DISCLAIMER: Not mine. I made up the story. These are JK Rowlings. And I bow and grovel at her feet. But…if she doesn't bring out book 5 soon…*shakes fist* ANYWAY, THIS IS slash! As everything should be) and it is A POV. Harry And Draco. If you flame me I will just laugh. And laugh. And pity you
Please Review, constructive criticism is always welcome.
I don't deserve you
I don't deserve you. You know that? You made my life into chaos, torment, loss, hate, confusion, lust, hiding, caring, depth, love. So much love. You used to ask me, "I don't deserve you. How could you love me? I'm nothing." I never knew how you could say something like that. I saw so much beauty in those eyes. That face. I was proud that I even registered in your mind. It was more than I deserved.
I couldn't make it on my own anymore. Now that I've had you, tasted you, taken you, loved you. I can't go back. But, I feel like I'm keeping you away from the world. I mean, how can I deserve you? People love you, respect you and admire you. People fear you. You have such a presence. You speak with such clarity and passion. In every move that you make, every word that you say, I can see a deeper meaning. And if I try hard enough, I can trace whatever you are doing back to one of the ways that you love me. When you lick your lips, smile, blush…
When I told you about that you laughed. You said that I shouldn't have to TRY. You said that you are loving me with every move that you make. In your mind, you are always loving me. But, even after you said this, I still doubted.
I just…I don't know if I'll ever get my head around it.
I have loved in so many ways in my life. Passionately, lustfully, hopelessly, endlessly, painfully, cuttingly, purposefully, eternally. I didn't mean to love you though. And I would be lying if I said that I had never regretted loving you. I did. I did for so long. Even when you said that you loved me I still regretted loving you. I don't know how. I could never, ever regret it again. Not even if you left me, or if you died. Because I had you. Even though I don't ever want to live without you, I would never regret our…what we have.
I don't deserve you.
Love gets inside you. You got inside me. I had so many places in me that were empty. I will explain it to you using metaphors so that you are sure to understand. I was like a house. Empty, shuttered and boarded up. I was hollow. I had a purpose I suppose, but not of my own making. I didn't get to create the vision for myself. Anyway, you came. You filled me to them brim with every emotion. Emotions that I didn't know existed. Emotions that burnt and scarred at my soul. I didn't mind. Because they were from you.
That sounds pathetic doesn't it? I…I want to find out why you stay with me. You caress me, hold me, love me. You make me smile and laugh and love and dream and hope and wish…If I had a wish…
It changes though. My wish that is. It was once that I wouldn't love you. Then it was that we'd be together. Then it was that I wouldn't lose you. Then it was that I would. Then it was that we'd always stay together.
Right now? Right now my wish is that I could give you something. Anything that could make me feel like I deserve you. You have tried to point things out before. But I can't believe you. It's not that I don't trust you. this is just something that I need to find out myself. See it before I can believe it, if you know what I'm saying.
So now my thoughts are consumed with it. And I know that if I ask you, you won't tell me. Because I still wouldn't believe you.
I don't have anything to offer you. Our life will be full of taunts and jeers. With whispers and points. But we'll make it. I think that we will. Because I have you in my heart. If you'll let me.
I've already given you my heart, my soul, my body, my entire self. I live knowing that I truly live for one person. You. Every time that we laugh, kiss, hold hands, every time that you touch me. Everything fits. Don't ask me why or how, it just does. And I can see the completion in your eyes as well.
Do I deserve completion?
Yes. Yes I do deserve it. I deserve to be happy. And you are the one thing that makes me truly happy. Truly complete. I deserve you. In a roundabout way I do. I am going to say it. Scream it out loud over the hills, mountains and to the sea.
I AM DRACO MALFOY AND I AM IN LOVE WITH HARRY POTTER. I AM COMPLETE, AND I DESERVE IT.
I used to hate love. I got brought up in a place where I was taught that love made you give away a part of yourself. A part that would be put on show, changed, shattered, glued back together, then slowly worn away. Maybe some love is like that. Not ours though.
Maybe that's because you don't have a part of me. You have all of me.
After all, it's what you deserve
~fin~