Disclaimer: Tolkien owns LOTR and all things Middle Earth, blah blah blah.
Chapter 37 - The Error of One's Ways
The one thing Roxy learned for certain was that Mirkwood was a far cry from Rivendell. Not in the sense that it wasn't as incredibly beautiful and magical, rather that it had an air of the wild and untamed in it. The forest was dense and tall, and could seem imposing and ominous if you weren't in the company of people who knew the forest well. It would be easy to get lost and disappear forever there. Though it had been cleared of a great deal of beasts that used to plague the area, it was still not the safest place to be. It provided an insight on Legolas Roxy wished Alania could have experienced.
As they traveled, Georn told her the stories of the forest and how the elves there still guarded their home via scouting parties. Safer though the wood be, the threat of orc attack was always possible because it was so easy to find hiding places in the trees. Therefore, the very atmosphere held a weighty tension until one would reach the elves' caverns, where the pressure lifted and laughter rang in the air. Where Rivendell was calm and serene and joyful, Legolas's home was more raucous and merry and playful. It seemed the wood-elves enjoyed letting themselves go when they returned home from the dangers of the forest.
Gandalf had accompanied them along with an escort of wood-elves returning home from Rivendell, and it was he who introduced them to Legolas's father, Thranduil. The king welcomed them to his home and ushered them in for some fine elven wine and good conversation.
Their journey had taken several weeks and both Roxy and Gandalf were eager to speak with Legolas. It turned out they would have to wait another week, as he was out with a small band hunting for a party of orcs that had come too near their home. They learned that he had spent a great deal of his time on such ventures since returning to his home. It relieved and worried Roxy that the elf was immersing himself in projects as Alania had been doing.
It turned out that Thranduil was an endless source of hilarity for Roxy. The never ending misdeeds and troubles that Legolas had fallen into spanned his whole life, rather than just his youth. Roxy learned more about Legolas this way, and Thranduil learned more about her world and Alania. Though Legolas had not uttered even a word regarding her in his time back, Thranduil had learned of her from the tales told by the men and Rivendell elves who passed through Mirkwood. The king was more than intrigued by her, especially as it seemed true that she had captured the heart of his son.
Roxy saw that he passed no judgment on Alania other than praise for her deeds, but she could sense that Thranduil was not certain of his feelings regarding Legolas's relationship with her.
Legolas and the band of warriors he led returned home a few days later. Their goal accomplished, the group looked forward to feasting in the halls of the king rather than in the forest. Though the wood-elves loved to frolic in the trees near their home, they were never really able to relax their guard as they could in the enclave of their gates. As his warriors grinned and laughed, Legolas smiled and already itched to go out again on another scouting party. He had discovered that he could not find peace anywhere, and so he became restless for action and fighting.
Greeted by his father, Legolas was surprised to see Gandalf and Georn at Thranduil's side. Though not displeased by his friends' appearance, it was a clear signal that they had returned from Alania's home. Welcoming them to his home, he itched to ask about Alania and hated his lack of indifference. He quashed the urge to question them about her, instead inquiring about Roxy and Elladan.
"They both are faring well. Roxy is about somewhere and has been entertained by your father all week while we were waiting for you. He has graciously supplied her quite an arsenal to tease you with.", answered Georn with a grin.
As they headed inside for a meal, Roxy caught up with them and the group spent a few hours simply catching up. Roxy and Georn told stories about their trips all over and ended up entertaining a largish group of elves with their comical back-and-forth bantering and bickering.
Gandalf watched Legolas through the evening, and took notice of how quiet and withdrawn the elf was. Gandalf couldn't help but see the parallels with Alania. His gaze was caught by Legolas and held for a time. The elf could only look away morosely when the wizard gave him a sad smile that promised a long conversation within a few days.
Firmly ensconced in one of the many reading rooms in his father's castle, Legolas and Gandalf sat and spoke several days later. Their discussion was straightforward, though not simple. As Gandalf outlined his thoughts and theories of what would become of an immortal in Alania's world, Gandalf was careful to avoid any mention of Alania or how he came to these conclusions until Legolas asked.
"Gandalf, it occurs to me that our initial plan required an elf to accompany you. For obvious reasons, I did not go, so I wonder who did.", said Legolas with a raised eyebrow.
Gandalf make a great deal about filling his pipe and lighting it as he thought about how to answer this question, knowing that Legolas would possibly jump to conclusions. Taking a few puffs from the pipe, he said "Elladan volunteered when the point was raised."
