A few minutes later, the Gurus walked into the room. "How's it going?" I said. I took a spoon of crisp, added some ice cream, and sighed in pleasure as I ate it.

Miguel grinned. "Excellent. We phoned the Medic Alert offices and asked for a list of people that used the paracord bracelet. Luckily, there were only thirteen. They said it wasn't a popular seller and because of that, they were actually going to take it off the market."

"So we worked with the local team, and we had them all do in-depths", said Dirk. "We walked around the table and gave ideas of things to do, and they all did quite a good job. We then brought their work back and pushed the results a little more. Most of the people were duds – they weren't twenty-four, they didn't go to Inverness High, and so on. However, there was one man who looked very interesting."

"On paper", said Nick, "Duncan looks like the right person. He is twenty-four, a cop who has been passed over for undercover work several times, and he went to Inverness High. His body type is right, he has been getting cash infusions into his bank account that don't seem to come from anywhere in particular. They are all cash, as well, not money transfers or salary or anything like that, and they are not at specific times of the month."

"Additionally", said Miguel, "when we looked at the yearbooks and talked to the teachers at the school, we found out that about six years ago, Duncan's little brother died. His brother was homosexual and was being bullied for it. Similarly, Duncan had a lisp and was being bullied for that. The difference was that the bullies went far too far with Duncan's brother, and Duncan's brother died. Duncan was devastated. He had been close to his brother."

"I remembered a case that you once told me about", said Julie, "in that the identifying thing was the shoes. So we looked at the video of the person selling the drugs. In each case, the person was wearing a pair of pure black Nike basketball shoes with a dent in the sole. They are a nice shoe, limited release. Hal called the Chief and asked him to take pictures. The Chief did one better and had Duncan, the person we suspect, stand in a suspect line under the pretence of another person being examined. The people were 'looked' at from the front and the back, and pictures were taken. Look at the pictures and compare it to the video. What do you see?"

They handed me the pictures of the lineup, and I compared the pictures to the video. "Suspect three has the same shoes and same dent. And the same body type and, to be honest, is wearing what appears to be the same hoody."

"Exactly", said Julie. "So we have the main suspect identified, the in-depth done on him, and a potential motive with his lack of promotion and revenge for his brother's death."

"I wonder what would happen if he was asked to go undercover."

"Interesting question", said Miguel as he laughed.

"So, tell me about him."

"Socially, he is a bit of a loner. We talked to one of the teachers in his school that was there when the five of them were attending school, and she said that he didn't have a lot of friends and was bullied for his lisp, as I said before. Unfortunately, the teacher couldn't remember who the bullies were.

"Criminally, he is apparently clean. He has no criminal past at all. We all know that doesn't mean much though.

"Medically, he is a diabetic but his sugar levels are well controlled. He lives cleanly and works out regularly. He spends hours in the gym and he mentors teens and teaches them how to use the equipment properly. With building up his body, he has acquired confidence and has therefore lost his lisp.

"Academically, he was an average student. When he was in school he wasn't as dedicated to his body, and he didn't stand out in any way. He was the perfect person to blend in – except for his lisp. However, as I said, he has lost his lisp and now stands out for his body build. There aren't too many people who have the same body build as Duncan does.

"Financially, those little top-ups that Duncan has been getting in his bank accounts have worked out well. He is doing very well financially and with those top-ups he is now earning double his salary. However, he is donating an equal amount to the Gay and Lesbian Rights Alliance in the school.

"Professionally, he joined the police force immediately after graduating from high school. The four officers that died joined at the same time. There are two more people from his high school graduating class that were accepted onto the police force, and I was wondering whether we should talk to the Chief tonight to pass on our official findings before sending him the report."

I looked at Ranger. "I think we should give a preview to the Chief. There are two people who are especially at risk, and he needs to know that."

"I agree." He turned to the Gurus. "Once again, everybody, you have done amazing work. Have you written up the formal report yet?"

"Not yet", said Miguel. "We just finished the research a few minutes ago. Steph's summons was timely."

I laughed. "Saying it was my summons makes me sound like the Queen."

"You're our queen", said Dirk.

I laughed hard. "Nah, that wave would be too hard to replicate. But being able to say, 'off with your head' would be kind of fun."

"One guess as to whose head you'd like to off", said Julie.

Everybody laughed.

"Do you have a few minutes?" said Ranger. "I'd like to call the Chief now."

The team all smiled, so Ranger got the phone number from Hal and dialled the number. "Hello", said Ranger as the Chief answered. "My name is Ranger from Rangeman. We are the company that bought out Castle Force. You have been talking with Hal, my Executive Vice-President of Operations."

