April 23 AC 201
Wufei awoke sweating. Hastily sitting up, he slammed his hand against the plate that would activate the light fixture above his bed. As a dim glow filled the room, he gazed down at his trembling hands, willing them to stop shaking and his breathing to come under control.
The nightmares hadn't come In quite some time. But tonight was different-probably triggered by his battle with the guards at the Calisto mobile suit production facility.
It had been the same as always-starting with Mailin's death. In his dreams he knew what was going to happen, but somehow he couldn't ever prevent it. Then would come the episode at Lake Victoria, in slow motion. One cadet had seen him. Each time the nightmares came, Wufei saw his face, frozen in a mask of horror as the barracks irrupted into flames. Then the distruction of his clan, again in slow motion. Throughout the entire sequence he always felt a deep, pervasive sense of guilt. It combined with the sights, sounds and smells of war-becoming just as much a part of the reality of those things as Wufei himself had been.
I didn't have to be so rough on those guards this evening. Most will recover but...
"You fought for justice, Nataku. Did I? What is justice? Can I ever find it? I wanted to help...I joined the Preventers to help."
A light tapping on the door panel of his cabin made Wufei stiffen. His left hand reached instinctively for the gun that always lay on the floor beside his bed.
Then he was disgusted by his own fear. It was only Sally.
"Wufei?" Her voice was muffled by the heavy metal door, but even so he was surprised and embarrassed by the relief he felt upon hearing it.
"Yes," he called, trusting that she would interpret his terse response as permission to open the door. She almost always understood him.
This time was no exception. The panel slid back with an electronic whoosh, and he could see Sally's figure in the narrow, dimly lit corridor that separated their quarters. A cloud of tousled golden hair half obscured her face, and her navy blue dressing-gown was unbuttoned, revealing a pair of gray flannel pajamas. He noticed with a vague feeling of surprise that her pajama top sported the large picture of a crazily grinning purple cat
"I couldn't sleep," she said. "I heard you moving around and was just wondering if you wanted some tea?"
She was lying, of course. He hadn't moved. Doubtless he had cried out in his sleep, disturbing her. However, Wufei appreciated the fact that she was willing to preserve his dignity.
"Sure," he replied, climbing out of bed and hoping that his legs didn't tremble too much.
I won't let her pity me.
Pushing several strands of hair out of her eyes, Sally turned and led the way to the shuttle's tiny, somewhat inconvenient kitchen unit. To Wufei's surprise, she didn't turn on the automatic beverage maker. Instead, she hauled herself up onto the counter in what he considered a most unladylike way-not that most things Sally did were ladylike in the first place-and began to rummage around on the top shelf of one of the cupboards.
"What on earth are you looking for?" he inquired, taking a seat at the tiny, fold-out table.
"I stowed some real tea leaves up here when we left L4867," she replied. "Ahah! I knew they were up here somewhere." She held up a small blue cardboard box, then looked down, frowning. Grinning sheepishly, she tossed the box of tea leaves to Wufei, who caught it easily. After carefully lowering herself to the ground she dragged the tea kettle out from under a pile of other metal pots and pans.
Wufei's heart was still beating rather too quickly for his liking, but he was relieved to find that his limbs had stopped quivering. Almost.
"I hope you never get married," he commented sourly. "Your husband will always find his home in a state of extreme disorder."
"My husband," she retorted with a scowl, "will help keep his home clean or will simply have to live with the consequences of my housekeeping.
Although Wufei would not allow himself to smile at her response, he was pleased.
I don't know why. She's obstinate, headstrong, disrespectful-all the things a woman should not be. And yet...
He watched her as she made their tea. She was nearly four years older than himself, but after several growth spurts Wufei was finally taller. Her hair shown softly in the dim light emitted by the room's one overhead fixture. She could have turned the lamp up brighter, he realized suddenly.
Probably trying to let me hide my fear-no, he amended-Disquiet, in the shadows.
"Here." Sally handed him a steaming cup of tea, then opened the cupboard again and fished out a long package of crackers. "It's not fancy, but for a midnight snack it'll work just fine." Depositing the crackers on the table, she retrieved her own cup of tea and sat down opposite him.
