I'll Be here
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Hana yori dango and it's characters, so don't sue me.
Author's Notes: …I have no idea what possessed me to write this, prob jus one of those spur of da moment fings…Its kinda inspired by a song…and just an idea dat came to my mind..a short P.O.V of Rui's Thoughts as Tsukushi and Tsukasa was going through their rough ride in being together.
Once again I'm here…it's become the only place on earth that I could hide to..only place for me to clear my thoughts and rinse away the pain.
Makino Tsukushi…that name rung in my head, as I remember the tears plastered on her face, and the sorrow in her eyes. She's never known about my feelings..or the pain that aches in my heart. She's become a big part in my life, a part that I couldn't bear to loose. I don't know how long it has been since we sat down at this corner, at the stairs and just talked about life, just shared our feelings and comfort each other in perfect, peaceful silence.
Who said silence was uncomfortable? Who said if you can't find words to say to a person it was awkward? I surely didn't find anything wrong. Silence is my companion, and she accompanied me with it. I didn't need to hear her words to know what she felt. I know her as much as I know myself…yet I wonder, does she understand me the way I understand her?...I don't know…and maybe I don't want to know, afraid of what the answer may be.
I long to hold her and comfort her as her friend, as a brother, but I know this isn't my job. It's Tsukasa's. But there are nights that he won't hold her, and she has nobody to be by her side..but she never came to me.
I know she's strong and brave. She can find a way to take care of herself, yet no matter how strong and calm a person can be, there is a point when there can have a limit. There's a point when all they can do is break down and cry. I never talk much, because I don't find the need to. Why talk when there's nothing to say? Sometimes I may seem trapped in my own world, in a way, maybe I do and I keep my shields up because I won't let anyone step into my thoughts and my world. Shizuka taught me to step out of my world to look at everyone else, but that doesn't mean I actually came out. I've never really left my world..i've just made myself communicate with the real world.
The tears that fall on Makino's face hurt me more than my expression shows. In This world I really believed there wasn't anything worthy except for F4's friendship and my love for Shizuka, but Tsukushi showed me more. She taught me to go after what I want, not to wait for it. She taught me to be strong and she showed me that this world has more than I saw. She became something so precious to me that I won't, because I can't, hold back my anger when she is hurt.
Do I really love her?
This question I asked myself, but couldn't find an answer. Maybe she's just become like a sister to me, someone that I guard and comfort, maybe it's more than that, but I don't know. I've never felt like this before. I've never felt like I needed to hold someone when they're hurt, because it seems to hurt me more. When she cries, she wipe away her tears to face the others and stand up and try to be strong, but I don't want, and I don't need her to do that with me.
I can see her tears before she cries them, I can feel her pain before she shows it.
Makino, You may have forgotten me, I may have never been in your mind when you needed comfort, even if you didn't, or perhaps never will, understand my pain or my thoughts, it doesn't matter. I'm used to this cold night and being alone, I'll always be at this corner, if one day you do turn to me…………
I'll be here.