DIARY SERIES (4/?)
AUTHOR: CORRAN
RATING: PG-13
CATEGORY: MSR, UST, a little angst, cancer
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: GOSSAMER; CHRONICLE X; SPOOKY´S;
XEMPLARY; EPHEMERAL
ALL OTHERS PLEASE ASK FIRST
FEEDBACK: hell, YES! Starfish666@email.com
SPOILERS: EPISODES UP TO REDUX II
SUMMARY: while Scully fights her cancer Mulder is allowed to read her journals
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters. They belong to CC, 1013 and Fox.
But I think David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson own them as well.
AUTOR´S NOTES: this is my second long story. I started this when I was a little
depressed after watching Redux I and II again. I promise I'll write some more parts
when I'm in the right mood again, okay?
HOMEPAGE: http://www.geocities.com/corran_14776/index.html
PART 4
The next significant entry I spot is about our time in Alaska. I don't think I want to
read about it. It's still in my mind, thanks to my memory.
In the end it came all down to a matter of trust.
And we passed this test with flying colors.
Scully trusted me completely – with her life. The time we spent at the Icy Cape
marked a big step in our relationship. Like the many other baby-steps we took it
brought us closer together.
The can of iced tea long gone I decide to go to the kitchen again. I'm hungry and
Scully said that I should make myself at home…
In the freezer I find some leftovers and put it in the microwave. I'm going to eat
that at the dining-room table with some actual dishes – no paper plates. I can act
somewhat civilized if necessary and I'll even do the dishes afterwards.
Domesticated Mulder – the other side of me. Just like Jekyll and Hyde.
It's hard to be here at Scully´s home, surrounded by all the things that remind me
of her. I just hope she's not feeling too bad at the moment. I miss her so much
already that I don't know what I'd do if she dies.
But there's no use to think about that now. I have things to do. First eating, then
tidying up the mess I've made in the kitchen and then back to Scully´s bed
(yeah, her bed…) and reading her journal.
I stop leafing through the leather-bound book when three words catch my eye.
I HATE HER!!
Huh? Pretty strong words for someone who's usually so calm like Scully.
Uh oh… This is about Phoebe.
Somehow I feel now like I'm invading Scully´s privacy by reading this but as I
said before… she wants me to.
Ok, I can do that. Here we go.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I HATE HER!!
I wish that british slut had stayed where she belonged.
Phoebe Green – if I ever have to hear that name again I might vomit.
How dare she mess with my partners beautiful mind? She had to know about
his fear of fire, so how could she do that to him?
I just don't get it… weren't they lovers once? I wouldn't even use that kind of
knowledge against an ex-lover if we parted in anger. It's just not in my make-up.
It hurt to see how easily she had him around her little finger again. And it hurt to
see him dance with her. Much more than I thought it would.
Hell, I know he's a normal heterosexual man. So why shouldn't he want to be
with a woman?
But it hurt nonetheless. I was, dare I say it, jealous. Yeah, the green-eyed monster
reared it's ugly head.
I've never felt this way before around Mulder. I've never been this territorial
with any other man. What does this mean? That I started to have unpartnerly
feelings for Mulder? That I want him to be more than a friend?
I really don't know. This is all so new for me. Perhaps it was just the wish to
protect him, my mama-bear-side kicking in.
Yeah, that must be it. Deep down I somehow sensed that she could hurt him
badly.
Well, I'm not quite ready to take a closer look at my feelings for Mulder.
Not yet. Perhaps never.
We're not even allowed to have a closer relationship. It's against regulations.
What stupid s.o.b. came up with that rule anyway? Do they really think they
have any control over how people feel about each other?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Yep, that's my Scully. Passionate and logical at the same time. On one side my
guardian angel, ready to fight for me if I'm not capable to do it myself. On the
other side rationalizing away her feelings and writing them off as a form of
mother-instinct.
Oh my… where could we be today if we both weren't so damn chicken when it
comes to facing our emotions? If we had admitted our feelings for each other?
Ok, Mulder, better not go there now.