"Hi. Did you find the pictures helpful?"

"I have my researchers here with me, and from what they just told me, the person you are looking for is Duncan Temple. They will be writing a formal report to submit to you tomorrow. However, in the meantime we wanted to give you a heads-up just because there are two more people at risk on your staff."

"Why do you think that it's Duncan?"

"The shoes in all the surveillance videos are the same brand and have the same dent in the sole as that worn by Duncan. His medic alert bracelet is the same. There are only thirteen people in the UK with that type of medic alert bracelet, and we checked into all of them. Duncan and all the deceased officers went to the same high school, a place that Duncan was bullied in. Additionally, his little brother was gay and was bullied literally to death because of it and the way he died is the same way that the four officers have all died. Unfortunately, there are two more officers that attended that school the same years that Duncan did, and we think they are in danger. After looking at his life, we believe that his motive is to seek revenge on the bullies for making fun of him and for killing his brother.

"That's the overview. When we look into an individual, we consider social, criminal, academic, professional, financial and medical considerations. In short, Duncan is a loner with an ax to grind. He has no criminal history that we know of. He was a mediocre student and has an average career – nothing wrong with it but nothing stellar either. He has money coming in sporadically each month to the point where this mysterious money had doubled his salary. And finally, he is a diabetic and that is why he wears a medic alert bracelet.

"As I said, you will get a formal report tomorrow that is much more comprehensive. However, in the meantime, I don't know what you want to do about it, but those other two officers need to be protected."

"Is there any chance that I could get that report tonight?" said the Chief.

"I'll do it", said Miguel. "It will take a while though."

"I'll help", said Julie. "Nick and Dirk, you should take the time off to spend with your kids."

"Do you mind?" said Nick. "I haven't seen them much in the last couple of days."

"It's not a problem", said Miguel. "It's hard to have more than two people doing a formal report anyway."

"It sounds like you'll be getting a formal report tonight then", said Ranger. He looked at Miguel and Julie. "How long do you think it will take you to do?"

"About four hours", said Miguel. "We will get it to you as soon as we can, Chief."

"Thank you", said the Chief. "I want as much time to review it as I can get. If I have to do an arrest tomorrow, I will want to review that report in detail."

"It is always sad when a fellow officer is involved", said Ranger.

The Chief sighed. "Yes, it is. Unfortunately, there are some jobs in life that no matter how much you don't want to do them, you have to."

"I've had some jobs like that myself, sir", said Ranger.

"How is your wife feeling?"

Ranger smiled. "I'm pleased to say better than she has in a week."

"Excellent. Maybe I can come out one day and meet everyone."

Ranger smiled again. "We'd like that."

"I should let you go so that you can work on that report. Use my private email address that I used to send the pictures to you, and thanks for putting a rush on it."

"No problem." Ranger hung up the phone, and he looked at us. "I don't think he quite believes us yet."

Miguel smiled. "He will."

Ranger laughed. "May I review the report before it goes out? Steph is going to be out for the count."

"Sure thing", said Miguel. He turned to me. "Do you really feel better than you have in a week?"

I smiled. "Yes. We are trying a new medication, and I am a lot more comfortable. Kai and Grant have said that I will heal faster on it."

"Why didn't you start on it earlier?" said Dirk.

"Morphine is the de facto standard, for one reason, and I was trying not to tell people how uncomfortable I was so that they didn't worry, and that meant that Kai and Grant couldn't treat me properly. We have now opened the communication lines and greater comfort is the result."

"Steph", groaned Nick. "Didn't you learn through your emergency hysterectomy? If you had just admitted to your pain prior to your tube exploding, your ectopic pregnancies wouldn't have caused so much damage and discomfort. You can't keep holding it in. People want to know."

Miguel tried to hold back a smile. "Burns or no burns, if I have to bitch-slap some sense into you, I will. We worry about you. That's what friends are for."

Dirk looked at me. "Just because Val traditionally told you that you were a wimp doesn't mean that you were. If you want to suck it up when Val calls you names, do that. But do not suck it up when you are in pain. All you are doing is hampering your recovery."

Julie looked at me as I sniffled. "Steph, you are the toughest person I know. There was a reason that everybody gave you the Medal of Hooyah. It's okay to say that you are in pain. It doesn't make you a wimp. It's just being honest, and friends are honest with each other." By that time, I was bawling, and she sat on the side of the bed and gathered me into a hug. "Steph, you're my role model. What would you want me to do if it was me in the bed?"

"Admit to pain."

"Then that is what you should do. You don't deserve to be in pain. You are one of the best people that I know." She kissed my cheek. "I love you."

"Love you too."

