Seven Silly Saviors tell their tales. How did they all eventually meet up in the Rogue encampment? Well, their stories may not be exactly what you expected.
Interviewer:
So far we have the Assassin and the Druid and the Amazon. Who came next? The Barbarian?
Barbarian:
Me?
Amazon:
This aught to be interesting!
Interviewer:
Go ahead Mr. Barbarian, tell your story.
Barbarian:
Huh?
(There is a pause.)
Druid:
Uh, Barbarian, you can talk now.
Barbarian:
Who?
Paladin:
Tell everybody how you got to the Rogue encampment.
Barbarian:
But I walked just like everybody else.
Necromancer:
Grr. Idiot.
Assassin:
But I didn't walk. I hitched a ride from the Dark Wanderer.
Amazon:
We don't care Assassin!
Sorceress:
(To Barbarian.) Didn't you say something about a heroes club?
Barbarian:
This IS the heroes club isn't it? I even paid my dues.
Paladin:
What dues?
Druid:
Uh. Never mind about that. You don't have to tell them about that Barbarian.
Barbarian:
The Druid said I had to pay money in order to be a part of the club.
(Druid tries to sneak away. Paladin grabs him.)
Sorceress:
You haven't taken advantage of the Barbarian now have you, Druid?
Druid:
Why . . . I . . . But . . . He, he . . . Yes.
Paladin:
How could you do that!
Necromancer:
Hah, hah! The omens foresaw treachery in you Druid!
Amazon:
Did anybody ever figure out that the Barbarian is stupid!
Paladin:
At least he doesn't need to be tranquilized like you!
Amazon:
Is there something going on between you and the Barbarian, Paladin?
Paladin:
(Stutters) No. I just think it is my job to protect . . . the disadvantaged.
Amazon:
Sure.
Paladin:
I protect the unprotected!
Help the helpless!
And defend the defenseless!
(Stands nobly.)
Amazon: Is that the Paladin Code of Honor?
Paladin:
No, I just made it up.
Amazon:
What a stupid load of . . .
(Gets shoved by the Barbarian.)
Amazon:
Hey! What was that for?
Barbarian:
Huh? What'd I do? (Hides a smile.)
Interviewer:
I'm surprised you all survived this whole time. With all the bickering and all . . .
Sorceress:
I don't understand it either. We almost died when fighting Diablo because each one of us wanted to kill him a different way.
Druid:
I still say we should have mooned him. That would have killed him good.
Assassin:
You only said that so you could get a look at my butt!
Druid:
I already do get a good look every time I walk behind you! All I wanna know is where in the Assassin handbook does it say to show off your butt cheeks?
Sorceress:
That's enough Druid.
Amazon:
The Druid said the same thing to kill Baal.
Necromancer:
You were all too busy fighting over which monster was Baal. The omens clearly told that the Baal with the slightly off centered name tag above it's head was the true Baal.
Assassin:
It could have been any of the Four Baals.
Interviewer:
Four? I thought there were only two monsters that looked like Baal.
Druid:
She sees double. Must be a side effect of smoking a pipe.
Assassin:
The only side effect is having a good time.
Amazon:
You sure Assassin! I could have sworn that you were delusional.
Assassin:
Look a little green man!
Amazon:
?
Interviewer:
Are you ready to tell your side of the story Barbarian?
Barbarian:
What?
Necromancer:
I'll tell his story for him. It all started when he was dropped on his head as an infant!
Sorceress:
That's not very nice Necromancer.
Necromancer:
I know.
Interviewer:
(To audience.) Somehow we finally got the Barbarian to tell his story . . .
Barbarian:
One day I saw a flyer on the Barbarian Bulletin Board. It said, "Heroes Wanted at Rouge Encampment." My mom always wanted me to be a hero so I went there.
Amazon:
How'd ya know where the Rouge Encampment was?
Barbarian:
I don't know . . .
Necromancer:
You idiots! It is not called the Rouge encampment! But the Rogue encampment! Even the omens know that! And what's all that stuff about a flyer! The omens could have told you where to go. They were everywhere. In the stars, in the mountain formations, and the direction the streams where flowing and the birds . . .
