Negative Factors
by Kamchatka
Chapter Four: Mission abandoned
You are the weapon of the colonies.And the colonies don't want you
A shower was always a good thing, but Duo couldn't remember ever enjoying the feel of soap and water quite as much as he did now. After three rinses, his hair finally felt clean and his skin was losing the clinging stickiness of his forced chemical bath. He sat on the floor of the stall and let the warm water massage his aching muscles and rinse the tangles from his hair. He had all but fallen asleep when he heard Heero call, "Are you all right in there?"
"Oi, Heero," he answered lazily, leaning his head back against the wall. "Am I done already?"
"Already? You've been in there for half an hour. You'll turn into a prune."
Duo studied his well-wrinkled fingertips. Yep. Definitely prunish. "Okay." He rolled forward onto his knees and watched with curious detachment as his hair tried to follow the spiraling water down the drain. Standing up seemed a useless waste of energy he didn't have. He reached up and reluctantly shut off the flow of water and pulled a towel off the rack.
Heero was there to offer him a hand up, and he was disappointed to find that he needed it more than ever. This was getting downright scary. By the time Heero got him back to the bed he was so weak legged he was trembling.
"Sorry I'm such a bother," he offered as Heero lowered him into a sitting position. Father Maxwell used to say humility's good for the soul. I must really be racking up the points today.
He wasn't expecting an answer, but Heero surprised him. "It's not a bother. Sometimes you need help."
Duo grinned ruefully. "At least us mere mortals do." He gingerly pulled his legs up and lay down on his slightly less damaged right side.
Heero nodded silently, not in agreement, simply in acknowledgment. Was
that how the others saw him? As something not quite human? Dr. J and
his cohorts had taught him the art and science of killing, had taught
him to master his weaknesses, to act as a human weapon. They'd taught
him physics and engineering, math and languages. They'd even used gene
manipulation to teach his bones to be stronger and his muscles more efficient...
Couldn't you have spent just a few minutes teaching me how to talk
to someone?
He folded his legs under him and sat beside the bed, looking at the
floor.
I have no idea how to do this.
"No. That's not what I meant at all. Trowa took care of me for a month after I self-detonated. I was unconscious most of the time. He nursed me, changed my bandages, washed me, spoon fed me. If he hadn't, I'd have been dead a hundred times."
Why are you telling him this? It isn't his business. It's...
"Okay," Duo finally said. "So maybe I'm not that much trouble." He favored Heero with a wry little smile. "But it's still kind of embarrassing. I feel like a wuss."
"Hn. You look like a drowned rat." He held out a comb he'd found in one of the lockers. "With a lot of hair."
"Cool," Duo commented, but made no move to take it. Heero looked up and saw that his eyes were drifting out of focus.
"Are you going to sleep or passing out?" he asked.
"Does it matter?" the other boy slurred. "Sleeping, I guess. Seems like a long... time..." And then he was gone.
Heero sat for a long time watching Duo's gentle, even breathing. Utterly relaxed, with his customary grin faded and those startling eyes closed, he looked much younger, almost childlike, almost innocent.
Who are you? What are you doing here? You're no soldier, but I don't know what you are.
He stood and covered the sleeping boy with a blanket. How long had it been since he'd trusted another person enough to allow himself to sleep in their presence? He couldn't remember any time since his days with the assassin, Odin Lowe.
You trust too much and too easily, Duo. What if I still planned to kill you? How would you stop me? You just stood there... "It's okay. You can shoot me now."
Heero shook his head and fingered the metal comb. All that hair. If it didn't get combed before it dried, it would be an awful mess. He sat at the head of the bed and gathered Duo's hair across his lap. There was so much of it. He started at the ends. Comb a bit, ease out a tangle. Comb a bit. Move up. Comb some more. Undo a knot. Comb. Duo never stirred.
Hours later, Heero sat on the wide sill of the only window in his tiny, darkened student apartment. It felt like far more than a day since he'd last been there. It wasn't much, and it wasn't home, but he felt more secure in this spot that, for the moment, was his own, personal space, than he did anywhere else except the cockpit of his gundam. He looked out over streets that were as quiet at 3 am as they ever were. From here, it all seemed so normal; he could see no evidence of the war, even though he'd been fighting just that afternoon.
