The Dangers of Strawberry Daiquiris
By Alyx, Leila, and Rain
General Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to us. They belong to Marvel, though we're not too sure they'd be proud of it after this story. We're not making any money off of this, we just did it for our own sick amusement.
General Warning: Very very silly. Don't even try to take it seriously. And don't try to put it in any kind of continuity, you'll make your head hurt. Just accept it as a very odd little fanfic written very late at night and under the influence of too much caffeine, and everything will be okay. Oh, yeah, and don't ask where the characters that don't appear in this story are. We don't know, we don't care, and frankly, we think they're better off staying where they are. ;)
Kitty was moping, Rogue looked pissed off, and Jean was just plain miffed. "I can't believe they left us at home," Jean muttered.
"I can't believe those three went out at all," Kitty added.
"Ah wonder how many of 'em 'll come back alive."
They stared at each other in silence for a minute, Kitty lounging in a chair, Rogue curled up on the sofa, and Jean leaning against the wall. "This could be fun, though."
"Yeah," Rogue assented. "Who needs th' boys, anyway?"
Kitty's eyes sparkled as she glanced over to Jean. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Oooh.. Sleepover!"
"Yeah. We have movies and beer and other fun things."
"Beer? I have daiquiris!"
"Midnight margaritas!" Rogue exclaimed.
"Yeah! We'll show the boys we don't need them to have fun!"
"All right," Jean said, assuming her husband's irritating quality of needing to delegate every mundane activity. "I'll get the booze, Kitty, you make popcorn, and Rogue, you get a movie."
"Kay."
"Kay."
When Kitty and Jean returned from the kitchen, Rogue was still searching through the stacks of video tapes piled next to the TV. "Got a movie yet?" Jean asked.
"Ah know what Ah want. Ah just can't find it." Jean shrugged and telekinetically deposited the drinks on the coffee table. "By th' way, remind me t' ask Bobby 'bout all these tapes o' his."
"What tapes?" Kitty asked.
"Super Sadomasochistic Vixens from Delta 9?"
"Ewww. sorry I asked."
"Ah-ha!" Rogue stood and whirled around, triumphantly holding out a copy of Gone With the Wind.
(The writers would like it known that Alyx insists on watching this movie almost constantly.-Rain* That is so not true.-Alyx* Is so.--Rain and Leila*).
"Oh, god, Rogue, not again!" Jean rolled her eyes.
"What?"
"Every time the guys go out, you make us watch that movie."
"Every time," Kitty affirmed.
"So? It's only th' best movie ever!"
"But then we sit here and cry all night long."
"Jeannie, why'd you tell her to pick out the movie?"
"Let's just see what's on HBO."
Rogue replaced the video to the stack and flopped down on the couch, sulking a bit. Kitty picked up the remote control and started flipping through the channels as Jean pelted Rogue with popcorn kernels. "Hey!" Rogue shouted when Jean managed to get popcorn down her shirt. "Watch it!" With Jean giggling, Rogue tried to shake the popcorn out of her shirt without being obscene about it.
"You guys are acting like teenagers," Kitty commented. In response, Rogue quite maturely stuck her tongue out.
"Hey, I'm stuck with Scott all the time. I need to get to act immature every once in a while."
Kitty smirked at Rogue, still removing popcorn from her shirt. "See. I wore a high-cut shirt so you wouldn't be able to throw popcorn down it."
Rogue raised an eyebrow. "That a challenge, sugah?"
"You're no fun, Kitty," Jean replied, telekinetically pulling the top of Kitty's shirt open so she could throw popcorn down it.
"Ahh! Quit it! And shut up, Rogue."
Rogue just kept snickering. "Ah didn't say nothin'."
"But she sure thought it."
"That ain't fair. Ah hate it when ya read mah mind." Jean just smiled sweetly.
"Hey, what's this?" Kitty directed their attention to the TV screen.
"A movie."
"'Bout us?"
The three X-Ladies exchanged curious glances. "X-Men: The Movie. Did we authorize that?" Jean wondered aloud.
"I have no idea. you wanna watch it?"
"Sure. might be interesting."
"Hey, Jeannie, pass me a drink." Without moving a muscle, Jean thought a drink towards Rogue, who rolled her eyes. "Show-off."
"Shush, the movie's starting."
*roughly two hours and ten drinks later (well, ten drinks give or take, Kitty was swigging from the bottle)*
"Oh mah lawd."
"Wow. that was bad."
"I'm stunned."
"Ah so don't sound like that. That poor girl was definitely forcin' th' accent."
"Yeah. an' Scott isn't that bad."
"Yes, he is," Rogue and Kitty replied in unison.
"No." Jean pouted.
"Least you two 're in the movie."
"You were in it, Kitty. for 'bout three sec'nds."
Jean was still trying to form a coherent sentence in her husband's defense. "Now. that's. not. fair."
"You okay, Jeannie?"
"She's fine," Rogue assured her, sipping her sixth margarita. "Just drunk."
"Okay."
Rogue's eyes lit up suddenly and she sat up straight, struck with a brilliant idea. "Hey, Jeannie."
"Hmm?"
"Truth or dare?"
