Dementia Presents:
'A Seed's Worth'
With your host: Daft Plushie...
[Camera enters black abyss and you see nothing...NOTHING! It moves slowly forward and you start to see a light. As the camera moves towards the light, several things pass you by. Dib's head floats past you from the left and disappears at your right. A giant flower with sharp teeth snaps at you as it passes you to the right. You move slowly forward, the light at the end of the tunnel is growing larger, glowing with an eerie white light. Keef floats past you, upside-down, holding a frying pan and waving. The light grows larger, Three fake looking alien things that look like plastic float past you to the left in a triangular pattern. The camera has almost reached the wide, white light when....A PAIR OF UNDERWEAR! float past you, almost hitting you! You are hit with the stink lines though... The light at the end of the tunnel swallows you whole and you see nothing but white this time.
When the camera focuses, you are standing in a black, endless hall, doors on every side. There, standing in front of you is a cute plushie-like girl with short brown hair and glasses. She is dressed in black jeans, a black, professional looking jacket with a white shirt underneath that you can see from the dipping V-line of the jacket, and black shoes. *The jacket kinda looks like what Agent Scully would wear on The X-Files and you wonder if she's stolen it from her or something. The girl looks ahead with an importantly blank face, her eyes glittering in the light from somewhere above. She is standing by a wooden door in the endless hall with her hands behind her back waiting. The camera sets in one position and she starts to speak.]
Welcome. Welcome to Night Gallery...er....Dementia, the only place to find terrors soooo horrid that they'll twist you're mind into knots. Welcome to our first official broadcast. From the person who brought you Talking Heads, Untitled Doom: The Story of Invader Daft, and Point Blank, we now bring you, Dementia! We shall take you deep within the creator's mind, down the shadowy paths into darkness with shall send shivers up you're spine. We shall tell of twisted things, yes, very twisted indeed. If you choose to stay, then sit back, grab you're teddy bear and hold him tight, because we are about to see what's behind this door here.
I, your host, Daft Plushie *please call me Daft* Shall take you now, into the world of the strange, eerie, and twisted. Be prepared.
[The camera stays in place as Daft turns to the door, placing her hand upon it.]
This may seem like any other door, but it isn't. Behind this door lies something twisted. Each door has a different story, just as each person has a different grasp on life. Come now, as I take you beyond this door, into a world very much like our own, but very different in standards...Come...let's see what's behind Door # 1....
[Daft opens the door and the camera zooms in and moves into the door and is again, surrounded by darkness. When the camera focuses again, it is in tall grass looking up at the sky. The story is as follows....]
One day, an old woman decided that she wanted a kid, but with no partner, that would be impossible, so she planted a flower garden, burying her hopes in the ground with the flowers. One day though, when they bloomed, a small girl appeared in one of the blooms. The woman was so very happy that she named her Thumbalina and took care of her. The rest is history. Then, Mother Goose, coming to see what all this commotion was about in her forest of....things....decided that she'd get rich if she grew tons of little people and then taxed them all to the last penny, so she made a contract with the old woman. She was to plant more flowers, Mother Goose supplying the seeds, and raise more tiny people and when they were old enough, she could tax them, giving some percent to the old woman and the old woman would never be lonely again. Agreeing to this, she thought of Thumbilina and changed the contract a bit. Thumbilina would marry Tom Thumb and they'd rule the small people! So, it was so. The old woman planted and grew and raised a whole city of small people. They were all very happy and didn't mind giving away all their money to Mother Goose, who indeed, became very rich herself. All was well until one day.....
The old woman was out in the garden, planting more people seeds when a stranger walked up to her. He was tall, pale and skinny. The stranger was dressed very strangely, what with the black pants, red shirt, black combat boots, and black trench coat. He wore glasses and his hair was a bright red. He stood here and stared at the woman for a while, his hand grasping the leather of the reins of the anorexic cow that stood behind him. She turned and stared up at him as him and his cow stared back at her silently. This went on for a while when the stranger's stomach rumbled a bit. The old woman got up and blushed for not having good manners, still staring though.
