Chapter 3
AUTHOR'S NOTES, DISCLAIMERS, AND OTHER RANDOM JUNK:
I don't own Zelda. Figured that out yet? Property of Nintendo, Capcom, and whoever else. In the Author's Notes section, we also have some corrections from previous chapters. First, I called the mayor of Horon Village "Mayor Plen" when in fact it should have been "Mayor Ruul." Second, the coast off of the Fairies' Woods is due west of the South Shore, not northwest. Third, I believe I referred to the Labrynnian Maku Tree with male pronouns, when she is actually female (it's male in Holodrum). Sorry about those mistakes, but I'm too lazy to go back and update them in previous chapters. Besides, that would mean waiting longer for your next chapter, and you don't want THAT, do you? Also, one more thing before I shut up and let you read what you came here to read. A BIG THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed!!! It makes me feel so special! Also, it encourages me to write more if I get more reviews, so in the future I will only begin work on another chapter after receiving AT LEAST one review. I don't care if you hate the story, review anyway and tell me why you hate it so that I can fix it! PLEASE! And if you love it, review also and tell me how much! And if you only mildly like it or mildly dislike it, REVIEW ALSO! PLEEEEAAAASE! You will make my day if you do. And now, on with the fic.
After emerging from the L1 Dungeon, Racu's vision went dark and he saw an image of those little flying hearts that mean the Labrynnian Maku Tree is contacting you.
"Racu! I've received news of the next Essence from my brother in Holodrum! It awaits you in a place I have never heard of before called "Sunken City." Congratulations on rescuing the Hylian hero and defeating the Team Gemini. The brothers were caught by Maple after they left the L1 Dungeon and sealed up in a room full of insane Zoras, so you won't have problems with them in the near future. I'm sending Maple by flying saucer to get you to Holodrum. Good luck!"
Racu blinked and turned to Liz. "Any idea how the Maku Tree communicates psychically?"
"What?" she asked, bewildered.
"You mean he hasn't talked to you with his little creepy flying hearts? What the heck are those flying hearts supposed to be, anyway? His brains? Maybe he can throw his brains long distances to talk to you… or maybe I don't want to think about it…"
Liz was looking sick, and so Racu quickly suggested that they swim to shore and figure out what to do from there. No sooner had they arrived than Racu was promptly run over by a large flying saucer with a teenaged witch riding on it.
"Hey, wazzap?" she asked, flying around and grabbing Rupees that Racu had dropped and paying no attention to Racu himself, who was peeling himself off the ground.
"Put down his stuff this instant!" Liz shouted, drawing her sword.
Maple stopped in her tracks. "Who're you?" she asked unflatteringly.
"A Hylian hero…" she muttered. "Just like every other hero these days… except the fake ones. Who are you, Miss Witch, and what do you think you're doing racketing around on that stupid flying saucer?"
"Hey!" Maple shouted defensively. "I'll take my saucer wherever I want!"
Liz rolled her eyes and turned to Racu, who had managed to get himself into a standing position without major injury and was now eyeing the flying saucer apprehensively. "C'mon," Liz told him. "Let's head out before she runs me over too."
Racu shook his head and winced, partly from the pain, partly from the prospect of what was to come. "We can't," he said. "We're supposed to ride that thing to Holodrum for the next Essence."
Liz turned pale. "We're riding with that jerk of a valley girl?"
"They don't have valley girls in this dimension, for your 411," sneered Maple annoyingly. "Here, we're called 'annoying little witches.'"
"Gee, how descriptive," muttered Racu.
"Well, get on this thing!" screeched Maple. "I haven't got all day!"
"If it isn't one thing, it's another!" shouted Racu, finally losing it. "First green skirts instead of robes, then using a weapon other than a boomerang, then FLYING! OFF OF THE GROUND! There is NO RESPECT for Subrosian pride these days…" He stopped short, realizing what he'd just said.
"YOU'RE A SUBROSIAN?" screamed Liz. "WHY THE HECK DIDN'T You TELL ME?!?!?!?!?!? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST YOUR SUCKY RING!"
"Well, there were lots of reasons…" muttered Racu, but Liz was continuing without an answer.
"I THOUGHT I TRUSTED YOU! YOU'RE PROBABLY IN LEAGUE WITH THIS LITTLE WITCH HERE-"
"Hey!" said Maple. "Only I'm allowed to call myself a witch!"
"On the other hand," continued Liz thoughtfully, "It's pretty difficult to keep your sanity and still be in league with this witch…"
"What in the Holy Triforce does everyone have against Subrosians?" asked Racu, more than a little annoyed.
"Well," continued Liz quickly, "nothing, I guess, if they're trying to save the world, but, well… they have a reputation as being kind of destructive… you know, they live underground and bathe in lava… you know, weird!"
Racu was definitely annoyed now. "For your 411, to quote Maple, lava baths are very helpful to the skin and relaxing! They give you extra outer skin strength as well as providing a number of natural dissolved-rock vitamins and nutrients…"
"Oh, forget it," said Liz, "but it's no wonder you had trouble with Team Gemini."
