Chapter 5-"Letting It Out"
[Carter and Abby are at Carter's place, they are sitting on the couch, curled up in a blanket.]
(Abby starts to cry)
Carter: "What's wrong my love?"
(Abby smiles)
(She starts to sob)
Abby: "I--I--I miss Mark."
Carter: "Come closer Abby, I'll hold you. Just let it out. Cry as much as you need to. I'm here for you. I know you miss him. I do too."
(Abby cries and lets the tears fall silently as Carter wipes them away. She looks up at him with tears in her eyes.)
Abby: "Carter, I never told Mark how much I loved him. He was always there when I needed someone to talk to. And now, and now... (Abby screams) he's gone!"
(Carter begins to cry, but tries to hide it from Abby)
Abby: "What's wrong Carter?"
Carter: "Just seeing you cry, is making me sad. I can't take seeing you in pain. Mark was everything to me. He was like an older brother. He looked out for me every step of the way. I loved him so much. I never thanked him enough, and now, there's no chance."
Abby: "I went to AA tonight, but all of that was on my mind was Mark. I know it's crazy, but I think he was there with me."
Carter: "What happened Abby?"
(Abby cries once more)
Carter: "It's okay, you can tell me. I'm here."
(Abby moves closer)
Abby: "I uh, went to AA you know, not knowing how it would turn out, but then I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Like Mark was there with me. I felt at ease. The week before he left us, and you caught Luka and I drinking, I felt bad. Before the meeting started, I made a promise to him that I would stop. I am going to. I couldn't sleep. I got up, and I was going to call you, but I saw it was 3 a. m., so I didn't bother."
Carter: "I care about you, I was hurting too, so I couldn't sleep either. You could've called. I love you. But I know you know that."
Abby: "I love you too, but, do you mind talking about Mark? Even though it makes me cry. I need to talk about him."
Carter: "No, we can talk about him. If crying helps, then we should cry. There is no shame in it."
Abby: "I feel closer to you than I had ever before. I never felt close to Luka like I do with you. It's funny, you know, I feel much more vulnerable with you, like I can cry, and you just hold me, and cry with me. I never could do that with him, never. That day when Maggie went crazy, and she had to be put into restraints, and called me a bitch, it hurt me so deep down inside that I didn't know what to do. I felt so comfortable talking to you, Carter. That night, being in Luka's embrace, I couldn't sleep, the feeling wasn't there, my mind was focused all on Maggie. With Luka not realizing it, I slipped from underneath him and made my way toward his bathroom. He is a heavy sleeper so, I turned on the water, and began to cry. I was in so much pain, Carter. I felt so alone, and felt lost, like I had no one to turn to. The crying lasted until three that morning. All the good and bad memories of Maggie came flooding back to me. Even the thought of not knowing if she was alive or dead scared me."
Carter: "Well, with me, you don't have to be scared anymore."
Carter: "The thing that I don't understand though Abby is why people we never really get close to die suddenly. It's like my brother, I was close to him, but I felt somewhat distant at times, but then he passed away. Now I miss him."
Abby: "Eric was never close to Maggie either, I guess it was the disease that took her from us. When she was on her meds, it was like she was fine. But everytime she was off them, she was different, it was like I didn't know her at all, like she wasn't my mother. She was a stranger."
(Abby wipes her eyes)
Abby: "What was your favorite memory of Mark, Carter?"
(Abby sits back, listening)
Carter (sighs): "It was back when I knew Deb before she had met you. We were both med students. This couple had come in, and it was a quiet day. They had come in because the wife had been having contractions, and she was about to deliver their baby. But what they didn't know was it was going to be the toughest fight of their lives and the test of their love would prove to be the strongest."
Abby: "What happened? You can tell me."
(Abby puts her hand on Carter's knee)
(Carter takes a deep breath)
Carter (choking back tears): "While the mother was trying to deliver the baby, she couldn't push hard enough to get him out. Mark had to push him back in. The wife kept pushing, but had no success. Her vitals plummeted fast while he tried to save the baby. The woman's husband started to yell at Mark. He was doing the best he could, as a result, she died. Mark tried for hours, to get her back. Everyone stood around watching and hoping. But nothing happened. At that moment, he gave up. Everyone swallowed their tears and had blank stares on their pale faces, each trying not to cry. We all felt bad for him. That's what I remembered him for. Doing everything he could to help people. That's what made him great. What about you, Abby?"
Abby: "Well, what I remember is when I was a med student, he made me feel all welcome. He was the first friend. Even before you, Carter. He made me feel like I belonged there. My first day as a med student was not easy. I was puked on, spit at, and bit. Not fun, but Mark made me feel at ease. Anytime I needed him, he was there. I miss him so much."
(Abby starts to cry again)
Carter: "Come on Abby, put your head in my lap. You can stay the night if you want to, I will be here if you need me."
Abby: "I feel safe here, I'll stay."