Here, in this largest L2 city, he was anonymous, unnoticed; here he could be anyone or anything. It suited him. Heero remembered almost nothing of his life before the war, the endless, monotonous war. He had been an instrument of that war from earliest childhood - he clearly remembered shooting an enemy soldier before he was six. At least Odin Lowe had told him the woman was an enemy. Certainly, she'd been a soldier. Not that it would have mattered to him then. Odin had given the order, he had followed it.
Hear an order. Obey. It was the natural scheme of things, wasn't it? Wasn't it?
He looked down at the bed below the window, where Duo slept soundly, stretched out on his back, his braid trailing out over the pillows. Try as he might, Heero couldn't picture Duo jumping to obey an order without question. With him, there would always be a "Why?" or a call for clarification, followed by Duo deciding whether or not to obey. Which was precisely why he shouldn't be relied upon. A soldier had to act without question, without debate.
And yet, Heero found himself believing that he could rely on Duo. Anyone who trusted so much had to be trustworthy, didn't he?
Duo stirred in his sleep and tried to roll onto his side, but the IV feeding into his left hand held him back. Heero slid off the window sill and gently, but firmly restrained him. He didn't want the needle to dislodge. The injured boy needed the fluids and nourishment; he didn't need another painful knot anywhere on his body, no matter how blamelessly received.
The medic from Dr. J's contact list had wanted him hospitalized, but Heero hadn't been able to justify the risk. Duo was too easily identified and OZ was going to be looking for him all over the L2 cluster soon, if they weren't already doing so.
I should have gotten him farther away.
But with OZ winning over the colonies without firing a shot, there was no place absolutely safe. This city was far easier to hide in than most. London or Tokyo would have been better, but there was no more casual traffic on or off Earth.
Unless something happens soon... unless we do something soon, there will be no haven for us anywhere.
"We could cut his hair, get him into a hospital as a motorcycle accident or something," the doctor had suggested.
But Heero had flatly rejected the idea. "It's part of me... it reminds me of people I love."
"You kids just don't get it," the older man had lamented. "If he'd gotten a few more good kicks you'd be looking for a place to bury him. You're not indestructible."
"I can take care of him here." Adamant. Flat. Final.
"Fine. Wake him up every two hours for the next twelve. If you can't wake him up, or he's more disoriented, call me. Or if his temperature goes above 38.3. Or if he starts to have trouble breathing. Or he coughs up blood. Or if he has a seizure." Angry eyes had searched for some response. "Am I getting through to you? There's a hell of a limit on what I can do for him here."
There hadn't been much else to say. Heero had thrust a handful of bills at the man and thanked him for his trouble.
The guy had waved away the money, gathered up his stuff, and headed out the door when he turned back and said, "Look, the kid will probably be fine. But don't take so much on yourself. There are people who can help you."
Sometimes you need help... Heero felt his face burn in an uncomfortable blush. "I'm sorry. I was out of line. I appreciate your help. But it's too dangerous for him to be in a hospital. OZ is going to be after us with everything they've got."
The doctor had nodded, his face softer. "I'll check back in tomorrow. You might get some rest yourself"
Duo woke at the sensation of being held down and saw Heero above him in the dark. "Heero? Something wrong?" There was a scary moment of not knowing where he was. Oh yeah... apartment. L2.
Heero backed away a bit. "Sorry," he murmured. "You were trying to turn over. I was afraid you'd snag the IV. It was about time to wake you up, anyway."
"Huh? Where we going? IV...?" He had vague, patchy memories of landing at a private air strip, riding through the city in the back of a car. A cab? Who the hell took a cab? No, not a cab. He'd had to ride on the floor. Something wrong with that picture. Long ride up in the elevator. Crummy little one room apartment, not even a couch or a TV...
"Shhh... Lay back down. We're not going anywhere. The doctor wants me to wake you up every two hours."
