A note from the Hime no Argh herself-
Hello again, readers. Today I'm putting up an especially long chapter because this may be the last time I post for a while. I'm going away for two weeks to my dad's, where I will have access to a computer, but how often is the question. I may be able to update a few chapters over the next two weeks, or I may not be able to update at all. Either scenario is fine with me; I have to slow down a bit so I can write a lot and give myself a chance to get ahead of my updates again. But I apologize for those of you who have to wait. It's a busy August for me. My mother's getting married this Friday and my bro's going away to college, isn't that nice? I'm jealous of my brother- one more year to go until I'm the one jetting off. But oh well. Anyway, once the school year starts, I should have plenty of time for updates.
Thanks for reading, hope you review. Eva doesn't belong to me.
* * *
Asuka and Rei, both still unconscious, had been placed in the same hospital room with doctors monitoring their brain activity around the clock, making sure there was no serious cranial trauma. Misato found Shinji, perfectly fine, waiting outside their room. The moment she saw him, Misato rushed to him and hugged him tightly.
"Shinji! Oh God, you scared me to death!"
Shinji endured the hug for a moment or two, then gently pushed her away. "I'm fine, Mom, see? Asuka and Rei were hurt worse. Stop it, you're embarrassing me."
Misato released him and stepped back. "Sorry," she said sheepishly. "How's Asuka and Rei?"
"Not even a scratch," Shinji reported. "Of course, they suffered massive neural trauma, but they'll be all right. Rei had a heart attack, though."
"God," Misato whispered, mouth dry.
"A mild one," Shinji added.
Misato nodded, knowing well that the aftermath really wasn't as bad as it could have been. Eva 02's arms had both been severed- with the neural link still in place. Misato shuddered to think of how that must have felt. Unit 00's chest plate had been crushed, undoubtedly triggering Rei's heart attack, but at least both pilots were alive. And Shinji.
For a moment Misato stared at Shinji, wondering about the morning's events. After Unit 01 finally allowed synchronization, Shinji had simply charged into battle, attacked the Angel without hesitation, and tore it apart. Misato might have just let Asuka and Rei sit at home- they hadn't been able to help Shinji at that point and he hadn't needed them.
Shinji is a born pilot, Misato abruptly remembered. His synch ratio has always surpassed any expectations we projected for him, and he's defeated every Angel to come at him with little training. Erasing his memories couldn't remove that quality- but maybe what it did remove were the fears and weaknesses that limited just how far Shinji would go in this war against the Angels. Now there's nothing holding him back...and that scares me.
The curt tapping of feet against the tiled floor jolted Misato from her morbid thoughts. She looked up to see Gendo Ikari making his way toward them. He paused before Shinji, his cold, fathomless eyes looking over his former son.
"Shinji," he said in his usual crisp tone. "That was excellent work in the battle today. I'm very pleased."
"Thank you, commander." Here was another change, Misato thought- Shinji was actually facing Gendo, standing straight and tall, gazing directly into his eyes.
"I expect Dr. Akagi will schedule a harmonics test soon to see if the problem that occurred today with Eva Unit 01 might happen again. I expect your full cooperation."
"Yes, sir. Any tests that Dr. Akagi wishes to perform, I will be glad to participate."
"Excellent." For just the briefest moment, barely perceptible, the commander's expression softened. "How is Rei?"
"She hasn't woken yet, but she's fine," Shinji reported. "She's sleeping in this room with Asuka."
"Very well. I'll see how they are doing. Shinji, Major Katsuragi." Gendo nodded curtly at them both, then entered Rei and Asuka's room, closing the door behind him.
Shinji made a derisive noise. "That man is so in love with Rei, I'm surprised he doesn't simply marry her," he said in a low, scornful tone.
"Shinji!" Misato stared at him, shocked.
"Oh, you know it's true," Shinji said coolly. "It isn't like he's very discreet about it."
"E-even so," Misato said, flustered. "That's really none of our business, Shinji- yours or mine."
Shinji shrugged. "Just an observation. However, I should think that it is our business if the commander shows favoritism to Rei- which he does."
"Shinji, I don't want you involving yourself in his affairs," Misato said, worried. "Even if it is unfair of him to favor Rei, you could do worse than ignore it. You don't want to cross him, believe me," she added quietly, remembering what had happened the last time Shinji had done that. Here was the result, standing right in front of her.
