A/N: I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU! I cannot believe I've gotten over a hundred reviews...I've been dreaming of this since I first started writing on fanfiction.net. Thank you, thank you, thank you, you guys! You're the best. The absolute best. I am the happiest girl in the world. Or I would be, if all of your skidattled right over to read PepsiAngel's brilliant 'It's A Hair Dresser's Life For Us' after you finish reading this. Honestly, you gotta. Her fic puts mine to shame. *grins* Hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a bit...odd. But then again, what else could you expect from this fic?



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Chapter Nine: Wedding Bells and Secretaries



James's nineteenth birthday occurred four days after the Disco Jack incident (which had revolutionized Sirius's life-he'd declared that he would open a karaoke bar and vowed to only shop at vintage clothing stores). It was pretty much uneventful, minus the twenty-something owls that Mrs. Potter bombarded him with, asking if the Muggles were treating her baby boy nicely.

Lily's birthday, which was a week and a half after James's, was the complete opposite. Mrs. Evans had apparently been planning it since, oh, the beginning of time, judging by the number of decorations she already had.

"Oh, darling," she gushed at the breakfast table five days before her daughter turned nineteen, "I've already sent out all the invitations-we'll have all your old friends, of course. I've spoken to Virginia's mother, and she'll have a few friends come along as well. Is there anyone you'd like to invite from school?"

"Well, Sirius and Peter and Remus," Lily said. "And Crystal, and Vanessa."

"Are you sure?" Mrs. Evans looked a bit dejected. "That only makes sixty-five guests!"

"Er...pretty sure." Lily'd looked a bit taken aback. Later, as she and James were washing the dishes, she informed him that she didn't think she even knew sixty-five people.

James had been a bit nervous about this as well...sixty-four innocent guests trapped in an area as small as a house with SIRIUS?

He didn't even want to think about what kind of disaster would strike.

The day before Lily's party, James, Peter, and Remus were hard at work hanging up streamers. Sirius entertained himself by untwisting the balloons and inhaling the helium, then doing his 'hilarious' (at least, he thought so) imitation of Professor Trelawney on crack.

"You will be decapitated by a flobberworm," he squeaked, then let out an extremely high-pitched squeal as Remus 'accidentally' dropped the tape on his head.

"Ow!" he cried indignantly, sounding like a chipmunk. "That hurt, you mangy canine!"

He snatched up another 'Happy Birthday' balloon, this one hot pink, and was about to untie it when Remus commented offhandedly, "You know, Sirius, inhaling helium destroys your brain cells, and you can't really afford to increase your stupidity level."

Sirius stuck his tongue out at him, but put the balloon back.

"Er...you guys?" James asked uncomfortably.

"What, Prongs?" Peter asked.

"You need Lily advice?" Remus continued.

Sirius sent him a roguish wink.

"Well...kind of. Yeah," James replied uneasily. He really didn't want to talk about his girlfriend in front of Sirius. It wasn't exactly the wisest choice.

"Shoot," Sirius said, grinning evilly.

"Well...I don't know what to get her for her birthday."

"And it's TOMORROW?" Sirius rolled his eyes. "Gee, you are one GREAT boyfriend, Jamesie. I'm surprised the women aren't lining up around the block to catch a glimpse of you."

"Shut up, Sirius," Remus said harshly, then turned to James, nice as ever. "Well, what do you want to get her?"

"Er..." James felt his cheeks redden, and he smoothed his messy hair nervously. "Uh...I was thinking maybe I'd...ask her to marry me."

Sirius let out a little screech and toppled from the ladder where he'd been sitting onto the ground, landing in a mangled heap.

"Er..."

"Whoa," Peter supplied.

"Exactly," Remus nodded in agreement.

"Married, Prongs?!" Sirius yelped, voice muffled by the carpet. "But you're not even an adult yet! That's just crazy! Don't you want to...you know, play the field or something?"

"Not really," James said, then corrected himself. "Not at all. I just...can't see myself with anyone but her."

"And you're willing to spend...forever with her?" Peter asked, looking simply terrified at the prospect.

James nodded, feeling as though he'd just confessed to murdering the Minister of Magic or talking in a less-than-glowing manner about the Chudley Cannons.

"Well then, I say go for it," Remus said, clapping James on the back with a grin.

"You do?" James, Peter, and Sirius asked in unison.

Remus nodded. "Well, yes. If he's sure about it. You can't do much better than Lily."

"I'm sure Crystal'd love to hear you say that, Moony," Sirius said sarcastically. "Perhaps our wolf has some hidden feelings for Miss Evans?'

"I said you can't do MUCH better," said Remus crossly. "Now..."

James tuned them out as he got lost in his thoughts, and absently dropped a roll of pink streamers onto Peter's head.

Married.

