Writing LESSONS, part III

*note* You may want to go back to chapter two and read the last scene again, cause this one picks up right where I left off...thanks again for all the support!

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SPIKE: I think not...not much in the mood for being beat up by you again, because we all know that would lead RIGHT BACK to your enormous bathroom where I'd try to *rape* you so I'd look WAY more eeeevil than you.

BUFFY: Huh?

SPIKE: So the audience wouldn't be so miffed at you for beating me up, you bloody bint!

BUFFY: No! Everyone loves me! Besides, what's up with your hair? It's all root-y.

SPIKE: They used up my bleach supply on your hair when you realized how bad it looked last season. Which, frankly I thought was okay, because the people that stopped watching because of your hair are likely too stupid for this show anyways.

Buffy pouts, Xander comes over and tries to rape her...*comfort* her...Buffy hugs Xander.

DAWN: Buffy! I thought we were TRAI-N-ING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A window shatters at the sound of Dawn's shrieks. This will foreshadow Xander's greatest arc of the year...his crappy carpentry skills, but most of the time we'll just shower him in cash.

BUFFY: Look, Dawn, we let you wear black and heels today in hopes that you'd shut up!

DAWN: heels, heels, HEEEEELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Buffy roles her eyes and thinks about jumping out the new library window...then she remembers she's supposed to be Happy!Now!Buffy and train Dawn so she can get the hell out of here next season. Buffy is an ungrateful bitch.

BUFFY: Okay, let's train!

DAWN: YEAHNESS!

Buffy tries to get Dawn to train with the crossbow, Dawn accidentally hits Anya with an arrow, because Dawns sucks.

DAWN: Oops!

ANYA: Ow! My arm!!!

Everyone stares at Anya...then they remember that she isn't Dawn, Willow, Xander, or Buffy so they stop caring and go back to what they were doing. Spike might have helped, but that would have made him look good, and you can't promote a "rapist."

BUFFY: Wow, Dawn. You're really getting the hang of this!

DAWN: Just wish to be half as good as my big sis!

The background music from "Full House" plays as Buffy and Dawn share one of many, "very special moments" somewhere, Marti Noxon smile, knowing that her 2nd after school special (re: Willow's *addiction*) is beginning...Marti remembers the time that she and her sister fought like this! She's helping the fans become better people who hate men!!!!! Fans go insane. They switch the channel to "Gilmore Girls"...then they begin calling UPN to ask if they can be notified when the Spike scene come on so they can turn back the channel.

BUFFY: Wow, has this been fun Dawn!

SPIKE: Buffy, we need to talk. I have so many things to tell-

BUFFY: GASP! OMG, we've taken up waaaaaaaay too much air time with the real story...where did Kit and Carlos go?!?!?

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Kit and Carlos walk along the hallways in SHS. They are SO COOL! Mostly because we writers don't even have to write new dialogue!!! (no copyright infringement intended)!!!!!!!!!!

CARLOS: You know what I should do is I should just start with talking about the dance...You know, Dawn, Fall Ball isn't just any dance. It's a time when students choose a.... a mate, and, we can observe their mating ritual and tag them before they migrate!!! I see dead people!!!!!

KIT: You're doing fine.

CARLOS: Why is this so hard? I should just go up to her and say "I like you, will you go to the dance with me."

KIT: I see dead people too!

CARLOS: We're just stealing previously used ideas left and right!!!