Shinji sighed. "No, Mom, I won't try to cross him. I'm smarter than that."
"I hope so," Misato said bluntly.
They both fell silent. Then, hesitantly, Shinji ventured, "Mom?"
"Yes?"
"What happened today?"
She'd been waiting for this. "There's a glitch in Unit 01's system," she said automatically, reciting the answer she'd already prepared. "You see, the Eva's original pilot was an Ikari. Normally when we switch pilots we merely reconfigure the unit's data for a new pilot, but Eva 01 occasionally wants its original
pilot-"
"It wants?" Shinji said disbelievingly. "I thought they were just machines."
"Not entirely. They have biological aspects, too, and Unit 01's neural system is most like that of a human's," Misato said desperately, with no idea if any of this were true. "We never thought it would happen, that the Eva would start looking for its original pilot, but...well, like I said, it's just a glitch."
Shinji mused this over for a few moments. "And that's why you told me to tell it that I'm Shinji Ikari?"
"Exactly," Misato said, relieved.
"So...which Ikari was the pilot?" Shinji inquired.
Misato hesitated. "Yui Ikari," she said at last. "Commander Ikari's late wife." As far as Misato knew, this information was true- Yui had piloted Eva 01, once. On the day she died.
"I see." Shinji nodded, eyes distant. For several moments he remained silent, then his eyes sharpened and looked at her again.
"You know, when I was in the Eva and it was rejecting me, I felt something."
Misato's mouth was suddenly dry. "What did you feel?" she asked, dreading the answer.
"I don't know..." Shinji hesitated, then went on, "It felt like something...digging through my mind, almost. Could that have been the Eva? I felt like maybe it was looking for something."
Misato couldn't suppress her relieved sigh. "Undoubtedly that was the Eva searching for some proof that you're an Ikari," she said, knowing that it was perfectly true. And the Eva had found it--or rather, Misato had made Shinji confirm it. And yet still Unit 01 had hesitated, for just that fraction of a second...
A frightening thought occurred to her. What if the Eva, linked to Shinji's mind, found something in there that is neither Shinji Ikari nor the Shinji standing before me? What if it found the third Shinji--the one we saw in battle today? Is that the Shinji with which it didn't want to connect? Or did it just want the old Shinji back?
But that's one and the same, Misato realized. Shinji Ikari could never deliberately be so violent. This Shinji -this person who can smile and call me "mom" and rip an Angel to pieces in the next moment- this is the Shinji the Eva wants to reject.
Am I just being paranoid? Or does the Eva see the truth to which we all want to blind ourselves?
* * *
When Asuka woke and slowly opened her eyes, everything ached as though she'd been run over by a truck. Flashes of memory came back to her: fighting an Angel, searing, unendurable pain when her arms -no, the Eva's arms- were severed. Then Unit 01 leaping at the enemy, tearing, ripping, blood splattering everywhere before she'd blacked out.
She moaned a little, suddenly nauseous, and slowly looked around. She was in a hospital room, lying in bed. Here was Rei Ayanami, lying on her side on another bed, her back facing Asuka.
"Wonder Girl," Asuka muttered.
"You're finally awake." Rei's quiet voice startled her. Asuka carefully pushed herself onto her elbows and waited for the pain and dizziness swimming through her head to fade.
"What happened to the Angel?" Asuka demanded.
"Pilot Katsuragi destroyed it."
Pilot Katsuragi...? Then Asuka realized she meant Shinji. Tears well in her eyes, and she sank back onto the bed. "Not again," she whispered, overcome with shame and sorrow. Turning her face into the pillow, Asuka began to cry softly.
She heard Rei shift in her bed and felt the pilot's fathomless eyes on her. "What's wrong?"
"I lost against the Angel again, that's what's wrong! Shinji destroyed it!" Asuka sobbed harder.
"Why does it always matter what Shinji does?"
"Because I'm the better pilot!" Asuka cried, punching her pillow angrily. "It's not supposed to be this way!"
"I don't understand," Rei said quietly.
"Of course you don't! You're just a lifeless, heartless doll! And you're on his side, anyway!" Asuka buried her face in her pillow and wept bitterly.
