I don't own X-Men Evolution Characters or GI Joe characters. Here is an outtake from Parallel Lives that never quite made it to the original story. (Give me a break, that story was 100 chapters long!) So here is a story that takes place during the days when the X-Men were training with the Joes. Warning: Extreme insanity ahead!
Training Daze
"For the love of god what happened this time?" General Hawk moaned. He glared at the students in front of him. "Toad? Wavedancer? Cyclops? Jean? Kitty? Anybody want to tell me how this got started?"
"Like it's their fault!" Kitty snapped. Her hair was dripping wet.
"We were just doing a little target practice," Todd said innocently.
"Yeah and we were the targets!" Jean shouted, she and Scott were also wet.
"It's not like we put slime in those water balloons," Althea said. "Although we should have. It hardly justifies you guys going ballistic on us!"
"I'll show you ballistic you little…" Scott growled.
"AT EASE!" Hawk shouted. "Look the whole point of you all training together is learning how to get along with other people! Not to think of different ways to annoy each other!"
"But it's so much fun to annoy them," Althea said.
"That's it!" Kitty snapped and made a fist. "You…"
"Kitty!" Xavier snapped. "Calm down!" He was there along with Beach Head, Scarlet and Duke as well.
"Uh maybe your idea wasn't so bad after all," Beach Head said to Hawk.
"What idea?" Scott asked.
"I thought we'd try something a little different today," Hawk said. "The kids are going to be paired with a Joe. Some one on one training. We've already paired up the other kids earlier when the um…incident happened."
"That sounds like a good idea," Xavier said.
"Jean you and Cyclops will be training with Scarlet and myself," Duke told him. "Wavedancer, Toad…I think it's best that Shipwreck and Roadblock spend some quality time with you two. Away from the X-Men!"
"Uh oh," Todd gulped as they saw Roadblock and Shipwreck.
"Yeah uh oh," Roadblock glared at him. "You two need to learn to stay out of trouble! Move it out on the double!" They left with their parents.
"Well at least those two will be kept out of our hair for a while," Scott sighed.
"Okay we'll check on you guys later," Hawk told them. He and Xavier left the four alone.
"Well now that that's over with we should be working on teamwork," Scarlet said. "Of course from what I understand you two have been working on it for quite a while haven't you?"
Scott blushed. "Uh…"
"Well once I figured out Duncan was a jerk," Jean blushed as well.
"Sounds familiar," Duke grumbled.
"What was that?" Scarlet whipped around.
"Nothing," Duke sulked.
"Sounded like something to me," Scarlet said. "Care to talk about it?"
"Actually, you know what? Yes I do!" Duke said. "I just couldn't help but notice the parallels between their relationship and ours if you get my drift!"
"Oh no," Scarlet groaned. "This is not about what I think it's about is it?"
"Oh yeah," Duke snapped. "Cyclops I know exactly what you've been through with Duncan!"
"Oh for crying out loud!" Scarlet threw up her hands. "Here we go!"
"Jean's not the only redhead around here with commitment problems," Duke snapped.
"Hey!" Jean snapped.
"This is not the time to talk about this!" Scarlet hissed.
"Oh and when is a good time?" Duke snapped.
"What's going on?" Scott looked bewildered.
"Let me fill you in," Duke said. "You see a while back Scarlet and I were dating. Then she changes her mind and dumps me for another guy!"
"As if you were the innocent party in this!" Scarlet snapped. "Typical, make me out to be the bad guy why don't you? What Mr. Wounded Heart over here forgot to mention is that a half dozen bimbos were throwing themselves at him at the time! And he didn't exactly drop them if you get my drift!"
"I never cheated on you!" Duke shouted. "How many times to I have to say that before you believe me!"
"Oh really?" Scarlet said. "What about Toledo? Hmmm?"
"For the last time she snuck into my hotel room!" Duke groaned. "I didn't invite her in!"
"You weren't exactly in any hurry to show her the door!" Scarlet snapped. "Not to mention the one in Paris!"