Druid:
Are you sure that the BARBARIAN would be able to know an omen when he see's one . . .
Necromancer:
Even an idiot can see the omens!
Sorceress:
Or maybe only an idiot can see the omens.
Necromancer:
Hah, hah. That's a good one sorceress. (pauses for a second) Wait a minute . . .
Interviewer:
So continue on with your story Barbarian.
Barbarian:
At the Rouge . . .
Necromancer:
ROGUE!
Barbarian:
. . .encampment the Assassin and the Druid and the Amazon were there. And they were fighting.
Assassin:
We were?
Amazon:
Ya don't remember?
Assassin:
No.
Amazon:
Must be due to that stuff ya smoke. (Smiles evilly) Or maybe because of that knock on the head you got when your face met my boot!
Assassin:
What! I would never let you give me a knock on the head! Your boot would have never been within ten inches of my face!
Amazon:
You couldn't stop me.
Assassin:
(Whiney) Yes I could. I would never let you beat me up without getting in a few kicks in myself.
Amazon:
LET ME? HAH! That's a laugh! You think you could stop me! Excuse me while I go tranquilize myself!
Sorceress:
Perhaps you and the Amazon shouldn't talk to each other. Now go ahead Barbarian.
Barbarian:
What?
Sorceress:
Continue with your story.
Barbarian:
What story?
Necromancer:
Arg! Why do we put up with him!
Sorceress:
Barbarians can be useful companions even if they are . . . stupid.
Druid:
Hear that Barbarian? She just called you stupid! Are you gonna put up with that?
Sorceress:
Druid!
Barbarian:
Put up with what? What put up?
Druid:
?
Amazon:
So at the Rouge, I mean Rogue encampment when ya saw us fighting then what?
Barbarian:
I tried to break it up.
Assassin:
Now I remember! (Hits Barbarian, but hurts her hand instead.) You call knocking us out breaking up the fight? I was having fun kicking the Amazon in the shins!
Amazon:
In your dreams maybe!
Sorceress:
It was an interesting sight to see an Assassin, Amazon, and Druid knocked out in the ground when I arrived.
Druid:
But why did you have to knock me out? I wasn't fighting!
Barbarian:
No humans should fight . . .
Necromancer:
So we got a Barbarian Pacifist! How original! Why does that sound like an oxymoron?
Druid:
But I wasn't even fighting! It was all those two. They've been fighting since the beginning!
Amazon:
He must have got a little carried away and decided to punch your lights out as well as ours.
Assassin:
I had a black eye for a week!
Amazon:
You should be glad it was only for a week! I could have given you a black eye to last a month!
Sorceress:
Are you sure you took that tranquilizer on your own Amazon?
Amazon:
Um . . . heh, heh. . . yes.
Paladin:
So is that the end of your story Barbarian? You heard about us through some flyer and came here and broke up a fight between the Assassin, the Amazon, and the Druid?
Druid:
For the last time I wasn't fighting!
Barbarian:
Yes. And then the Sorceress came. She was smart.
Necromancer:
Looks like your up next dear.
Sorceress:
Oh goody.
Paladin:
Then I get to go after the Sorceress.
Necromancer:
Finally I get to tell them about the omens last. Save the best for last as I always say, or the omens always say anyway.
Interviewer:
So that's it for today folks. Perhaps the Sorceress will have more to say next time. Join us next time on this interview of the Seven Silly Saviors.
Druid:
Who said we are silly anyway?
Barbarian:
What's a Savior?
Assassin:
There were seven of us? I thought there were six?
Druid:
Don't forget to count yourself, Smart one!
Interviewer:
But for now I think I need some of that tranquilizer! Somebody get me out of here! These heroes are driving me bonkers!
(Assassin and Amazon begin to fight in the background as a dust swirl forms around them with the occasional limb popping out and the occasional curse word. The Druid tries to cheat more money out of the Barbarian but the Paladin knocks him one and then the Barbarian and the Paladin arm wrestle. The Necromancer gives the very bored Sorceress a long lesson on the origins of the omens. Hey! It is all in a day's work for the Seven Silly Saviors.)
