Things to know before reading:

--In case you haven't noticed already, I happen to be a neko no otaku – a cat enthusiast. At least, I think that's how you say it…I'm still trying to learn Japanese. Anyway, the point is: dog-lovers beware. I mean, I'm okay with dogs…I just like cats better. So…yeah. Wolves and foxes, though, are okay in my book. Strangely enough.

Kismet of a Changechild

Chapter XV

By Aura Kage

Hello. I'm Herald Syrkaderik, and at the moment I'm very confused about what you just did to mutilate the last entry in my book. I mean, it wasn't a poem (and I really hope you didn't read any of those) and so it wasn't that important, but for some reason…I don't know. This is just really bothering me. Look at me now. I mean, I'm writing in my notebook as if it'll speak back to me…but at least now I've got this off my chest. And at least this isn't as bad as talking aloud to a book…is it? I don't know…I'm so confused.

Fear not.

"Damn you, whoever you are," Derik muttered to himself when he looked down at the note he had written to himself and saw that it had really no answers…well, at least he knew how to decipher bold letters. And whoever-it-was had written a little something extra: Fear not. Maybe Derik really was taking this thing too hard…he was having hallucinations, after all.

Still…

He looked at the bold letters and wrote them down.

Talktosilver.

Talk tosilver.

Talk to silver.

Talk to Silver.

"Talk to Silver," Derik said aloud, unaware that at that moment Kuri had opened the door to his room again.

"Talk to who?"

"What're you doing here?" Derik demanded, turning. "Why is it that all girls seem to think that they have the right to go barging into people's rooms and thoughts like this?"

Kuri shrugged, indifferent. "Well, the only thing you do to 'girls' who do that is ask them a hypothetical question. What're you looking at now?"

"I got bored and wrote a note to myself," Derik explained glumly. "And the person looking into my book – who I'm strangely inclined to believe is female – wrote in it again, telling me to 'talk to Silver'."

"Oh, but you can't do that," Kuri murmured to herself, snatching up the book before Derik could protest and flipping through the pages to the self-written note. "Huh…you were bored last night, weren't you?"

"Wait – what did you just say?"

"I said, you were really-"

"No…no, before that. About what I couldn't do," Derik said, frowning.

"Oh, that. I said that you can't…talk to Silver, I mean."

"Silver's…a person?"

"No!" Kuri said, laughing. "Of course not! Silver's a cat, silly – remember? Herald Opal's cat?"

"Silver's…a cat?"

"That's what I just said," Kuriana giggled. "I can't believe you've forgotten him. Remember, when he first met you he tried to bite off one of your fingers?"

Derik blinked and looked down to his index finger, which still have the diminutive circular marks where the cat had sank his teeth into his skin. He groaned.

"Oh. That Silver. Great. How'm I supposed to talk to a cat?"

"Don't know," Kuri said, shrugging and putting the book back down on the table. "Go ask Herald Opal 'bout it – she's the Animal Mindspeaker, not me. Or maybe Dawnshadow…she's just been out of it lately."

"Yeah…I'll go visit her, see what's up." Derik departed from his room with Kuri close behind, and they went their separate ways in the hall; Kuri to Griff, Derik to the Changechild.

The Mind-Healer – Darea – wasn't too pleased with Derik.

"Why do you Heralds keep coming?" she demanded, straight dark hair waving like thin sable vines. "She's fine already, if not dumb because of some trauma."

"Dumb?" Derik echoed, confused.

"Can't speak, you idiot," Darea growled. "Unlike the dumb that you are."

"Hey, I find that offen-"

"I'm sure you do," the Mind-Healer interrupted curtly. "Well, seeing that I can't get any of you away from that Changechild, I'll just let you go see her – but mind, don't stay too long or you'll hear it from me."

And the Mind-Healer stormed off, leaving Derik bewildered as to why she was so angry with him.

But he found out moments later, when the Mind-Healer's red-haired apprentice came running down the hall, balancing books.