"I am sorry. I have had such bad manners. Welcome to the Happy Seedling's Farm....Thing....what can I do for you?" The old woman said. "Uh....well, a strange, plushie-looking girl told me that I needed to sell this cow for some beans to throw out a window. She looks kinda crazy, so, uh....I'd rather not mess with her." The stranger, that we've all figured out to be Jhonen, replied. "Oh dear...we don't have any beans. We do have some seeds though." "Eh, what'll she care. Can I have some then? I guess I'll give you this cow for them..." "Why, that cow kinda looks a bit on the anorexic side don't you think?" The old woman then looked Jhonen up and down. She looked the cow up and down again. "Oh. Well, ok, I'll give you some seeds. How about a bag full?" "That'll be fine, I only needed three but..." Jhonen stopped to think, "Yessssss. That'll work just fine.
So the old woman took the anorexic cow and sent Jhonen off down the road with a bag of seeds, giving him a strange look behind his back. Jhonen walked down the road, his stomach growling. He looked at the seeds and frowned. He wasn't a bird! Then he got to looking and he started to see sunflower seeds. He could eat those, any way, he only needed three beans to chuck out the window....So Jhonen walked down the road fishing out sunflower seeds and eating them. But by the time he got home, there were only six left. Jhonen popped one in his mouth and set them on the table. After a while, Jhonen got up and chucked all the seeds out the window like the strange plushie girl said to. He then went into his bedroom and pretended to sleep, just to follow along the story lines.
Sometime later when Jhonen decided it was time to check on the 'beans' he got up and walked out to his window. He looked up into the sky, expecting some twisted vine of pigs into the cloudy world where the giant noodle boy awaited, but saw only sky. When he looked down, he saw five little flowers. There were four little pink, blue, yellow, and orange ones surrounding a larger, more dominant flower that was black. Jhonen raised an eyebrow and went outside to poke at the flowers. When his finger touched the black one, it opened and in the center of it sat a small girl. Unlike the fabled small people of Happy Seedling's Farm....Thing, She looked disgruntled. She had reddish-violet hair, brown eyes that were squinted shut with annoyance, and she wore a black dress with striped sleeves and leggings. She had black boots and a large skull necklace around her neck. Jhonen poked the little person and she bit him.
"Go away already!" She said as Jhonen pulled back, holding his finger. "What the Hell are you?" "I'm a Happy Seedling.....Thing....." She said in a sarcastic voice. "Yeeesssss....I see that now. Hmmm...I think I shall call you...." "Gaz. I'm Gaz. Call me anything else and I'll rip you're intestines out with a fork."
Jhonen smiled and held out a hand to her. Gaz climbed up and sat down with her arms crossed. Jhonen went inside and set her on the table. He offered her a tic-tak and got up to make a bed from a matchbox and other neato little furniture. Gaz ate the tic-tak and sat there with her arms crossed. Jhonen came back with several items. He set down a cream cheese box with some black cloth from somewhere and a cotton ball for her bed. He had fashioned a small chair out of some twigs and string and Elmer's glue. He Put up a table made from some cardboard and sticks, also held together with Elmers glue, as well as rubber bands. He sat down, proud of his work and watched as Gaz tested each thing. She sat on the bed and looked up at Jhonen.
"Thanks. Got any mini video games?" "Not that I can think of." "Know where to get any?" "Uh....that strange Happy Seedling's Farm.....Thing.....no, then again...uh...I have no idea."
Gaz grunted and Jhonen stared at her.
"I'm leaving now." "Ok." "Game Slave Awaits." "Yes, I guess....whatever...."
Gaz leapt down from her bed and climbed down the table and walked out the door, leaving Jhonen sitting there waiting a new role. She walked out and down the path of little pebbles and out towards a very bid adventure for such a small being. Gaz had gotten far when she came across a little Pink bunny, that we know as Filler Bunny! Filler Bunny looked at Gaz for a moment before he leapt up and shouted out a warm welcome to the sour little person.
"Hiiiiiiii!!!!!" Filler Bunny shouted. "Shut up." "Sorry.....How are you today, fellow creature!?!" "Shut up....Shut Up! Don't you know how to SHUT UP?" "Nope." "Do you know where Happy Seedlings Farm.....Thing.....is?" "Yep! I'll take you..." "Shut up. Give me a ride to it or I'll shove a rusty spoon up you're nose and give you a free frontal lobotomy..." "When you put it that way..." "Shut Up..."