"Oh, I wanna play!" Kitty said, bouncing on the sofa.
"Truth."
Rogue's grin broadened. "A'ight. now, Jeannie, Ah've been dyin' ta ask ya. outta all th' men ya could'a had if ya'd wanted. why'd ya pick Scott 'Ah've got a stick up mah ass' Summers?"1
Kitty immediately started giggling. "Why Scott? Th' question of th' ages."
Jean glared, which was somewhat less effective given her level of inebriation. "Do I hafta answer that?"
Rogue grinned, fairly certain she was about to be hit. "Yep. Ah asked."
"No, Rogue, I wasn't drunk."
"Ya sure? Ah 'member th' weddin'."
"That's truly not th' point."
"Quit stallin', sugah."
Jean grumbled, "He's Scott! Why d' you stick with Remy?"
Rogue laughed. "In case ya hadn't noticed, Ah don't tend ta! We can't seem t' stay t'gether for more'n a few months at a time."
"Plus, at least Remy's sexy," Kitty added, earning her a stern glance from Rogue. "Scott's such a Boy Scout."
"Heh, you really haven't seen all of Scott," Jean mumbled, sipping her drink.
"An' Ah don't wanna, either."
"Eww!" Kitty shrieked. "Scott naked! What a scary thought!"
"Actually. it's a great thought." Jean got a positively blissful look on her face.
"Eww. Ah think Ah'm gonna be ill."
"Hmm. wonder where he is right now."
Rogue's eyes widened. "Ack! None o' that!" She beamed a pillow at Jean. "Do that in yoah own time!"
"Eww. Jeannie, I don't wanna know."
"Hehe. all right, I've answered your question."
"No, you haven't."
"Let her off th' hook, Kitty, she ain't gonna answer if she c'n help it."
"I'll answer." Jean sighed heavily. "He's just that good in bed."
"Ewwwwww!" Kitty was off and screeching again.
"Ick! Bad mental image, bad mental image!" Rogue threw another pillow at Jean, this time with increased force.
Jean sent the pillow back at Rogue. "That's my husband you're talkin' 'bout!"
"Rogue... don't ask her anythin' else about Scott, okay?"
Rogue didn't react fast enough, and got smacked in the face with the pillow. "Mmf! Ah won't Ah won't Ah won't!" She threw the pillow at Kitty, who phased through it, so it hit Jean. "Ah know more'n Ah ever wanted ta as it is!"
"All right, Roguey, truth or dare?" Jean asked, pleased with herself for dragging such reactions out of the other two.
"Don' call me that. An'.what th' hell, Ah'm brave. Dare."
"Whacha gonna make her do, Jeannie?" Kitty asked.
"Mmm. well. I wonder what would happen if you an' Remy." Rogue's eyes shot wide. "But no, that'd hurt him."
"Yeah. Nothin' that gets anyone hurt."
"'Cause then it stops bein' fun," Kitty justified.
"Oh, I don't know. What should I make her do, Kitty?"
Jean and Kitty leaned in to each other, whispering. Rogue picked up another drink and settled back against the armrest. "Y'all ain't got nothin'."
Jean turned to Rogue with a grin. "You ready?"
"'Course Ah'm ready."
"You have to try and seduce Scott."
Rogue froze like a deer caught in the headlights, her eyes expanding to the width of small plates. Kitty rolled off of the couch and onto the floor as a product of her laughing at Rogue and the bottle of tequila she'd just finished off. Jean just smiled serenely. "You said you were ready."
Rogue finally regained control of her senses well enough to shriek, "Ewwwwwwww! Eww eww eww eww eww!"
Kitty coughed, trying to speak through her laughter. "Well, ya hafta do it."
"Yeah, Roguey, ya have to."
"Nevah said Ah wouldn't. but. ewwwwwwwww!" She grabbed another drink from the table and downed it in one gulp. She shook her head, setting the glass down. "Ah don' even know what that was."
"Bourbon," Jean replied.
"Eww. Ah hate bourbon."
"Rogue, how many does that make for you?" Kitty asked, crawling back onto the couch.
"Ah lost count 'long time ago."
"Kitty's turn!" Jean shouted.
"Yeah. Kitty. truth a' dare?"
"Hmm. I'm feeling adventurous tonight. an' I'm a few drinks over my limit. so. dare." Rogue grinned, obviously having something devious in mind. "Oh shit." Kitty muttered. "Wrong choice."
"Ooh, Ah was hopin' you'd pick dare."
"Go on, Rogue, what do I hafta do?"
Rogue picked up yet another drink and calmly sipped it.
"C'mon, Rogue, give," Jean implored.
"Polish th' professah's head."
Jean spit out her drink and started laughing too hard to breathe.
"What?!" Kitty looked both frightened and confused.
"Ya heard me. Y'know. like a bowlin' ball."
"But. he'll kill me!"
"Nah. he needs ya on th' team too much ta kill ya. Though it might mean some quality time wi' Scott an' Wolvie in th' Danger Room."
"Huh?"
Rogue shrugged. "That's how th' professah always punishes me."
Now Kitty looked pained. "All right. I'll do it."