"She's not usually like that!" he gasped, slowing his pace slightly and almost coming to a complete stop to talk with the Herald. "It's just Miss Shadow that's got her all flustered – she doesn't have the best memories, and Master Darea has quite a temper when it flares."

"I noticed," Derik replied dryly as the apprentice continued. Before he left completely, he turned to respond:

"It's because Master Darea found so many coercion spells on the Changechild that hardly what she did was of her own accord!" the 'prentice shouted. "And they were also kind of like forgetful spells, so there's no one to blame!"

"MARTH, WHERE ARE YOU?" an angry female voice demanded down the hall. The apprentice winced and dashed off, leaving Derik alone in the halls. The Herald shrugged to himself and continued down to Dawnshadow's room, which was coincidentally the same she had inhabited when she had first been introduced to Haven.

He opened the door quietly.

Dawnshadow was sitting up in bed, staring off into space, hardly aware that Derik had come in and was shutting the door. Her eyes seemed…blank, almost, as if they were void of life and awareness. Her pupils were slit so far that they seemed to hardly be there, more iris than pupil.

"Dawnie? You alright?"

No answer. Derik sat down on a chair nearby, thinking to himself about how much he hadn't been answered lately. No matter that the book was inanimate.

"So, how're yah doing?" Derik tried again, leaning against the back of the chair and making it tilt onto the desk-like drawer thing behind him. "Everyone's missing you, you know. 'Specially Snowy…you know he don't have any human friends 'round here. Well, okay, maybe that didn't make much sense, but you grasp the idea, right?"

Dawnshadow seemed to waver back and forth, but she was still staring ahead, at space. Derik frowned and waved his hand where the Changechild seemed to be looking.

"Hello? Derik to Dawnshadow! Do you hear me? What's wrong?"

Silence.

"Ah, well, okay…if you don't feel like talking to your good old friend here, then I'll just leave," Derik said, sighing and standing up. As if he had really thought she would talk to him anyway. "I'll just go try and talk to that damn cat – no offense meant. Hopefully he won't see me as a giant food item."

He opened the door and looked out into the hall, standing there, feeling awkward. He glanced back at the Changechild, thinking suddenly about what the apprentice had said.

"It's because Master Darea found so many coercion spells on the Changechild that hardly what she did was of her own accord! And they were also kind of like forgetful spells, so there's no one to blame!"

Forgetful spells, coercion spells…

What if…someone who really, really didn't like Dawnshadow wanted to frame her for something like this, and she had to say it was her because of a coercion spell?

But that doesn't make any sense…why would they make Dawnshadow hurt a little bird? They would probably make her attack me, or another Herald, or Talia…

He thought hard – the answer seemed to be right next to him, just on the tip of his tongue, a little demon that was hopping up and down on his head and taunting him, telling him to guess what it meant and laughing and knowing that he couldn't.

:You have the strangest comparisons, Chosen,: Rae said in his mind, giggling.

:What's wrong, Rae?: Derik said tiredly.

:Oh, nothing much…you just seemed to be thinking, and I wanted to witness this once-in-a-lifetime event,: Ranaena said sweetly. :Another coin for your thoughts?:

:I was just informed that Dawnshadow was placed under coercion spells that made her forget, or something like that,: Derik said, and Ranaena snorted out in the Companion's Field, disturbed.

:Someone would only really do that if they meant to harass her through tinted windows,: Ranaena said in a low, angry voice. :Do something to hurt her or bother her, and then make her forget.:

:Yeah…but I can't help wondering if that has something to do with what Dawnshadow said with Kestri,: Derik said, feeling tormented. :If someone made her do something to Kestri.:

:But…why Kestri?: Ranaena asked, understanding what Derik meant to get at. :Why an insignificant little bird instead of a high-ranking, unknowing official? That sounds too messy, too novice.:

:Yeah, I know…I was just thinking, remember,: Derik said, trying to take the sting out of his words. He walked down the hall, one arm dragging against the pale beige of the paint on the wall, supposedly calming to the eye. :I still can't imagine why…this is just so odd, I wish I had a clue…well, besides to 'talk to silver', whatever that is.:

:Silver? Isn't Silver that cat that tried to eat your fi-:

:Don't remind me,: Derik disrupted. :Yes, he is. I don't feel like asking Herald Opal just yet, but maybe when things die down a little then I will…besides, the mage is dead, and what could a cat tell me about all of this?:

"COME BACK HERE, YOU MANGY LITTLE-!"

