A/N: Ahhh, here it is...the long awaited (by Crystal, anyways) chapter 8, in which our friends visit a karaoke bar. I'm aware that these didn't exist in the late '70's, when this would take place according to JK's Harry Potter universe, but in Meet the Parents universe, let's just say it's the late eighties, all righty? Super then :) And also, none of the songs are mine.
So sit back, relax, and be afraid. Oh, be very afraid.
~*~
Chapter Eight: Disco Jack's Karaoke Bar
The double dates (along with Sirius) continued, thanks to Lily's mother, who practically shoved them out the door each evening with an 'It's so nice to see you kids bonding!'.
On the fifth date, the Evanses dropped the three couples (Remus had come this time, and dragged Crystal along with him) and Sirius off in front of a karaoke bar on their way to a romantic dinner at the French restaurant Sirius had gotten himself banned from with flourish.
"You kids have fun!" Mrs. Evans called, head leaning out the window as the car drove away.
Lily, Petunia, Vernon, and Crystal (whose mother was Muggleborn) all stared up in horror at the bright neon sign proclaiming "Disco Jack's Karaoke Bar". Remus, James, and Sirius studied it curiously.
"What's karaoke?" James asked.
"You don't want to know," Lily replied truthfully. "We can't go in there."
"Why not?" asked Remus.
"Imagine Snape singing," Crystal ordered.
"Why?" Remus asked with a shudder.
"Now multiply that by about a hundred," continued Crystal. "And THAT is a karaoke bar."
"You mean to tell me that there are hundreds of Snapes in there singing?" Sirius asked delightedly. "A hundred Snapes for me to mock and ridicule? Let's go!"
He grabbed Remus's arm and dragged him inside, and Crystal followed them reluctantly with a muttered, "That wasn't what I meant."
Though it was the last thing she wanted to do, Lily exchanged a look with James, and they followed their friends inside. Sirius, Remus, and Crystal had already sat down at a table, and Sirius was clapping his hands enthusiastically to the beat of the worst version of Material Girl Lily had ever heard in her life, sung by two giggling girls that looked around their age.
"Sooo, are you and Jamesie going to sing a ridiculously mushy love ballad?" he asked Lily as she sat down next to him.
"No way am I letting James sing in public," Lily responded with a shudder.
"HEY!" cut in James, offended.
"Honey, you know it's true," Lily said. "The last time you attempted to sing, your sister's owl dropped down dead."
"That was a sheer and utter coincidence!" James defended himself. "That owl was on the verge of death, anyway-it was ANCIENT!"
"The owl was a year old!" Sirius exclaimed.
"Hey, did anyone talk to you?" James asked, annoyed.
Sirius shook his head. "Well, no. But I have such a lovable personality that I don't need anyone to talk to me in order to know they need to hear the sound of my beautiful voice."
Lily, James, Remus, and Crystal all began to laugh, but quickly stifled the laughter with loud, hacking coughs.
"Feeling a bit ill?" Sirius asked cheerfully.
"Hey, you!"
All of them turned in unison to see a middle-aged balding man with a potbelly pointing at them. He was dressed in checkered pink-and-green bellbottoms and a bright green silk shirt exposing most of his chest, which gave Remus a run for his money even when in werewolf mode. At least three golden chains hung around his neck.
"You seem to be makin' a lotta noise!" he continued. "Why don't you get up here?"
"There is NO way I'm going up there," Lily hissed at once. "And NEITHER IS JAMES."
"I wanna go!" Sirius said energetically.
"No argument there," James said.
"I wanna go!" Sirius repeated.
"Well, I'm not going up there!" Crystal declared.
"I wanna go!" cried Sirius.
"Neither am I!" said Remus.
"I wanna go!" said...well, must I tell you???
"Nah, Remus, you go up!" James exclaimed. "You're the only one out of us who can actually sing, anyway!"
"Ex-CUSE me?" asked Sirius indignantly.
"I'm NOT going up there!" Remus exclaimed.
"Well, neither is anyone else!"
"I wanna go!"
"SHUT UP, SIRIUS!" everyone cried in unison.
He stuck out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout and crossed his arms. "FINE."
"C'mon, Moony!" James said with a grin.
"All right, all RIGHT, I'll go," Remus said, standing up.
"Thank you!" everyone cried.
"But Crystal's coming with me," he finished, grabbing her hand and dragging her out of her seat and around the many tables filled with rock-star-wannabes.
"Remus, NO!" Crystal protested as he dragged her up on stage.
Disco Jack was grinning widely, exposing all ten of his yellowing teeth. "And here we have..."
"Remus and Crystal," whispered Remus.
"Remus and Crystal singing Somethin' Stupid!"
Both looking extremely nervous and quite crimson, they began to sing in unison, "I know I stand in line, until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance
You won't be leaving with me
And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all, by saying somethin' stupid
Like 'I love you'."
Both Material Girls were positively swooning as Remus sang, and each looked as though they'd like to beat Crystal with a large stick. As they finished, the entire room was positively silent...the crowd was most likely trying to decide how exactly they were supposed to react when one of the performers had actual talent.
Cheeks still flushed, Remus and Crystal hurried down from the stage, hand in hand, and the Material Girls both gave her looks of extreme loathing.
