Chapter 4-"When Abby Said No"
(ABBY ARRIVES AT AA, TAKES HER SEAT, AND LETS OUT A BIG SIGH.)
"I'm not doing this just for me or Carter, I'm doing it for Mark too. He wouldn't want to see me like this, all torn up because of him, drowning my sorrows in alcohol because he passed away. So this is the first step of recovery, getting help."
(MEETING STARTS)
Counselor: "Today, we take a giant step toward recovery, we admit we have a problem. Would anyone like to start by introducing themselves and wouldn't mind telling us how long you had been sober?" (Abby feels a great weight lifted off her shoulders as she feels a presence is with her.)
Abby (whispers as tears well up in her eyes): "Thank you Mark. I'm doing this for you." (ABBY STANDS UP)
Abby: "Yes, I would like to admit that I have a problem."
Counselor: "Go ahead sweetie, you have our full attention."
Abby: "My name is Abby, (tears stream down her face), and I have been sober for five years."
(They all cheer, Abby interjects)
Abby: "Wait--Wait! But I slipped a few months ago."
(Goes into telling her story)
Counselor: "Go ahead Abby, continue, we're here to help you sweetie."
Abby: "Thank you. Well, it all started a few months back on my birthday. No one had said happy birthday to me (starts to cry). Not even the "boy" friend I had at the time. Everything went wrong at work. (sobs, then takes a deep breath) You see, it all started with a dreadful morning. I was awaken by my neighbor screaming. She was in danger. I couldn't get back to sleep. Then the only one who remembered my birthday was my estranged mother, who is bipolar. She called. I won't get into all of the details, but I'm glad she did. I was coming down the stairs, and there were my neighbors, whom I hadn't met prior to that morning. They were arguing because it was cold outside and their car wouldn't start. They had just moved to Chicago from Virginia. Her husband was outside, as she tried to offer me a ride. I quickly declined saying that I took the el. As soon as I walked outside into the cold, thats when I knew it was going to be a hard day. You just get that sense. (they all nod) As soon as I got to work, Susan handed me "Icicle Andy", a homeless man who had been a frequent patient. So I went into the trauma room, and that's when the trouble started. As I tried to get a pulsox on him, being that he had been frozen for a while, his finger "broke off." As soon as I saw that, I tried hard not to lose my breakfast. As Susan asked for a central line, a little boy came in looking for his mother. After seeing him, I said, "No, you can't come in here. You have to go back." I was feeling terrible at that point. I hated to be mean. "Where's my mom?", the little boy asked in a panic. "She's not in here", Susan said. "Yes she was", he said again. So I left the trauma to help him find her. I quickly learned that his name was Douglas, and his mother's name was Bea. I quickly handed him off to Frank, and went back to work. What I didn't know was that my day would get worse. A woman came in and she had trouble breathing. Luka thought it was Lou Rawls disease. We both found out that she had been taking fertility drugs. She had started that month. As I was finishing up a trauma I soon found Douglas sitting on a gurney, coloring. Frank hadn't found his mother, so I told him to keep looking. Then I turned around, and got a big surprise, it was my ex husband, Richard. He told me he needed to talk, so we went to Doc Magoos. Thinking he was going to jail, I joked around. But then I found out the reason, he was getting married, and on top of all that, he was going to be a dad. He told me that he had always wanted kids, but we never talked about it. If I had known that, I wouldn't of had the abortion. I headed into the lounge and there they were, Susan and Carter, kissing. I didn't need to see it. He told me he was sorry. But I was upset and I told him that he didn't kiss Frank, the desk clerk, like that. I told him not to sweat it, and walked out. I really wanted to be Susan at that moment. As soon as I got out of the lounge, I saw Douglas waiting in chairs, so I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes, so I had offered him some french fries. He said that fast food wasn't good for him. So he thought about it and accepted. The girl who had problems with the fertility drugs was in trouble, so I ran in to help Gallant and Luka. I wasn't in there but a few minutes, until Frank came in and said that Douglas' mom had died. I had to tell him. I was dreading it. I was talking to Frank, and it slipped out, "I think somebody should come down here and tell the little boy his mother died." Looking over, I saw that Douglas had heard the whole conversation. "No she didn't", he said with his voice breaking. I took him aside and explained that what his mom had is when a vessel breaks in her head. Looking in his eyes, I tried so hard not to cry, so I held it in. He didn't understand, so he asked if she could come home with him. I had to then tell him that she died. He didn't believe me, so he ran through the hospital looking for her, screaming "Mom." I finally caught up with him yelling once more, "She's dead." He didn't believe me and asked why I kept saying that, and broke down in my arms. Later, he was so exhausted, and fell asleep. As I finished talking to Frank, Gallant caught up with me, and asked if we did psych transfers to other hospitals, I asked him why. He said that he had a patient in curtain three with a tiny scalp lac (laceration) from a slip and fall. He was wanting to be moved to a private hospital. I thought this was routine, boy was I wrong. As I walked over to the curtain, I pulled it back, startled. Then I froze. There, I came face to face with Paul Sobriki, the man who had stabbed Carter and killed our med student, Lucy Knight, two years earlier. My heart stopped, I was shaking. Frozen, I stuck Paul into restraints. Panicked and scared, I called Susan into the hallway. Even though he was her patient, it didn't mean that he wasn't still dangerous.