"O' course ya will."
Jean was still giggling. "That's fabulous."
"Take out yoah anger on Jeannie, iss her turn."
Kitty turned to Jean, muttering something about having always hated Rogue. She was rewarded for this with a pillow to the side of the head. "Ah heard that."
"Okay. Jean. truth or dare?"
"Truth. no! Dare. yeah, definitely, dare."
"Okay. hmm." Kitty thought for a moment, then got an enlightened look in her eyes and started giggling.
"What? What is it?"
"Oh, this'd bettah be good."
"You hafta try an' get Wolvie to have a threesome with you an' Scott."
"What?"
Now Rogue started laughing uncontrollably. "Thass beautiful!"
"Good enough, Rogue?"
Jean was contemplating the plausibility of the situation. Rogue kept laughing. "Oh mah lawd oh mah lawd oh mah lawd oh mah lawd."
"That's too easy," Jean convinced herself.
"Ya sure, sugah?" Rogue asked, attempting to sit upright. "Wolvie ain't gonna be too fond o' sharin' a bed wi' Scott." She grinned maliciously. "Ah'll hafta get Bobby ta video tape, Ah'm sure he won't mind."
(Authors' note: We love Bobby, and that's why we abuse him)
"Eww."
Jean smiled sweetly. "I have my ways. it's called bein' physic."
Rogue nearly choked on her drink. "Bein' physic, hun?"
Jean contemplated this for a moment before realizing her error. "Shut up, Rogue."
"Too many drinks, Jeannie?"
"Shut up, Kitty."
Rogue sipped her drink. "A'ight.. What now?"
"I dunno. Jean, any ideas?"
"Hmm?" Jean looked groggily up from her drink.
Rogue cackled. "Jeannie's drunk!"
Jean telekinetically threw a small table at her, which Rogue easily caught with one hand. "Not that drunk."
Rogue tossed the table over her shoulder into the hallway. "You're gonna hafta do better' n that, sugah."
Jean threw a pillow at Kitty. "I'd throw more, but I'd hurt you."
Kitty phased through the pillow and used it as a headrest. "Thanks, Jeannie."
Jean stuck her tongue out.
"Wow, Jean, I'm intimi-. intimmid. aww, shit, I'm scared."
"Huh?"
"I was bein' sarcastic."
"Doin' real bad at it."
"I think I lost it somewhere back in my inability ta say intim. intima. whatever."
Jean giggled. "You're so drunk."
"Oh, like you're better, Miss Physic," Rogue retorted as she stared down at the drink in her hand, wondering exactly how many she'd had.
"Not drunk enough!" Kitty shouted, grabbing another drink. Jean downed the one in her hand. "Girls, we need to do this more often," Kitty continued.
"Damn straight," Rogue agreed.
"Definitely," Jean added, her voice resonating in her glass.
Suddenly, Rogue leapt up, again struck with inspiration. "Ah'll be right back."
"Why don't I like the sound of that?"
"Oh, goodness."
Before either of them could do anything to stop her, Rogue had flown directly out the window-which was still closed-and out of sight. Kitty looked at Jean and started tickling her for no real reason. Kitty kept tickling and Jean kept convulsing until Rogue came back through the window, carrying three ice cream sundaes.
"Ooh. ice cream." Kitty said, in awe as if Rogue had come bearing the jewels of Egypt.
"Thank you, darling," Jean said, taking one of the sundaes from Rogue.
"Do these have liquor in them?" Kitty asked as she took hers.
"They can!"
"Cool!"
"That's a great idea."
Rogue flopped back down on the couch. "So what liquor goes best wi' mint choc'late chip?"
"I dunno." Jean seemed to be seriously contemplating the matter. "I think prolly rum. or whiskey."
"Both!" Rogue jubilantly cried.
"Yeah!"
After all of the sundaes had been sufficiently spiked, the three completely smashed X-Women settled back on the couch to enjoy their intoxicating treats. Rogue started giggling for no reason at all.
"Hehe." Kitty laughed. "Rogue's drunk!"
"Yesh, she ish." Jean mumbled.
"Like y'all're better!"
They ate in silence for a moment before Jean glanced at the clock and, after a few moments of trying to figure out which hand was longer, started laughing. "Teehehe. the boys're due home any minute now."
"Lawd."
"We should clean up."
"Nah. let them do it."
"Mmm. whipped cream." By now, Rogue was completely absorbed in the study of her ice cream, not even hearing what the other two were saying.
Kitty tried to stand up, but failed miserably. "Rogue. Rogue. ROGUE!"
"Hmm?" She turned to face Kitty, her spoon still stuck in her mouth.
Jean giggled (again). "She was thinkin' 'bout Remy 'gain."
Rogue removed the spoon from her mouth and threatened Jean with it. "Was not!"
"Oh yeah, like the whipped cream comment lets us believe that," Kitty snickered.
"Huh? Oh. hey!" Once the insult filtered through her brain, Rogue became quite indignant.
Suddenly the room was flooded with lights from the driveway. "Teehe. they're here!" Jean pointlessly announced.
