The hardest thing I've ever done I did tonight. I walked away from her.
I have been trying to separate myself from her to protect her. At least that is what I tell myself.
She said tonight that I'm only walking away so I do not get hurt.
I've been hurt in the past by the women I've loved.
First Robin, betraying me and telling A.J. that he is Michael's father. I am just thankful that I got the chance to be his father, a solid figure in his life, if only for a year.
Then Carly betrayed me. I'm not sure what I felt for Carly or if it was even worth the heart ache that I felt that morning when she came down from Sonny's bedroom.
I forgave her because I realized that we were not meant to be. She is meant to be with Sonny and once I saw how wonderful they were together I could not deny them friendship. I forgave them but my heart never forgot.
Elizabeth is so different then every other woman that I have met.
The first time we met it was through Lucky, before the fire. Then I had no problem with the guy. He worked with me and lived above my garage. He never caused me any problems and near the end I came to respect him.
But then there was the fire. Her face that night is permanently etched in my memory. I felt so horrible; I thought his blood was on my hands. An innocent that had nothing to do with my business was dead and I blamed myself.
She really did love him and I felt horrible for her. Her tears, her pain, her grief, which I blamed myself for entirely.
But she did not blame Sonny or me. She befriended us. She trusted us. That is just the kind of woman she is.
When she found me in the snow she did not run away. She took care of me, nursed me back to health, and brought back something into my life that I had thought I had lost: Love.
When he came back and she choose him, I understood. I could see why she picked him. He was the love of her life, her first love, and he was back from the dead. And I left not feeling angry or upset but glad that she had him back and would be happy.
But she wasn't happy.
And when I finally thought that we might get somewhere, she slept with Zander. Zander, a guy I completely despise. He is the reason that Emily was in danger so many times. He is careless, he does not think, and he does not know when to shut up.
But tonight I forgave her. Tonight she explained how much I mean to her. Tonight she took my whole world and turned it upside down. Tonight she said everything that I ever wanted to hear.
I kissed her.
It was just like I remember from the night so long ago. Soft, delicate, perfect.
Now everything has changed. Everything is out in the open. And that is the worst possible place it can be right now.
It is too dangerous. To pursue our love would be too dangerous.
Elizabeth hates when people try to control her life and I am doing just that. I'm telling her to drop me like a bad habit but she will not. She will not give up on us, on our love, on what we could have.
It is the last thing that I want but I have no choice. She is in danger because of me. She could die because of me. I could not live with myself if I was the reason that she got hurt.
She means everything to me.
She is my everything.
I have to let her go, to protect her.
But she refuses to listen. Every time I try to push he away she pulls me closer. Every time I try to tell her about the dangers of my life she tells me how wonderful her life is with me in it.
She's been shot, kidnapped, and almost bombed but she continues to try and salvage what we have. So maybe I am walking away to protect my own heart but to protect her as well. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
To walk away from her kiss, her touch, her love is the last thing that I wanted. I really wanted to take her in my arms, tell her how I feel, and never let her go.
I wanted to ignore my job, my responsibilities, the path I have chosen, to fly with her to Italy. Or to anywhere to live out the rest of our days together and sharing our love.
If I had kissed her for one more second I cannot promise that I wouldn't have.
But I stopped it. I let go of her hand. I walked away.
But my heart is still with her.
It always will be.
I have been trying to separate myself from her to protect her. At least that is what I tell myself.
She said tonight that I'm only walking away so I do not get hurt.
I've been hurt in the past by the women I've loved.
First Robin, betraying me and telling A.J. that he is Michael's father. I am just thankful that I got the chance to be his father, a solid figure in his life, if only for a year.
Then Carly betrayed me. I'm not sure what I felt for Carly or if it was even worth the heart ache that I felt that morning when she came down from Sonny's bedroom.
I forgave her because I realized that we were not meant to be. She is meant to be with Sonny and once I saw how wonderful they were together I could not deny them friendship. I forgave them but my heart never forgot.
Elizabeth is so different then every other woman that I have met.
The first time we met it was through Lucky, before the fire. Then I had no problem with the guy. He worked with me and lived above my garage. He never caused me any problems and near the end I came to respect him.
But then there was the fire. Her face that night is permanently etched in my memory. I felt so horrible; I thought his blood was on my hands. An innocent that had nothing to do with my business was dead and I blamed myself.
She really did love him and I felt horrible for her. Her tears, her pain, her grief, which I blamed myself for entirely.
But she did not blame Sonny or me. She befriended us. She trusted us. That is just the kind of woman she is.
When she found me in the snow she did not run away. She took care of me, nursed me back to health, and brought back something into my life that I had thought I had lost: Love.
When he came back and she choose him, I understood. I could see why she picked him. He was the love of her life, her first love, and he was back from the dead. And I left not feeling angry or upset but glad that she had him back and would be happy.
But she wasn't happy.
And when I finally thought that we might get somewhere, she slept with Zander. Zander, a guy I completely despise. He is the reason that Emily was in danger so many times. He is careless, he does not think, and he does not know when to shut up.
But tonight I forgave her. Tonight she explained how much I mean to her. Tonight she took my whole world and turned it upside down. Tonight she said everything that I ever wanted to hear.
I kissed her.
It was just like I remember from the night so long ago. Soft, delicate, perfect.
Now everything has changed. Everything is out in the open. And that is the worst possible place it can be right now.
It is too dangerous. To pursue our love would be too dangerous.
Elizabeth hates when people try to control her life and I am doing just that. I'm telling her to drop me like a bad habit but she will not. She will not give up on us, on our love, on what we could have.
It is the last thing that I want but I have no choice. She is in danger because of me. She could die because of me. I could not live with myself if I was the reason that she got hurt.
She means everything to me.
She is my everything.
I have to let her go, to protect her.
But she refuses to listen. Every time I try to push he away she pulls me closer. Every time I try to tell her about the dangers of my life she tells me how wonderful her life is with me in it.
She's been shot, kidnapped, and almost bombed but she continues to try and salvage what we have. So maybe I am walking away to protect my own heart but to protect her as well. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
To walk away from her kiss, her touch, her love is the last thing that I wanted. I really wanted to take her in my arms, tell her how I feel, and never let her go.
I wanted to ignore my job, my responsibilities, the path I have chosen, to fly with her to Italy. Or to anywhere to live out the rest of our days together and sharing our love.
If I had kissed her for one more second I cannot promise that I wouldn't have.
But I stopped it. I let go of her hand. I walked away.
But my heart is still with her.
It always will be.