The wizard peered at the elf, seeing his brow furrowed in anger as he gripped the chair. Considering that Legolas remained silent in his anger, Gandalf calmly continued. "It seems he had been quite curious about the place from his talks with all of you. I made sure he understood the potential consequences of it. When we chose to return, he knew that I had no real answers for him and so he chose to stay back there. I think he did it for two reasons. The first being that if he were already mortal, it would have broken Elrohir's heart to see another sibling grow old and die. And the second is that he and Alania have developed quite the friendship. He misses Arwen terribly and Alania fills that place in his heart. He dotes on her like a sister."
Legolas had been sitting slouched in his chair when he heard who had gone. It was as if all his suspicions about her had been right. But when Gandalf finished explaining and Legolas had absorbed it, he shot straight in his chair and asked "You mean they are not....?"
"No, Legolas. They are not, nor have they ever been. And that you ever thought that is an insult to both of them."
Legolas ran a hand through his hair, his mouth agape with this news. It suddenly felt as though one weight on his chest had been replaced with another, completely different one. He groaned inwardly realizing his last argument with her and what he had accused her of. He sighed deeply with all the information he had just been bombarded with.
If Gandalf's theories were correct, it seemed entirely possible that he was no longer immortal and would die eventually. It was a difficult idea to contend with, though not impossible for one who had faced the threat of death in battle so often.
"You have much to think upon tonight and I will leave you to it. Though I must confess there is one thing I feel obliged to tell you. As empty and alone as you feel, she feels the same. It matters not what has happened in the past. A life is not made by dwelling on things you have already done and cannot change.", said Gandalf and left the elf to his thoughts.
Legolas paced the halls deep in thought that night and well into the follow day. He was sitting in a tree deep in thought when Roxy found him in the afternoon. He hopped down to greet her.
"I understand that you've spoken with Gandalf.", she said. Seeing his nod, she continued, "I know you've got a lot being thrown at you right now, but I just can't wait anymore to give you this. Georn tried to convince me to be more patient, but it's already been so long and I just can't hold off meddling into my best friend's affairs anymore."
With that said, Roxy handed him the letter Alania had given to her and walked away before he could say anything.
Legolas looked at the envelope with his name on it in Alania's handwriting and instinctively brought it up to his nose. It was ever so faint, but her scent lingered on the paper and he closed his eyes and inhaled the fragrance deeply. Visions of her danced in his head, and he allowed them to tumble one after the other for the first time since leaving her. The lingering anger and distrust he felt for her melted away, and his heart ached fully with regret.
He slowly made his way to his rooms, indulging his memories, and locked the doors upon entering. He sat on his window's edge and gently opened the letter.
It wasn't so very long, only a handful of carefully written pages, but the pages had a few tear stains on them smudging some of the words. It seemed she wrote it in one long sitting, pouring her heart out to him. Her careful handwriting belying her slightly shaking hand when she wrote it. Just looking at the pages and not reading the words, Legolas ran his fingers over the papers as he felt emotions he had chosen to ignore swell within him. Taking a steadying breath, he began to read.
When he finished it once, he reread it and then again, letting her words of love and repentance and her admitted fears wash through his soul. So simple in form and manner, it was the most eloquent and beautiful thing he'd ever read.
It tore at him that he allowed things to get to the point they did when he had known better at the time. He replayed their final day together over and over in his mind, seeing how he accused her instead of coaxing the truth out of her gently. He had known how she felt about his returning with her the entire time and chose to plan around her rather than with her, and they both paid for their stubborn pride.
He sat back against the wall, absently watching the sunset, reflecting on all the time that he had let pass in anger and misunderstanding. Until that evening he hadn't a clue how bereft he had been feeling. Like a bolt of lighting, Legolas realized how much he missed Alania. She had been the color in his unending gray long life, and her absence only made him see how he had been trying to replace her fire with the action of battle.
The idea of him living endlessly without her weighed upon him, until he remembered Gandalf's words. Legolas looked out over the lands he where he grew up and lived and protected. There was great beauty and joy here for him, and he unconsciously wondered if he could give it all up. There were so many memories, both good and bad, that tied him to this land, making the idea of leaving it behind an almost impossible thought. And it was this very realization that made him startle.
Had anyone been around him, they would have heard Legolas gasp audibly with insight. It was that very choice, of leaving everything behind, that Alania had hoped to help him avoid by hurting him. She had already understood how difficult and painful leaving would be for him, and so she chose to help him by not letting him have to make the choice. As wrong as her decision may have been, it was the most thoughtful and caring thing anyone had ever done for him. Never had anyone known him so well as to understand his reasoning and love for Middle Earth as she knew him. And it was this realization that made his decision simple. His past was inextricably linked to Middle Earth, but it was clear to him that his future lay elsewhere. He would take Gandalf's advice and stop clinging to what was.
Many days later, after long discussion with his father, who finally gave his son his blessing, and a massive farewell banquet, four riders left Mirkwood, one of them forever.
