How can one person make you hurt so much?
Kou Seiya dropped his head onto his folded arms, narrowed eyes staring blankly out a rainswept window. How could such a bright, happy girl, make someone want to die? Honestly make someone hurt so bad, deep inside, in that one secret place, that they wanted to die? Make someone want to die... Yet not even be aware she was doing it?
Tsukino Usagi was the world, the sun, and the moon all rolled into one. From the moment you met her you knew that you'd love her, and from the moment you loved her you knew that you'd lose her. Seiya had never thought he'd see that last moment--unfortunately, he had.
Odango's boyfriend had come back, and suddenly Seiya was in the background again. How long had he worked for the right to stand next to her, how long had he fought for it? But then Mamoru came back, and Usagi hardly noticed Seiya any longer. And that hurt, 'cause...
'Cause the truth was...
Seiya loved Odango more than he loved anything.
He'd always heard that when you loved someone, you knew it, you knew it from the second you saw them. He'd always heard that when you loved someone as much as he loved Odango, you loved them more than you loved yourself, you'd give your life for theirs willingly, you'd never let them go. And it was love, he knew it, onesided though it may be, because all those things were true.
The second he passed her in the airport was forever frozen in time, at least in his mind. He knew from that second he loved her light, and within days he loved all of her, period. He'd heard the story of Mamoru and Usagi; they hated each other until they heard the story of their past lives. Screw past lives, the point of them are that they're in the *past*, over forever. Sure, it's the future too, but that's their next life. Does it matter, so much? Couldn't Seiya be happy for this lifetime, and Mamoru be happy next? Either way the guy'd have Usagi for two lifetimes. Somewhere, he knew that that wasn't fair, but if it could be like that, he'd give anything. He just couldn't understand why this lifetime had to be tied up, too. Odango was only sixteen...
He *would* give his life, he'd tried before. He'd flung himself in front of Tin Nyako's blast without stopping to think about it, nor did he regret it. He'd do it over again, a thousand times until he died, if he had to. As long as Odango--the Odango that would never belong to him--would be safe, it would all be worth it.
Yes, he'd do the same for his own princess, but it would never be out of the sheer love it would be for Usagi. He'd protect Kakkyu-hime for it was his duty and he loved her as his superior, but he'd protect Odango for love and nothing else without having to ponder it.
Enough. Yes, he loved her. It didn't matter, she could never return it as more than a friend. He was to leave with Kakkyu, Taiki, and Yaten tomorrow, and he didn't think he could take it. Couldn't take saying goodbye to Odango, couldn't take watching her cuddling up to Mamoru as he departed, not even upset. Well--sure, she'd be *upset*, but not the way he wanted her to. He wanted her to fling herself to the ground, sob, beg him not to go. He'd always told Yaten and Taiki he hated to see Odango cry and would never want to make her do so, but now he did. He wanted to know he meant something more to her then someone who was here for a period of time, someone she spent time with and teased and flirted with. He thought of tomorrow, of seeing his angel's face as she bid him farewell forever...
He couldn't do it, he just couldn't. He couldn't leave here, not forever. If he had just a little more time, he could mean something to her, something important. He'd think of never seeing Usagi's smile and his heart ripped in two; he just. couldn't. do. it.
And he wouldn't.
Slowly, nodding with resolve, he stood and walked past his room and into the bathroom. As he passed Yaten's room, the silverhaired male stood up. "Oi, Seiya-baka, are you ready to--Seiya? Where are you going?"
The bathroom door shut.
Taiki entered the hall. "Seiya? Kakkyu wants to speak to you about tomorrow's depart--"
The bathroom door locked.
Kakkyu followed Taiki, frowning. "Seiya? Daijoubu?" The medicine cabinet banged open and Seiya withdrew the razor. Five minutes later, he opened the door, wrists gushing blood. "I don't want...to be... separated from... from... From O-O-Odango... I'm going to stay... To stay here...and watch over her... Forever."
Taiki's mouth fell open in shock.
Seiya smiled weakly.
Yaten turned away from the sight in horror.
Seiya began to sway unsteadily.
Kakkyu promptly fainted...
And Seiya stepped back into the bathroom and gently closed the door before falling to the cold, unforgiving tiles, facefirst.
Oi... I just killed my own god, so don't flame me, please. I'm sorry. It was a very angsty fic after contemplating slashing, and... Well, there's more. So, please, don't flame. I feel sucky enough.