Rogue giggled some more. "This ought'a be good." Placing the remnants of her sundae on the table, she kicked legs over the armrest of the sofa, resting her head on the seat cushion. Jean had collapsed in an armchair, and Kitty was sprawled out on the floor.
"Scott, honey, we're in here!" Jean deteriorated into tittering. "Have fun, Roguey."
Rogue frowned. "Ah don' hafta do it now, d'Ah? Ah'm not sure Ah c'n stand up."
"I guess not. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed."
"God, Jean, you're -hiccup-you're almost as drunk as Rogue!"
"Am not! I'm not drunk!"
"Yesh you are."
"Ah'm not drunk. Ah'm just a li'l bit. not thirsty."
"Rogue, you're drunker than Jeannie."
"An' you're drunkest of all!" Jean yelled, throwing a pillow that wound up nowhere near its intended target.
"I'm not more drunk 'n y'all." Kitty protested.
"Ya just said 'y'all', Kitty. Thass mah word."
"I only had." Kitty paused a moment, tried to count on her fingers, and then ran out of digits. "Whatever. I'm not drunk."
"Si, tu esta!"
Silence.
"Um, Jean?"
"Spanish?"
"Oh, good lawd, Jeannie's channelin' Fidel Castro!"
"Huh? I don't speak Spanish. You're both really drunk."
"Ya did so!"
"I can't speak Spanish, el estupido."
"Ya did it again!"
More unrestrained giggling as Scott, Remy, and Pete walked in. A brief pause followed as the boys tried to decipher the scene before them. Rogue smiled up at Remy from her extremely compromising position on the couch.
(Just picture that position. It can be really incriminating.-Alyx* Yeah, you would know.-Rain* Whore.-Leila*)
"Hi there, sugah."
"Hey guys." Kitty actually looked a little sheepish until the effect was ruined by hiccupping.
"Hello, Senor Summers."
"Hey, Pete," Kitty added, drunkenly seductive.
"Tell them I don't speak Spanish."
Rogue started cracking up. "She did she did she did she did she did!"
"A couple a' times."
"Yep!"
Scott finally collected himself, and, as usual, felt that he had to be the responsible one, since all three women were too under the influence to stand, and Remy and Pete were busy ogling their respective women. "You're drunk! All of you!"
"Master a' th' obvious!" Rogue cheered.
"An' you're a pain in th' ass!" Jean cackled.
"And you're all giggling." Pete observed. "Kitty, you are so drunk!"
"Yeah. so?"
"Uhm. fearless leader. I'm t'inkin' we not leave de femmes alone again." Remy took another look at Rogue, who was desperately trying to reach the bottle of vodka with as little motion as possible. "Ever."
"Why not? We had fun!" Jean was rocking back and forth, grinning inanely.
"Lots a' fun."
"Little bit o' truth or dare. some whiskey. some daiquiris. some rum. some beer. some more beer."
"Don't forget the margaritas!"
Pete considered all three of them very carefully. "Never thought I'd say this. but I agree with Remy."
"We had liquor sundaes!" Rogue shouted, triumphantly throwing her arms in the air.
"Si, si!"
"Jean! Spanish again!"
"Nuh-uh"
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did-"
"What happened to the window?!"
Rogue burst out laughing again. "Oops. That was me. Sorry, Scott."
"Why on earth."
"We needed ice cream," Rogue explained, as if that solved everything.
"We have doors."
She shrugged. "Window didn't hurt me none."
Kitty held out her arms to Pete. "Help me up. I don' think I c'n walk."
"No, no. drunk girls get to sleep on the couch."
Scott shook his head dully. "We need to get these girls to bed." Sensing a vulgar grin creeping across Remy's face, he added, "Their own beds!"
Rogue batted her eyelashes at Remy. "Easy for you t' say, Cyke." Remy said. "Jeannie's bed is your bed." He glanced over at Pete. "Me, I can' believe we're not takin' 'vantage of de situation."
Rogue and Kitty continued to giggle. Jean just looked dazed. Scott paused for a moment. "Well, yes, but we all know what would happen if you and Rogue wound up in the same bed."
"Hey!" Rogue objected. "Ah'm a good girl. Ah swear." She ruined the solemn vow by hiccupping and resuming her giggles. She wasn't even hearing Scott as he boringly explained the fact that even if he did trust her, there was no way to avoid skin absorption if she and Remy shared a bed.
"Well. no reason for me and Kitty to go to separate beds."
Kitty beamed. "Carry me away!"
Rogue snapped back to reality. "No! That ain't fair! Ev'ryone gets to get laid 'cept me!"
"Oh well. You lose."
"Pete," Scott warned.
"A'ight, a'ight, I hear you. she'll be in her own bedroom shortly." He lifted Kitty threshold-style in his arms and removed her from the scene.
Remy shook his head. "I can' believe I'm bein' dis good. Fear not, Cyke, I'll have ma chere in her own room soon's I c'n carry her up dere."
Scott nodded. "C'mon, Jean, up." Jean managed to stand with considerable help from her husband. Remy, in no mood to treat Rogue with dignity, lifted her from the couch and slung her over his shoulder.
"This ain't nice, Remy."
"Sorry, belle."
And Jean giggled.