Interviewer:
Help me!
Interviewer:
So far we have the Assassin and the Druid and the Amazon. Who came next? The Barbarian?
Barbarian:
Me?
Amazon:
This aught to be interesting!
Interviewer:
Go ahead Mr. Barbarian, tell your story.
Barbarian:
Huh?
(There is a pause.)
Druid:
Uh, Barbarian, you can talk now.
Barbarian:
Who?
Paladin:
Tell everybody how you got to the Rogue encampment.
Barbarian:
But I walked just like everybody else.
Necromancer:
Grr. Idiot.
Assassin:
But I didn't walk. I hitched a ride from the Dark Wanderer.
Amazon:
We don't care Assassin!
Sorceress:
(To Barbarian.) Didn't you say something about a heroes club?
Barbarian:
This IS the heroes club isn't it? I even paid my dues.
Paladin:
What dues?
Druid:
Uh. Never mind about that. You don't have to tell them about that Barbarian.
Barbarian:
The Druid said I had to pay money in order to be a part of the club.
(Druid tries to sneak away. Paladin grabs him.)
Sorceress:
You haven't taken advantage of the Barbarian now have you, Druid?
Druid:
Why . . . I . . . But . . . He, he . . . Yes.
Paladin:
How could you do that!
Necromancer:
Hah, hah! The omens foresaw treachery in you Druid!
Amazon:
Did anybody ever figure out that the Barbarian is stupid!
Paladin:
At least he doesn't need to be tranquilized like you!
Amazon:
Is there something going on between you and the Barbarian, Paladin?
Paladin:
(Stutters) No. I just think it is my job to protect . . . the disadvantaged.
Amazon:
Sure.
Paladin:
I protect the unprotected!
Help the helpless!
And defend the defenseless!
(Stands nobly.)
Amazon: Is that the Paladin Code of Honor?
Paladin:
No, I just made it up.
Amazon:
What a stupid load of . . .
(Gets shoved by the Barbarian.)
Amazon:
Hey! What was that for?
Barbarian:
Huh? What'd I do? (Hides a smile.)
Interviewer:
I'm surprised you all survived this whole time. With all the bickering and all . . .
Sorceress:
I don't understand it either. We almost died when fighting Diablo because each one of us wanted to kill him a different way.
Druid:
I still say we should have mooned him. That would have killed him good.
Assassin:
You only said that so you could get a look at my butt!
Druid:
I already do get a good look every time I walk behind you! All I wanna know is where in the Assassin handbook does it say to show off your butt cheeks?
Sorceress:
That's enough Druid.
Amazon:
The Druid said the same thing to kill Baal.
Necromancer:
You were all too busy fighting over which monster was Baal. The omens clearly told that the Baal with the slightly off centered name tag above it's head was the true Baal.
Assassin:
It could have been any of the Four Baals.
Interviewer:
Four? I thought there were only two monsters that looked like Baal.
Druid:
She sees double. Must be a side effect of smoking a pipe.
Assassin:
The only side effect is having a good time.
Amazon:
You sure Assassin! I could have sworn that you were delusional.
Assassin:
Look a little green man!
Amazon:
?
Interviewer:
Are you ready to tell your side of the story Barbarian?
Barbarian:
What?
Necromancer:
I'll tell his story for him. It all started when he was dropped on his head as an infant!
Sorceress:
That's not very nice Necromancer.
Necromancer:
I know.
Interviewer:
(To audience.) Somehow we finally got the Barbarian to tell his story . . .
Barbarian:
One day I saw a flyer on the Barbarian Bulletin Board. It said, "Heroes Wanted at Rouge Encampment." My mom always wanted me to be a hero so I went there.
Amazon:
How'd ya know where the Rouge Encampment was?
Barbarian:
I don't know . . .
Necromancer:
You idiots! It is not called the Rouge encampment! But the Rogue encampment! Even the omens know that! And what's all that stuff about a flyer! The omens could have told you where to go. They were everywhere. In the stars, in the mountain formations, and the direction the streams where flowing and the birds . . .
