I slept so long that over a day went by. When I woke up, Kai was in the room. "Grant is taking a break at breakfast with Ranger and the kids. In light of our agreement, Grant got up and looked after you this morning while Julie and I went for a run and had a sparring session. Now Grant is spending time with friends over breakfast. He will take the morning off and then do some PT for a while. He will then stay with you over lunch and I will eat in the dining room. After lunch, we will both stay with you until Eduardo offers a counselling session. We will both take some personal time while Eduardo is with you, then Grant and I will both sit with you for a while. After dinner, Ranger will bring the kids in to spend some time with you, and will let you fall asleep with them. He will then carry them into their bedroom."

"How did you handle it with Ranger?"

He smiled. "We told him the truth. We told him that we were trying a new medication that will help you heal faster, but that at first the medication makes you very sleepy."

"How worried was he?"

"Not overly. He took what we were saying at face value."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"What's your pain level?" said Kai softly.

"A zero on my lungs, a one on my abdomen, a two on my right leg and a five on my left leg."

"That sounds better, and is especially better because it is almost dosing time again. With having the lower numbers, your sleep will be of better quality as well. How is your anxiety?"

I inhaled deeply. "About an eight."

"Okay, and the depression?"

"About an eight again."

"Why is your depression so high?"

"I still feel guilty about causing such a ruckus, about making people worry about me. It makes me want to cry out of shame, and I can feel the tears sitting in my throat."

"Grant and Eduardo and I are concerned, but we don't have it out of proportion. Steph, at a certain point you have to do the best you can for other people, but your first priority is to yourself. It's like flying in a plane. If there is an emergency, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first, and then look after the children and seniors next to you. Otherwise, everyone will go down."

I sighed.

"While you are awake, do you want to talk to Eduardo? You could then take a pain reliever again in about an hour. He is prepared to work to your schedule."

"I want to talk to my team this afternoon as well."

"Okay. How about talk to Eduardo, sleep for a few hours, then see your team?"

I smiled. "Sounds perfect."

Kai looked outside and spoke to someone. A few minutes later, Eduardo walked in and smiled broadly. "You had a good sleep?"

I snorted. "All twenty-four plus hours of it."

Eduardo laughed. "It's all part of getting better. Believe it or not, the sleep will both help you heal as well as help you cope with the pain."

"I just feel so guilty."

He sat down beside me as Kai slipped out of the room. "Tell me about it."

By the end of the session, I decided that Eduardo was wasted as a soldier. He had listened quietly to me, pushed me a bit, didn't mind when I cried, and he had me tell him in detail what had happened, my feelings with it, and how I felt about it now. He had me detail my flashbacks, stepped me through some things that I could do when I had a flashback to ground myself, and practiced doing them. An hour and a bit later I was exhausted and my pain was increasing, and Eduardo stepped out and told someone that I was ready for Grant or Kai to come back.

"Who's out there?" I said to Eduardo as my panic ramped up again.

He sat on the edge of the bed and took my hand again. "It's okay", he said. "Now that we aren't doing patrols any longer, Ranger has a strike team member sit outside your door for an hour each day, and that person not only provides protection for you, but also is being used as a runner when we want to pass messages, just so that you are never left alone and someone is always here to protect you from Grandma."

"Eduardo? What happened to Val?"

"She went to jail, had her bail hearing, and Steve paid her bail. Apparently that was her first husband? She is now out, not allowed to leave the area, and we don't know where she is. Ranger was going to ask our local team, as a training exercise, to locate her and when she is located he was going to have a spy team set on her so that we could keep track of what she is doing."

"So she is loose and may come back?" My breathing sped up until I sounded like I had just sprinted up ten flights of stairs – or, at least, what I assume what I would sound like if I had run up ten flights of stairs. I had never done that before to know what I would actually sound like. I typically would sprint up half a floor's worth of stairs, drag myself up the remaining of the floor, then exit the stairwell in search of an elevator.

"Steph, relax. There is nothing to get upset about. You always have one person in the room with you, and you have another person on a chair outside your door. You're covered." He put his hand on my diaphragm again. "Slow down your breathing." He waited until I had, and then said, "what are you nervous about happening?"

"I think she is going to come back and kill me."

"Is that a realistic fear?"

"She kicked me."

"Yes, but there is a difference between kicking someone and killing someone."