:What?:

"What?" (those are in unison)

Derik dashed out the door at the cry and overshot the steps by a few feet, just in time to trip over the lustrous gray blur. The Herald landed on the somewhat damp ground, hands automatically reaching out to break her fall. The blur continued, tail held high, and Derik watched it in confusion before someone tripped over him.

"Ow! Get out of my way, you dimwit!" Havlah shouted into Derik's ear as she recovered from the ground, the semi-long train of her Blues sliding against the ground. "Can't you see that this is a place where people walk and not sleep?"

"Well, sorry for getting in your way, Miss Lebetter!" Derik snarled, getting to his own feet and dusting himself off. "I guess if you weren't so used to walking over people all the time and holding your nose in the air, then you'd probably see a little something other than yourself!"

Havlah glared at him, and Derik glared back, a shoulder and head higher than her.

Then-

"Oh, no! That stupid cat!" Havlah gasped suddenly, turning tail and running after the blur – which, Derik thought to himself suddenly, was most likely Silver. "Come back here!"

"Mwow!" Silver cried back, and Derik could swear that he was laughing at her.

~

:No…this can't be…it can't! There's no such thing!:

:I'm afraid it's true…you have. It's not-:

:It is! It can't be her! It's…I can't…that's just not-:

:Anything and everything is possible.:

:Hello! What're you two talking about?:

:You will not believe what this-:

:Watch it!:

:…is telling me! Supposedly, I have…oh, no, it can't be true, but now that I look back at it…gods, it all makes sense now…:

:What makes sense? What're you talking about?:

:Never…nevermind…I'd rather not talk about it…:

:…:

:…?:

:Just…just leave me alone, will you? I need some time to think this over…:

:All right, fine. If that's what you want. Bye!:

:Farewell!:

:Yes…yes…good bye…I…I can't believe I've done this…:

~

Dawnshadow had finally given up trying to stare a hole in the wall and fell back on her pillow, mind still numb but – thanks to Darea – healing. A horse that had been in bridle and saddle all its life, commanded by anyone at all and then suddenly freed into the wilderness – that's how she felt. So suddenly free…it was actually an odd feeling. She had been a slave, and never known at all. Could perhaps these other people also be slaves, and not know? It was possible. At the moment, everything seemed possible.

The pillow was soft and cool, and her head sank into its feathery depths, her eyes trained now to the ceiling, which was riddled with crevices and bumps like a pale sunlit landscape. Had she ever done something that was for herself, she wondered? It was so odd…she almost wished that she were back into that saddle and bridle again, because she felt so…so unneeded. That she didn't have a purpose. That she was wandering around in circles with nothing to do…it felt like that, but in a much more complex way.

And at the same time, she wanted nothing more to do with that mage…that gryphon-that-was-not…that broken-down obsessed human who had fallen into insanity the moment he killed his mentor and discovered gryphons. Dawnshadow had thought that maybe he had once been Tayledras (a thought that was revealed after Darea had taken away the bonds from her mind and allowed her her true memories, which were not composed of roars and puddles of fluid), but his hair was unnaturally dark, and most Tayledras had light hair because of magic. Even if they didn't deal with magic, like Snowsong, until just recently.

That mage…he scared her. He had very literally taken both a girl and a cat and fused them together with the power of magic, and in the past days Dawnshadow had come to wonder just what she was – girl or cat? Her thoughts were so mixed up now…before, they had been separate, two different natures of herself. Now they were muddled…that inner cat wasn't there anymore, merged into the frightened little girl that in turn was taken off the streets.

She wished she had someone to understand her. Someone who wasn't understood well themselves – they could relate. They could talk.