"She was just a kid who had a crush on me!" Duke groaned. "There was never any woman besides you that stayed in my mind!"
"What about Selena?" Scarlet snapped.
"For crying out loud Scarlet that was over sixteen years ago!" Duke groaned. "And I never did anything with her! I saved her people from slavery! Of course she'd have a crush on me!"
"Oh yes the great hero, Duke single handedly saves the day!" Scarlet snapped. "And of course no hero would be complete without a bimbo hanging on her arm!"
"Yeah well I recall you were hanging on my other arm that day!" Duke snapped.
"I was trying to pry you away from her you egotistic jerk!" Scarlet snapped. "It's the same story every time, you go on a mission and there's some damsel in distress that needs saving! And if there isn't any around you try and save me all the time! Well I had it! That's all!"
"So you run off with the other guy who constantly saves your butt all the time," Duke quipped.
"At least Snake-Eyes listens to me!" Scarlet shouted.
"He can't talk!" Duke shouted back. "What choice does he have? Not that I ever got a word in edgewise."
"That's it! Let me at him!" She tackled him.
"OW!" Duke screamed as Scarlet wailed on him.
"Stop that!" Jean used her telekinesis to pry them apart. "You two have got to learn to work as a team!"
"Tell her that!" Duke snapped.
"You want a fat lip?" Scarlet made a fist.
"Bring it on sister!" Duke snapped.
"Duke stop it!" Scott tried to hold him back. "Who's supposed to be teaching who how to work as a team?"
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Unaware of the 'training session' going on with Duke and the others, Hawk led Xavier and Kitty into another training area. There were Joes and other students working on various things. "Here's where the rest of the students are training," Hawk said.
"Like who am I gonna train with?" Kitty asked.
"Shadowcat, you're going to be working with Footloose here," Hawk introduced them. "He's our infantry trooper."
"Oh wow," Footloose said. "This is like so cool, man! Like I always wanted to work with kids you know? And the fact that they're mutants is totally gnarly! Like this is so cosmic man!"
"Oh god," Beach Head grumbled. "I can't watch this!" He stormed away.
"So that's why you put those two together," Xavier said to Hawk.
"Bingo," Hawk sighed.
"So like what are we going to be working on?" Kitty asked.
"Okay like the first thing you need to know about fighting is that it's not about what's here," He pointed to his fists. "It's about what's here." He pointed to his head. "You gotta learn to get centered, you know?"
"Yeah, like I got that," Kitty nodded. "You gotta out think your opponent."
"Now you're getting the picture!" Footloose said. "You gotta get to know your brain. Connect yourself with your body. Learn to channel your aura. Let's sit down and start to meditate shall we?" He sat down cross-legged on the mat.
"Cool," Kitty did likewise. Soon they were both chanting.
"I think we should see how the other students are doing," Xavier said.
"Good idea," Hawk agreed. They left the two chanting on the mat.
"So who else do you have paired up?" Xavier asked.
"Well there's Nightcrawler paired up with Quick-Kick over there," Hawk pointed out. "He's one of our martial arts masters!"
Nightcrawler did some flips. "You dirty rat," He said in a funny voice.
"No, no," Quick-Kick said. "James Cagney sounds like this. You dirty rat." They both started imitating various movie stars.
"Uh, he also likes to do impressions as well," Hawk said. "Moving on there's Magma with Barbecue, our fireman. For obvious reasons. Barbecue!" He shouted as he saw him cooking burgers over a fire.
"What?" He asked. "This is a valid exercise! She makes the fires. I show her how to make the burgers. What's wrong with that?"
"Hey we'll have some after our game!" Big Lob shouted. He and Evan were playing basketball. Jinx and Rogue were playing with them as well.
"Two points!" Rogue laughed as she scored a basket after Jinx knocked Big Lob out of the way with a flying kick.
"I don't feel so well," Xavier groaned. He noticed Sam with a Joe. "Who's that over there with Cannonball?"