"Thank you," he said, after taking a small sip. "It's good."
She smiled. Praise from him was rare, and he hoped she was sensible of the compliment.
Don't kid yourself, Wufei. You're not just thanking her for making your tea.
"No problem. Like I said, I couldn't sleep."
"Sally?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you remember when you asked me who Nataku was?"
She frowned, coloring slightly, and Wufei was almost certain he saw her wince. "How could I forget. I thought for sure I'd just about lost my partner." The smile was back on her vace, but it was absent from her voice.
He sat for a moment, gazing out the small round window beside the table.
Space is so vast.
Finally he turned his head and met Sally's eyes. "She was my wife."
Sally's eyes widened, but she said nothing. He continued, slowly. "We were married in 194. Shortly after our union, the Alliance decided that our colony was obsolete, and that the Long clan was too dangerous to be left alive. They sent troops to eliminate us with biological weapons-such cowards."
Sally carefully replaced her teacup on it's saucer. He realized, vaguely, that she had been holding it suspended, halfway to her mouth since he had begun speaking.
"My wife's name was Mailan, but she called herself Nataku-I trust you know that legend." She nodded. "I was scholarly-I knew how to fight but I thought battle senseless and a waste of a man's life. I refused to call her Nataku, because she scorned by devotion to learning and because I could beat her in a fight."
Why are you telling her this?
"When the Alliance forces attacked-I don't understand why but their efforts were thwarted by a large number of OZ mobile suits. I presume they were dispatched on the same mission-to wipe out our clan-but Treize, as much as I hate what he stood for, was not a coward. Mailan...Nataku...knew of the existence of Shenlong and the prototype Tallgeese on which it's design had been based.." Images of that fateful battle exploded behind his eyes-Mailan's defiance, his belated attempt to assist her, the brilliant explosions of mobile suits and the strangely beautiful blasts of firing weapons. With an extreme effort Wufei kept his voice calm as he continued, gazing fixedly out the window.
"I wouldn't help her defeat them at first. But she wasn't trained to handle a mobile suit the size of Tallgeese. By the time I got there, she had taken several hits." His voice sank lower, and suddenly Wufei realized that he was holding the handle of his teacup clenched in one fist, while the rest of the fragile vessel remained peacefully settled in its saucer. Deliberately, he set the broken piece of china back on the metal surface of the table, and made an effort to focus his gaze on Sally's face. The dim light made it difficult for him to read her expression, but he was distantly surprised to see that she was looking very pale.
I didn't think she'd be the type to let a story like this upset her. Perhaps she's not as strong as I thought.
"So what happened?" Sally asked, breaking the momentary silence that had suddenly filled the small room.
"We defeated the OZ mobile suits, of course. But Nataku was mortally injured, and died almost as soon as we returned to the colony. I don't know why the alliance troops never carried out there biological attack." He clenched his fist again, gritting his teeth. "It doesn't matter-my clan was destroyed less than a year later. But at least there deaths were honorable."
Wufei gazed down at his teacup. The seconds ticked past, marked by the muffled sound of an old-fashioned face clock perched on a narrow shelf above the sink. He wasn't certain what had prompted him to divulge the story of Nataku to Sally. It was definitely none of her business-he had nearly requested a new assignment once before when she had pressed him on that subject. Why did I reveal my weakness to her?
"So." Sally's voice broke the stillness, causing him to look up from the table rather sharply. "You named your Gundam Nataku in honor of your wife?"
"In honor of the fact that she fought for justice."
"Thank you for telling me, Wufei."
She looks very strange.
"I'm going back to bed," he said, rising. As he passed the sink, Wufei deposited his saucer and broken teacup in the basin-that was one of only a few points he had ever conceded to his partner. Sally was adamant that he should contribute at least occasionally to the completion of some few basic domestic chores that needed to be performed on their shuttle.
"Wufei?"
"Hmm?"
"Why...why did you tell me about Nataku?"
"I thought you wanted to know?"
"I did, but...well, you've never-"
"Let it alone!" The words were out before he could prevent them, and not knowing what else to say Wufei beat a hasty, but dignified retreat down the narrow passage to his room. At least, he hoped it was dignified.
Sally, I have no idea.