As if coming from a summons, the door creaked; Derik hadn't closed it all the way very well. Dawnshadow kept staring at the ceiling, though she was conscious of someone entering the room. Whoever-it-was was silent, and didn't close the door behind them. Dawnshadow was waiting for some sort of noise or movement that would announce their business, but nothing happened.

Not very quickly, anyway. Just after that thought had run through her mind, something pounced onto her blanket, the sturdy movements of their steps acknowledged immediately by the Changechild.

:Silver.:

:You all right?: the cat demanded, putting a paw on her stomach and making her giggle. The cat, startled, stepped back, but then stepped forward again after the sound ceased. He crawled across her body and sat down on her belly, staring at her with familiar eyes. They were alike – both with gray-toned fur and gold-green eyes. Dawnshadow wouldn't be surprised if she – the cat part of her, anyway – shared the same dam.

:Yes. I'm fine.:

:Food for me?:

:No, Silver. I'm not well.:

Silver regarded her with a careful, probing look and yawned, exposing his teeth and pink-colored mouth and scratchy tongue.

:Dog-ears. You're fine,: Silver said, somewhat annoyed. Dawnshadow frowned at the insult; he might as well have been saying: 'Damn you, why are you lounging about in bed and not being considerate about me?'

:I am not. I am sick.:

:You're pretending,: Silver told her matter-of-factly. He didn't have a short vocabulary like Kestri – it varied, but mostly to street-talk and what he heard humans say. In many ways, the ordinary tabby cat seemed to even be more intelligent than a bondbird, but it was probably just because Dawnshadow shared with the cat a more intimate connection. She understood his…slang, his way of talking, or whatever it was called.

:I am not. I'm truly sick.:

:Ha,: Silver said contemptuously. He started grooming himself, head moving sideways to that he could lick the regions behind his shoulders. His tail curled around his haunches. :You're avoiding something.:

:I am not.:

:The cat that avoids the fenced dog will always pass by it and be pestered by it,: Silver said smartly. :The best way to stop the dog from barking at you is to deal with it and scratch his throat out.:

:You are a bloodthirsty little creature.:

:And you are a leaf-eating big creature,: Silver snapped back. :Deal with the dog, stop him from biting you. What's your problem?:

:It was a slip of tongue,: Dawnshadow admitted, sighing, and Silver's ears swiveled towards her, interested. :I said that I harmed the bird, when really I didn't.:

:You are stupid,: Silver said bluntly, not an ounce of sympathy in his Mindvoice. :You never, ever take the blame for something.:

:I couldn't help it,: Dawnshadow said, catching a hint of a whine in her voice. :It just…came.:

:Ah. The force-magic. The one that the squealing one used on you,: Silver said knowingly, and Dawnshadow stared at him.

:How did you know?:

:I'm a cat,: Silver said brazenly, as if those three words explained everything. He lifted his paw and looked at it, cocking his head, then beginning to lick it and rub his head with it.

:Tell me more.:

:The squealing one is jealous, obviously,: Silver explained. :She wants to be rid of you, so she hurts you and hopes you leave her territory.:

:But I never trod on-:

:She is a human. Humans don't mark their territories,: Silver said disgustedly. :Stupid beings. Telling someone where your territory stops the chance that someone will step into it, but nooo.:

:I see.:

:Of course you do,: Silver said. :So, where was I? Oh, yes – so she hurts you. How did the large bird get hurt?:

Dawnshadow had never thought of Kestri has large before. :I was…being stoned, I think, by the Blue…the squealing one. And the bird got hit, so I picked her up, and her wing was broken. And then I-:

:You should have eaten her,: Silver said, staring at the Changechild as if she were insane. :She was injured, and you stop to try and save her?:

:She is my friend,: Dawnshadow said, appalled that the cat would make such a remark. :So I picked her up, and I tripped, and she bled all over me.:

:And still you resisted to eat her. I am impressed.:

:I am pleased. It takes much to impress a cat.:

:Continue.:

:Yes…and then, I think I called the birds to help – Kestri. Because I couldn't call for their help when I meant it to be for me.:

:Because the force-magic said you could not retaliate, nor harm the squealing one and her pack with magic or paws,: Silver said knowingly, proudly showing off what he knew about the matter.