"How do you do it, Moony?" Sirius asked, pouting. "All you have to do is sing a note and the girls are tripping all over you."
"Well, that's too bad for them," Crystal commented, a possessive glint in her eyes. "'Cause he's MY wolf."
"So we've heard, Mrs. Moony," Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Will they ever go HOME?" Lily groaned as the Material Girls pranced back onto the stage.
"And here," Disco Jack said, sounding extremely unenthusiastic, "We have, once again, Jessie and Mandy singing Physical."
As the disgustingly-disco beat of Physical started up, Sirius let out a strangled gasp.
"That's MY song!" he cried. "They can't sing MY song!"
And before Lily, James, Remus, or Crystal could attempt to stop him, Sirius was bounding towards the stage.
"Oh no," James muttered. "Oh no, oh no, oh no."
"Move aside, ladies!" he said with a grin. "This is MY song!"
Jessie and Mandy both gasped, insulted, as Sirius grabbed the mic from Mandy's hand and began to belt out his beloved disco classic.
"I'm saying all the things that I know you like!" he crooned, "Making good conversation!"
Everyone was staring at him in utmost horror, and Lily couldn't help but wonder why Sirius had been one of the most desirable guys at Hogwarts.
"I gotta handle you just right!" Sirius continued. "You know what I me-e-ean!"
Lily winced as Sirius warbled out the word, and was incredibly relieved when someone tapped her on the shoulder and hissed, "Lily!"
It was Petunia, who was standing next to Vernon and looked absolutely horrified.
"What is it?" Lily asked, annoyed. She and her sister had decided years upon years ago that it would be wisest just to avoid conversation completely, seeing as when they didn't it usually resulted in much hair-pulling and nail-scratching.
"The only places we could find near here were a foreign movie theater and an adult video store!" Petunia cried, devastated. "And there is NO WAY I can be seen in here!"
"Oh, yes, Petunia," Lily drawled. "Because so many of your friends hang out in karaoke bars."
Petunia studied Sirius for a moment in sheer horror before turning back to her sister.
"I can't be seen here!"
"Just sit down and shut up," Lily commanded, gesturing to the two empty chairs at the table next to theirs. Petunia reluctantly agreed, and stared, terrified, at Sirius until the song ended. Disco Jack applauded enthusiastically. And alone.
"Now, who shall we have up here next?" he asked. "Someone? Anyone?"
"I'm getting out of here," Petunia declared, standing up from the table. Vernon did as well.
Lily grinned evilly as Disco Jack cried, "Groovy!" -or rather, 'ga-roovy!'- "You two, get up here!"
"Oh, no, we weren't-"
"Yeah, Petunia, get up there!" Lily said sweetly.
"Go Petunia!" Sirius, James, Remus and Crystal began to chant. "Go Petunia! Go Petunia! Go Petunia! Go Petunia!"
"Come on up here, Petunia!" Disco Jack exclaimed.
"No."
"I didn't wanna have to sink to this," Disco Jack said sadly.
"Sink to what?" gulped Petunia.
He snapped his fingers, and out of the dark corners of the bar stepped four men, all dressed in equally tacky clothing and badly in need of the Subway diet. (Some Slim Fast wouldn't hurt, either.)
Immediately, they all grabbed Petunia and shoved her up to the stage, then attempted to do the same to Vernon. However, after many unsuccessful tries to move him from where he stood, one of them finally snapped, "Just get up there already!"
A very disgruntled-looking Vernon stomped up to the stage, then joined Petunia.
"Finally, we've managed to drag Petunia and..." Disco Jack looked questioningly at Vernon, but he looked so terrified at the prospect of being up there that he didn't offer his name.
"Petunia's friend," he finally finished with a grin that could break a mirror, "up here! And they'll be singing Love Shack!"
Lily and Crystal immediately burst into hysterical laughter, and Sirius pouted.
"Lucky Petunia and Vernie," he declared. "That sounds almost as great as Physical!"
Both looking as though they'd just practically inhaled a carton of expired milk (though, when Lily thought about it, that was how Petunia always looked) as they began to sing.
"If you see a faded sign at the side of the road that says fifteen miles to the love shack," Petunia started, her voice toneless.
"Love shack..yeah. Yeah," contributed Vernon intelligently.
"I'm heading down the Atlanta highway," Petunia continued unenthusiastically. "Looking for the love getaway. Heading for the love getaway."
Vernon cleared his throat, then stammered, "I got me a car, it's as big as a whale-"
"Aren't we the optimist?" Sirius snickered.
"-And we're heading down to the love shack," Vernon continued, sounding like he had when he'd been on one of his 'drills' raves. "I got me a Chrysler and it seats about twenty, so hurry up and bring your jukebox money."
Exchanging a glance of utmost discomfort, Petunia and Vernon began to sing (horribly off-key), "The love shack is a little old place where we can get together. Love shack baby."
"Love shack baby," Vernon droned.
"Love shack, baby love shack. Love shack, baby love shack. Love shack, baby love shack..."
Lily grinned happily and closed her eyes, implanting the mental picture of her sister singing to the B52's.
It was moments like this that truly made life worth living.