Gaz climbed on Filler Bunny's head and grasped his ears as he hopped off gleefully through the forest....thing on his way to the Farm. Gaz sat there hanging onto his ears as he hopped along singing an annoying little song.
"Little Filler Bunny, hopping' through the forest, picking' up all the little sour people and giving' them rides to the Happy Seedling's Farm...Thing.....Then along came the Little Gaz...Thing, and this is what she said, 'Little Filler Bunny, Give me a ride to it and if you don't, I'll shove a rusty spoon up you're nose and give you a free frontal lobotomy.'" He sang, angering Gaz at his noise.
Gaz opened her mouth to tell him not to sing when they came to a river. Across from that river was the Happy Seedling's Farm....Thing. Filler Bunny looked at the water and then hopped in merrily and started to swim across to the other side. Gaz stood on his head, waiting to hop off at the other end. About to the other bank, a giant fox...thing....leapt up out of the water and chopped Filler Bunny in two, swallowing one half as Gaz jumped on it's head. The fox ate the other half and swam across to the other side. Gaz leapt off his head and left to walk towards the Farm.
"Drats! Wrong thing! This wasn't the Gingerbread man! Oh well, back to waiting!" The Fox said as Gaz left.
Gaz entered the Happy Seedlings Farm...Thing....and walked into a small city. She walked past all the other little people, ignoring them when they said 'Hi.' She walked along, looking for things. She pushed her way through the crowd, knocking people over and into things as she pushed her way up front to an electric game house. She went inside, and seeing that they were out of GS2's, she gritted her teeth and balled her fists. She knocked over a rack of games and as she left, the whole store collapsed on itself. As she walked down the sidewalk, people started to suddenly burst into flames and ran screaming every where as they spontaneously combusted. Gaz entered another Game Store, again finding nothing. As she left, the store imploded. She walked into a third store, finally finding what she wanted and walked up to the counter. The line there was long and she grew angry. The people in line suddenly exploded! Gaz paid for the GS2 and walked out, the building exploding in flames. She entered the battery store down the way and bought batteries. When she left, the building turned green and melted with lots of stink lines coming from it.
Gaz, getting what she came there for, exited, leaving the town in fiery ruins. People fell out of buildings and started to spontaneously combust again as buildings exploded, imploded, turned funny colors, stank, melted, and collapsed. Gaz returned home by way of bird and spent her days playing the GS2 happily. The people of the town, left in ruins and burnt to crisps, demanded their money from Mother Goose to pay for everything. Mother Goose went to court in a trial, Mother Goose VS. Little Burnt-To-A-Crisp People of Happy Seedling's Farm.....Thing...and ended up quite broke.
[Camera goes black and when it focuses again, Daft is shutting the door.] Well my friends, that is all. This is the end of our broadcast, we hope we shall be seeing you next time. Please come back again, we have plenty of mind-bendingly stupid tales. Remember, every door holds a story....Except that one...*points to door with EXIT sign on it* That's just a black hole. Well, goodbye, I hope to see you again soon. Until then, stay away from cheese... This is you're host, Daft Plushie, Saying Goodnight....
[Daft watches as the camera is picked up and shoved into the EXIT Door. You fall down deep into a black, swirling pit of never ending swirlly blackness."
"Then, you realize this is over, and you're back where ever you were when we started. Now, you go to another story, one in which Dib is not gay, and doesn't have the disadvantage..."
"Hey! What are you doing here! They left! STOP BRAINWASHING MY READERS DIB!"
"Never! My voice shall be heard! Go! Read something that gives me the advantage! Something that WASN'T MADE BY DAFT, THE EVIL.....THING!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! What are you doing Dib! No! Please read my other stories! They're good! *with the exception of grammar and spelling n' all* Don't listen to Dib! ARGH! That's it Dib! You're gonna pay!"
[Daft leaps at Dib and chases him with a spoon. Dib runs off screaming. The camera then focuses on a glowing sign that says....]
