join them. When it was discussed, Elladan happily volunteered. Gandalf carefully explained the situation and circumstances of it, and still Elladan was glad to go.
And so, Roxy, Georn, Gandalf and Elladan returned with Alania, who's heart was heavier than she ever imagined it could be when she left.
*****
Couple of more chapters to go folks, but in the meantime won't you please take a moment to review and let me know if this chapter was angsty enough. I know it made me tear up, but I cry during Hallmark commercials.