"Yeah, the first causes a lot more pain. I'm still in pain from the last time I ran into her."

"I know. How do you feel about being hurt?"

"I feel like I fucked up and it is my fault. I feel like I deserve to hurt because I am a horrible person, and I'm being punished."

"Your depression is worse?"

"Between the anxiety and depression, Kai added another medication to help me."

"I'm glad, because you don't deserve to feel bad. Steph, I know that you are worried about Val, but you have to assess whether it is a valid worry. There is a person on your door and another person in your room, and both people are there to look after you and protect you. She is out of jail but she is not at the castle and, because the castle is...well...a castle, it's pretty good on defense measures. Everybody is aware that Val is out there, and every single person at the castle, including the kids, is looking out for her. It would be almost impossible for Val to get to you and hurt you." He looked at me. "Take a deep breath."

Grant walked into the room and smiled at us. "How did the session go?"

Eduardo smiled. "Great. Steph did good work." He stood up. "Take it easy, and I will see you tomorrow. If you need me sooner, you know where I am."

I smiled. "Thank you", I said. He left the room, and I turned to Grant. "Did you take some down time for yourself?"

Grant grinned. "I did. I banged and clanged some metal for a while, and I ran down to the loch and along its shores. It's damp out, but the temperature is nice and cool. Perfect for running."

I smiled and relaxed. "Good."

"Would you like some more pain reliever?"

"Hell yeah", I said.

Grant laughed. "Have you been finding the sessions with Eduardo helpful?"

I sighed. "Yes. He pushes me a lot, challenges me a lot, and I think I need that. I don't like talking about what happened. It seems like I should hide the horror from everyone else. It was something that I struggled with when I was suicidal too. I didn't want to tell anyone that I was sad. I kept thinking that it was contagious and my sadness would infect everyone else. It took a long time for Livy to get me to trust her."

"Do you trust Eduardo?"

"I trust you and Kai, but I still feel bad. I want people to like me, and they won't if I am sad and scared and wimpy or making them feel bad. But Eduardo is different. He has lived through it before, so although he pushes me to verbalize what happened, he already knows and he still likes me anyway."

"Kai and I will like you if you are sad and scared, and I have never seen you be wimpy at all, let alone over the last week."

"That's important to me."

"I know. What's your pain level?"

I think I told him, but the medication was hitting me and I didn't know if he could tell what I was saying. I fell asleep, and woke up four hours later. Kai and Grant were both in the room, and I smiled at them. "Good afternoon", said Kai with a smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Hungry!" I said. "I haven't been not nauseous since I was in the hospital."

"Like when you were in the hospital, I added an antiemetic to your mix", said Kai with a smile. He saw my look of confusion. "An antinausea medication. Because you weren't telling me you were nauseous, I didn't know you needed the medication. Thankfully you mentioned it to Eduardo."

"It's working. I feel like I'm starving."

"Food is good. Your body needs a lot of calories right now to grow new skin. I'll go see if there are some leftovers in the kitchen", said Grant.

I smiled at him as he moved towards the door. "Thank you", I said. "Would it also be a good time to see my team, while my pain is a bit more controlled?"

"What are you at?"

"My left leg is a four, and the rest are all between zero and two."

"Excellent", said Kai. "Now would be a good time then."

Grant left the room with a smile. Minutes later, Ranger walked into the room with the bed tray. He grinned at me. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty. How are you?"

I smiled widely. "Starving!"

Ranger laughed. "Then perhaps this very big bowl of apple crisp and vanilla ice cream wouldn't go amiss?"

I looked at him in shock. "I slept through crisp?"

Ranger laughed again. "The girls and I had you covered. We dished up yours first and covered it and put it in the fridge."

"I'll have to thank them this evening."

"Kai said you started a new medication that he thought would work better?"

"My left leg is a four, Ranger. This is the most comfortable that I have been since before the fire."

Ranger's eyes filled with tears, and after setting up the bed tray he kissed me softly on the lips. "That makes me very happy."

"So Steph is going to meet with her team and eat her crisp, and then I am going to dose her again and see if we can get it closer to zero", said Kai. "I don't know if she will be awake enough to say goodnight to the girls, but you can tell them that she will know if they kiss her goodnight."

"Excellent", said Ranger. "Do you mind if I sit in your team meeting?"

I smiled. "Not at all."