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Author's note: Well, it's been like a year since I worked on this story, and I really only had a good beginning and ending to start off with-no real idea for a story. But I was bored lately, so my friend and I got to work on it--which quickly turned into a big Lily-James satire…soooo…if you really liked the beginning and were hoping for a nice sappy love story--NOT TO WORRY! I may actually write one one day…in the meantime read this, and I hope it gives you a laugh…or not….or whatever…
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"Now then Harry, where was I? OH yes. I hadn't started yet." Harry stared at his father, smiling.
Bleee bleeee bleeee as we are magically transported into James's story…
It was the approaching evening from a hot and humid day. The cicadas were floating lazily above the still crystal violet waters of the lake. The trees gave off a mystical light creating a veritable grotto of mystical light. I was sitting on the lake, feeding breadcrumbs to the giant squid; I mean, umm, chunks of freshly baked wheat, yeast, salt and other mystical spices. Yeah. So I was sitting there, melancholy because all of the girls wanted me only for my dashing good looks, my skills at Quidditch, and my incredible brains. I was an incredible six foot seven, a giant among wizards with eyes like a tiger, golden and intelligent, and yet somehow still the liquid pools of milk chocolate. My gorgeous jet-black hair ruffled in the wind, stylishly. I had a fantastic physique from my prowess on the field. Dwelling on these thoughts, I did not hear the soft footsteps approaching my retreat. A soft, sultry voice was heard behind me.
"Ahem?" I didn't look up, so lost in my deep and philosophical musings was I.
"EXCUSE ME!??!! Are you quite deaf?" I look up into a pair of beautiful emeralds. Her eyes were like limpid waters of the Caribbean. Her skin had both the texture and color of a spring violet, um, the pinkish kind. Her rouge tresses were elegantly arranged into a complex coif, but some had escaped the confinements to caress her back in their silky waves.
James was jerked back into the future by young Harry's wails of pain and disgust. "All right, all right, so maybe I was lying." He calmed the young Harry by promising to tell the REAL story.