The End (for now.)
By Alyx, Leila, and Rain
General Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to us. They belong to Marvel, though we're not too sure they'd be proud of it after this story. We're not making any money off of this, we just did it for our own sick amusement.
General Warning: Very very silly. Don't even try to take it seriously. And don't try to put it in any kind of continuity, you'll make your head hurt. Just accept it as a very odd little fanfic written very late at night and under the influence of too much caffeine, and everything will be okay. Oh, yeah, and don't ask where the characters that don't appear in this story are. We don't know, we don't care, and frankly, we think they're better off staying where they are. ;)
Kitty was moping, Rogue looked pissed off, and Jean was just plain miffed. "I can't believe they left us at home," Jean muttered.
"I can't believe those three went out at all," Kitty added.
"Ah wonder how many of 'em 'll come back alive."
They stared at each other in silence for a minute, Kitty lounging in a chair, Rogue curled up on the sofa, and Jean leaning against the wall. "This could be fun, though."
"Yeah," Rogue assented. "Who needs th' boys, anyway?"
Kitty's eyes sparkled as she glanced over to Jean. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Oooh.. Sleepover!"
"Yeah. We have movies and beer and other fun things."
"Beer? I have daiquiris!"
"Midnight margaritas!" Rogue exclaimed.
"Yeah! We'll show the boys we don't need them to have fun!"
"All right," Jean said, assuming her husband's irritating quality of needing to delegate every mundane activity. "I'll get the booze, Kitty, you make popcorn, and Rogue, you get a movie."
"Kay."
"Kay."
When Kitty and Jean returned from the kitchen, Rogue was still searching through the stacks of video tapes piled next to the TV. "Got a movie yet?" Jean asked.
"Ah know what Ah want. Ah just can't find it." Jean shrugged and telekinetically deposited the drinks on the coffee table. "By th' way, remind me t' ask Bobby 'bout all these tapes o' his."
"What tapes?" Kitty asked.
"Super Sadomasochistic Vixens from Delta 9?"
"Ewww. sorry I asked."
"Ah-ha!" Rogue stood and whirled around, triumphantly holding out a copy of Gone With the Wind.
(The writers would like it known that Alyx insists on watching this movie almost constantly.-Rain* That is so not true.-Alyx* Is so.--Rain and Leila*).
"Oh, god, Rogue, not again!" Jean rolled her eyes.
"What?"
"Every time the guys go out, you make us watch that movie."
"Every time," Kitty affirmed.
"So? It's only th' best movie ever!"
"But then we sit here and cry all night long."
"Jeannie, why'd you tell her to pick out the movie?"
"Let's just see what's on HBO."
Rogue replaced the video to the stack and flopped down on the couch, sulking a bit. Kitty picked up the remote control and started flipping through the channels as Jean pelted Rogue with popcorn kernels. "Hey!" Rogue shouted when Jean managed to get popcorn down her shirt. "Watch it!" With Jean giggling, Rogue tried to shake the popcorn out of her shirt without being obscene about it.
"You guys are acting like teenagers," Kitty commented. In response, Rogue quite maturely stuck her tongue out.
"Hey, I'm stuck with Scott all the time. I need to get to act immature every once in a while."
Kitty smirked at Rogue, still removing popcorn from her shirt. "See. I wore a high-cut shirt so you wouldn't be able to throw popcorn down it."
Rogue raised an eyebrow. "That a challenge, sugah?"
"You're no fun, Kitty," Jean replied, telekinetically pulling the top of Kitty's shirt open so she could throw popcorn down it.
"Ahh! Quit it! And shut up, Rogue."
Rogue just kept snickering. "Ah didn't say nothin'."
"But she sure thought it."
"That ain't fair. Ah hate it when ya read mah mind." Jean just smiled sweetly.
"Hey, what's this?" Kitty directed their attention to the TV screen.
"A movie."
"'Bout us?"
The three X-Ladies exchanged curious glances. "X-Men: The Movie. Did we authorize that?" Jean wondered aloud.
"I have no idea. you wanna watch it?"
"Sure. might be interesting."
"Hey, Jeannie, pass me a drink." Without moving a muscle, Jean thought a drink towards Rogue, who rolled her eyes. "Show-off."
"Shush, the movie's starting."
*roughly two hours and ten drinks later (well, ten drinks give or take, Kitty was swigging from the bottle)*
"Oh mah lawd."
"Wow. that was bad."
"I'm stunned."
"Ah so don't sound like that. That poor girl was definitely forcin' th' accent."
"Yeah. an' Scott isn't that bad."
"Yes, he is," Rogue and Kitty replied in unison.
"No." Jean pouted.
"Least you two 're in the movie."
"You were in it, Kitty. for 'bout three sec'nds."
Jean was still trying to form a coherent sentence in her husband's defense. "Now. that's. not. fair."
"You okay, Jeannie?"
"She's fine," Rogue assured her, sipping her sixth margarita. "Just drunk."
"Okay."
Rogue's eyes lit up suddenly and she sat up straight, struck with a brilliant idea. "Hey, Jeannie."
"Hmm?"
"Truth or dare?"