THE END! Stay tune for another twisted tale....
[Camera enters black abyss and you see nothing...NOTHING! It moves slowly forward and you start to see a light. As the camera moves towards the light, several things pass you by. Dib's head floats past you from the left and disappears at your right. A giant flower with sharp teeth snaps at you as it passes you to the right. You move slowly forward, the light at the end of the tunnel is growing larger, glowing with an eerie white light. Keef floats past you, upside-down, holding a frying pan and waving. The light grows larger, Three fake looking alien things that look like plastic float past you to the left in a triangular pattern. The camera has almost reached the wide, white light when....A PAIR OF UNDERWEAR! float past you, almost hitting you! You are hit with the stink lines though... The light at the end of the tunnel swallows you whole and you see nothing but white this time.
When the camera focuses, you are standing in a black, endless hall, doors on every side. There, standing in front of you is a cute plushie-like girl with short brown hair and glasses. She is dressed in black jeans, a black, professional looking jacket with a white shirt underneath that you can see from the dipping V-line of the jacket, and black shoes. *The jacket kinda looks like what Agent Scully would wear on The X-Files and you wonder if she's stolen it from her or something. The girl looks ahead with an importantly blank face, her eyes glittering in the light from somewhere above. She is standing by a wooden door in the endless hall with her hands behind her back waiting. The camera sets in one position and she starts to speak.]
Welcome. Welcome to Night Gallery...er....Dementia, the only place to find terrors soooo horrid that they'll twist you're mind into knots. Welcome to our first official broadcast. From the person who brought you Talking Heads, Untitled Doom: The Story of Invader Daft, and Point Blank, we now bring you, Dementia! We shall take you deep within the creator's mind, down the shadowy paths into darkness with shall send shivers up you're spine. We shall tell of twisted things, yes, very twisted indeed. If you choose to stay, then sit back, grab you're teddy bear and hold him tight, because we are about to see what's behind this door here.
I, your host, Daft Plushie *please call me Daft* Shall take you now, into the world of the strange, eerie, and twisted. Be prepared.
[The camera stays in place as Daft turns to the door, placing her hand upon it.]
This may seem like any other door, but it isn't. Behind this door lies something twisted. Each door has a different story, just as each person has a different grasp on life. Come now, as I take you beyond this door, into a world very much like our own, but very different in standards...Come...let's see what's behind Door # 1....
[Daft opens the door and the camera zooms in and moves into the door and is again, surrounded by darkness. When the camera focuses again, it is in tall grass looking up at the sky. The story is as follows....]
One day, an old woman decided that she wanted a kid, but with no partner, that would be impossible, so she planted a flower garden, burying her hopes in the ground with the flowers. One day though, when they bloomed, a small girl appeared in one of the blooms. The woman was so very happy that she named her Thumbalina and took care of her. The rest is history. Then, Mother Goose, coming to see what all this commotion was about in her forest of....things....decided that she'd get rich if she grew tons of little people and then taxed them all to the last penny, so she made a contract with the old woman. She was to plant more flowers, Mother Goose supplying the seeds, and raise more tiny people and when they were old enough, she could tax them, giving some percent to the old woman and the old woman would never be lonely again. Agreeing to this, she thought of Thumbilina and changed the contract a bit. Thumbilina would marry Tom Thumb and they'd rule the small people! So, it was so. The old woman planted and grew and raised a whole city of small people. They were all very happy and didn't mind giving away all their money to Mother Goose, who indeed, became very rich herself. All was well until one day.....
The old woman was out in the garden, planting more people seeds when a stranger walked up to her. He was tall, pale and skinny. The stranger was dressed very strangely, what with the black pants, red shirt, black combat boots, and black trench coat. He wore glasses and his hair was a bright red. He stood here and stared at the woman for a while, his hand grasping the leather of the reins of the anorexic cow that stood behind him. She turned and stared up at him as him and his cow stared back at her silently. This went on for a while when the stranger's stomach rumbled a bit. The old woman got up and blushed for not having good manners, still staring though.