Kou Seiya dropped his head onto his folded arms, narrowed eyes staring blankly out a rainswept window. How could such a bright, happy girl, make someone want to die? Honestly make someone hurt so bad, deep inside, in that one secret place, that they wanted to die? Make someone want to die... Yet not even be aware she was doing it?
Tsukino Usagi was the world, the sun, and the moon all rolled into one. From the moment you met her you knew that you'd love her, and from the moment you loved her you knew that you'd lose her. Seiya had never thought he'd see that last moment--unfortunately, he had.
Odango's boyfriend had come back, and suddenly Seiya was in the background again. How long had he worked for the right to stand next to her, how long had he fought for it? But then Mamoru came back, and Usagi hardly noticed Seiya any longer. And that hurt, 'cause...
'Cause the truth was...
Seiya loved Odango more than he loved anything.
He'd always heard that when you loved someone, you knew it, you knew it from the second you saw them. He'd always heard that when you loved someone as much as he loved Odango, you loved them more than you loved yourself, you'd give your life for theirs willingly, you'd never let them go. And it was love, he knew it, onesided though it may be, because all those things were true.
The second he passed her in the airport was forever frozen in time, at least in his mind. He knew from that second he loved her light, and within days he loved all of her, period. He'd heard the story of Mamoru and Usagi; they hated each other until they heard the story of their past lives. Screw past lives, the point of them are that they're in the *past*, over forever. Sure, it's the future too, but that's their next life. Does it matter, so much? Couldn't Seiya be happy for this lifetime, and Mamoru be happy next? Either way the guy'd have Usagi for two lifetimes. Somewhere, he knew that that wasn't fair, but if it could be like that, he'd give anything. He just couldn't understand why this lifetime had to be tied up, too. Odango was only sixteen...
He *would* give his life, he'd tried before. He'd flung himself in front of Tin Nyako's blast without stopping to think about it, nor did he regret it. He'd do it over again, a thousand times until he died, if he had to. As long as Odango--the Odango that would never belong to him--would be safe, it would all be worth it.
Yes, he'd do the same for his own princess, but it would never be out of the sheer love it would be for Usagi. He'd protect Kakkyu-hime for it was his duty and he loved her as his superior, but he'd protect Odango for love and nothing else without having to ponder it.
Enough. Yes, he loved her. It didn't matter, she could never return it as more than a friend. He was to leave with Kakkyu, Taiki, and Yaten tomorrow, and he didn't think he could take it. Couldn't take saying goodbye to Odango, couldn't take watching her cuddling up to Mamoru as he departed, not even upset. Well--sure, she'd be *upset*, but not the way he wanted her to. He wanted her to fling herself to the ground, sob, beg him not to go. He'd always told Yaten and Taiki he hated to see Odango cry and would never want to make her do so, but now he did. He wanted to know he meant something more to her then someone who was here for a period of time, someone she spent time with and teased and flirted with. He thought of tomorrow, of seeing his angel's face as she bid him farewell forever...
He couldn't do it, he just couldn't. He couldn't leave here, not forever. If he had just a little more time, he could mean something to her, something important. He'd think of never seeing Usagi's smile and his heart ripped in two; he just. couldn't. do. it.
And he wouldn't.
Slowly, nodding with resolve, he stood and walked past his room and into the bathroom. As he passed Yaten's room, the silverhaired male stood up. "Oi, Seiya-baka, are you ready to--Seiya? Where are you going?"
The bathroom door shut.
Taiki entered the hall. "Seiya? Kakkyu wants to speak to you about tomorrow's depart--"
The bathroom door locked.
Kakkyu followed Taiki, frowning. "Seiya? Daijoubu?" The medicine cabinet banged open and Seiya withdrew the razor. Five minutes later, he opened the door, wrists gushing blood. "I don't want...to be... separated from... from... From O-O-Odango... I'm going to stay... To stay here...and watch over her... Forever."
Taiki's mouth fell open in shock.
Seiya smiled weakly.
Yaten turned away from the sight in horror.
Seiya began to sway unsteadily.
Kakkyu promptly fainted...
And Seiya stepped back into the bathroom and gently closed the door before falling to the cold, unforgiving tiles, facefirst.
Oi... I just killed my own god, so don't flame me, please. I'm sorry. It was a very angsty fic after contemplating slashing, and... Well, there's more. So, please, don't flame. I feel sucky enough.