END Part 4
AUTHOR: CORRAN
RATING: PG-13
CATEGORY: MSR, UST, a little angst, cancer
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: GOSSAMER; CHRONICLE X; SPOOKY´S;
XEMPLARY; EPHEMERAL
ALL OTHERS PLEASE ASK FIRST
FEEDBACK: hell, YES! Starfish666@email.com
SPOILERS: EPISODES UP TO REDUX II
SUMMARY: while Scully fights her cancer Mulder is allowed to read her journals
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters. They belong to CC, 1013 and Fox.
But I think David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson own them as well.
AUTOR´S NOTES: this is my second long story. I started this when I was a little
depressed after watching Redux I and II again. I promise I'll write some more parts
when I'm in the right mood again, okay?
HOMEPAGE: http://www.geocities.com/corran_14776/index.html
PART 4
The next significant entry I spot is about our time in Alaska. I don't think I want to
read about it. It's still in my mind, thanks to my memory.
In the end it came all down to a matter of trust.
And we passed this test with flying colors.
Scully trusted me completely – with her life. The time we spent at the Icy Cape
marked a big step in our relationship. Like the many other baby-steps we took it
brought us closer together.
The can of iced tea long gone I decide to go to the kitchen again. I'm hungry and
Scully said that I should make myself at home…
In the freezer I find some leftovers and put it in the microwave. I'm going to eat
that at the dining-room table with some actual dishes – no paper plates. I can act
somewhat civilized if necessary and I'll even do the dishes afterwards.
Domesticated Mulder – the other side of me. Just like Jekyll and Hyde.
It's hard to be here at Scully´s home, surrounded by all the things that remind me
of her. I just hope she's not feeling too bad at the moment. I miss her so much
already that I don't know what I'd do if she dies.
But there's no use to think about that now. I have things to do. First eating, then
tidying up the mess I've made in the kitchen and then back to Scully´s bed
(yeah, her bed…) and reading her journal.
I stop leafing through the leather-bound book when three words catch my eye.
I HATE HER!!
Huh? Pretty strong words for someone who's usually so calm like Scully.
Uh oh… This is about Phoebe.
Somehow I feel now like I'm invading Scully´s privacy by reading this but as I
said before… she wants me to.
Ok, I can do that. Here we go.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I HATE HER!!
I wish that british slut had stayed where she belonged.
Phoebe Green – if I ever have to hear that name again I might vomit.
How dare she mess with my partners beautiful mind? She had to know about
his fear of fire, so how could she do that to him?
I just don't get it… weren't they lovers once? I wouldn't even use that kind of
knowledge against an ex-lover if we parted in anger. It's just not in my make-up.
It hurt to see how easily she had him around her little finger again. And it hurt to
see him dance with her. Much more than I thought it would.
Hell, I know he's a normal heterosexual man. So why shouldn't he want to be
with a woman?
But it hurt nonetheless. I was, dare I say it, jealous. Yeah, the green-eyed monster
reared it's ugly head.
I've never felt this way before around Mulder. I've never been this territorial
with any other man. What does this mean? That I started to have unpartnerly
feelings for Mulder? That I want him to be more than a friend?
I really don't know. This is all so new for me. Perhaps it was just the wish to
protect him, my mama-bear-side kicking in.
Yeah, that must be it. Deep down I somehow sensed that she could hurt him
badly.
Well, I'm not quite ready to take a closer look at my feelings for Mulder.
Not yet. Perhaps never.
We're not even allowed to have a closer relationship. It's against regulations.
What stupid s.o.b. came up with that rule anyway? Do they really think they
have any control over how people feel about each other?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Yep, that's my Scully. Passionate and logical at the same time. On one side my
guardian angel, ready to fight for me if I'm not capable to do it myself. On the
other side rationalizing away her feelings and writing them off as a form of
mother-instinct.
Oh my… where could we be today if we both weren't so damn chicken when it
comes to facing our emotions? If we had admitted our feelings for each other?
Ok, Mulder, better not go there now.
END Part 4