****
I'll thank you now for reviewing... and I know you will! =)
Chapter 37 - The Error of One's Ways
The one thing Roxy learned for certain was that Mirkwood was a far cry from Rivendell. Not in the sense that it wasn't as incredibly beautiful and magical, rather that it had an air of the wild and untamed in it. The forest was dense and tall, and could seem imposing and ominous if you weren't in the company of people who knew the forest well. It would be easy to get lost and disappear forever there. Though it had been cleared of a great deal of beasts that used to plague the area, it was still not the safest place to be. It provided an insight on Legolas Roxy wished Alania could have experienced.
As they traveled, Georn told her the stories of the forest and how the elves there still guarded their home via scouting parties. Safer though the wood be, the threat of orc attack was always possible because it was so easy to find hiding places in the trees. Therefore, the very atmosphere held a weighty tension until one would reach the elves' caverns, where the pressure lifted and laughter rang in the air. Where Rivendell was calm and serene and joyful, Legolas's home was more raucous and merry and playful. It seemed the wood-elves enjoyed letting themselves go when they returned home from the dangers of the forest.
Gandalf had accompanied them along with an escort of wood-elves returning home from Rivendell, and it was he who introduced them to Legolas's father, Thranduil. The king welcomed them to his home and ushered them in for some fine elven wine and good conversation.
Their journey had taken several weeks and both Roxy and Gandalf were eager to speak with Legolas. It turned out they would have to wait another week, as he was out with a small band hunting for a party of orcs that had come too near their home. They learned that he had spent a great deal of his time on such ventures since returning to his home. It relieved and worried Roxy that the elf was immersing himself in projects as Alania had been doing.
It turned out that Thranduil was an endless source of hilarity for Roxy. The never ending misdeeds and troubles that Legolas had fallen into spanned his whole life, rather than just his youth. Roxy learned more about Legolas this way, and Thranduil learned more about her world and Alania. Though Legolas had not uttered even a word regarding her in his time back, Thranduil had learned of her from the tales told by the men and Rivendell elves who passed through Mirkwood. The king was more than intrigued by her, especially as it seemed true that she had captured the heart of his son.
Roxy saw that he passed no judgment on Alania other than praise for her deeds, but she could sense that Thranduil was not certain of his feelings regarding Legolas's relationship with her.
Legolas and the band of warriors he led returned home a few days later. Their goal accomplished, the group looked forward to feasting in the halls of the king rather than in the forest. Though the wood-elves loved to frolic in the trees near their home, they were never really able to relax their guard as they could in the enclave of their gates. As his warriors grinned and laughed, Legolas smiled and already itched to go out again on another scouting party. He had discovered that he could not find peace anywhere, and so he became restless for action and fighting.
Greeted by his father, Legolas was surprised to see Gandalf and Georn at Thranduil's side. Though not displeased by his friends' appearance, it was a clear signal that they had returned from Alania's home. Welcoming them to his home, he itched to ask about Alania and hated his lack of indifference. He quashed the urge to question them about her, instead inquiring about Roxy and Elladan.
"They both are faring well. Roxy is about somewhere and has been entertained by your father all week while we were waiting for you. He has graciously supplied her quite an arsenal to tease you with.", answered Georn with a grin.
As they headed inside for a meal, Roxy caught up with them and the group spent a few hours simply catching up. Roxy and Georn told stories about their trips all over and ended up entertaining a largish group of elves with their comical back-and-forth bantering and bickering.
Gandalf watched Legolas through the evening, and took notice of how quiet and withdrawn the elf was. Gandalf couldn't help but see the parallels with Alania. His gaze was caught by Legolas and held for a time. The elf could only look away morosely when the wizard gave him a sad smile that promised a long conversation within a few days.
Firmly ensconced in one of the many reading rooms in his father's castle, Legolas and Gandalf sat and spoke several days later. Their discussion was straightforward, though not simple. As Gandalf outlined his thoughts and theories of what would become of an immortal in Alania's world, Gandalf was careful to avoid any mention of Alania or how he came to these conclusions until Legolas asked.
"Gandalf, it occurs to me that our initial plan required an elf to accompany you. For obvious reasons, I did not go, so I wonder who did.", said Legolas with a raised eyebrow.
Gandalf make a great deal about filling his pipe and lighting it as he thought about how to answer this question, knowing that Legolas would possibly jump to conclusions. Taking a few puffs from the pipe, he said "Elladan volunteered when the point was raised."
The wizard peered at the elf, seeing his brow furrowed in anger as he gripped the chair. Considering that Legolas remained silent in his anger, Gandalf calmly continued. "It seems he had been quite curious about the place from his talks with all of you. I made sure he understood the potential consequences of it. When we chose to return, he knew that I had no real answers for him and so he chose to stay back there. I think he did it for two reasons. The first being that if he were already mortal, it would have broken Elrohir's heart to see another sibling grow old and die. And the second is that he and Alania have developed quite the friendship. He misses Arwen terribly and Alania fills that place in his heart. He dotes on her like a sister."