"He's schizophrenic", I told Susan. "He's been here before?", she asked. "He stabbed Carter, and killed a med student two years ago." "Him?" "Yeah." "He stabbed Carter?" "Yes!" "What's he doing out?", Susan said concerned. "I don't know, the police are on their way, but I think we should transfer him before Carter sees him." "No I need to get a CT." "Let him get a CT at Mercy." "He had a head injury." "He stabbed two people." "Loss of conciousness, and he's vomiting. I'm not transferring a man at risk for an intercranial bleed." As soon as Susan stopped yelling at me, I told her and Gallant to close the blinds, take Paul's name off the board, and to not let Carter see him. Then, Lilly said that the morgue was ready for me to take Douglas to see his mother, to let him say goodbye one more time. I went to get him. I brought him to the morgue. He stood back for a second. I was right behind him, letting him know I was there for him. "She looks like Snow White." He moves closer to her. "Mom? mom?", he calls. At that point I think he thought she was going to wake up. He moves closer, this time to her head. "I drew you a picture", he says. At that point, choking back tears, I stood back, trying not to cry, and watched. He tells her a secret and kisses her cheek. I smile, choking back tears once more. As I walked out near the desk, there Kerry was yelling at me. After all this. I was trying to do this myself and Kerry insulting me, didn't help. I needed to go help Gallant with the girl who took the medication, and I wanted to cry after what she told me. I did get pregnant, but KILLED my baby. But SHE wanted a baby and couldn't have one, it wasn't fair. I wanted to cry with her. I wasn't paying attention as I walked to the drug lock up. As soon as I got there, I was about to cry. Why couldn't I cry? I wanted to. I was about to when Chuny, one of the nurses, told me that Dr. Weaver wondered why I didn't call social services about Douglas. I said I would and walked away. As I walked down the hall to use the phone, I spotted Mrs. Sobriki, and she saw me. I went back to the phone. Carter had come to me with a chart, and I kept him occupied until it was safe for him to turn around. But it wasn't. He heard Paul's voice. I tried to comfort Carter, but it didn't work. He turned around and asked Paul, "You're out?" There was a shock on Carter's face, but I didn't blame him. I was scared too. Carter was finished talking to Paul. I saw him frantically walk to the bathroom. Later on, I had heard he threw up. I don't blame him, I would have too. I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time. Later on, Douglas called his father, and being in Austrilia, he was taking the red eye out. He would be there the next day. So I sat down with him. He felt so comfortable with me to trust me. Mrs. Sobriki came over because she needed to take Paul home, and she wanted me to give Carter a note. I went into the lounge, and stuck it in his locker. I had a really bad day and I needed him, so I offered to go out for coffee and pie at Doc's. He declined. He needed to help Millicent. Feeling depressed and on the verge of tears again, I walked out of the lounge. As soon as I did that, Douglas was there waiting with the lady from social services. He ran up to me, hugging me, screaming, "Abby! I wanna stay here!" I told him it was a hospital and he couldn't do much here. "I'll stay with you!", he said with me releasing his hands from my waist. "Douglas, I don't stay here all the time honey, but you can come and visit me whenever you want okay?, I promise. You'll be fine Douglas." He screamed my name twice before he was carried away. As Douglas left the hospital, I watched him go. Not knowing if I would ever see him again. I blew up at Gallant, I was going to cry. I needed to lose my temper. But I felt bad. Walking home, the night was over. Then when I got to my apartment, I dropped my keys. It was my birthday. My neighbor congratulated me, handing me a beer. I was hesitant and declined. But I took it anyway. That's when I started drinking. As soon as I finished my story, I had seen that everyone had tears streaming down their faces. I know what they were probably thinking, "Poor girl, she needs a friend." That was true, I did. I felt alone. "Abby? Abby?", I was snapped back to reality when the counselor touched me on the shoulder. She continued, "I hope this will help you on to the road to recovery. What you did took a big step. We're all proud of you." "Thank you." "Well, meeting's adjourned, good night everyone." As I walked outside, I saw a familiar face. It was Carter. "Carter, what are you doing here?" "Well, I was in the back of the room listening to the whole thing. I'm so proud of you, Abby." "I love you John!" "I love you too Abby!" "Let's go home!" "Yeah let's get out here!"