She sat back and wiped my face dry. She kissed me on my forehead again. "Miguel and I had better get that report done." She popped up and grinned at the men. "Now that we have impressed Steph with our magnificence, let's go back to work."

I giggled as she led the men out of the room.

Ranger looked at me. "What exactly is this new medication you are trying?" I swiped some tears from my eyes and choked back a sob. "Steph?"

"It's a stronger painkiller", I said softly.

"I thought it was supposed to make you heal faster."

"It does? I mean, Kai and Grant said that if pain is better controlled, you heal faster."

Ranger took a deep breath. "All those times when you said you were getting better and the pain was less?"

I looked down at the sheets. "I was sort of downplaying it so that no one would worry."

"Were you downplaying it with me?"

"Yes", I whispered.

"Were you downplaying it with Kai and Grant?"

I nodded forlornly. "I thought morphine was the best pain relief there was, and I didn't want to complain that I was in agony. I thought it was my problem, that I was being a wimp, rather than the lack of effective pain relief." My tears dripped into the last of my ice cream, and I shuddered in a breath.

Ranger took a few steadying breaths as he paced around the room. "Babe, people want to know."

"No, they don't. The kids are terrified, you are terrified, my parents are terrified. Everyone else is worried. Everyone needs to know that I am getting better, that it isn't as bad as it seems. I understand that, and I will provide that. I can't do much right now, but I can ease people's minds. And if I need to pretend for people so that they feel more comfortable, I will. It's all I can do right now. Don't you understand? It is the only gift left that I can give."

Ranger stopped pacing and stared at me. "When did you become suicidal again?"

I shuddered in a sob. "I'm sorry. I'm trying so hard."

"I know, babe. When did you become suicidal again?"

"It's just been a little much. When I had the hysterectomy, I thought that was the worst pain that I could ever imagine. And now I know that it was nothing, no more painful than a paper cut. It's just been pain for the last few months, pain of varying intensities, but it hasn't gone away. And then there is the anxiety. I feel like I am on the verge of a panic attack all the time. Once or twice an hour, I actually have a panic attack, and they make me feel weak and helpless. And then there's the depression. I feel worthless and ashamed for admitting that I am in pain while, at the same time, I am in so much pain that I want to die. I don't think I can handle any more."

"And you weren't telling Kai and Grant that?"

"I didn't want to worry them. We have now made an agreement. I will tell them exactly what is going on as long as they start practicing self-care. Kai went for a run and did some sparring today, and Grant hit the gym and went for a run as well. They each spent a meal with their friends. I worry about them just as much as they worry about me."

Ranger breathed in and out a few times. "Babe, it's okay to put yourself first, you know."

"Ranger?"

"Yes?"

"Can I have a hug? I really need you right now."

Ranger sat on the side of the bed and pulled me into him. I buried my nose in his shoulder and lost it. I cried hard for several minutes, then sat back and reached for the tissue box. "How do you feel?" said Ranger gently.

"Wiped out."

"What's your pain level?"

"About an eight on my abdomen, a three on my right leg and a nine on my left leg and climbing fast."

"That makes sense", said Kai softly. "Your painkiller has worn off. I'll just give you some more now. Perhaps Ranger can help you focus on your breathing?" He inserted the medication into my IV and helped me get more comfortable in the bed. Ranger placed his hand on my diaphragm and let me concentrate on pushing his hand up and down with each breath.

I sighed as I looked at Kai. "You might as well be open and honest with Ranger. He knows now that I've been lying."

"Okay."

As I started to drift, I heard Ranger say, "so Steph is on a stronger painkiller?"

"Yes", said Kai. "It's about seventy times stronger than morphine."

"Why didn't you use it right away?"

"Steph seemed to be sailing through it. The only thing that confused Grant and I was the fact that her blood pressure has remained high. That's usually a sign of pain, but she had no difference in facial expression, no difference in breathing patterns. She didn't even whimper often."

Ranger sighed. "How did you catch it?"

"Eduardo did. Steph feels that she can be more open with him regarding her pain level because it didn't matter what she said, he had lived through it and knew how painful it was. She didn't feel ashamed letting him know that she was uncomfortable."

"How uncomfortable is she?"

"Just on the verge of screaming with agony."

"Fuck."

"She's very worried about you. She doesn't exactly lie, but she doesn't tell the truth either. She massages the facts so that people don't worry."

"I could murder Val. From her bullying while Steph was growing up, Steph accepted that she was inferior and not worth worrying about. Now that is a part of her psyche, and it is the one thing about her that drives me nuts. Not thinking that she deserves to admit that she's in pain?"

"She could out-tough any soldier that I've ever met."

Ranger sighed as I fell asleep.