THE GREAT BIRTHDAY BASH (LUKE HATES LORELAI)
By Oregano

EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Jess knocks on the door, and fixes his jacket. The door opens and Lorelai appears. Her face deflates when she sees that it's Jess.

JESS
Ma'am.

Lorelai lets him in. When his back is to her, she scowls.

INT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Jess reaches the living room and stands beside the couch. Lorelai follows. Rory is still in her room.

LORELAI
Rory! Jess is here!

RORY (O.S.)
Okay!

JESS
Take your time!

RORY (O.S.)
Thanks!

Silence. Lorelai looks down on her shoes while Jess looks around the house. Then Lorelai looks at Jess.

LORELAI
So, where are you taking her tonight?

JESS
Movie.

LORELAI
Yeah, I kind of got that, but what... never mind.

Rory enters.

LORELAI
Thank God you're done.

Rory goes over to Jess. Silence again. The three of them just look at one another. It's awkward as hell.

RORY
Hookay… we'll be going now, mom.

LORELAI
Gah, yeah! Have fun!
(whispers to Rory)
Pepper spray.


EXT. THE SIDEWALK – NIGHT
Jess and Rory are on their way to the movie. They both have their hand in their pockets. Rory seems nervous, and slightly agitated. Jess just seems bored with the world, as always.

RORY
I'm sorry it was so weird back there.

JESS
I'm used to it.
(beat)
So, what are we watching?

RORY
I don't know. I agreed to your terms. You pick the movie.

JESS
Is About A Boy okay? We can see if the Weitz brothers did any justice to Nick Hornby.

RORY
About A Boy sounds great. And given that Nick Hornby was the executive producer, I'd say he was pretty satisfied.

JESS
I can actually see Hornby throwing a tantrum in the middle of shooting, Hugh Grant watching stupidly at the sidelines.

They arrive at the movie house and buy the tickets. As they go in, we PAN UP towards a big poster of About A Boy.

INT. MOVIE THEATRE – NIGHT
The theatre is dark. There are quite a number of people. In the middle sit Jess and Rory, sharing a huge bag of popcorn. Rory watches attentively at the screen and smiles from time to time.

Jess takes out a handful of popcorn from the big bag. He sneaks a glance at Rory. He turns back to the movie and SMILES to himself slightly.


EXT. THE SIDEWALK – DAY
Lorelai and Rory are on their way to Luke's Diner. Rory is in her Chilton uniform, carrying a backpack.

LORELAI
So, how did it go with What's-his-face?

RORY
We had a pretty good time.

LORELAI
What did you guys see?

RORY
About A Boy. It was pretty weird to see Hugh Grant not dorky though.

LORELAI
Yeah, he's always been sort of the dorky-type.


INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY
The door jingles and we see that Jess is sitting on a chair that is tipped back with his feet propped up against the table. He is reading. He sees Lorelai and Rory and he quickly stands up.

RORY
People eat on those, you know.

JESS
I'll wipe it clean later.
(nods to Lorelai)
Milady.

INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY
Lorelai, Rory and Jess are sitting down, huddled together. We notice that Lorelai is keeping her distance from Jess.

RORY
So, anything?

JESS
He's suspecting Lorelai's planning something;
(looks at Lorelai)
so if I were you, I'd lie low on the cake and balloon quips.

LORELAI
I'll keep that in mind.

JESS
Actually, he's pretty jumpy lately. He screamed when I snuck up on him this morning.

RORY
You sneak up on people?

JESS
I have my reasons.

LORELAI
Where is he now?

JESS
Threatened Kirk with the donut tongs to order a lot of food to keep Luke in the kitchen for a while.

RORY
And he fell for it?

JESS
Kirk can be pretty convincing, when threatened properly.

INT. THE INDEPENDENCE INN – DAY
Lorelai enters the kitchen and hurries towards Sookie. Sookie sees her and immediately stops cooking. She then suddenly whips out a red clipboard and a pen. Lorelai is startled at Sookie's rapid movement.

LORELAI
Whoa, there, Missy. What is that?

SOOKIE
It's my checklist.

LORELAI
Sookie, honey, this is just a little party for Luke, not the queen.

SOOKIE
Oh, silly! I know! If it were the queen, I'd have put a little feather on my pen. And my clipboard would have been all purple and glittery.

Lorelai gives Sookie an "Are-you-sure-you're-sane?" look. Lorelai shakes her head as if to shake the look lose from her face.

LORELAI
Right. Because the feather is such a regal ornament.
(beat)
Anyway, what do we have?

SOOKIE
I've called the balloons, they're going to call me back, I have their address and number, so I can totally stalk them if they don't; I'm making the cake; Lane Kim is calling me back for the deejay position after her Bible Study next week; sixty people confirmed to come--I have their addresses and numbers, too, so stalking is still an option. Is the town square okay for the venue?

LORELAI
I don't know... it's pretty... outside-ish. Wow. All of that is on that little clipboard?

SOOKIE
Yeah! Isn't it great?

LORELAI
I've got to get me one of those…

SOOKIE
Oh, I have a thirty per cent discount from the store!

LORELAI
I was kidding, Sookie.

SOOKIE
Oh.
(beat)
I knew that.