Comment: On very special request, here goes one "a little less scary". In fact, as far as I am concerned, I am as ready for reconciliation and happy endings as I'll ever be.
On the other hand, I have learned the hard way that characters usually have their own plans already when I show up, and all I can do is hope someone invited me to the party.
Chapter 5
When Willow came back from the bathroom, the bed was empty. She stood in the doorway for a moment. Her eyes went to the window: it was still dark outside, the cold stars sparkled in the sky, deep silence hushed the campus. Four o'clock. With her mind's eye, Willow could see a black, slight figure gliding over the lawn, seeking refuge in the town's dark alleys. Wandering restlessly, sticking his hands in and out of his pockets, lighting a cigarette.
Willow sighed and closed the door behind her. Then she dropped her oversized T-Shirt, stepped out of her panties and slid naked under the covers. She could still see the form of his body on the sheets, could feel his coolness on her skin. She closed her eyes and waited.
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Buffy had practically become her shadow during the past two weeks. Let's have lunch, there's a party you just can't miss, let's go shopping, let's play scrabble with the guys at Giles'...
Willow had been patient. She knew Buffy needed to feel she was protecting her if only a little longer, if only a few more days. Willow was only too willing to share those days with her friends. What was, was, and nothing and no one, not even the Slayer, could stop it from happening. If time was what Buffy needed, time was what Willow would offer her.
After Spike had kissed her and left Giles' house that day, Buffy sank down onto the couch. Seldom had she looked so small and helpless. This was not the powerful Slayer, but just a young girl who had lost something. As she began to speak, Willow could see tears swimming in her eyes and felt deep sorrow. There had been a time it was the other way round, when it was Willow who had been lost and Buffy had felt pity for her. But not anymore. Willow had been found.
"Do you think I don't understand? Do you think I don't know how you feel?", Buffy said, twisting her hands and staring at the carpet.
"I've been there, Willow, I've been right were you are now. Your life seems empty and meaningless, and suddenly there's this MAN, this... mysterious, dark creature, and everything is so intense, you never thought life could feel like this. It's - it's ecstasy, it's almost perfection. And then you don't know what you're doing anymore, except that you were MEANT to do it, and you don't care anymore, not about your friends, not about your life, not about right or wrong..."
She took a deep, shaky breath and finally looked up to Willow, who was looking down on her with compassion and pity on her face. And although Buffy could sense a steely determination behind that face, she still pushed on. She had to speak, had to make her understand, she just HAD to...
"Until one day you wake up, and you don't know who you are anymore. The man that you thought you would love forever has turned into a stranger, and you're all alone, surrounded by nothing but darkness and - and evil, and... I don't want you to ever feel like that, Willow, I don't want you to suffer what I suffered!"
Buffy was pleading now, tears streaming openly down her face. Willow sat down beside her.
"I know, Buffy. I know what you have been through, I know being with Angel hurt you more than I will ever know."
Riley flinched, but remained silent. This moment belonged to the women; the three men stood motionless, hardly daring to breathe.
"And just the same, there are things you don't know about me. What happened with that soldier - no, Buffy, let me finish. I know what you want to say, I know what you want to believe, but it's not true. That was me. I killed him, and I knew what I was doing. I wanted to do it."
Buffy opened her mouth, but closed it again.
"I have yet to find out who or what I am, Buffy. But one thing I do know: I am not you. I don't feel like you do, I don't think like you do, and whatever happened to you will not happen to me in the same way. You can't protect me from my own life, and you can't live it for me, either."
"But he will hurt you!"
"Yes, maybe."
"He will leave you!" This was Giles, unable to keep still any longer.
"Probably."
"He'll cheat on you all the time!"
"Oh, yes, I'm sure he'll do that, Xander."
"Then why are you smiling?"
"I don't know. I just feel happy when I think about him."
"I never thought I'd ever hear anyone say that meaning Spike." Xander shook his head in manner that indicated he had given up already.
"He's not good, you know that, don't you?"
