THE GREAT BIRTHDAY BASH (LUKE HATES LORELAI)
By Oregano

INT. LUKE'S DINER - DAY
Luke's back is to us. He is placing orders to the kitchen. We hear the door JINGLE.

Lorelai and Rory (in her Chilton uniform) enter. They were the ones who we heard come in. Lorelai slowly walks to the counter.

She waits for a second, then:

LORELAI
Hey, LUKE!

LUKE
Ahh!
(whips around)
Oh, for Christ's sake, Lorelai!

LORELAI
I'm sorry, Jump-Man.

LUKE
Jump-Man?

LORELAI
Quiet, it's too early for the witty stuff. I need my batteries.

Luke just stares at her, not really understanding.

LORELAI
Batteries.
(beat)
Coffee?

LUKE
Oh.

Luke goes and gets a mug and grabs the coffee pot.

LORELAI
You're pretty slow today.

LUKE
Stupid Kirk ordered a motherload of apple pie yesterday; finished all my apples.
(beat)
I usually eat one in the morning to wake up. Works better than coffee, you know.

RORY
Nothing works better than coffee.

LORELAI
Yeah, take that back, Luke.

LUKE
Fine, whatever. What horrible breakfast are you monsters devouring today?

We wait in front of the entrance to the apartment. Jess comes down a few seconds later. We follow him towards Lorelai, Rory and Luke.

JESS
(nods)
Citizens of Stars Hollow.

RORY
Hey Jess.
(beat)
Where's your bag?

JESS
(confused)
For what?

LORELAI
(from behind Rory)
Need an apple?

RORY
For school.

JESS
I don't know. It's somewhere.

RORY
How are you going to school without your school bag?

JESS
(leans into Rory to whisper)
Who says I'm going to school?

RORY
You go get your bag, mister.

JESS
What is it with this "Mister" business?

Rory gets off her stool and grabs Jess by the back of the shirt.

JESS
(cont'd)
I mean, I'm a guy, sure, but I can go with a lot of other names.

Rory drags him up to the apartment.

JESS
(cont'd)
Like, "Jess." Now there's a nice name…

Lorelai and Luke are left alone. Luke looks a little ill.

LORELAI
Are you okay? You're kind of pale…

LUKE
I just remembered that I've aged a year today.

LORELAI
Oh, yeah! It's your birthday!

LUKE
Wow, no "Surprise!" thing? No midgets holding balloons that say, "Luke is old!"?

LORELAI
No, I actually had a party planned, but I couldn't get it together.

LUKE
Really?

LORELAI
Yeah, Sookie was supposed to help me, but she exploded from all the excitement. Still holding her red clipboard.
(beat)
Hey, Luke?

LUKE
What?

LORELAI
Since it's your birthday and all, would you mind if Rory and I treat you to a very unhealthy birthday meal? It's just you, me and Rory. If you want to bring DarkBoy upstairs, it won't be a problem.

LUKE
(thinks for a moment)
Sure, Lorelai.
(beat)
Thanks.

He turns around to the coffee maker. A slow smile spreads across his face.


EXT. THE SIDEWALK – NIGHT
Luke, Lorelai and Rory are walking side by side.

RORY
Too bad Jess couldn't come.

LORELAI
Yeah, would have brought out the rays of sunshine.

LUKE
So where are you guys taking me? I feel like I've been walking a marathon with you two.

LORELAI
How do you think we burn off all the burgers? We're almost there.

They stop and look up. We PAN UP again to see what they are looking at: CHILLIS.

INT. CHILLIS – NIGHT
A big group of SERVERS holding tambourines and a small ice-cream cake surround Luke, Lorelai and Rory's table. Lorelai grins excitedly.

SERVER#1
One, two, three, four!

SERVERS
(singing)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
(Birthday!)
TO YOU!
(To you!)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
(Birthday!)
TO YOU!
(To you!)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY; HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOO YOOOUUU!!! Yeah!

The servers place the small ice-cream cake in front of Luke. One of them lights the candle. They all wait eagerly. Luke forces a smile and blows out the tiny flame.

SERVERS
Woohoo! Happy birthday, Luke Danes!

LUKE
Thank you. I think you've said that enough. Now GO AWAY!

The servers are startled and they disperse.

LUKE
I hate you, Lorelai.

LORELAI
You're welcome, my friend.

EXT. LUKE'S DINER – NIGHT
Luke opens the door to the diner. The three enter.

INT. LUKE'S DINER – NIGHT
The diner is dim, but we can still see a bit, thanks to the light from the window. Lorelai and Rory are smiling at Luke.

RORY
I'm just going to go talk to Jess for a second, okay? I'm just going to strangle him for my copy of this... book.

Rory runs up to the apartment. Luke and Lorelai are alone once again.

LORELAI
Oh, come off it. You had fun, you big dork.

LUKE
(gruff)
I really hate you.

The two of them suddenly become quiet. Luke little by little leans over as if to give Lorelai a kiss. Suddenly…

EVERYBODY (O.S.)
Happy birthday to you…

Through the dimness, a small flame flickers. The lights come on to reveal that almost everybody is inside the diner. It is heavily decorated. Some people are wearing birthday hats. Behind the counter, we see a big banner that says, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LUKE!"

Luke squints a little from the brightness. Then he frowns at Lorelai, who is singing "Happy Birthday" as well.

LUKE
I don't hate you. I despise you.

INT. LUKE'S DINER - NIGHT (LATER)
The party is in full swing. Music is blaring and people are dancing. In one side of the diner, Rory and Jess stand.

RORY
Thank you for doing this, Jess.

JESS
Hey, we had a deal.

Jess is about to say something else, but Rory turns her head before he speaks.

RORY
(walking over to Dean)
Dean! You made it!

DEAN
Yes I did. Like I'd miss this for the world?

Jess rolls his eyes.

Dean leans down to give Rory a kiss.

We MOVE towards Jess, who is standing not too far away. He looks bored by this, but his face is slightly hurt.

END.