"Oh that's Tripwire," Hawk told him. Tripwire was carrying some balls. He tripped and fell over himself, scattering the balls everywhere. This caused many people to fall over the balls. "He's our mine field detector as well as an explosives expert."
"Oh goody," Xavier sighed as he watched several Joes and mutants grab balls and throw it at Tripwire's head. "You seem to really know who to match up with each other don't you?"
"Well sometimes you have to figure out what personalities and talents go together," Hawk told him. "You kind of have to experiment until you get the right combination."
A loud boom exploded from the distance. Hawk and Xavier saw Airtight and Jubilee stumble out of the smoke. "I'm so sorry!" Jubilee gasped.
"It's okay," Airtight said. "Just a little smoke and fire. Nothing to worry about. Happens all the time."
"What happened?" Hawk asked.
"Well I was curious to see what effect Jubilee's fireworks would have on certain chemicals and…" Airtight began to explain.
"Say no more," Hawk groaned. "Like I said, sometimes you have to experiment."
"Please tell me you didn't put Wolfsbane with any of the dog handlers," Xavier groaned.
"Of course not!" Hawk snapped. "That would be insensitive!"
Just then dozens of Jamies ran by with Order, the German Shepherd and Junkyard the Rotweiller. "I put Multiple with them," Hawk said as he watched them play.
"So where is she?" Xavier asked, dreading the answer.
"With Lady Jaye," Hawk said. "They both have Scottish backgrounds so I thought it might work. And Tabitha's also working with Cover Girl as well."
"What about Berzerker and Sunspot?" Xavier asked.
"With Leatherneck and Wet Suit, respectively," Hawk told him.
"Hawk!" Duke ran up. "Xavier! We have trouble!"
"What is it?" Xavier asked, dreading the reply.
"We have a problem," Duke told him. "Iceman and Gambit may need new instructors."
"What happened? Did they get injured?" Hawk asked.
"No but I think they will be if Scarlet has her way," Duke said. "Come on!"
"What happened?" Xavier asked. "Who are the students paired with?"
"One of our pilots and our polar troopers," Hawk said as they went into a room. To their surprise Scarlet was throttling a red haired man with a shaggy red beard. Scott and Jean watched in shock along with Bobby and Remy and another Joe.
"Scarlet knock it off!" Duke pried her away.
"I can't believe you irresponsible jackasses!" Scarlet snapped.
Xavier looked at a table nearby, where there was ample evidence of a poker game that had been disturbed. "What is going on here?" Xavier asked.
"Professor we were uh…" Scott searched for the right words. "Taking a break when we happened to walk by the room and saw these four playing cards!"
"Ace, Snow Job is this true?" Hawk asked incredulously.
"Well uh…" Ace looked around. "Maybe."
"But we were just training the kids," Snow Job said.
"Yeah giving them valuable pointers for skills they would need in real life," Ace said.
"TEACHING THEM HOW TO PLAY POKER IS NOT A VALUABLE SKILL!" Xavier shouted.
"That is a matter of opinion," Ace said.
"You put those kids with the two biggest card sharks and con artists on the base?" Duke shouted.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Hawk sighed.
"Well they weren't teaching us that much," Bobby said. "In fact we were winning the…mmmf!" He struggled when Remy put a hand over his mouth.
"Yeah we were just trying to get our money back!" Snow Job said.
"You were playing for keeps?" Duke snapped. "Trying to take money from kids? Why you…" Duke then attacked Snow Job while Scarlet punched out Ace.
"This isn't working out the way I thought it would," Hawk groaned.
"No kidding!" Xavier snapped.
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Not far away another problem was brewing. Roberto and Ray were training when Roberto accidentally bumped into Ray. "Hey watch it!" Ray snapped.
"You watch it!" Roberto snapped. He shoved back.
"Why you…" Ray snapped. Both boys started wrestling.
"All right! All right knock it off!" Leatherneck shouted as he pried Ray off Roberto.
