Innuendo (2/?)
By: ShinigamiForever & Perfect-Dark01
A Smoke Break Production
Warnings: Oddity, Slash, strange strange humor.
Disclaimer: I am not Rowling. Rowling is busy writing her 5th book which is due in 2003, that procrastinator, and consequentially, she would not have the time to churn out oddity like this.
A/N: A note on the smoke break thing. Um, well, it originally said joint production, than Dark pointed at it and said, joint, and started cracking up. So we changed it to a crack production, but then I stumbled across a picture of Malfoy entitled smoke break, so now it is a smoke break production.
===
[Potion classroom, 8:01 AM]
"Good mo~orning, Zabini!"
"Shut up, Draco."
"My my, someone is in a bad mood today. Ever since the shower, anyway."
"Shut. Up. Draco."
"Aw, did I hurt little Blaisey-waisey's feelings?"
"I'm warning you…"
"Relax, Zabini. Class is almost starting. I'm not going to do anything that will get me in trouble."
"Then shut your gob!"
"Such venom. Not good talking to a Malfoy like that."
"Look, why don't you bother your boyfriend or something like that?"
"Because you blush ever so nicely."
"DRACO!"
[Potion classroom, 8:03 AM]
"Harry, I can swear you're making eyes with him!"
"Ron! Shut up! I am NOT!"
"Why, Ron, you almost sound jealous."
"Jealous? I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous? I'm not jealous."
Skeptically, "Uh huh."
"Who are you trying to convince, Ron?"
"Us, or yourself?"
"I AM NOT JEALOUS!"
"Jealous of who?"
"Oh! Good morning, Draco."
"Harry, what's wrong with him?"
"Nothing at all. He's just having a jealousy fit."
"I AM NOT JEALOUS!"
"You're starting to sound repetitive, Ron."
"I AM NOT JEALOUS!"
"Weasley! Sit down!"
[Potion classroom, 8:48 AM]
"If you add wolfsbane to- POTTER! STOP MAKING EYES AT MALFOY!"
"Sorry, Professor. Won't happen again."
[Potion classroom, 8:53 AM]
"The most important thing to remember about this potion is- MALFOY! STOP RETURNING THOSE EYES WITH POTTER!"
"Sorry, Professor. Didn't mean to disturb your teaching."
Staring, "…"
[Potion classroom, 9:02 AM]
"Now, after heating the potion to exactly- POTTER! MALFOY! STOP FLIRTING IN MY CLASSROOM!"
In unison, "Sorry, Professor."
"I wasn't aware you were a homophobe, sir."
"I KNEW IT! I knew you two were flirting!"
"I am going to my happy place. I am going to my happy place…"
"Speaking of happy places, Harry dearest…"
"Way ahead of you, Draco baby."
Sound of shuffling chairs. Footsteps. Closet door slamming.
"Oh. My. God."
"I think I liked it better when they were enemies."
"Seamus, I think we all liked it better when they were enemies. At least this didn't happen."
"I am at my happy place. I am at my happy place."
"Professor, does that really work?"
"It has so far, Weasley."
"Hm. Let me try. I am going to my happy place. I am going to my happy place."
Irritated, "That's it. Silencio."
Silence.
"Ah, peace."
Sound of rustling noises in closet.
[Potion classroom, 9:53 AM]
Sound of closet door opening.
Mouthing, "I am in my happy place. I cannot hear. I cannot see. I am blissfully unaware."
Nervous laughter.
"Oh, so now you two decide to come out. Took you long enough."
Whispering, "Psst. Harry. Your shirts on backwards."
"Oops!" Sound of ruffling shirt. Whispering, "Thanks, Draco."
"Finite incantem."
"I am in my happy place. Nothing can disturb me. Nothing can touch me."
"Professor…?"
"Someone is trying to reach me. I cannot be reached. I am in my happy place."
Sound of parchment being taken out. Scribbling of pen. "There!"
"Hermione, what did you just do?"
"I stuck a note on his forehead."
"Yes, Hermione, we see that."
"Well, if you really want to know, go up and read it!"