"Oh, Xander, how can we still think we can KNOW how things are, or what other people are like? How can we still presume to know what's good and what's bad? After everything we've been through, everything we've seen... He is what he is, and I am - what I am. All I know is that we belong together now."
There was a long pause. There wasn't much left to be said. Except...
"So you'll just have to find out, huh?"
"Yeah, I'll just have to find out."
Xander stepped forward and enveloped Willow in a bear hug. Before he let her go, he whispered in her ear: "I'll always love you."
"I love you too, Xander."
Giles had left his glasses on the kitchen counter and was blinking furiously. He hugged Willow, then cupped her face with his hands and said: "You can always come to me, you hear me? No matter what happens, no matter how much time passes, no matter what you-"
"No matter what I do?"
"Yes."
"I know, Giles."
"Hey, what is this?" Buffy was sniffling and wiping her face, smearing make up all over it.
"It's not like Willow is going to war or something. She just has a new boyfriend. And what's all this fuzz about anyway? I mean, her last boyfriend was a werewolf, right? A vampire should be easy to handle after that."
Willow smiled and took her friend's hand.
"Exactly my thought." If that was what Buffy wanted to believe, who was she to make her friend unhappy? Enough unhappiness would come upon them soon, Willow could feel it in her bones, but until then...
She took Buffy's hands and kissed her cheek. "See you later at the Bronze?"
"Sure." Buffy hesitated. "Bring Spike, if you want."
"No way, this is going to be a girl's night."
"Wait, you mean I can't come?"
"Sure Xander, I said girl's night, didn't I?"
"Ha. Ha. Ha. Sooooo funny, is this the latest joke from the crypt?"
Willow grinned back at him, kissed Giles on the cheek, waved a friendly goodbye to Riley and went out the door. Xander's smile faded.
"She has no idea what she's doing, has she?"
Buffy still stood in the middle of the room, her shoulders slightly slumped forward.
"Know what? I got the feeling that right now, she is the only one who actually might have a clue."
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Guess the characters were as ready for frienschip, good will and happy pie as I was after all:))
Was this too mushy for you? I have a fairly sweet little epilogue with Willow and Spike all ready and waiting. You want to read it, or did this make you sick? Please let me know!!
On the other hand, I have learned the hard way that characters usually have their own plans already when I show up, and all I can do is hope someone invited me to the party.
Chapter 5
When Willow came back from the bathroom, the bed was empty. She stood in the doorway for a moment. Her eyes went to the window: it was still dark outside, the cold stars sparkled in the sky, deep silence hushed the campus. Four o'clock. With her mind's eye, Willow could see a black, slight figure gliding over the lawn, seeking refuge in the town's dark alleys. Wandering restlessly, sticking his hands in and out of his pockets, lighting a cigarette.
Willow sighed and closed the door behind her. Then she dropped her oversized T-Shirt, stepped out of her panties and slid naked under the covers. She could still see the form of his body on the sheets, could feel his coolness on her skin. She closed her eyes and waited.
-------------
Buffy had practically become her shadow during the past two weeks. Let's have lunch, there's a party you just can't miss, let's go shopping, let's play scrabble with the guys at Giles'...
Willow had been patient. She knew Buffy needed to feel she was protecting her if only a little longer, if only a few more days. Willow was only too willing to share those days with her friends. What was, was, and nothing and no one, not even the Slayer, could stop it from happening. If time was what Buffy needed, time was what Willow would offer her.
After Spike had kissed her and left Giles' house that day, Buffy sank down onto the couch. Seldom had she looked so small and helpless. This was not the powerful Slayer, but just a young girl who had lost something. As she began to speak, Willow could see tears swimming in her eyes and felt deep sorrow. There had been a time it was the other way round, when it was Willow who had been lost and Buffy had felt pity for her. But not anymore. Willow had been found.
"Do you think I don't understand? Do you think I don't know how you feel?", Buffy said, twisting her hands and staring at the carpet.
"I've been there, Willow, I've been right were you are now. Your life seems empty and meaningless, and suddenly there's this MAN, this... mysterious, dark creature, and everything is so intense, you never thought life could feel like this. It's - it's ecstasy, it's almost perfection. And then you don't know what you're doing anymore, except that you were MEANT to do it, and you don't care anymore, not about your friends, not about your life, not about right or wrong..."