"Yeah chill out!" Wet Suit snapped as he pulled away Roberto. "Hey Jar Head keep that punk in line will ya?"
"Listen Fish Bait!" Leatherneck snapped back. "If that little hothead over there was paying attention he wouldn't have started it!"
"It wasn't his fault!" Wet Suit put his hands on his hips and growled at the marine. "Maybe if you two weren't hogging all the space around here we wouldn't be tripping over you!"
"Well maybe if you could teach that boy some balance things like this wouldn't happen!" Leatherneck snapped. "Of course the only thing a SEAL could teach anyone is how to flop around in the water like a tuna."
"Well at least I can teach something!" Wet Suit snapped. "Unlike you ya mud brained bozo! You couldn't teach a pig how to wallow in the mud! Oh wait, I forgot that's the Marine's specialty is it?"
"Are you insulting the glorious and honorable unit that is known as the United States Marine Corps?" Leatherneck puffed up with pride.
"Are you insulting the brave and fearless unit known all over the world as the SEALS?" Wet Suit puffed back. "The toughest unit ever to walk the Earth!"
"Please!" Leatherneck got into his face. "I've seen Beanie Babies that were tougher than SEALS!"
"Well prepare to get the stuffing beat out of you!" Wet Suit shouted as he landed a right hook to Leatherneck's jaw.
Ray and Roberto watched as the two adults were soon rolling around on the ground trying to kill each other. "Uh sorry man," Roberto apologized.
"Uh, no problem," Ray gulped. "Sorry."
"What are you two idiots doing now?" Cover Girl shouted as she and Lady Jaye ran to break them apart.
"Knock it off you two!" Lady Jaye snapped. "You're supposed to be setting an example for the children!"
"Oh we're learning our lesson all right," Ray fidgeted nervously.
"Keep outta this Cover Girl!" Wet Suit snapped. "You women just don't get it!"
"Yeah go back and teach makeup to your girls!" Leatherneck snapped.
"What?" Both Cover Girl and Lady Jaye exclaimed, an evil glare appearing in their eyes.
"Uh oh," Tabitha exclaimed as she and Rahnee joined Ray and Roberto. "This isn't gonna be pretty."
"Just get out of here while I teach this fish head a lesson!" Leatherneck snapped.
"You mean while I teach this gyrene a lesson!" Wet Suit snapped.
"No we're gonna teach both of you a lesson!" Lady Jaye snapped. She and Cover Girl gave each of them a punch to the jaw at the same time. Soon all four of them were brawling. Several Joes left their students to try and stop it, but ended up involved with the brawl as well as the kids looked on.
"People! People!" Footloose tried to pry two combatants apart. "It's time to diffuse this negative energy!" He ended up getting a sock to the jaw. "Then again, it's time to apply the basic principal of karma. What goes around, comes around!" He attacked the person who hit him.
"All right pilgrims!" Quick-Kick drawled like John Wayne. "It's time to kick some butt!" He gave a flying kick to another Joe.
"Now what's going on?" Hawk, Xavier, and the others came in and saw the fight.
"Hey a brawl!" Ace said. "Cool! Let's join it!"
"All right!" Snow Job shouted as he and Ace jumped into the fray.
"WHAT IS IT WITH EVERYONE ON THIS BASE TODAY?" Duke shouted. "Is it some army version like that time of the month women get?" He realized too late what he had spoken out loud. "Oh god…" He gulped as Scarlet gave him a sock to the jaw.
"Do something!" Xavier shouted at Hawk.
"Yeah," Hawk stumbled away. "I'm gonna go get a beer. This is gonna take a while. Let me know who wins okay?"
The X-Men stared in shock as the Joes fought amongst themselves. "What are we supposed to be learning from this?" Bobby scratched his head.
"Fighting techniques," Evan stared at the melee. "I think…"
"So much for learning how to get along with people," Scott groaned.
"I never should have come here," Xavier moaned, putting his head in his hands.