Druid:
Are you sure that the BARBARIAN would be able to know an omen when he see's one . . .
Necromancer:
Even an idiot can see the omens!
Sorceress:
Or maybe only an idiot can see the omens.
Necromancer:
Hah, hah. That's a good one sorceress. (pauses for a second) Wait a minute . . .
Interviewer:
So continue on with your story Barbarian.
Barbarian:
At the Rouge . . .
Necromancer:
ROGUE!
Barbarian:
. . .encampment the Assassin and the Druid and the Amazon were there. And they were fighting.
Assassin:
We were?
Amazon:
Ya don't remember?
Assassin:
No.
Amazon:
Must be due to that stuff ya smoke. (Smiles evilly) Or maybe because of that knock on the head you got when your face met my boot!
Assassin:
What! I would never let you give me a knock on the head! Your boot would have never been within ten inches of my face!
Amazon:
You couldn't stop me.
Assassin:
(Whiney) Yes I could. I would never let you beat me up without getting in a few kicks in myself.
Amazon:
LET ME? HAH! That's a laugh! You think you could stop me! Excuse me while I go tranquilize myself!
Sorceress:
Perhaps you and the Amazon shouldn't talk to each other. Now go ahead Barbarian.
Barbarian:
What?
Sorceress:
Continue with your story.
Barbarian:
What story?
Necromancer:
Arg! Why do we put up with him!
Sorceress:
Barbarians can be useful companions even if they are . . . stupid.
Druid:
Hear that Barbarian? She just called you stupid! Are you gonna put up with that?
Sorceress:
Druid!
Barbarian:
Put up with what? What put up?
Druid:
?
Amazon:
So at the Rouge, I mean Rogue encampment when ya saw us fighting then what?
Barbarian:
I tried to break it up.
Assassin:
Now I remember! (Hits Barbarian, but hurts her hand instead.) You call knocking us out breaking up the fight? I was having fun kicking the Amazon in the shins!
Amazon:
In your dreams maybe!
Sorceress:
It was an interesting sight to see an Assassin, Amazon, and Druid knocked out in the ground when I arrived.
Druid:
But why did you have to knock me out? I wasn't fighting!
Barbarian:
No humans should fight . . .
Necromancer:
So we got a Barbarian Pacifist! How original! Why does that sound like an oxymoron?
Druid:
But I wasn't even fighting! It was all those two. They've been fighting since the beginning!
Amazon:
He must have got a little carried away and decided to punch your lights out as well as ours.
Assassin:
I had a black eye for a week!
Amazon:
You should be glad it was only for a week! I could have given you a black eye to last a month!
Sorceress:
Are you sure you took that tranquilizer on your own Amazon?
Amazon:
Um . . . heh, heh. . . yes.
Paladin:
So is that the end of your story Barbarian? You heard about us through some flyer and came here and broke up a fight between the Assassin, the Amazon, and the Druid?
Druid:
For the last time I wasn't fighting!
Barbarian:
Yes. And then the Sorceress came. She was smart.
Necromancer:
Looks like your up next dear.
Sorceress:
Oh goody.
Paladin:
Then I get to go after the Sorceress.
Necromancer:
Finally I get to tell them about the omens last. Save the best for last as I always say, or the omens always say anyway.
Interviewer:
So that's it for today folks. Perhaps the Sorceress will have more to say next time. Join us next time on this interview of the Seven Silly Saviors.
Druid:
Who said we are silly anyway?
Barbarian:
What's a Savior?
Assassin:
There were seven of us? I thought there were six?
Druid:
Don't forget to count yourself, Smart one!
Interviewer:
But for now I think I need some of that tranquilizer! Somebody get me out of here! These heroes are driving me bonkers!
(Assassin and Amazon begin to fight in the background as a dust swirl forms around them with the occasional limb popping out and the occasional curse word. The Druid tries to cheat more money out of the Barbarian but the Paladin knocks him one and then the Barbarian and the Paladin arm wrestle. The Necromancer gives the very bored Sorceress a long lesson on the origins of the omens. Hey! It is all in a day's work for the Seven Silly Saviors.)
Interviewer:
Help me!