"Oh, I wanna play!" Kitty said, bouncing on the sofa.
"Truth."
Rogue's grin broadened. "A'ight. now, Jeannie, Ah've been dyin' ta ask ya. outta all th' men ya could'a had if ya'd wanted. why'd ya pick Scott 'Ah've got a stick up mah ass' Summers?"1
Kitty immediately started giggling. "Why Scott? Th' question of th' ages."
Jean glared, which was somewhat less effective given her level of inebriation. "Do I hafta answer that?"
Rogue grinned, fairly certain she was about to be hit. "Yep. Ah asked."
"No, Rogue, I wasn't drunk."
"Ya sure? Ah 'member th' weddin'."
"That's truly not th' point."
"Quit stallin', sugah."
Jean grumbled, "He's Scott! Why d' you stick with Remy?"
Rogue laughed. "In case ya hadn't noticed, Ah don't tend ta! We can't seem t' stay t'gether for more'n a few months at a time."
"Plus, at least Remy's sexy," Kitty added, earning her a stern glance from Rogue. "Scott's such a Boy Scout."
"Heh, you really haven't seen all of Scott," Jean mumbled, sipping her drink.
"An' Ah don't wanna, either."
"Eww!" Kitty shrieked. "Scott naked! What a scary thought!"
"Actually. it's a great thought." Jean got a positively blissful look on her face.
"Eww. Ah think Ah'm gonna be ill."
"Hmm. wonder where he is right now."
Rogue's eyes widened. "Ack! None o' that!" She beamed a pillow at Jean. "Do that in yoah own time!"
"Eww. Jeannie, I don't wanna know."
"Hehe. all right, I've answered your question."
"No, you haven't."
"Let her off th' hook, Kitty, she ain't gonna answer if she c'n help it."
"I'll answer." Jean sighed heavily. "He's just that good in bed."
"Ewwwwww!" Kitty was off and screeching again.
"Ick! Bad mental image, bad mental image!" Rogue threw another pillow at Jean, this time with increased force.
Jean sent the pillow back at Rogue. "That's my husband you're talkin' 'bout!"
"Rogue... don't ask her anythin' else about Scott, okay?"
Rogue didn't react fast enough, and got smacked in the face with the pillow. "Mmf! Ah won't Ah won't Ah won't!" She threw the pillow at Kitty, who phased through it, so it hit Jean. "Ah know more'n Ah ever wanted ta as it is!"
"All right, Roguey, truth or dare?" Jean asked, pleased with herself for dragging such reactions out of the other two.
"Don' call me that. An'.what th' hell, Ah'm brave. Dare."
"Whacha gonna make her do, Jeannie?" Kitty asked.
"Mmm. well. I wonder what would happen if you an' Remy." Rogue's eyes shot wide. "But no, that'd hurt him."
"Yeah. Nothin' that gets anyone hurt."
"'Cause then it stops bein' fun," Kitty justified.
"Oh, I don't know. What should I make her do, Kitty?"
Jean and Kitty leaned in to each other, whispering. Rogue picked up another drink and settled back against the armrest. "Y'all ain't got nothin'."
Jean turned to Rogue with a grin. "You ready?"
"'Course Ah'm ready."
"You have to try and seduce Scott."
Rogue froze like a deer caught in the headlights, her eyes expanding to the width of small plates. Kitty rolled off of the couch and onto the floor as a product of her laughing at Rogue and the bottle of tequila she'd just finished off. Jean just smiled serenely. "You said you were ready."
Rogue finally regained control of her senses well enough to shriek, "Ewwwwwwww! Eww eww eww eww eww!"
Kitty coughed, trying to speak through her laughter. "Well, ya hafta do it."
"Yeah, Roguey, ya have to."
"Nevah said Ah wouldn't. but. ewwwwwwwww!" She grabbed another drink from the table and downed it in one gulp. She shook her head, setting the glass down. "Ah don' even know what that was."
"Bourbon," Jean replied.
"Eww. Ah hate bourbon."
"Rogue, how many does that make for you?" Kitty asked, crawling back onto the couch.
"Ah lost count 'long time ago."
"Kitty's turn!" Jean shouted.
"Yeah. Kitty. truth a' dare?"
"Hmm. I'm feeling adventurous tonight. an' I'm a few drinks over my limit. so. dare." Rogue grinned, obviously having something devious in mind. "Oh shit." Kitty muttered. "Wrong choice."
"Ooh, Ah was hopin' you'd pick dare."
"Go on, Rogue, what do I hafta do?"
Rogue picked up yet another drink and calmly sipped it.
"C'mon, Rogue, give," Jean implored.
"Polish th' professah's head."
Jean spit out her drink and started laughing too hard to breathe.
"What?!" Kitty looked both frightened and confused.
"Ya heard me. Y'know. like a bowlin' ball."
"But. he'll kill me!"
"Nah. he needs ya on th' team too much ta kill ya. Though it might mean some quality time wi' Scott an' Wolvie in th' Danger Room."
"Huh?"
Rogue shrugged. "That's how th' professah always punishes me."
Now Kitty looked pained. "All right. I'll do it."
"O' course ya will."
