From the Brain of CAP: I'm fed up. There's so many fics out there that are simply not worth reading. For me, anyway. These are what I call the 400 word humor fics. And I hate them. Of course, there's more. Like the Ask-who-heck-cares fics. It's like those ads for Dreamstreet. You think, who's gonna buy this crap, but you keep seeing the ads.
Of course, this is just me. Far be it from me to attempt to change this site. Plus, it's late, (early, actually) and I'm pissed. I may not agree with your opinions, but I'll defend to the death your right to have them. And I'll bet the vast majority of you can't tell me what that last line's from. Plus, no one's gonna read this anyway, I warrant. So, for the benefit of any who catch wind of this, I am officially announcing my retirement from the Zelda section. I think this fic will reflect my mood nicely.
Sweet Oblivion
Start Time: 1:30am, C/ST
I don't have the faintest idea what I'm doing here.
CLANG
What's the point of being in a battle if you know you can't win?
CLANG
But here I am. Defending my honor. Because I can't walk away from battle. Not me, not Link.
CLANG
I'm gonna die here. This is an impossible foe. The whole time, I was thinking it was deaf, blind, and to top it off, dumb.
CLANG
But now I've come to realize that I was the idiot all along.
CLANG
How can I be expected to think straight if it's all I can do to defend myself?
CLANG
Usually it's so natural, so fluid.
CLANG
Now my sword feels foreign in my hands, like I've never held one before.
CLANG
I have to think hard just to swing it properly.
CLANG
I'll be glad when this is all over. When I'm dead.
CLANG
Not like there's anything left for me here anyway.
CLANG
Time seems to slow now. My foe isn't as quick as before. Is this a sign of me winning out?
CLANG
Of course not. It's an impossible foe, after all. This is merely a brief repose before death. Time to reflect. The other sword is barely moving now. Good. Perhaps I can finally think without that infernal clanging sound.
What have I gotten myself into? Zelda seemed so sure it would work. And it had, alright. But we didn't plan ahead. We didn't think about the consequences.
CLANG
It's a test, is what it is. Only by defeating myself can I attain true power. But I still don't want to die.
She though that by sending me back she was doing me a favor. But she couldn't do it right. I bet it was Farore intervening. Blasted Farore. I've had enough of quests, enough of being a hero for her. I'll be glad when I'm dead. Then I won't have to worry about any of that anymore. My counterpart can do that. Soon, sweet oblivion will take me.
Zelda split us in half. She was supposed to send me back, but she only sent back part of me. The best part, I warrant. And where does that leave me? Trapped in limbo here in this infernal temple.
CLANG
After the last notes floated from the Ocarina, I was whisked away, but not to where I was supposed be. Oh no. That would be too easy. Farore needed more. She needed me to save Hyrule, not once, but twice. And so she put part of me here, in the Water Temple of all places. It's easy enough to open a door, but I can't even touch the handles now. Too much pain.
Now part of me has to kill the other part. And I'm the part that's gonna get killed. That way, the 'good' side can attain full strength. What about me? What about the 'dark' side? Shall I just die?
CLANG
Of course I shall. I'm dark. But imprisoned in a temple for seven years, without so much of an explanation, how could I not turn dark? Now I'm labeled as evil. Navi, dear Navi, flits around my head, singling me out as the enemy. How could Farore do this to me, after all I did for her?
Well, I'll show her. How would she like it if her Chosen One fell dead? Then she'd be stuck with me, Dark Link. It'd certainly ruin her plans. And what do I care about her anymore? She put me here in the first place.
CLANG
May the Dark Gods take her.
CLANG
Everything's speeding up, now. But I don't care. I'm going to kill this man before me.
CLANG
The blow of the Master Sword sends tremors through my dark blade into my body. But I won't let up.
CLANG
I jump towards my foe, but he dodges nimbly away, and I feel his sword slide between my ribs. I taste blood. And I realize, in dying, that this is what she wanted all along. For me to forsake her. For me to give her boy a challenge. And now he'll steal my strength, my power, the treasures I've been forced to guard. I'll slip away into nothingness. That whore-of-a-Goddess, I'll slay her if it's the last thing I do…
For a brief moment, I have a vision, and I have the briefest feeling that I've done this all before. My mind must be playing tricks. The room around me evaporates, the tree and reflective floor disappear, and in its place, a normal room. I can't help thinking that, for a moment, I was that dark being. But that's just rubbish. I continue into the next room, not knowing what I'll find there.
From the Brain of CAP: And that's it. Time: 2:10am, Tuesday the 25, 2002. I have stuff to do at Church today, so I'm going to sleep. Goodbye, Zelda section. It's been fun. Kinda.