Him and Lily.

Him.

Married.

Forever.

Married.

Him.

Married.

To Lily.

Forever.

James grinned. Spending forever with Lily didn't seem so bad.

Not bad at all, in fact.



~*~



"You are a suicidal idiot, Potter," James muttered to himself as he walked, slowly as possible, down the stairs and across the living room. "Suicidal, suicidal, suicidal. Idiot, idiot, idiot."

He had actually started to get excited about this...life with Lily could be good. Very good. Maybe they'd even have a few kids: Harry, Grace, and James Junior. Get a dog.

But then Sirius, being the little bubble-burster he was, pointed out that he should ask Mr. Evans's permission at first.

Which brought him to his current 'suicidal idiot' status.

Shaking from head to toe, James rapped his knuckles nervously on the study door.

"Yeah?" Mr. Evans barked from the other side of it.

"Er...it's me, sir. James," he replied. "Could I come in?"

"Make it quick," Mr. Evans said impatiently.

Suicidal idiot, suicidal idiot, A voice in the back of his head that sounded remarkably like 'Professor Trelawney' Sirius sang.

James pushed open the door, then took a few steps in and immediately stumbled over a cord and fell to the floor.

"Er, oops," he said weakly, standing up and brushing off his clothes, cheeks flaming.

"What do you want, Potter?"

"Er...Mr. Evans, sir," James started weakly. "I...er...um..."

"Spit it out," Mr. Evans commanded. "I haven't got all day!"

I can't say it! James thought, panicked. I can't say it!

"CanLilymarryme?" he mumbled quickly, studying the carpet.

"What?" Mr. Evans asked angrily. "Speak up!"

"Can...can Lily marry me?" James asked timidly, forcing himself to look up.

Mr. Evans stared at him as though in shock, and his right eye began to twitch madly.

"My Lily? Marry...you?"

"Er...yes, sir."

"I'm not sure," Mr. Evans said gruffly. "I'm not sure if you're good enough for my Lily."

"Neither am I, sir."

"Well, then," Mr. Evans said, "I don't think it's a wise decision to marry her. Now get out."

"Please!" James exclaimed desperately. "Er...I'll...uh...I'll always be good to her, and I love her more than anything-"

"Why do you want to marry her, Potter?" Mr. Evans asked suspiciously. "D'you want our money? Did you get her pregnant?"

"NO!" James yelped, feeling like he would faint at any second. "No, no, no, no, no, Mr. Evans. I just...I love her."

"You love her?" Mr. Evans asked skeptically.

"Yes, sir."

"You love her," Mr. Evans said dryly. "Well, tell me this then, Potter-will you go out and get a respectable job, and make her lots of money? Buy her whatever she wants?"

James decided it probably wasn't wise to tell him that his family was one of the most wealthy wizarding ones in Europe, and instead just nodded.

"You'll tell her she's the most beautiful thing in the world, even when she looks like hell?" Mr. Evans continued.

"Yes, sir."

"When she's trying on dresses and asks if they make her look fat, you'll say no?"

"Yes, sir," James said.

"When she's throwing emotional fits like madwoman during that time of the month, you'll go out and buy her chocolate ice cream and let her throw a few punches at you?"

"Er...sure, sir," James said uncomfortably, feeling his cheeks heat up.

"You'll resist the hot secretaries in the miniskirts at work that hang around all over you while you're signing forms and asking for messages?"

"Of course, sir."

"Now, understand me, we're talking REALLY hot, Potter! Long, silky blonde hair, blue eyes with that naughty sparkle," his voice grew more and more passionate with each word, "A body to die for, loooong, tan legs-"

"Er...Mr. Evans?" James asked weakly.

Mr. Evans ignored him. "Soft, wet, fiery red lips. Smooth, smooth skin...oh, you want to touch her skin! To feel her next to you! You want to-"

"Mr. Evans!" James cried, panicked.

"Every inch of you, filled with carnal desire!" Mr. Evans continued. "Ooh, you wanna get her out of those skimpy clothes, and you want to-"

"Mr. Evans!"

"Felicia!" he half-shouted, half-growled.

"Er...Mr. Evans!" James had to yell, feeling extremely terrified.

Mr. Evans's eyes shot open, and he studied James for a moment, cheeks bright red. He cleared his throat, then said in an all-business tone, "You'll love her until the end of time?"

He nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Well, then," Mr. Evans said. "You have my permission. Good afternoon."

"Er...bye," James said weakly, then sped out of his study as quickly as he could. Mrs. Evans was sitting in the living room, flipping through a magazine.

"Oh, hello, James, dear!" she said with a smile. "How are you?"

"Just fine, Mrs. Evans," James replied weakly, then hurried upstairs, wondering just how Mrs. Evans would react if she knew about Felicia.