Rei remained quietly, staring at her fellow pilot, and after a few minutes Asuka's pain wracked sobs quieted some. Rei sat up and swung her bare feet to the cold floor, then carefully stood. She padded to Asuka's bed and sat, staring out the window.
"I don't like Shinji," she said at last.
Asuka abruptly stopped crying and looked up at her. "You what?"
"He's different now," Rei said. "When I'm near him, I feel cold. I don't like that feeling."
Asuka sat up. "You feel cold?" she demanded with a touch of her old scorn. "You, the Ice Queen?"
"He is harsh and unkind," Rei went on calmly, ignoring her silly remarks. "I think our superiors will soon regret changing him."
Asuka drew her knees to her chest. "I wish they hadn't," she whispered. "Changed him, I mean."
Rei nodded. "So do I."
"At least you don't have to live with him," Asuka said savagely. Then her voice quieted. "I don't want to go home tonight," she confessed. "I don't even want to look at him."
Rei stared out the window silently. At last she said, "You can stay in my home if you wish."
Asuka stared at her. "Say what? Did I just hear what I thought I heard?"
"Or you can go home. It's your choice."
"I'll stay with you," Asuka said decidedly, wondering what the world was coming to when Shinji showed some backbone and Rei Ayanami actually wasn't as horrible as she first appeared. It'll be as awkward as hell, our little sleepover, Asuka thought with a flash of grim humor. But at least I'll be far away from him.
* * *
"I'm fine, Misato, will you stop asking? I only suffered pain like you could never imagine and the shame of being beaten by that- that runt!"
"Asuka, when are you going to learn to stop treating this like a competition? On second thought, don't answer that. Are you sure you want to stay at Rei's tonight?"
"Sure I'm sure. I'd rather be anywhere but where he is."
"Out of general curiosity, just who suggested it?"
"Rei, oddly enough. I guess Wonder Girl has a heart, after all."
"That's not very nice, Asuka."
"Yeah, well, I'm not a very nice person. Anyway, I'm not the only one who doesn't like Shinji. Wonder
Girl-"
"I would appreciate it if you called me Ayanami or Rei."
"Whatever, Rei. Where was I? Well, she thinks he's cold. Honestly, you should just fire him for causing discord among the pilots."
"We're not firing him, Asuka."
"Well, I won't pilot with that imposter around! I-I refuse to!"
"Are you calling me an imposter just because I'm the better pilot, or is there some other reason?"
"What did you say?! Wait a second, were you listening to us the whole time?!"
"Well, seeing as you were yelling loud enough to be heard all the way down the hall, I really couldn't help but overhear."
"You little-"
"Asuka, let's not get violent, okay? Shinji, please stay out of this."
"Why, Mom? Asuka's acting so childish. Sooner or later she's just going to have to learn that there are some things she can never be the best at."
"You...you bastard! How dare you!"
"C'mon, Asuka. Come beat me. That's what you want to do, isn't it?"
"FUCK YOU, IMPOSTER!"
"Asuka, stop! Dammit, stop struggling! You two are not going to fight in the middle of a hospital! Shinji, you are so grounded!"
"Soryu, Pilot Katsuragi is merely trying to goad you. Do you really want to rise to his bait?"
"...I...no..."
"Are you calm enough for me to let you go, Asuka?"
"...Fuck it. Fuck it all. Come on, Rei, let's get out of here."
"Shinji. How could you? I don't know what the hell's gotten into you."
"Nothing's gotten into me. Isn't Asuka the one with the hormones?"
No. I don't know who he is. I really don't.
"Go home and go to bed, Shinji. I don't even want to look at you anymore."
* * *
"I see. And so, rather than go home tonight, you ran off to my arms?"
Misato laughed. "Of course. I could never just come here without an excuse." She then sobered, shifting restlessly on the bed. "It was weird, Kagi. He was weird. He was so cruel, deliberately playing on Asuka's weakness like that. I'm worried about her, too."
"Asuka's a strong girl." Kagi's hand drifted in her hair.
"No. No, you don't know her like I do. She's been on edge ever since her harmonics started to drop, and now this thing with Shinji..." Misato sighed. "Can you believe that she went to stay at Rei's tonight? They were actually getting along when I spoke to them in the hospital today. It was kind of scary."
"You know, it might be that Asuka and Rei are simply banding together to defend," Kagi pointed out. "Maybe they see the Shinji situation as us-against-him."