"I am sorry. I have had such bad manners. Welcome to the Happy Seedling's Farm....Thing....what can I do for you?" The old woman said. "Uh....well, a strange, plushie-looking girl told me that I needed to sell this cow for some beans to throw out a window. She looks kinda crazy, so, uh....I'd rather not mess with her." The stranger, that we've all figured out to be Jhonen, replied. "Oh dear...we don't have any beans. We do have some seeds though." "Eh, what'll she care. Can I have some then? I guess I'll give you this cow for them..." "Why, that cow kinda looks a bit on the anorexic side don't you think?" The old woman then looked Jhonen up and down. She looked the cow up and down again. "Oh. Well, ok, I'll give you some seeds. How about a bag full?" "That'll be fine, I only needed three but..." Jhonen stopped to think, "Yessssss. That'll work just fine.
So the old woman took the anorexic cow and sent Jhonen off down the road with a bag of seeds, giving him a strange look behind his back. Jhonen walked down the road, his stomach growling. He looked at the seeds and frowned. He wasn't a bird! Then he got to looking and he started to see sunflower seeds. He could eat those, any way, he only needed three beans to chuck out the window....So Jhonen walked down the road fishing out sunflower seeds and eating them. But by the time he got home, there were only six left. Jhonen popped one in his mouth and set them on the table. After a while, Jhonen got up and chucked all the seeds out the window like the strange plushie girl said to. He then went into his bedroom and pretended to sleep, just to follow along the story lines.
Sometime later when Jhonen decided it was time to check on the 'beans' he got up and walked out to his window. He looked up into the sky, expecting some twisted vine of pigs into the cloudy world where the giant noodle boy awaited, but saw only sky. When he looked down, he saw five little flowers. There were four little pink, blue, yellow, and orange ones surrounding a larger, more dominant flower that was black. Jhonen raised an eyebrow and went outside to poke at the flowers. When his finger touched the black one, it opened and in the center of it sat a small girl. Unlike the fabled small people of Happy Seedling's Farm....Thing, She looked disgruntled. She had reddish-violet hair, brown eyes that were squinted shut with annoyance, and she wore a black dress with striped sleeves and leggings. She had black boots and a large skull necklace around her neck. Jhonen poked the little person and she bit him.
"Go away already!" She said as Jhonen pulled back, holding his finger. "What the Hell are you?" "I'm a Happy Seedling.....Thing....." She said in a sarcastic voice. "Yeeesssss....I see that now. Hmmm...I think I shall call you...." "Gaz. I'm Gaz. Call me anything else and I'll rip you're intestines out with a fork."
Jhonen smiled and held out a hand to her. Gaz climbed up and sat down with her arms crossed. Jhonen went inside and set her on the table. He offered her a tic-tak and got up to make a bed from a matchbox and other neato little furniture. Gaz ate the tic-tak and sat there with her arms crossed. Jhonen came back with several items. He set down a cream cheese box with some black cloth from somewhere and a cotton ball for her bed. He had fashioned a small chair out of some twigs and string and Elmer's glue. He Put up a table made from some cardboard and sticks, also held together with Elmers glue, as well as rubber bands. He sat down, proud of his work and watched as Gaz tested each thing. She sat on the bed and looked up at Jhonen.
"Thanks. Got any mini video games?" "Not that I can think of." "Know where to get any?" "Uh....that strange Happy Seedling's Farm.....Thing.....no, then again...uh...I have no idea."
Gaz grunted and Jhonen stared at her.
"I'm leaving now." "Ok." "Game Slave Awaits." "Yes, I guess....whatever...."
Gaz leapt down from her bed and climbed down the table and walked out the door, leaving Jhonen sitting there waiting a new role. She walked out and down the path of little pebbles and out towards a very bid adventure for such a small being. Gaz had gotten far when she came across a little Pink bunny, that we know as Filler Bunny! Filler Bunny looked at Gaz for a moment before he leapt up and shouted out a warm welcome to the sour little person.
"Hiiiiiiii!!!!!" Filler Bunny shouted. "Shut up." "Sorry.....How are you today, fellow creature!?!" "Shut up....Shut Up! Don't you know how to SHUT UP?" "Nope." "Do you know where Happy Seedlings Farm.....Thing.....is?" "Yep! I'll take you..." "Shut up. Give me a ride to it or I'll shove a rusty spoon up you're nose and give you a free frontal lobotomy..." "When you put it that way..." "Shut Up..."