Reading, "'Professor Snape. Seeing we cannot remove you or Ron from your respective "happy places," I would like to inform you that class is now over and that we are all leaving. Thank you, and enjoy your stay at your "happy place."'"
"I guess we can leave now."
"YES! Out of this insane asylum."
"I am still in my happy place. Blissfully unaware."
[Divination classroom, 10:22 AM]
Low voice, "I fear the thing you dread will indeed come to pass."
Shocked, "Draco's pregnant?! Dude, because if that's true, his father would kill me."
Odd looks from rest of the class. Sputtering.
Coughing, "Ahem. No dear. The other thing you fear will come to pass."
Thinking. Surprised, "Ron wants to have sex with Draco?"
Indignant, "NO I DO NOT!"
"Well that's a relief. For a second there…"
"I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!"
"Ahem. No, not that either."
"Well, then, what?"
Misty voice, "The Dark Lord is rising."
"Oh." Confused, "I'm fearing that?"
"Oh never mind."
[Divination classroom, 10:27 AM]
"Crystal balls. I hate crystal balls! I can never see anything!"
Imitating Trelawney, "Ah, my dear, when a midget with glasses cannot see anything in a crystal ball, it is a sure sign he will die."
"Ron, who are you calling a midget? And I am NOT going to die."
Imitating Trelwaney, "Ah, my dear, when a midget with glasses says he will not die, he is sure to die."
"Ron, stuff it."
"My dears, what are you doing?"
In unison, "Nothing, Professor."
Underneath breath, "Gazing de~ep into your crystal balls."
Rolls eyes. Suppressed laughter. "I don't know why we keep taking this class."
"Because the midget in glasses needs to know what his dark, da~ark future is."
"Let me change that. I don't know why I keep taking this class WITH YOU."
"Because the midget in glasses-"
"Shut up, Ron. I'm getting contacts anyway."
"Okay. So the midget WITHOUT glasses and with CONTACTS-"
"Oh, shut up. Or else I'll put a silencing charm on you."
"I'm going to my happy place."
"Not you too."
[Divination classroom, 10:39 AM]
Gasping, "My dear! It is the Grim!"
"Not again."
Sad look, "That surely means you will die."
"Yes, for the 27th time this year."
"My dear, you should not question the powers of the unknown…"
Underneath breath, "Woo~ooo…"
"Ron. Stuff it."
[Divination classroom, 10:47 AM]
"My dear, I have just witnessed in my crystal ball-"
Bored, unimpressed voice, "My horrible, horrible death. I know. All feel sorry for me. Boo hoo hoo."
Sound of parchment being taken out. Sound of quill pen.
"Ron, what's that?"
"I'm keeping track of the all the times she predicted your "horrible, horrible death" this year."
"What's that make it?"
"So far? 37. 38 with that prediction."
"So I was wrong. I said 27."
"Yep. Off by 10."
"In two months? Wow. That's a record."
"Yeah. Last time it was 29."
Background, "My dears! His death! His death!"
In unison, "39."
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say she wants me dead."
"Because we all hate the midget in glasses, Harry."
"RON!"
[Divination classroom, 11:33 AM]
"My dear! Your death!"
"PROFESSOR! Not to be rude, and not to doubt your mystical abilities or anything, but I AM NOT GOING TO DIE! Not NOW, not TODAY, not TOMORROW, not the day AFTER tomorrow. I am perfectly FINE!"
"40."
{Divination classroom, 11:38 AM]
"My dear, a dark future awaits. And death lurks in the corner."
"41."
"AURGH! I GIVE UP."
"What a poor life, my dear. Doomed to die."
"RON! You are not helping!"
"Cheer up, Harry! She's just a blind old bat anyway."
[Divination classroom, 12:02 PM]
"Finally!"
"What, did the tea fumes make the midget in glasses dizzy?"
Sound of hand smacking head. "OW! What was that for?"
"You have upset the midget in glasses."
"I have learned my lesson. Do not doubt the power of the midget in glasses."
Slap.
A/N: If there are any Trelawney fans out there, I'm sorry. The midget in glasses joke comes from GoF, page 201.
