A/N: This chapter's for Crystal, who absolutely adores this story for some reason and was dying for me to get the next chapter up. So I wrote it, and in under 20 minutes, no less :) I hope you enjoy it!!!
Chapter Three: James, You Tiger!
"What are you doing here?" James asked in a deadly whisper as Petunia ran, screaming and scantily clad, from the room.
"We came to help you buddy!" Sirius announced, throwing his arm over James's shoulder.
"Yeah," Remus added. "With our assistance, the Evans have no choice but to love you!"
"Somehow I doubt that," James muttered under his breath.
"Oh, come on, James," Peter exclaimed. "Lighten up. It's going to be fun."
"Tons," James said weakly.
"Lily?" Mr. Evans called.
"Dammit," James swore. "You guys get out of here NOW."
"And go WHERE?" Remus asked.
"I don't know...SOMEWHERE!" James exclaimed.
"Guys, seriously, hide," Lily said pleadingly. "My father will freak out if there's three more boys here."
"All right, all right," Sirius said, sounding as though he were being asked to do chores as he ducked behind the sofa. Remus followed his lead, but Peter still stood stupidly, staring at Lily and James.
"Get DOWN here, you prat!" Sirius hissed, grabbing Peter's shirt and pulling him behind the couch as well.
"What are you doing?" Mr. Evans asked as he stepped into the room.
"Nothing, Daddy," Lily chirped with a smile, the perfect picture of innocence.
"All right," Mr. Evans said with a seemingly forced smile. "Just checking."
He disappeared back behind the door that James guessed led to his study.
"Okay, guys, the coast is clear," Lily announced. James's three fellow Marauders stood up from behind the couch. Sirius was smiling devilishly.
"What are you going to do, Sirius?" James asked suspiciously...he didn't like that smile. The last time his best friend had worn it, James had sported neon green hair for two months.
"Noooothing," Sirius said innocently.
"Sure," James said dryly. "Now, Sirius, if you do anything, I swear I'll-"
Sirius cut him off and began giggling in a high, feminine voice.
"Oh, James, stop that!" he exclaimed shrilly.
The door to Mr. Evans's study swung open again at once, and the three Marauders disappeared behind the couch again, quick as lightning.
"What's going on in here?" Mr. Evans barked, eyeing James suspiciously. James immediately dropped his girlfriend's hand and felt his cheeks turn bright red.
"Nothing Daddy," Lily said sweetly.
"It doesn't sound like nothing," growled Mr. Evans, glaring daggers at James.
"What are you talking about, Daddy?" Lily asked innocently. "Maybe you should take a nap..."
"All right," Mr. Evans was still eyeing them suspiciously as the door to his study closed again.
The three Marauders popped up from behind the sofa again like some strange sort of three-headed Jack-In-The-Box (Minus the box) and James felt like screaming when he saw that Sirius was still wearing The Smile.
"Sirius, please," he begged.
Sirius's smile widened instead.
"Sirius, if you-"
"James, STOP that!" he exclaimed with a shrill giggle. "My DAD's going to CATCH you!"
"Sorry, Baby," Remus replied in a ridiculously deep voice. "But I just can't resist...remember that one time in the Prefect's Bathroom?"
James was wishing desperately that he could sink into the floor while Lily made some not-so-ladylike gestures at his friends.
The study door swung open again, and James took five LARGE steps away from Lily.
Behind the thick glasses, Mr. Evans's eyes were sparkling dangerously, and he was holding a thick book that could probably knock James unconscious with one blow. (Which, most likely, was the plan.)
"I am NOT hearing things!" Mr. Evans declared, breathing heavily through his nose as he spoke. "Keep your HANDS off of my daughter, Potter. I'm warning you. If I hear one more thing..."
The study door closed once more, and James dropped to his knees when the Marauders-Behind-The-Sofa popped out again. He was ready to beg if he had to....
'Lily' Sirius began to moan in pleasure, and Remus asked in his 'Macho James' voice, "You like that, Baby? Well, we're just getting started."
Lily looked like she was about to kill someone as James took another five steps away from her.
"JAMES!" 'Lily' Sirius shrieked. "You TIGER!"
The door swung open once more to reveal Mr. Evans, who looked as though he'd just been bitten by a rabid dog. Sirius and Remus, who were still standing up, exchanged worried glances.
"YOU'RE HEADING HOME BOY!" Mr. Evans shouted so loud that James felt the floor shake under his feet. Or maybe that was just him shaking....
Mr. Evans noticed Remus and Sirius at once.
"Who are they?" he snapped.
"My...'friends'," Lily said in disgust.
"Oh really?" Mr. Evans asked, sounding equally disgusted. "And they were just...IN here while you and your boyfriend were..." He wriggled his eyebrows. "...have you no shame?"
"Mr. Evans," Sirius said in his 'I'm-so-charming' voice. "There's been a misunderstanding. That wasn't James and Lily you heard."
"Oh really?"
"Yup," Sirius confirmed. He pointed to Remus, then back to himself. "That was us."
Mr. Evans looked back and forth at them with an expression of utmost revulsion and horror. After giving them a glare that showed where Lily had gotten the ability to cause people to burst into tears with one glance, Mr. Evans uttered four words before disappearing into his study again.
"You people sicken me."