"I guess that's possible. Well, at least they have some common ground now."
"Right." Kagi paused for a moment, then asked, "So what are you going to do?"
"Do? There's nothing to do," Misato replied dolefully. "Ritsuko and the commander make all the decisions, remember?"
"You are supposed to be his mother. Can't you use that to your advantage?"
"Ritsuko already threatened to take him from my custody." Misato's eyes blurred with sudden tears. "I almost wish they would- I can't stand seeing him the way he is now!"
Kagi drew Misato into his arms and stroked her hair comfortingly. "There, don't cry. So you don't have influence over Ritsuko and Ikari. However, you do have influence over Shinji. Start acting like his mother. Tell him to change his behavior or you'll ground him until he's in college."
Misato smiled, despite herself. "I think that'll only go so far."
"Then you should keep this in mind- there are three more Angels to go through. You did just destroy the fourteenth, right? Maybe things will change when the Angels are gone."
"Maybe. Or maybe Shinji will decide to steal Eva 01 and take over the world," Misato said dryly, only half-kidding.
* * *
How can Rei live in such a dreary place? Asuka wondered, letting her eyes wander through the gloom in Rei Ayanami's apartment. I think I'd go crazy here. Well, at least she doesn't sleep on the floor.
Although, Asuka thought as she shifted her weight just the tiniest bit, it was awfully cramped. With she and Rei sharing Rei's bed for the night, there was no possible way to move without bumping into the other girl's unmoving form. Asuka stealthily tugged the single blanket toward her side of the bed, wondering how anyone could be so still without being dead. If Asuka was very quiet, she could hear Rei's slow, steady breathing, but that was the only sign of life.
Dammit, she was never going to sleep. Asuka exhaled loudly, hoping she could rouse her companion some, but Rei didn't even twitch. There was no way to tell whether she was sleeping or not- Rei hadn't moved a muscle since they'd shut off the lights.
In the end, Asuka simply couldn't stand her boredom. Better to try and talk to a lifeless doll than just lie here and do nothing. "Rei?"
"Yes?"
"You sleeping?" Asuka said stupidly.
"No."
"Great. I'm bored; let's talk."
"Why?"
"Because I'm bored, stupid."
Rei didn't reply. Asuka sighed, exasperated.
"Rei Ayanami, you have got to be the most boring person I've ever met. Why don't you even try to pretend that you're alive?"
Asuka felt Rei shift on the bed and knew the girl was staring at the ceiling now. She felt the touch of Rei's hand barely brushing the small of her back and shifted restlessly until she was lying on her back as well, inching slightly away from Rei. There was a long silence.
At last Rei spoke. "No one has ever spent the night here."
"That doesn't surprise me. Maybe if you cleaned up around here a little, decorated, made some cookies or something-"
"I don't like being in contact with other people."
Asuka looked at her. "Why not?"
Rei stared at the ceiling and slowly blinked. "I don't understand people," she said at last.
"Nobody understands people," Asuka muttered, averting her eyes. "You don't have to be so weird about it."
"I don't know how to stop."
"Well...you invited me to stay at your place tonight, didn't you?" Asuka asked, her eyes searching to find Rei in the gloom again. "That's a start."
Rei's hand was suddenly on her stomach. Asuka started. "What are you-"
"You are warm," Rei said. "You're different from me. You're warm, but I am cold and dead."
Asuka grasped her hand and moved it edgily away. "Look, you're not, well, literally dead. That's obvious. You just act so...out there, sometimes. Maybe you should let some contact happen, you know?"
Rei sat up and looked down at Asuka, eyes dispassionate. "What about you? You are so concerned with earning the praise of others that you think of nothing else. You project yourself as strong, but you are really very weak."
"I don't have to take that crap from you, Wonder Girl!" Asuka snapped.
"We all put up walls," Rei went on as though deaf. "Defense is an animal instinct. We never let ourselves truly contact."
"Maybe we don't want to," Asuka said in an oddly quiet tone.
"Or maybe we're just afraid." Rei lay down again and faced the wall, her back to Asuka.
Asuka waited only a few seconds. But this time, when she asked if she were awake, Rei did not reply. Asuka sighed and pulled the cover over her head, suddenly glad for the warmth of Rei's body, lying so close to her own.
* * *
To be continued.