(ABBY ARRIVES AT AA, TAKES HER SEAT, AND LETS OUT A BIG SIGH.)
"I'm not doing this just for me or Carter, I'm doing it for Mark too. He wouldn't want to see me like this, all torn up because of him, drowning my sorrows in alcohol because he passed away. So this is the first step of recovery, getting help."
(MEETING STARTS)
Counselor: "Today, we take a giant step toward recovery, we admit we have a problem. Would anyone like to start by introducing themselves and wouldn't mind telling us how long you had been sober?" (Abby feels a great weight lifted off her shoulders as she feels a presence is with her.)
Abby (whispers as tears well up in her eyes): "Thank you Mark. I'm doing this for you." (ABBY STANDS UP)
Abby: "Yes, I would like to admit that I have a problem."
Counselor: "Go ahead sweetie, you have our full attention."
Abby: "My name is Abby, (tears stream down her face), and I have been sober for five years."
(They all cheer, Abby interjects)
Abby: "Wait--Wait! But I slipped a few months ago."
(Goes into telling her story)
Counselor: "Go ahead Abby, continue, we're here to help you sweetie."
Abby: "Thank you. Well, it all started a few months back on my birthday. No one had said happy birthday to me (starts to cry). Not even the "boy" friend I had at the time. Everything went wrong at work. (sobs, then takes a deep breath) You see, it all started with a dreadful morning. I was awaken by my neighbor screaming. She was in danger. I couldn't get back to sleep. Then the only one who remembered my birthday was my estranged mother, who is bipolar. She called. I won't get into all of the details, but I'm glad she did. I was coming down the stairs, and there were my neighbors, whom I hadn't met prior to that morning. They were arguing because it was cold outside and their car wouldn't start. They had just moved to Chicago from Virginia. Her husband was outside, as she tried to offer me a ride. I quickly declined saying that I took the el. As soon as I walked outside into the cold, thats when I knew it was going to be a hard day. You just get that sense. (they all nod) As soon as I got to work, Susan handed me "Icicle Andy", a homeless man who had been a frequent patient. So I went into the trauma room, and that's when the trouble started. As I tried to get a pulsox on him, being that he had been frozen for a while, his finger "broke off." As soon as I saw that, I tried hard not to lose my breakfast. As Susan asked for a central line, a little boy came in looking for his mother. After seeing him, I said, "No, you can't come in here. You have to go back." I was feeling terrible at that point. I hated to be mean. "Where's my mom?", the little boy asked in a panic. "She's not in here", Susan said. "Yes she was", he said again. So I left the trauma to help him find her. I quickly learned that his name was Douglas, and his mother's name was Bea. I quickly handed him off to Frank, and went back to work. What I didn't know was that my day would get worse. A woman came in and she had trouble breathing. Luka thought it was Lou Rawls disease. We both found out that she had been taking fertility drugs. She had started that month. As I was finishing up a trauma I soon found Douglas sitting on a gurney, coloring. Frank hadn't found his mother, so I told him to keep looking. Then I turned around, and got a big surprise, it was my ex husband, Richard. He told me he needed to talk, so we went to Doc Magoos. Thinking he was going to jail, I joked around. But then I found out the reason, he was getting married, and on top of all that, he was going to be a dad. He told me that he had always wanted kids, but we never talked about it. If I had known that, I wouldn't of had the abortion. I headed into the lounge and there they were, Susan and Carter, kissing. I didn't need to see it. He told me he was sorry. But I was upset and I told him that he didn't kiss Frank, the desk clerk, like that. I told him not to sweat it, and walked out. I really wanted to be Susan at that moment. As soon as I got out of the lounge, I saw Douglas waiting in chairs, so I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes, so I had offered him some french fries. He said that fast food wasn't good for him. So he thought about it and accepted. The girl who had problems with the fertility drugs was in trouble, so I ran in to help Gallant and Luka. I wasn't in there but a few minutes, until Frank came in and said that Douglas' mom had died. I had to tell him. I was dreading it. I was talking to Frank, and it slipped out, "I think somebody should come down here and tell the little boy his mother died." Looking over, I saw that Douglas had heard the whole conversation. "No she didn't", he said with his voice breaking. I took him aside and explained that what his mom had is when a vessel breaks in her head. Looking in his eyes, I tried so hard not to cry, so I held it in. He didn't understand, so he asked if she could come home with him. I had to then tell him that she died. He didn't believe me, so he ran through the hospital looking for her, screaming "Mom." I finally caught up with him yelling once more, "She's dead." He didn't believe me and asked why I kept saying that, and broke down in my arms. Later, he was so exhausted, and fell asleep. As I finished talking to Frank, Gallant caught up with me, and asked if we did psych transfers to other hospitals, I asked him why. He said that he had a patient in curtain three with a tiny scalp lac (laceration) from a slip and fall. He was wanting to be moved to a private hospital. I thought this was routine, boy was I wrong. As I walked over to the curtain, I pulled it back, startled. Then I froze. There, I came face to face with Paul Sobriki, the man who had stabbed Carter and killed our med student, Lucy Knight, two years earlier. My heart stopped, I was shaking. Frozen, I stuck Paul into restraints. Panicked and scared, I called Susan into the hallway. Even though he was her patient, it didn't mean that he wasn't still dangerous.
