Writing LESSONS, part II

thanks again to those who reviewed!!!!

Giles and Willow sit a field...a large billboard behind them says "yes, we're actually in England!!!!!"

GILES: Willow, you've been bad.

WILLOW: Yes. I know. But Xander still loves me!

Willow collapses...then gets back up.

GILES: I'm glad Xander still loves you...that does brighten the situation considerably.

WILLOW: Really? I never thought you liked Xander all that much.

GILES: Well, no he's incredibly annoying and really the most pathetic of all of you. But Xander really hates Spike...and having me agree with Xander is a great way to drive Spike further into the gutter...we've already driven him into the basement!

WILLOW: Oh, yeah. Spike.

GILES: Willow, how much do you hate Spike?

WILLOW: Well...I guess if Xander does!

GILES: Good girl! You've been redeemed! Here's a sticker!

WILLOW: Wow, that was easy! I only had to take a scenic trip to England! Spike had to-

GILES: Willow! Spike is by no means on a path of redemption!

WILLOW: Really? Wow...I thought that had been a theme for like, 3 years.

GILES: Oh, dear lord, no. That was simply the "Bad Boyfriend" arc. Along with the "Naked Ratings Boost" arc.

WILLOW: That's funny...Spike has always been defined by being a great boyfriend...

GILES: Did you hear that he took eggs and got RILEY in trouble?!?

WILLOW: WOW! He IS a bad boyfriend...Riley's a REAL man.

**************

Spike walk over to the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign that he used to hit with his car. He looks insane.

SPIKE: To drive through the sign, or not to drive through the sign....that is the question....Well, I don't even have a car here so I guess we know which one I'm picking don't we?? You see, folks, I'm struggling with my new soul. Should I be good or should I be eeeeeevil....and to Buffy or not to Buffy! Most importantly, which will drive the fans away the quickest??? The suspense must be killing you all. Which is why we're probably never going to tell you really, instead focusing on Dawn's new friends! No, we'll just do things symbolically instead, so as not to *piss* anyone off. My hair's all grown out and I've given up my coat. Plus, I got this bloody soul to "give Buffy what she deserves"...which at this point could be a good slap in the face...but I think you understand where I am going with this. You would have to be pretty cold hearted and dense to not realize that I am on a path of redempti-

Dawn and Xander enter, they pick up Spike and throw him though the sign...they exit.

SPIKE: Then again...everyone here is pretty cold hearted and dense.

*******************

Anya walks over to where the magic box should be...but finds only a pile of rubble.

ANYA: What the hell? I thought I was supposed to become a more important part of the show!

Enter Joss the Janitor.

JOSS THE JANITOR: Well, you are! You're going to become eeeevil...and sing a lot more!

ANYA: But that doesn't make any sense...I was just helping everyone at the end of grave...I'm not eeeeeevil!

JOSS THE JANITOR: Well, Anya, sometimes we just make you evil. It doesn't really matter if anyone thinks you'd do it or not! Plus, it's very important that everyone loves Xander.

ANYA: So, why is the Magic Box gone?

JOSS THE JANITOR: Willow destroyed it, and insurance wouldn't cover it!

ANYA: That makes no sense! The critics who visited the set said it was here all summer!!

*************************

Amber Benson enters Buffy's kitchen where Buffy and Dawn are eating. Amber is playing a new character...Clara.

CLARA: Hey. (SHY SMILE)

BUFFY: Hi Tara!

DAWN: Did Willow bring you back or something...cause that would be WAY COOL! Buffy nods in agreement.

CLARA: Who's Tara? I'm just here to be Willow's new girlfriend.

Enter Britney Spears.

BRITNEY: No way! I'm going to be her new girlfriend!

BUFFY: WOW...this is also WAY better than me having a moving scene with Spike...I'm glad they cut that and replaced it with this! I feel like we're getting back to the show's mission statement already!!!!

DAWN: What statement is that?

BUFFY: The wonders of push ups bras...loving them, sharing them, wearing them!

*************************

Everyone is back at the high school. Buffy and Dawn are "training" while Anya sits around with nothing to do, and in a lovely contrasting camera shot, Xander is surrounded by big bags of money and dressed like Austin Powers while Spike is struck by lighting several times in the "corner" Buffy designated for him to sit in, he wears a scarlet letter "R" on his black t-shirt. Yes, "R" for Rapist...attempted.

SPIKE: Buffy, if I have to wear this letter "R" for Rapist, shouldn't you have to wear an "AG" for Abusive girlfriend?

BUFFY: I could never be your girl...do I have to beat you up again???

TBC ASAP!!!!