Wufei awoke sweating. Hastily sitting up, he slammed his hand against the plate that would activate the light fixture above his bed. As a dim glow filled the room, he gazed down at his trembling hands, willing them to stop shaking and his breathing to come under control.
The nightmares hadn't come In quite some time. But tonight was different-probably triggered by his battle with the guards at the Calisto mobile suit production facility.
It had been the same as always-starting with Mailin's death. In his dreams he knew what was going to happen, but somehow he couldn't ever prevent it. Then would come the episode at Lake Victoria, in slow motion. One cadet had seen him. Each time the nightmares came, Wufei saw his face, frozen in a mask of horror as the barracks irrupted into flames. Then the distruction of his clan, again in slow motion. Throughout the entire sequence he always felt a deep, pervasive sense of guilt. It combined with the sights, sounds and smells of war-becoming just as much a part of the reality of those things as Wufei himself had been.
I didn't have to be so rough on those guards this evening. Most will recover but...
"You fought for justice, Nataku. Did I? What is justice? Can I ever find it? I wanted to help...I joined the Preventers to help."
A light tapping on the door panel of his cabin made Wufei stiffen. His left hand reached instinctively for the gun that always lay on the floor beside his bed.
Then he was disgusted by his own fear. It was only Sally.
"Wufei?" Her voice was muffled by the heavy metal door, but even so he was surprised and embarrassed by the relief he felt upon hearing it.
"Yes," he called, trusting that she would interpret his terse response as permission to open the door. She almost always understood him.
This time was no exception. The panel slid back with an electronic whoosh, and he could see Sally's figure in the narrow, dimly lit corridor that separated their quarters. A cloud of tousled golden hair half obscured her face, and her navy blue dressing-gown was unbuttoned, revealing a pair of gray flannel pajamas. He noticed with a vague feeling of surprise that her pajama top sported the large picture of a crazily grinning purple cat
"I couldn't sleep," she said. "I heard you moving around and was just wondering if you wanted some tea?"
She was lying, of course. He hadn't moved. Doubtless he had cried out in his sleep, disturbing her. However, Wufei appreciated the fact that she was willing to preserve his dignity.
"Sure," he replied, climbing out of bed and hoping that his legs didn't tremble too much.
I won't let her pity me.
Pushing several strands of hair out of her eyes, Sally turned and led the way to the shuttle's tiny, somewhat inconvenient kitchen unit. To Wufei's surprise, she didn't turn on the automatic beverage maker. Instead, she hauled herself up onto the counter in what he considered a most unladylike way-not that most things Sally did were ladylike in the first place-and began to rummage around on the top shelf of one of the cupboards.
"What on earth are you looking for?" he inquired, taking a seat at the tiny, fold-out table.
"I stowed some real tea leaves up here when we left L4867," she replied. "Ahah! I knew they were up here somewhere." She held up a small blue cardboard box, then looked down, frowning. Grinning sheepishly, she tossed the box of tea leaves to Wufei, who caught it easily. After carefully lowering herself to the ground she dragged the tea kettle out from under a pile of other metal pots and pans.
Wufei's heart was still beating rather too quickly for his liking, but he was relieved to find that his limbs had stopped quivering. Almost.
"I hope you never get married," he commented sourly. "Your husband will always find his home in a state of extreme disorder."
"My husband," she retorted with a scowl, "will help keep his home clean or will simply have to live with the consequences of my housekeeping.
Although Wufei would not allow himself to smile at her response, he was pleased.
I don't know why. She's obstinate, headstrong, disrespectful-all the things a woman should not be. And yet...
He watched her as she made their tea. She was nearly four years older than himself, but after several growth spurts Wufei was finally taller. Her hair shown softly in the dim light emitted by the room's one overhead fixture. She could have turned the lamp up brighter, he realized suddenly.
Probably trying to let me hide my fear-no, he amended-Disquiet, in the shadows.
"Here." Sally handed him a steaming cup of tea, then opened the cupboard again and fished out a long package of crackers. "It's not fancy, but for a midnight snack it'll work just fine." Depositing the crackers on the table, she retrieved her own cup of tea and sat down opposite him.