:Exactly! So, I think, the birds chased them…and since it wasn't me, this was allowable.:

:So then, what is the dog barking?:

:When I got to my territory, the bird's friends were there, and one asked me what happened. I was going to say the squealing one hurt her, but instead I said it was I.:

The cat was staring at her with that skeptical look, as if it couldn't believe someone could do something so stupid, his paw lifted slightly as it paused in mid-lift.

:I can understand why it happened,: he said finally, before returning back to his grooming.

:Really? How?:

:Because you couldn't say that the squealing one did it, the spell made you say the next thing that was involved with the injury that you were allowed to say – and that was you, having tripped and hurt the bird further,: Silver said matter-of-factly again, making Dawnshadow gape. :See? 'Tis not a problem. I have silenced the dog.:

:But-:

:What is it now?:

:It's a different problem now,: Dawnshadow said. :About…about my creator.:

:Your dam?:

:No.:

:Then your sire.:

:Kind of. My…my creator, not my parents. He was the one that took a cat and a human and put them together, and I was the result.:

Silver looked at her, ears perking to the ceiling, pupils dilating.

:I was wondering how a cat could be so stupid,: he said wonderingly. :That is why. You have human's blood.:

:Yes,: Dawnshadow said, somewhat frustrated and insulted. :But see, I'm wondering…if it's his magic that holds me together, and he is dead, then how is it that I can still be this, and not a separate cat and a human?:

:The cat plays with a yarnball,: Silver said. :The cat unravels the yarnball and ties it up in knots. The cat dies. The yarnball is still all tied up – it doesn't matter that the creator of the knots is dead, they are still there, only now they are independent.:

Dawnshadow blinked. Amazing how he could use so simple an example and make her understand. Maybe it was just because humans were so confusing, and cats were blunt about how they felt, and marked their territories.

:You see?:

:But…it's much more complex a matter than that,: Dawnshadow said, still troubled. :It's like this: the cat has a kitten, the cat teaches the kitten to hunt and sends it off, and the kitten is bound to its one duty to hunt, while the cat is really just intent upon what the kitten will catch so it can eat the prey itself. Then the kitten is caught by the cat after the cat has thought the kitten has done its duty, but really the kitten has not. And then the cat died, and the kitten is returned back to its former territory, but the kitten still…it still…I don't know. It's hard to explain.:

:No, I see,: Silver said. :The kitten was still a kitten, and had had a dam-sire and a purpose, but now 'tis lost and doesn't know what to do. No matter that the cat was evil, it still gave her a mission.:

:Exactly!:

:But…it doesn't tie in very well. Are you the kitten?:

:Yes…my Master is gone, and now I feel purposeless.:

Silver gave her a penetrating look, and Dawnshadow felt as if she were being analyzed.

:Is it a good thing that your Master lives?:

:No – yes – I mean…I don't know.:

:Your master was a magic-worker, wasn't he?:

:He was.:

:Then…then this takes on a whole, new different problem,: Silver said. :Because you are made of his magic, and his magic comes from him…oh. I see now! The kitten – the kitten still needed the cat to live, and now the cat has died.:

:…:

:There would only be one answer,: Silver concluded, kneading Dawnshadow's stomach and curling into a small ball. :You need the mage in order to stay in that human form, if what you are saying is correct…so then-:

Dawnshadow half-felt like shutting her ears and not listening at all (as if it would have helped keep Silver's mindvoice away anyway), but her curiosity got the better of her.

:-the mage still lives.:

~

A chipped beak, a broken wing, several crushed bones and a slash on his stomach made the mage's progress slower, but indeed, he was still living.

And, if even possible, more mad on revenge than ever.

"I…will…get…my…vengeance…" he gasped, eyes flaring red as if a torch were being held behind them. "I…will…"

A/N: Don't worry if you didn't get any of the weird cat simulation thingies. They didn't really matter much – so long as you kinda got the general idea.