Jean was still giggling. "That's fabulous."
"Take out yoah anger on Jeannie, iss her turn."
Kitty turned to Jean, muttering something about having always hated Rogue. She was rewarded for this with a pillow to the side of the head. "Ah heard that."
"Okay. Jean. truth or dare?"
"Truth. no! Dare. yeah, definitely, dare."
"Okay. hmm." Kitty thought for a moment, then got an enlightened look in her eyes and started giggling.
"What? What is it?"
"Oh, this'd bettah be good."
"You hafta try an' get Wolvie to have a threesome with you an' Scott."
"What?"
Now Rogue started laughing uncontrollably. "Thass beautiful!"
"Good enough, Rogue?"
Jean was contemplating the plausibility of the situation. Rogue kept laughing. "Oh mah lawd oh mah lawd oh mah lawd oh mah lawd."
"That's too easy," Jean convinced herself.
"Ya sure, sugah?" Rogue asked, attempting to sit upright. "Wolvie ain't gonna be too fond o' sharin' a bed wi' Scott." She grinned maliciously. "Ah'll hafta get Bobby ta video tape, Ah'm sure he won't mind."
(Authors' note: We love Bobby, and that's why we abuse him)
"Eww."
Jean smiled sweetly. "I have my ways. it's called bein' physic."
Rogue nearly choked on her drink. "Bein' physic, hun?"
Jean contemplated this for a moment before realizing her error. "Shut up, Rogue."
"Too many drinks, Jeannie?"
"Shut up, Kitty."
Rogue sipped her drink. "A'ight.. What now?"
"I dunno. Jean, any ideas?"
"Hmm?" Jean looked groggily up from her drink.
Rogue cackled. "Jeannie's drunk!"
Jean telekinetically threw a small table at her, which Rogue easily caught with one hand. "Not that drunk."
Rogue tossed the table over her shoulder into the hallway. "You're gonna hafta do better' n that, sugah."
Jean threw a pillow at Kitty. "I'd throw more, but I'd hurt you."
Kitty phased through the pillow and used it as a headrest. "Thanks, Jeannie."
Jean stuck her tongue out.
"Wow, Jean, I'm intimi-. intimmid. aww, shit, I'm scared."
"Huh?"
"I was bein' sarcastic."
"Doin' real bad at it."
"I think I lost it somewhere back in my inability ta say intim. intima. whatever."
Jean giggled. "You're so drunk."
"Oh, like you're better, Miss Physic," Rogue retorted as she stared down at the drink in her hand, wondering exactly how many she'd had.
"Not drunk enough!" Kitty shouted, grabbing another drink. Jean downed the one in her hand. "Girls, we need to do this more often," Kitty continued.
"Damn straight," Rogue agreed.
"Definitely," Jean added, her voice resonating in her glass.
Suddenly, Rogue leapt up, again struck with inspiration. "Ah'll be right back."
"Why don't I like the sound of that?"
"Oh, goodness."
Before either of them could do anything to stop her, Rogue had flown directly out the window-which was still closed-and out of sight. Kitty looked at Jean and started tickling her for no real reason. Kitty kept tickling and Jean kept convulsing until Rogue came back through the window, carrying three ice cream sundaes.
"Ooh. ice cream." Kitty said, in awe as if Rogue had come bearing the jewels of Egypt.
"Thank you, darling," Jean said, taking one of the sundaes from Rogue.
"Do these have liquor in them?" Kitty asked as she took hers.
"They can!"
"Cool!"
"That's a great idea."
Rogue flopped back down on the couch. "So what liquor goes best wi' mint choc'late chip?"
"I dunno." Jean seemed to be seriously contemplating the matter. "I think prolly rum. or whiskey."
"Both!" Rogue jubilantly cried.
"Yeah!"
After all of the sundaes had been sufficiently spiked, the three completely smashed X-Women settled back on the couch to enjoy their intoxicating treats. Rogue started giggling for no reason at all.
"Hehe." Kitty laughed. "Rogue's drunk!"
"Yesh, she ish." Jean mumbled.
"Like y'all're better!"
They ate in silence for a moment before Jean glanced at the clock and, after a few moments of trying to figure out which hand was longer, started laughing. "Teehehe. the boys're due home any minute now."
"Lawd."
"We should clean up."
"Nah. let them do it."
"Mmm. whipped cream." By now, Rogue was completely absorbed in the study of her ice cream, not even hearing what the other two were saying.
Kitty tried to stand up, but failed miserably. "Rogue. Rogue. ROGUE!"
"Hmm?" She turned to face Kitty, her spoon still stuck in her mouth.
Jean giggled (again). "She was thinkin' 'bout Remy 'gain."
Rogue removed the spoon from her mouth and threatened Jean with it. "Was not!"
"Oh yeah, like the whipped cream comment lets us believe that," Kitty snickered.
"Huh? Oh. hey!" Once the insult filtered through her brain, Rogue became quite indignant.
Suddenly the room was flooded with lights from the driveway. "Teehe. they're here!" Jean pointlessly announced.
