FEAR

Chapter One

After that night, I tried to avoid my usual post at the old building at absolutely all costs – this meant joining Lexington on his patrol, which was particularly frustrating, as he never shuts up about computers and technology, which I have very little knowledge and interest in. I sometimes just let him natter on about everything, until finally he runs out of things to say.

Four nights later, me and Lex were settled on the edge of a large building just nearby of the Empire State building. Lex was continually talking about a new PC he was building, he used all sorts of jargon and slang and it sounded as if he were speaking to me in another language. I tried to act interested, but it just wasn't in me.

I had…other things in mind.

"So once I get the new processor in, it'll run much faster and then of course I'll be able to—"

I kept my eyes on the distance, pondering the events of four nights previous when I had met that woman. I still felt completely guilty for losing the head like that and demanding that she go. And I felt such fear that she had seen the hurt and rejection in my eyes from previous people, it was still there, if you looked hard enough.

"Brook…"

"Hmm?" I blinked out of my own thoughts and turned to Lex, he just looked at me, raising a brow.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Oh, sorry…" I sighed, "No, I was just…I dunno, day dreaming or something," I leaned my back against the brick wall and rested my elbows on my knees.

"I guess what I was saying wasn't very fascinating," Lex gave a shrug, "But despite that, you've been in a weird mood for nights now, Brook – what's eating you?"

What's not? I wondered to myself.

"Nothing," I replied, "I'm just exhausted…"

"Liar, you're wired, I can see it in your face," Lex smirked, he took a cellular phone out of a clip on his belt, and began to play with the buttons – probably text messaging Elisa or Broadway – that was all they did now since this cellular phone craze had hit the world, a craze for sending text messages to each other while bored on patrol.

"Lex…answer me this," I sniffed a little, I looked below me on the streets, barely anyone was passing by anymore, it was past midnight. "Do you think humans will ever trust us…ever accept us?"

"You've asked this before, and I've answered," Lexington responded, he pressed the send button on his phone, "and you know what that answer was then."

"Has your answer changed, though?" I asked.

"No."

"Oh."

"Brook, it takes time for people to accept things they don't understand – they'll get used to us. Its like I said before, I think they'll accept us by the time we get to our next generation, it may be ten or fifteen years away, but…you know, there may be a time when they accept us, and our hatchlings."

"I'll never have hatchlings, Lex," I gave a soft sigh, I looked down at the city, "there are three females I know of residing in New York, and one of them is Angela, who is my rookery brothers mate, the other is Demona, who is the bane of my existence…"

"There's Delilah, I'm not aware of her taking on a mate," Lex suggested.

"Ah, but Delilah is a clone – she's made of human and Gargoyle DNA, who knows what might happen if she tries to spawn," I gave a shrug, "Lets face it, there aren't enough females to go around."

"We're too adjusted to the human way of life, Brook," Lex admitted.

I looked up at the sky, knowing he was right.

One thousand years ago, our kind lived in a clan, I was not much older than I am now, but I understood the ways of the clan. All the males trained to be warriors – The females of the clan served only to teach and protect the children – although there was the exception.

In those days, males and females did not always mate for life, some only became mates for a short period during the breeding season – just to ensure that there be future generations. 

It was the humans who had the need for family, and marriage, and romance. Not us.  We occasionally revelled in romance, but most of our kind were able to live without it, we were too busy protecting the clan, and the castle, and the humans who dwelled there.

But the world we've grown up in these last few years has corrupted some of our traditional ways, we adjusted too much to the human away of life, human emotions – this is probably why I am subject to fear, from rejection, because I let the human emotion corrupt me. Now, I am human on the inside, only Gargoyle in Physical appearance.

"Would you like to be human?" Lex asked suddenly.

"Yeah, I would…but…I have a sense of pride for what I am, Lex," I looked down at my talons, "even if I am a monster."
"So…you've been Brooding since Sunday morning when you arrived just before dawn – so what's happened, Brook?"

"I saved a human, Lex. That's all," I absently braided a lock of my long snowy hair.

"So?"

"She's been watching me for about seven months, observing me…studying me…" I sighed and tossed my hair over my shoulder, "She did not scream when she saw me," I added. "She wanted to talk to me, but I cast her away…I wanted to talk to her, wanted to be her friend, but…"

"Fear of rejection?"

"Yes…" I grumbled.

"You have an inferiority complex or something, Brook. Not all humans are ready to scream at us, not all humans want to kill us, just most. But there are a couple of people out there – people like Elisa – who after time would get used to us…and befriend us."

I knew he was right, but I really did not want to be hurt again, my emotions were too unstable to go through with that right.

"So…why not seek out the girl you saved – and give it a chance instead of always ending up regretting it," Lex gave a shrug, "she's just one human, and if she rejects you, you don't have to see her again, Brook. Where's the harm in it?"

"Goliath would say I should not put myself in that spot," I gave a shrug.

"Goliath's ways are old, Brooklyn, you have a mind of your own, Goliath doesn't always need to make your mind up for you. Besides, you're the second in command, and if he hasn't given any orders, then you should take your own initiative, and do something about it, and stop brooding about it. You'll never know until you try."

I looked at Lex, he was right, I was probably being stupid. "Maybe you're right," I gave in, "But what do I do about it? I can't just turn up at her doorstep," I reminded.

"Do you know where

she lives?"

"Yeah…"

"Then I reckon you'll be able to find some way to approach her…"

"I guess," I sighed deeply.

Lex whacked me, "Stop your sighing."

"Sorry…" I looked at him, "I know I'm hard to live with," I smirked a little.

"You got that right," Lex smirked back, "so…are you going to do anything about the woman you rescued then?"

"Right now?"

"No time like the present, dude," Lex grinned.

"I…uhm…" I paused, "Okay," I gave in, and with that I took off.