She took a deep, shaky breath and finally looked up to Willow, who was looking down on her with compassion and pity on her face. And although Buffy could sense a steely determination behind that face, she still pushed on. She had to speak, had to make her understand, she just HAD to...
"Until one day you wake up, and you don't know who you are anymore. The man that you thought you would love forever has turned into a stranger, and you're all alone, surrounded by nothing but darkness and - and evil, and... I don't want you to ever feel like that, Willow, I don't want you to suffer what I suffered!"
Buffy was pleading now, tears streaming openly down her face. Willow sat down beside her.
"I know, Buffy. I know what you have been through, I know being with Angel hurt you more than I will ever know."
Riley flinched, but remained silent. This moment belonged to the women; the three men stood motionless, hardly daring to breathe.
"And just the same, there are things you don't know about me. What happened with that soldier - no, Buffy, let me finish. I know what you want to say, I know what you want to believe, but it's not true. That was me. I killed him, and I knew what I was doing. I wanted to do it."
Buffy opened her mouth, but closed it again.
"I have yet to find out who or what I am, Buffy. But one thing I do know: I am not you. I don't feel like you do, I don't think like you do, and whatever happened to you will not happen to me in the same way. You can't protect me from my own life, and you can't live it for me, either."
"But he will hurt you!"
"Yes, maybe."
"He will leave you!" This was Giles, unable to keep still any longer.
"Probably."
"He'll cheat on you all the time!"
"Oh, yes, I'm sure he'll do that, Xander."
"Then why are you smiling?"
"I don't know. I just feel happy when I think about him."
"I never thought I'd ever hear anyone say that meaning Spike." Xander shook his head in manner that indicated he had given up already.
"He's not good, you know that, don't you?"
"Oh, Xander, how can we still think we can KNOW how things are, or what other people are like? How can we still presume to know what's good and what's bad? After everything we've been through, everything we've seen... He is what he is, and I am - what I am. All I know is that we belong together now."
There was a long pause. There wasn't much left to be said. Except...
"So you'll just have to find out, huh?"
"Yeah, I'll just have to find out."
Xander stepped forward and enveloped Willow in a bear hug. Before he let her go, he whispered in her ear: "I'll always love you."
"I love you too, Xander."
Giles had left his glasses on the kitchen counter and was blinking furiously. He hugged Willow, then cupped her face with his hands and said: "You can always come to me, you hear me? No matter what happens, no matter how much time passes, no matter what you-"
"No matter what I do?"
"Yes."
"I know, Giles."
"Hey, what is this?" Buffy was sniffling and wiping her face, smearing make up all over it.
"It's not like Willow is going to war or something. She just has a new boyfriend. And what's all this fuzz about anyway? I mean, her last boyfriend was a werewolf, right? A vampire should be easy to handle after that."
Willow smiled and took her friend's hand.
"Exactly my thought." If that was what Buffy wanted to believe, who was she to make her friend unhappy? Enough unhappiness would come upon them soon, Willow could feel it in her bones, but until then...
She took Buffy's hands and kissed her cheek. "See you later at the Bronze?"
"Sure." Buffy hesitated. "Bring Spike, if you want."
"No way, this is going to be a girl's night."
"Wait, you mean I can't come?"
"Sure Xander, I said girl's night, didn't I?"
"Ha. Ha. Ha. Sooooo funny, is this the latest joke from the crypt?"
Willow grinned back at him, kissed Giles on the cheek, waved a friendly goodbye to Riley and went out the door. Xander's smile faded.
"She has no idea what she's doing, has she?"
Buffy still stood in the middle of the room, her shoulders slightly slumped forward.
"Know what? I got the feeling that right now, she is the only one who actually might have a clue."
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Guess the characters were as ready for frienschip, good will and happy pie as I was after all:))
Was this too mushy for you? I have a fairly sweet little epilogue with Willow and Spike all ready and waiting. You want to read it, or did this make you sick? Please let me know!!