Rogue giggled some more. "This ought'a be good." Placing the remnants of her sundae on the table, she kicked legs over the armrest of the sofa, resting her head on the seat cushion. Jean had collapsed in an armchair, and Kitty was sprawled out on the floor.
"Scott, honey, we're in here!" Jean deteriorated into tittering. "Have fun, Roguey."
Rogue frowned. "Ah don' hafta do it now, d'Ah? Ah'm not sure Ah c'n stand up."
"I guess not. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed."
"God, Jean, you're -hiccup-you're almost as drunk as Rogue!"
"Am not! I'm not drunk!"
"Yesh you are."
"Ah'm not drunk. Ah'm just a li'l bit. not thirsty."
"Rogue, you're drunker than Jeannie."
"An' you're drunkest of all!" Jean yelled, throwing a pillow that wound up nowhere near its intended target.
"I'm not more drunk 'n y'all." Kitty protested.
"Ya just said 'y'all', Kitty. Thass mah word."
"I only had." Kitty paused a moment, tried to count on her fingers, and then ran out of digits. "Whatever. I'm not drunk."
"Si, tu esta!"
Silence.
"Um, Jean?"
"Spanish?"
"Oh, good lawd, Jeannie's channelin' Fidel Castro!"
"Huh? I don't speak Spanish. You're both really drunk."
"Ya did so!"
"I can't speak Spanish, el estupido."
"Ya did it again!"
More unrestrained giggling as Scott, Remy, and Pete walked in. A brief pause followed as the boys tried to decipher the scene before them. Rogue smiled up at Remy from her extremely compromising position on the couch.
(Just picture that position. It can be really incriminating.-Alyx* Yeah, you would know.-Rain* Whore.-Leila*)
"Hi there, sugah."
"Hey guys." Kitty actually looked a little sheepish until the effect was ruined by hiccupping.
"Hello, Senor Summers."
"Hey, Pete," Kitty added, drunkenly seductive.
"Tell them I don't speak Spanish."
Rogue started cracking up. "She did she did she did she did she did!"
"A couple a' times."
"Yep!"
Scott finally collected himself, and, as usual, felt that he had to be the responsible one, since all three women were too under the influence to stand, and Remy and Pete were busy ogling their respective women. "You're drunk! All of you!"
"Master a' th' obvious!" Rogue cheered.
"An' you're a pain in th' ass!" Jean cackled.
"And you're all giggling." Pete observed. "Kitty, you are so drunk!"
"Yeah. so?"
"Uhm. fearless leader. I'm t'inkin' we not leave de femmes alone again." Remy took another look at Rogue, who was desperately trying to reach the bottle of vodka with as little motion as possible. "Ever."
"Why not? We had fun!" Jean was rocking back and forth, grinning inanely.
"Lots a' fun."
"Little bit o' truth or dare. some whiskey. some daiquiris. some rum. some beer. some more beer."
"Don't forget the margaritas!"
Pete considered all three of them very carefully. "Never thought I'd say this. but I agree with Remy."
"We had liquor sundaes!" Rogue shouted, triumphantly throwing her arms in the air.
"Si, si!"
"Jean! Spanish again!"
"Nuh-uh"
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did-"
"What happened to the window?!"
Rogue burst out laughing again. "Oops. That was me. Sorry, Scott."
"Why on earth."
"We needed ice cream," Rogue explained, as if that solved everything.
"We have doors."
She shrugged. "Window didn't hurt me none."
Kitty held out her arms to Pete. "Help me up. I don' think I c'n walk."
"No, no. drunk girls get to sleep on the couch."
Scott shook his head dully. "We need to get these girls to bed." Sensing a vulgar grin creeping across Remy's face, he added, "Their own beds!"
Rogue batted her eyelashes at Remy. "Easy for you t' say, Cyke." Remy said. "Jeannie's bed is your bed." He glanced over at Pete. "Me, I can' believe we're not takin' 'vantage of de situation."
Rogue and Kitty continued to giggle. Jean just looked dazed. Scott paused for a moment. "Well, yes, but we all know what would happen if you and Rogue wound up in the same bed."
"Hey!" Rogue objected. "Ah'm a good girl. Ah swear." She ruined the solemn vow by hiccupping and resuming her giggles. She wasn't even hearing Scott as he boringly explained the fact that even if he did trust her, there was no way to avoid skin absorption if she and Remy shared a bed.
"Well. no reason for me and Kitty to go to separate beds."
Kitty beamed. "Carry me away!"
Rogue snapped back to reality. "No! That ain't fair! Ev'ryone gets to get laid 'cept me!"
"Oh well. You lose."
"Pete," Scott warned.
"A'ight, a'ight, I hear you. she'll be in her own bedroom shortly." He lifted Kitty threshold-style in his arms and removed her from the scene.
Remy shook his head. "I can' believe I'm bein' dis good. Fear not, Cyke, I'll have ma chere in her own room soon's I c'n carry her up dere."
Scott nodded. "C'mon, Jean, up." Jean managed to stand with considerable help from her husband. Remy, in no mood to treat Rogue with dignity, lifted her from the couch and slung her over his shoulder.
"This ain't nice, Remy."
"Sorry, belle."
And Jean giggled.
The End (for now.)