Legolas had been sitting slouched in his chair when he heard who had gone. It was as if all his suspicions about her had been right. But when Gandalf finished explaining and Legolas had absorbed it, he shot straight in his chair and asked "You mean they are not....?"
"No, Legolas. They are not, nor have they ever been. And that you ever thought that is an insult to both of them."
Legolas ran a hand through his hair, his mouth agape with this news. It suddenly felt as though one weight on his chest had been replaced with another, completely different one. He groaned inwardly realizing his last argument with her and what he had accused her of. He sighed deeply with all the information he had just been bombarded with.
If Gandalf's theories were correct, it seemed entirely possible that he was no longer immortal and would die eventually. It was a difficult idea to contend with, though not impossible for one who had faced the threat of death in battle so often.
"You have much to think upon tonight and I will leave you to it. Though I must confess there is one thing I feel obliged to tell you. As empty and alone as you feel, she feels the same. It matters not what has happened in the past. A life is not made by dwelling on things you have already done and cannot change.", said Gandalf and left the elf to his thoughts.
Legolas paced the halls deep in thought that night and well into the follow day. He was sitting in a tree deep in thought when Roxy found him in the afternoon. He hopped down to greet her.
"I understand that you've spoken with Gandalf.", she said. Seeing his nod, she continued, "I know you've got a lot being thrown at you right now, but I just can't wait anymore to give you this. Georn tried to convince me to be more patient, but it's already been so long and I just can't hold off meddling into my best friend's affairs anymore."
With that said, Roxy handed him the letter Alania had given to her and walked away before he could say anything.
Legolas looked at the envelope with his name on it in Alania's handwriting and instinctively brought it up to his nose. It was ever so faint, but her scent lingered on the paper and he closed his eyes and inhaled the fragrance deeply. Visions of her danced in his head, and he allowed them to tumble one after the other for the first time since leaving her. The lingering anger and distrust he felt for her melted away, and his heart ached fully with regret.
He slowly made his way to his rooms, indulging his memories, and locked the doors upon entering. He sat on his window's edge and gently opened the letter.
It wasn't so very long, only a handful of carefully written pages, but the pages had a few tear stains on them smudging some of the words. It seemed she wrote it in one long sitting, pouring her heart out to him. Her careful handwriting belying her slightly shaking hand when she wrote it. Just looking at the pages and not reading the words, Legolas ran his fingers over the papers as he felt emotions he had chosen to ignore swell within him. Taking a steadying breath, he began to read.
When he finished it once, he reread it and then again, letting her words of love and repentance and her admitted fears wash through his soul. So simple in form and manner, it was the most eloquent and beautiful thing he'd ever read.
It tore at him that he allowed things to get to the point they did when he had known better at the time. He replayed their final day together over and over in his mind, seeing how he accused her instead of coaxing the truth out of her gently. He had known how she felt about his returning with her the entire time and chose to plan around her rather than with her, and they both paid for their stubborn pride.
He sat back against the wall, absently watching the sunset, reflecting on all the time that he had let pass in anger and misunderstanding. Until that evening he hadn't a clue how bereft he had been feeling. Like a bolt of lighting, Legolas realized how much he missed Alania. She had been the color in his unending gray long life, and her absence only made him see how he had been trying to replace her fire with the action of battle.
The idea of him living endlessly without her weighed upon him, until he remembered Gandalf's words. Legolas looked out over the lands he where he grew up and lived and protected. There was great beauty and joy here for him, and he unconsciously wondered if he could give it all up. There were so many memories, both good and bad, that tied him to this land, making the idea of leaving it behind an almost impossible thought. And it was this very realization that made him startle.
Had anyone been around him, they would have heard Legolas gasp audibly with insight. It was that very choice, of leaving everything behind, that Alania had hoped to help him avoid by hurting him. She had already understood how difficult and painful leaving would be for him, and so she chose to help him by not letting him have to make the choice. As wrong as her decision may have been, it was the most thoughtful and caring thing anyone had ever done for him. Never had anyone known him so well as to understand his reasoning and love for Middle Earth as she knew him. And it was this realization that made his decision simple. His past was inextricably linked to Middle Earth, but it was clear to him that his future lay elsewhere. He would take Gandalf's advice and stop clinging to what was.
Many days later, after long discussion with his father, who finally gave his son his blessing, and a massive farewell banquet, four riders left Mirkwood, one of them forever.
****
I'll thank you now for reviewing... and I know you will! =)