By: ShinigamiForever & Perfect-Dark01
A Smoke Break Production
Warnings: Oddity, Slash, strange strange humor.
Disclaimer: I am not Rowling. Rowling is busy writing her 5th book which is due in 2003, that procrastinator, and consequentially, she would not have the time to churn out oddity like this.
A/N: A note on the smoke break thing. Um, well, it originally said joint production, than Dark pointed at it and said, joint, and started cracking up. So we changed it to a crack production, but then I stumbled across a picture of Malfoy entitled smoke break, so now it is a smoke break production.
===
[Potion classroom, 8:01 AM]
"Good mo~orning, Zabini!"
"Shut up, Draco."
"My my, someone is in a bad mood today. Ever since the shower, anyway."
"Shut. Up. Draco."
"Aw, did I hurt little Blaisey-waisey's feelings?"
"I'm warning you…"
"Relax, Zabini. Class is almost starting. I'm not going to do anything that will get me in trouble."
"Then shut your gob!"
"Such venom. Not good talking to a Malfoy like that."
"Look, why don't you bother your boyfriend or something like that?"
"Because you blush ever so nicely."
"DRACO!"
[Potion classroom, 8:03 AM]
"Harry, I can swear you're making eyes with him!"
"Ron! Shut up! I am NOT!"
"Why, Ron, you almost sound jealous."
"Jealous? I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous? I'm not jealous."
Skeptically, "Uh huh."
"Who are you trying to convince, Ron?"
"Us, or yourself?"
"I AM NOT JEALOUS!"
"Jealous of who?"
"Oh! Good morning, Draco."
"Harry, what's wrong with him?"
"Nothing at all. He's just having a jealousy fit."
"I AM NOT JEALOUS!"
"You're starting to sound repetitive, Ron."
"I AM NOT JEALOUS!"
"Weasley! Sit down!"
[Potion classroom, 8:48 AM]
"If you add wolfsbane to- POTTER! STOP MAKING EYES AT MALFOY!"
"Sorry, Professor. Won't happen again."
[Potion classroom, 8:53 AM]
"The most important thing to remember about this potion is- MALFOY! STOP RETURNING THOSE EYES WITH POTTER!"
"Sorry, Professor. Didn't mean to disturb your teaching."
Staring, "…"
[Potion classroom, 9:02 AM]
"Now, after heating the potion to exactly- POTTER! MALFOY! STOP FLIRTING IN MY CLASSROOM!"
In unison, "Sorry, Professor."
"I wasn't aware you were a homophobe, sir."
"I KNEW IT! I knew you two were flirting!"
"I am going to my happy place. I am going to my happy place…"
"Speaking of happy places, Harry dearest…"
"Way ahead of you, Draco baby."
Sound of shuffling chairs. Footsteps. Closet door slamming.
"Oh. My. God."
"I think I liked it better when they were enemies."
"Seamus, I think we all liked it better when they were enemies. At least this didn't happen."
"I am at my happy place. I am at my happy place."
"Professor, does that really work?"
"It has so far, Weasley."
"Hm. Let me try. I am going to my happy place. I am going to my happy place."
Irritated, "That's it. Silencio."
Silence.
"Ah, peace."
Sound of rustling noises in closet.
[Potion classroom, 9:53 AM]
Sound of closet door opening.
Mouthing, "I am in my happy place. I cannot hear. I cannot see. I am blissfully unaware."
Nervous laughter.
"Oh, so now you two decide to come out. Took you long enough."
Whispering, "Psst. Harry. Your shirts on backwards."
"Oops!" Sound of ruffling shirt. Whispering, "Thanks, Draco."
"Finite incantem."
"I am in my happy place. Nothing can disturb me. Nothing can touch me."
"Professor…?"
"Someone is trying to reach me. I cannot be reached. I am in my happy place."
Sound of parchment being taken out. Scribbling of pen. "There!"
"Hermione, what did you just do?"
"I stuck a note on his forehead."
"Yes, Hermione, we see that."
"Well, if you really want to know, go up and read it!"