[Carter and Abby are at Carter's place, they are sitting on the couch, curled up in a blanket.]
(Abby starts to cry)
Carter: "What's wrong my love?"
(Abby smiles)
(She starts to sob)
Abby: "I--I--I miss Mark."
Carter: "Come closer Abby, I'll hold you. Just let it out. Cry as much as you need to. I'm here for you. I know you miss him. I do too."
(Abby cries and lets the tears fall silently as Carter wipes them away. She looks up at him with tears in her eyes.)
Abby: "Carter, I never told Mark how much I loved him. He was always there when I needed someone to talk to. And now, and now... (Abby screams) he's gone!"
(Carter begins to cry, but tries to hide it from Abby)
Abby: "What's wrong Carter?"
Carter: "Just seeing you cry, is making me sad. I can't take seeing you in pain. Mark was everything to me. He was like an older brother. He looked out for me every step of the way. I loved him so much. I never thanked him enough, and now, there's no chance."
Abby: "I went to AA tonight, but all of that was on my mind was Mark. I know it's crazy, but I think he was there with me."
Carter: "What happened Abby?"
(Abby cries once more)
Carter: "It's okay, you can tell me. I'm here."
(Abby moves closer)
Abby: "I uh, went to AA you know, not knowing how it would turn out, but then I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Like Mark was there with me. I felt at ease. The week before he left us, and you caught Luka and I drinking, I felt bad. Before the meeting started, I made a promise to him that I would stop. I am going to. I couldn't sleep. I got up, and I was going to call you, but I saw it was 3 a. m., so I didn't bother."
Carter: "I care about you, I was hurting too, so I couldn't sleep either. You could've called. I love you. But I know you know that."
Abby: "I love you too, but, do you mind talking about Mark? Even though it makes me cry. I need to talk about him."
Carter: "No, we can talk about him. If crying helps, then we should cry. There is no shame in it."
Abby: "I feel closer to you than I had ever before. I never felt close to Luka like I do with you. It's funny, you know, I feel much more vulnerable with you, like I can cry, and you just hold me, and cry with me. I never could do that with him, never. That day when Maggie went crazy, and she had to be put into restraints, and called me a bitch, it hurt me so deep down inside that I didn't know what to do. I felt so comfortable talking to you, Carter. That night, being in Luka's embrace, I couldn't sleep, the feeling wasn't there, my mind was focused all on Maggie. With Luka not realizing it, I slipped from underneath him and made my way toward his bathroom. He is a heavy sleeper so, I turned on the water, and began to cry. I was in so much pain, Carter. I felt so alone, and felt lost, like I had no one to turn to. The crying lasted until three that morning. All the good and bad memories of Maggie came flooding back to me. Even the thought of not knowing if she was alive or dead scared me."
Carter: "Well, with me, you don't have to be scared anymore."
Carter: "The thing that I don't understand though Abby is why people we never really get close to die suddenly. It's like my brother, I was close to him, but I felt somewhat distant at times, but then he passed away. Now I miss him."
Abby: "Eric was never close to Maggie either, I guess it was the disease that took her from us. When she was on her meds, it was like she was fine. But everytime she was off them, she was different, it was like I didn't know her at all, like she wasn't my mother. She was a stranger."
(Abby wipes her eyes)
Abby: "What was your favorite memory of Mark, Carter?"
(Abby sits back, listening)
Carter (sighs): "It was back when I knew Deb before she had met you. We were both med students. This couple had come in, and it was a quiet day. They had come in because the wife had been having contractions, and she was about to deliver their baby. But what they didn't know was it was going to be the toughest fight of their lives and the test of their love would prove to be the strongest."
Abby: "What happened? You can tell me."
(Abby puts her hand on Carter's knee)
(Carter takes a deep breath)
Carter (choking back tears): "While the mother was trying to deliver the baby, she couldn't push hard enough to get him out. Mark had to push him back in. The wife kept pushing, but had no success. Her vitals plummeted fast while he tried to save the baby. The woman's husband started to yell at Mark. He was doing the best he could, as a result, she died. Mark tried for hours, to get her back. Everyone stood around watching and hoping. But nothing happened. At that moment, he gave up. Everyone swallowed their tears and had blank stares on their pale faces, each trying not to cry. We all felt bad for him. That's what I remembered him for. Doing everything he could to help people. That's what made him great. What about you, Abby?"
Abby: "Well, what I remember is when I was a med student, he made me feel all welcome. He was the first friend. Even before you, Carter. He made me feel like I belonged there. My first day as a med student was not easy. I was puked on, spit at, and bit. Not fun, but Mark made me feel at ease. Anytime I needed him, he was there. I miss him so much."
(Abby starts to cry again)
Carter: "Come on Abby, put your head in my lap. You can stay the night if you want to, I will be here if you need me."
Abby: "I feel safe here, I'll stay."