"Thank you," he said, after taking a small sip. "It's good."
She smiled. Praise from him was rare, and he hoped she was sensible of the compliment.
Don't kid yourself, Wufei. You're not just thanking her for making your tea.
"No problem. Like I said, I couldn't sleep."
"Sally?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you remember when you asked me who Nataku was?"
She frowned, coloring slightly, and Wufei was almost certain he saw her wince. "How could I forget. I thought for sure I'd just about lost my partner." The smile was back on her vace, but it was absent from her voice.
He sat for a moment, gazing out the small round window beside the table.
Space is so vast.
Finally he turned his head and met Sally's eyes. "She was my wife."
Sally's eyes widened, but she said nothing. He continued, slowly. "We were married in 194. Shortly after our union, the Alliance decided that our colony was obsolete, and that the Long clan was too dangerous to be left alive. They sent troops to eliminate us with biological weapons-such cowards."
Sally carefully replaced her teacup on it's saucer. He realized, vaguely, that she had been holding it suspended, halfway to her mouth since he had begun speaking.
"My wife's name was Mailan, but she called herself Nataku-I trust you know that legend." She nodded. "I was scholarly-I knew how to fight but I thought battle senseless and a waste of a man's life. I refused to call her Nataku, because she scorned by devotion to learning and because I could beat her in a fight."
Why are you telling her this?
"When the Alliance forces attacked-I don't understand why but their efforts were thwarted by a large number of OZ mobile suits. I presume they were dispatched on the same mission-to wipe out our clan-but Treize, as much as I hate what he stood for, was not a coward. Mailan...Nataku...knew of the existence of Shenlong and the prototype Tallgeese on which it's design had been based.." Images of that fateful battle exploded behind his eyes-Mailan's defiance, his belated attempt to assist her, the brilliant explosions of mobile suits and the strangely beautiful blasts of firing weapons. With an extreme effort Wufei kept his voice calm as he continued, gazing fixedly out the window.
"I wouldn't help her defeat them at first. But she wasn't trained to handle a mobile suit the size of Tallgeese. By the time I got there, she had taken several hits." His voice sank lower, and suddenly Wufei realized that he was holding the handle of his teacup clenched in one fist, while the rest of the fragile vessel remained peacefully settled in its saucer. Deliberately, he set the broken piece of china back on the metal surface of the table, and made an effort to focus his gaze on Sally's face. The dim light made it difficult for him to read her expression, but he was distantly surprised to see that she was looking very pale.
I didn't think she'd be the type to let a story like this upset her. Perhaps she's not as strong as I thought.
"So what happened?" Sally asked, breaking the momentary silence that had suddenly filled the small room.
"We defeated the OZ mobile suits, of course. But Nataku was mortally injured, and died almost as soon as we returned to the colony. I don't know why the alliance troops never carried out there biological attack." He clenched his fist again, gritting his teeth. "It doesn't matter-my clan was destroyed less than a year later. But at least there deaths were honorable."
Wufei gazed down at his teacup. The seconds ticked past, marked by the muffled sound of an old-fashioned face clock perched on a narrow shelf above the sink. He wasn't certain what had prompted him to divulge the story of Nataku to Sally. It was definitely none of her business-he had nearly requested a new assignment once before when she had pressed him on that subject. Why did I reveal my weakness to her?
"So." Sally's voice broke the stillness, causing him to look up from the table rather sharply. "You named your Gundam Nataku in honor of your wife?"
"In honor of the fact that she fought for justice."
"Thank you for telling me, Wufei."
She looks very strange.
"I'm going back to bed," he said, rising. As he passed the sink, Wufei deposited his saucer and broken teacup in the basin-that was one of only a few points he had ever conceded to his partner. Sally was adamant that he should contribute at least occasionally to the completion of some few basic domestic chores that needed to be performed on their shuttle.
"Wufei?"
"Hmm?"
"Why...why did you tell me about Nataku?"
"I thought you wanted to know?"
"I did, but...well, you've never-"
"Let it alone!" The words were out before he could prevent them, and not knowing what else to say Wufei beat a hasty, but dignified retreat down the narrow passage to his room. At least, he hoped it was dignified.
Sally, I have no idea.