"Hey, you had trouble with those clowns also, so I wouldn't be talking," huffed Racu. "I'll be glad when this is all over and I can soak in some relaxing intrusive lava and practice our Subrosian Dance…"
Taking a deep breath, he clambered on to the flying saucer, followed by Liz, and they were off to the land of Holodrum.
Some time later, Maple flew over the cliff over Sunken City and pressed a button. The flying saucer quickly flipped upside-down, dumping Racu and Liz on top of Witch Syrup's Potion Shop, crashing through the ceiling. Racu jumped up to yell at Maple, but she was gone.
Witch Syrup was, well… furious would be an understatement.
"THAT TEENAGED ALIEN-WANABE IDIOT GIRL!" screamed the Witch. "TO THINK THAT SHE'S RELATED TO ME! WHO THE HECK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS, DROPPING KIDS ON MY POTION SHOP AS IF NOTHING ELSE MATTERED!"
"Uh, we'd better go," said Racu uneasily, edging toward the door.
"YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE!" screeched Syrup, breaking the world record for biggest temper tantrum scream.
"Um… sorry?" Liz offered.
Syrup calmed down somewhat. "Actually, I'm glad you came," she cackled, grinning at them with a full mouth of crooked, yellow witchy teeth. "I needed someone to test my newest potion on! Hee, hee, hee!"
Liz glanced at her watch. It read 3:31. "Umm, actually, we have an urgent appointment at 3:33, and we'll never make it in time-"
"THREE IS THE WITCH'S NUMBER!" Syrup cackled evilly. "You have an appointment- WITH MY POTION!"
Witch Syrup quickly muttered a spell to prevent them from moving, then moved forward toward them with a bottle of red liquid that greatly resembled human blood.
"ARG! VAMPIRES!" Liz screamed. Racu gave her an odd look and she shut up.
"Open wide, little kiddies!" cackled Syrup, whose giggling was more evil than a Teletubby.
"Excuse me, but you don't have a medical license!" shouted Racu. "You need to have one to give me medicine!"
"Uh, yeah, right!" said Liz, playing along.
"Oh, okay kiddies, but take some potion for the road. HEE, HEE, HEE!" she giggled to herself as she let them leave, magicking the potion into Racu's pack as he left.
"She almost scares me more than Tingle," Racu muttered.
"Who?" Liz asked, interested.
"Never mind," replied Racu quickly. "We have to get to our next dungeon. I wonder where in Sunken City it is?"
Suddenly, in front of them, appeared Bob the French-Fried Kitty Liver!
Just kidding. No, really, who appeared in front of them was… THE GREAT MOBLIN WEARING A CHESHIRE CAT COSTUME?!?!?!?!?!?
Racu and Liz stared in amazement as the Great Moblin struck up a groovy beat, accompanied by bomb blasts from his two Lesser Moblin helpers.
BANG means a normal bomb explosion, BAAAAANG means a Big Bomb.
THE MOBLIN ROCK!
A Pointless Song by Evil Neptune!
Now the next dungeon's what you seekers
To save the world from havoc wreakers,
So if you want to find it this weekers,
Listen to my vocal squeakers AND
Do the Moblin Rock!
BANG, BANG!
Oh, yeah, do the Moblin Rock!
BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!
Uh huh, do the Moblin Rock!
BANG, BANG, BANG!
And Rock Around My Socks!
BAAAAAAANG!
So to stop the world from being dead,
Calm yourself stop seeing red,
The next dungeon's secret is not to dread,
To open it up just USE YOUR HEAD! AND
Do the Moblin Rock!
BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!
Yea, babe, do the Moblin Rock!
BANG!
Come on, do the Moblin Rock!
BANG, BANG, BANG!
And Rock Your Stupid…
BANG
ALARM CLOCK!
BAAAAAAAANG!
pauses briefly
Think some intelligent thoughts!
BANG, BAAAAAANG!
With that, the Great Moblin took a bow and vanished in a puff of smoke from the last bomb explosion, dragging his Lesser Moblin stage crew with him.
"Uhhh," Racu said.
"What kind of help was that supposed to be?" Liz asked.
"It wasn't. It was a twisted form of torture," Racu shuddered.
Liz paid no attention to him. "Use your head," the song said. "Think some intelligent thoughts. Hmm, I'm trying to think where this next dungeon might be…"
A rumbling noise suddenly sounded from deep beneath them.
A sudden burst of realization ripped through Racu. "Ouch!" he said. "Realizations hurt when they rip you like that!"
Uh… ignore that comment, please.
"My real burst of realization was… LIZ! YOU'RE A GENIUS! YOU FIGURED IT OUT!"
"I did?" she asked.
"Of course!" Racu replied. "You were thinking intelligent thoughts about how to get into the next dungeon, and the rumbling must have been the next dungeon starting to open up! Quick think about intelligent things!"
Liz recited the Pythagorean Theorem in her head, and Racu thought about the trajectory of a L2 Magic Boomerang as it beat Manhandla's stupid booty off (A/N: I HAAAAAAAATE THAT BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Slowly, as though there were an earthquake, the ground beneath them began to rumble, and a giant brain with a door in front rose out of the ground.
"Uh, Liz?" asked Racu. "I think we found Level 2."