Typed in Times New Roman, 10 font, uploaded using Wordpad because my version of Word sucks. I own nothing.
Of course, this is just me. Far be it from me to attempt to change this site. Plus, it's late, (early, actually) and I'm pissed. I may not agree with your opinions, but I'll defend to the death your right to have them. And I'll bet the vast majority of you can't tell me what that last line's from. Plus, no one's gonna read this anyway, I warrant. So, for the benefit of any who catch wind of this, I am officially announcing my retirement from the Zelda section. I think this fic will reflect my mood nicely.
Sweet Oblivion
Start Time: 1:30am, C/ST
I don't have the faintest idea what I'm doing here.
CLANG
What's the point of being in a battle if you know you can't win?
CLANG
But here I am. Defending my honor. Because I can't walk away from battle. Not me, not Link.
CLANG
I'm gonna die here. This is an impossible foe. The whole time, I was thinking it was deaf, blind, and to top it off, dumb.
CLANG
But now I've come to realize that I was the idiot all along.
CLANG
How can I be expected to think straight if it's all I can do to defend myself?
CLANG
Usually it's so natural, so fluid.
CLANG
Now my sword feels foreign in my hands, like I've never held one before.
CLANG
I have to think hard just to swing it properly.
CLANG
I'll be glad when this is all over. When I'm dead.
CLANG
Not like there's anything left for me here anyway.
CLANG
Time seems to slow now. My foe isn't as quick as before. Is this a sign of me winning out?
CLANG
Of course not. It's an impossible foe, after all. This is merely a brief repose before death. Time to reflect. The other sword is barely moving now. Good. Perhaps I can finally think without that infernal clanging sound.
What have I gotten myself into? Zelda seemed so sure it would work. And it had, alright. But we didn't plan ahead. We didn't think about the consequences.
CLANG
It's a test, is what it is. Only by defeating myself can I attain true power. But I still don't want to die.
She though that by sending me back she was doing me a favor. But she couldn't do it right. I bet it was Farore intervening. Blasted Farore. I've had enough of quests, enough of being a hero for her. I'll be glad when I'm dead. Then I won't have to worry about any of that anymore. My counterpart can do that. Soon, sweet oblivion will take me.
Zelda split us in half. She was supposed to send me back, but she only sent back part of me. The best part, I warrant. And where does that leave me? Trapped in limbo here in this infernal temple.
CLANG
After the last notes floated from the Ocarina, I was whisked away, but not to where I was supposed be. Oh no. That would be too easy. Farore needed more. She needed me to save Hyrule, not once, but twice. And so she put part of me here, in the Water Temple of all places. It's easy enough to open a door, but I can't even touch the handles now. Too much pain.
Now part of me has to kill the other part. And I'm the part that's gonna get killed. That way, the 'good' side can attain full strength. What about me? What about the 'dark' side? Shall I just die?
CLANG
Of course I shall. I'm dark. But imprisoned in a temple for seven years, without so much of an explanation, how could I not turn dark? Now I'm labeled as evil. Navi, dear Navi, flits around my head, singling me out as the enemy. How could Farore do this to me, after all I did for her?
Well, I'll show her. How would she like it if her Chosen One fell dead? Then she'd be stuck with me, Dark Link. It'd certainly ruin her plans. And what do I care about her anymore? She put me here in the first place.
CLANG
May the Dark Gods take her.
CLANG
Everything's speeding up, now. But I don't care. I'm going to kill this man before me.
CLANG
The blow of the Master Sword sends tremors through my dark blade into my body. But I won't let up.
CLANG
I jump towards my foe, but he dodges nimbly away, and I feel his sword slide between my ribs. I taste blood. And I realize, in dying, that this is what she wanted all along. For me to forsake her. For me to give her boy a challenge. And now he'll steal my strength, my power, the treasures I've been forced to guard. I'll slip away into nothingness. That whore-of-a-Goddess, I'll slay her if it's the last thing I do…
For a brief moment, I have a vision, and I have the briefest feeling that I've done this all before. My mind must be playing tricks. The room around me evaporates, the tree and reflective floor disappear, and in its place, a normal room. I can't help thinking that, for a moment, I was that dark being. But that's just rubbish. I continue into the next room, not knowing what I'll find there.
From the Brain of CAP: And that's it. Time: 2:10am, Tuesday the 25, 2002. I have stuff to do at Church today, so I'm going to sleep. Goodbye, Zelda section. It's been fun. Kinda.
Typed in Times New Roman, 10 font, uploaded using Wordpad because my version of Word sucks. I own nothing.