Gaz climbed on Filler Bunny's head and grasped his ears as he hopped off gleefully through the forest....thing on his way to the Farm. Gaz sat there hanging onto his ears as he hopped along singing an annoying little song.
"Little Filler Bunny, hopping' through the forest, picking' up all the little sour people and giving' them rides to the Happy Seedling's Farm...Thing.....Then along came the Little Gaz...Thing, and this is what she said, 'Little Filler Bunny, Give me a ride to it and if you don't, I'll shove a rusty spoon up you're nose and give you a free frontal lobotomy.'" He sang, angering Gaz at his noise.
Gaz opened her mouth to tell him not to sing when they came to a river. Across from that river was the Happy Seedling's Farm....Thing. Filler Bunny looked at the water and then hopped in merrily and started to swim across to the other side. Gaz stood on his head, waiting to hop off at the other end. About to the other bank, a giant fox...thing....leapt up out of the water and chopped Filler Bunny in two, swallowing one half as Gaz jumped on it's head. The fox ate the other half and swam across to the other side. Gaz leapt off his head and left to walk towards the Farm.
"Drats! Wrong thing! This wasn't the Gingerbread man! Oh well, back to waiting!" The Fox said as Gaz left.
Gaz entered the Happy Seedlings Farm...Thing....and walked into a small city. She walked past all the other little people, ignoring them when they said 'Hi.' She walked along, looking for things. She pushed her way through the crowd, knocking people over and into things as she pushed her way up front to an electric game house. She went inside, and seeing that they were out of GS2's, she gritted her teeth and balled her fists. She knocked over a rack of games and as she left, the whole store collapsed on itself. As she walked down the sidewalk, people started to suddenly burst into flames and ran screaming every where as they spontaneously combusted. Gaz entered another Game Store, again finding nothing. As she left, the store imploded. She walked into a third store, finally finding what she wanted and walked up to the counter. The line there was long and she grew angry. The people in line suddenly exploded! Gaz paid for the GS2 and walked out, the building exploding in flames. She entered the battery store down the way and bought batteries. When she left, the building turned green and melted with lots of stink lines coming from it.
Gaz, getting what she came there for, exited, leaving the town in fiery ruins. People fell out of buildings and started to spontaneously combust again as buildings exploded, imploded, turned funny colors, stank, melted, and collapsed. Gaz returned home by way of bird and spent her days playing the GS2 happily. The people of the town, left in ruins and burnt to crisps, demanded their money from Mother Goose to pay for everything. Mother Goose went to court in a trial, Mother Goose VS. Little Burnt-To-A-Crisp People of Happy Seedling's Farm.....Thing...and ended up quite broke.
[Camera goes black and when it focuses again, Daft is shutting the door.] Well my friends, that is all. This is the end of our broadcast, we hope we shall be seeing you next time. Please come back again, we have plenty of mind-bendingly stupid tales. Remember, every door holds a story....Except that one...*points to door with EXIT sign on it* That's just a black hole. Well, goodbye, I hope to see you again soon. Until then, stay away from cheese... This is you're host, Daft Plushie, Saying Goodnight....
[Daft watches as the camera is picked up and shoved into the EXIT Door. You fall down deep into a black, swirling pit of never ending swirlly blackness."
"Then, you realize this is over, and you're back where ever you were when we started. Now, you go to another story, one in which Dib is not gay, and doesn't have the disadvantage..."
"Hey! What are you doing here! They left! STOP BRAINWASHING MY READERS DIB!"
"Never! My voice shall be heard! Go! Read something that gives me the advantage! Something that WASN'T MADE BY DAFT, THE EVIL.....THING!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! What are you doing Dib! No! Please read my other stories! They're good! *with the exception of grammar and spelling n' all* Don't listen to Dib! ARGH! That's it Dib! You're gonna pay!"
[Daft leaps at Dib and chases him with a spoon. Dib runs off screaming. The camera then focuses on a glowing sign that says....]
THE END! Stay tune for another twisted tale....