"He's schizophrenic", I told Susan. "He's been here before?", she asked. "He stabbed Carter, and killed a med student two years ago." "Him?" "Yeah." "He stabbed Carter?" "Yes!" "What's he doing out?", Susan said concerned. "I don't know, the police are on their way, but I think we should transfer him before Carter sees him." "No I need to get a CT." "Let him get a CT at Mercy." "He had a head injury." "He stabbed two people." "Loss of conciousness, and he's vomiting. I'm not transferring a man at risk for an intercranial bleed." As soon as Susan stopped yelling at me, I told her and Gallant to close the blinds, take Paul's name off the board, and to not let Carter see him. Then, Lilly said that the morgue was ready for me to take Douglas to see his mother, to let him say goodbye one more time. I went to get him. I brought him to the morgue. He stood back for a second. I was right behind him, letting him know I was there for him. "She looks like Snow White." He moves closer to her. "Mom? mom?", he calls. At that point I think he thought she was going to wake up. He moves closer, this time to her head. "I drew you a picture", he says. At that point, choking back tears, I stood back, trying not to cry, and watched. He tells her a secret and kisses her cheek. I smile, choking back tears once more. As I walked out near the desk, there Kerry was yelling at me. After all this. I was trying to do this myself and Kerry insulting me, didn't help. I needed to go help Gallant with the girl who took the medication, and I wanted to cry after what she told me. I did get pregnant, but KILLED my baby. But SHE wanted a baby and couldn't have one, it wasn't fair. I wanted to cry with her. I wasn't paying attention as I walked to the drug lock up. As soon as I got there, I was about to cry. Why couldn't I cry? I wanted to. I was about to when Chuny, one of the nurses, told me that Dr. Weaver wondered why I didn't call social services about Douglas. I said I would and walked away. As I walked down the hall to use the phone, I spotted Mrs. Sobriki, and she saw me. I went back to the phone. Carter had come to me with a chart, and I kept him occupied until it was safe for him to turn around. But it wasn't. He heard Paul's voice. I tried to comfort Carter, but it didn't work. He turned around and asked Paul, "You're out?" There was a shock on Carter's face, but I didn't blame him. I was scared too. Carter was finished talking to Paul. I saw him frantically walk to the bathroom. Later on, I had heard he threw up. I don't blame him, I would have too. I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time. Later on, Douglas called his father, and being in Austrilia, he was taking the red eye out. He would be there the next day. So I sat down with him. He felt so comfortable with me to trust me. Mrs. Sobriki came over because she needed to take Paul home, and she wanted me to give Carter a note. I went into the lounge, and stuck it in his locker. I had a really bad day and I needed him, so I offered to go out for coffee and pie at Doc's. He declined. He needed to help Millicent. Feeling depressed and on the verge of tears again, I walked out of the lounge. As soon as I did that, Douglas was there waiting with the lady from social services. He ran up to me, hugging me, screaming, "Abby! I wanna stay here!" I told him it was a hospital and he couldn't do much here. "I'll stay with you!", he said with me releasing his hands from my waist. "Douglas, I don't stay here all the time honey, but you can come and visit me whenever you want okay?, I promise. You'll be fine Douglas." He screamed my name twice before he was carried away. As Douglas left the hospital, I watched him go. Not knowing if I would ever see him again. I blew up at Gallant, I was going to cry. I needed to lose my temper. But I felt bad. Walking home, the night was over. Then when I got to my apartment, I dropped my keys. It was my birthday. My neighbor congratulated me, handing me a beer. I was hesitant and declined. But I took it anyway. That's when I started drinking. As soon as I finished my story, I had seen that everyone had tears streaming down their faces. I know what they were probably thinking, "Poor girl, she needs a friend." That was true, I did. I felt alone. "Abby? Abby?", I was snapped back to reality when the counselor touched me on the shoulder. She continued, "I hope this will help you on to the road to recovery. What you did took a big step. We're all proud of you." "Thank you." "Well, meeting's adjourned, good night everyone." As I walked outside, I saw a familiar face. It was Carter. "Carter, what are you doing here?" "Well, I was in the back of the room listening to the whole thing. I'm so proud of you, Abby." "I love you John!" "I love you too Abby!" "Let's go home!" "Yeah let's get out here!"