Doctor. Oh yeah. Poking, prodding, bright lights in his eyes. Stupid questions. Who the hell cared what day it was or how many fingers? Taping his broken ribs. He remembered that part, all right. Does that hurt? Does that? Easy answers. It all hurt. He was pretty sure his freaking hair hurt by the time he was done. Huh... His hair... it was all combed out, braided, dry. Huh. "Wake me up to make sure my brains aren't leaking out my ears?"
"Hn. Something like that."
"So, are they?"
Heero looked at him critically. "Not yet."
Okay... he's not... Nah. Heero never jokes. But while he's in a good mood...
"Oi, Heero. Got any food? I'm starving."
Heero pointed solemnly at the IV bag. "Specialty of the house."
I have got to be dreaming. Heero did make a funny. Watch out for incoming lightning strikes.
"You are enjoying this way too much," Duo grumbled, pulling the covers up to his chin and closing his eyes. "G'night." He'd closed his eyes as an editorial comment, but drowsiness was waiting for him. He felt himself drifting away again into that warm, soft place where nothing hurt until he realized that Heero was still standing by the bedside, still studying him.
"What?"
"Why did you let yourself be captured?"
So there it was. Heero might be loosening up a little bit, but under it all, he was still the soldier, still the weapon. Fuck, Heero, do you think I wanted that?
"Why didn't you self destruct?"
Duo took as deep a breath as he dared. "I did, Heero," he said softly. "I hit the switch twice. Deathscythe was dead in space. It didn't work. By the time I knew, it was too late to try anything else, 'cause I moved in right next to them. I wasn't about to die without taking the whole lot of them with me."
Heero nodded silently. He knew instinctively the other boy told the truth. Shinigami never lied. And he hadn't run. And he hadn't hidden.
"I'm sorry I had to ask you," he whispered.
I'm sorry it was important to me.
You are someone who can be my friend, Duo.
I've never had a friend.
I don't know if I'm ready yet.
"I should have known."
Duo snorted out a rude little laugh. "Damn straight you should have known." He started to raise up on his elbow, but stopped, wincing at the pressure on his ribs. "It's okay, Heero. I know it had to look sort of strange. I know you had to ask."
Heero nodded, but said nothing.
Duo lay back into a more comfortable position. "Heero, go to sleep! I can't relax with you hanging over me like a vulture. Besides, you look like you're about to fall over."
Heero blinked. He was sleepy. He could doze for a while. He'd wake up in time to check on Duo; sometimes his internal alarm clock was too good.
"Okay. See you in two hours, then." He took an extra pillow from the foot of the bed and tossed it on the floor.
"Yuy..." Duo's voice was testy. "I am way too tired to argue with you, but there's room for half of OZ in this bed. You don't have to sleep on the floor."
He was right, of course. There was room enough for two Heeros between himself and the wall. "I didn't think..."
Duo shook his head. "That'll be the day." He patted the broad expanse of bed beside him. "It's okay."
"I didn't want to shake the bed and hurt you."
"You won't."
Heero didn't move.
"It's okay." Then he grinned wickedly. "Get over yourself, Yuy. You're not my type."
Oh no, you're not going to get me with that one again.
"Hn... So at least we agree on one thing." He crawled gingerly into
the space between Duo and the wall and lay down. "There. Are you happy
now?"
Duo's eyes were closed, but he was still grinning. No, it was a gentler expression. He was smiling. "G'night, Heero."
Heero listened as Duo's breathing slowed and deepened. When he was certain the other boy slept, he whispered, "Good night, Duo," and relaxed into the pillows. It had been a long, strange day.
He had let the mission go seriously awry, then abandoned it outright,
and somehow, that was all right. Maybe sometimes it was better when the
mission failed. Maybe some missions were meant to be rejected.
Maybe there are things more important than missions.
Like people.
Duo's soft, even breathing was soothing him into sleep.
Duo, who was still no soldier, who was still brash and irritating.
Duo, who could make him want to laugh.
Duo, who was...
My friend.
I think I have a friend.
Heero slept.
~Fin~