Reading, "'Professor Snape. Seeing we cannot remove you or Ron from your respective "happy places," I would like to inform you that class is now over and that we are all leaving. Thank you, and enjoy your stay at your "happy place."'"
"I guess we can leave now."
"YES! Out of this insane asylum."
"I am still in my happy place. Blissfully unaware."
[Divination classroom, 10:22 AM]
Low voice, "I fear the thing you dread will indeed come to pass."
Shocked, "Draco's pregnant?! Dude, because if that's true, his father would kill me."
Odd looks from rest of the class. Sputtering.
Coughing, "Ahem. No dear. The other thing you fear will come to pass."
Thinking. Surprised, "Ron wants to have sex with Draco?"
Indignant, "NO I DO NOT!"
"Well that's a relief. For a second there…"
"I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!"
"Ahem. No, not that either."
"Well, then, what?"
Misty voice, "The Dark Lord is rising."
"Oh." Confused, "I'm fearing that?"
"Oh never mind."
[Divination classroom, 10:27 AM]
"Crystal balls. I hate crystal balls! I can never see anything!"
Imitating Trelawney, "Ah, my dear, when a midget with glasses cannot see anything in a crystal ball, it is a sure sign he will die."
"Ron, who are you calling a midget? And I am NOT going to die."
Imitating Trelwaney, "Ah, my dear, when a midget with glasses says he will not die, he is sure to die."
"Ron, stuff it."
"My dears, what are you doing?"
In unison, "Nothing, Professor."
Underneath breath, "Gazing de~ep into your crystal balls."
Rolls eyes. Suppressed laughter. "I don't know why we keep taking this class."
"Because the midget in glasses needs to know what his dark, da~ark future is."
"Let me change that. I don't know why I keep taking this class WITH YOU."
"Because the midget in glasses-"
"Shut up, Ron. I'm getting contacts anyway."
"Okay. So the midget WITHOUT glasses and with CONTACTS-"
"Oh, shut up. Or else I'll put a silencing charm on you."
"I'm going to my happy place."
"Not you too."
[Divination classroom, 10:39 AM]
Gasping, "My dear! It is the Grim!"
"Not again."
Sad look, "That surely means you will die."
"Yes, for the 27th time this year."
"My dear, you should not question the powers of the unknown…"
Underneath breath, "Woo~ooo…"
"Ron. Stuff it."
[Divination classroom, 10:47 AM]
"My dear, I have just witnessed in my crystal ball-"
Bored, unimpressed voice, "My horrible, horrible death. I know. All feel sorry for me. Boo hoo hoo."
Sound of parchment being taken out. Sound of quill pen.
"Ron, what's that?"
"I'm keeping track of the all the times she predicted your "horrible, horrible death" this year."
"What's that make it?"
"So far? 37. 38 with that prediction."
"So I was wrong. I said 27."
"Yep. Off by 10."
"In two months? Wow. That's a record."
"Yeah. Last time it was 29."
Background, "My dears! His death! His death!"
In unison, "39."
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say she wants me dead."
"Because we all hate the midget in glasses, Harry."
"RON!"
[Divination classroom, 11:33 AM]
"My dear! Your death!"
"PROFESSOR! Not to be rude, and not to doubt your mystical abilities or anything, but I AM NOT GOING TO DIE! Not NOW, not TODAY, not TOMORROW, not the day AFTER tomorrow. I am perfectly FINE!"
"40."
{Divination classroom, 11:38 AM]
"My dear, a dark future awaits. And death lurks in the corner."
"41."
"AURGH! I GIVE UP."
"What a poor life, my dear. Doomed to die."
"RON! You are not helping!"
"Cheer up, Harry! She's just a blind old bat anyway."
[Divination classroom, 12:02 PM]
"Finally!"
"What, did the tea fumes make the midget in glasses dizzy?"
Sound of hand smacking head. "OW! What was that for?"
"You have upset the midget in glasses."
"I have learned my lesson. Do not doubt the power of the midget in glasses."
Slap.
A/N: If there are any Trelawney fans out there, I'm sorry. The midget in glasses joke comes from GoF, page 201.