Chapter 6: Dead calm
"This is ridiculous and I'm not going to discuss it."
Carma rolled onto her other side, turning her back on Crais.
"We require an answer," Crais said quietly.
"Well, I don't have one for you," Carma said, exasperated. "I didn't try to kill Scorpius. End of discussion. I expect you to trust me, or at least wait until I don't feel so frelling awful to interrogate me."
"Are you unwell?" Crais asked, concerned.
Carma sighed, rolling onto her back and turning her head back to face him. "After effects of...whatever it was. Is it me, or is it really hot in here?"
"I am not uncomfortable."
"It is me," Carma said, pulling off her jacket and throwing it on the floor. "Anyway, as I said, this is still ridiculous. There is absolutely no logical reason why I would want to kill him and I wouldn't try to even if I did. You *do* realise how ridiculous this is, don't you?"
"Yes," Crais answered, "but I have no other explanation."
Carma groaned. "We'll figure it out later, I promise. Right now, I have to take a cold shower. Why won't Talyn turn down the temperature?"
Crais himself had just begun to feel thankful that he was wearing his jacket. "The temperature is already below optimum," he answered, his brow furrowing in concern.
Carma shrugged that off and headed to the shower, pulling off her t-shirt as she walked. For the first time Crais noticed an odd marking, like a tattoo, on her upper back. Before he could question her about it, she disappeared into the bathroom. Dismissing it, he returned to wondering what had happened before.
***
"So, what did she say?" Crichton asked.
"That it was ridiculous that she would attack Scorpius."
"Which is true," Crichton sighed, "but doesn't help us. It was either her or Talyn and they both deny it. There's no way of knowing what happened unless one of them admits it."
"I believe that she was not involved," Crais said firmly.
Crichton half-smiled. "Great, now you're being the trusting one and making me look paranoid. Did she give you a personality transplant or something?"
"Apparently," Crais answered, not smiling. "However, I suggest that we remain vigilant, in case it occurs again."
"You think she'd agree to be fitted with a tracking device or something?"
"I will...make the suggestion. In the meantime, I see nothing else that can be done," Crais said, moving to leave.
Crichton nodded vaguely as Crais left, then leant his head on his hands. "Damn," he muttered. "There's never anything that can be done."
***
Crais found Carma working out in Moya's exercise room. Her combat skills, already surprisingly good for a civilian, had improved dramatically since she'd come aboard. He'd discovered early that the best way to resolve an argument with her was to wear them both out until neither cared who had been right.
She looked hot, he noticed. Her face was red, glowing from exertion, and her forehead was damp with sweat. She was beating the punch-bag senseless, as if her goal were to break through it. Her breathing was heavy and she'd obviously been at this for some time.
"Carma," he said, slowly approaching her. Receiving no answer, he reached out a hand to her shoulder. She spun quickly and, using a move he'd taught her, flipped him off his feet. He fell hard onto his back, momentarily winded. A brief glance at her glassy-eyed expression told him she wasn't playing with him. He grabbed her waist as she tried to straddle him and flipped her over his shoulders. She hit the floor with a grunt and didn't try to get up. Moving to his feet, he gripped her arm firmly and pulled her to her feet. Her eyes had focused more, but the heat radiating from her body almost made him drop her again.
"Bialar," she whispered, as if she hadn't quite realised that it was him before that moment, "I feel so...."
Her knees buckled, Crais only just caught her. Inwardly cursing himself for not realising that there was something seriously wrong, he hauled her limp body into his arms and headed for the medilab. With difficulty, he managed to activate his comms as he moved.
"Jool," he said, remarkably calmly, "please meet us in the medilab immediately."
***
Crais paced up and down outside the medilab door. Jool had brought Carma round quickly enough, taken steps to cool her down and performed a series of scans. Then she'd raised an eyebrow, given him a sideways glance that he couldn't read and suggested to Carma that she might like Crais to wait outside. Crais, who had confidently expected Carma to tell Jool that that was not necessary, had been surprised - and none too pleased - when Carma had agreed. He had a bad feeling about this. A very bad feeling.
Carma herself, at that moment, was in a state of complete shock. She hadn't spoken a word since Jool had told her the results of her scans, and that had been rather more than a few microts ago. Jool, not known for her saint-like patience, gave up waiting for Carma to respond and decided to send Crais in anyway. She had a feeling she didn't want to be there when the shock wore off.
Crais started when the door opened and Jool came out. He looked at her expectantly. "You can go in now," Jool said. Crais nodded and took a step towards the door. "Good luck," Jool added, grinning at him in a way that worried Crais intensely. She was gone before he could query it though, so he approached the medilab with trepidation.
His presence instantly brought Carma out of her catatonic state. She jumped off the medibed, still not looking completely secure on her feet, and advanced on him. "You frelnik!" she swore loudly at him. "How could you frelling do this to me?!"
"Do what?" Crais asked, now thoroughly confused and no less worried. "What is the matter?"
"The matter, Captain Catastrophe, is that I am pregnant!" Carma fumed.
This being the first time in his life that Crais had ever been on the receiving end of those words, he would have liked to have spent a short time in a state of shock himself. Unfortunately, Carma robbed him of the opportunity by taking a slug at him.
"I say again, how could you do this to me?" Carma demanded, doing a frighteningly good impression of a raging bull. "I assume you do have a contraceptive implant? Is it too much to ask that you might think to have it *checked* once in a while?"
"It is perfectly active," Crais answered, still trying to fully grasp the situation.
"Oh, it's perfectly active, is it?" Carma screamed. "Well then why am I standing here telling you that I'm pregnant?! I have an implant too, you know. The odds of this happening are infinitesimal! But look who I'm talking too. Bialar Crais, the man who always beats the odds. Was there, oh I don't know, ANY other thing you could have applied this to? You couldn't take up gambling? Save a civilisation or two with daredevil stunts? No, instead you have to *ruin* my life!"
"The responsibility is not entirely mine," Crais said, astonishment partly turning to anger. "And, I assure you, it was not intentional."
Carma rolled her eyes. "Oh that's a great comfort, Crais."
"I am as shocked by this as you are!" Crais exclaimed. "It does not help that you are accusing me of deliberately plotting this against your will. You are behaving completely irrationally."
"I know I'm behaving irrationally, Crais," Carma shot back, anger threatening to turn into tears. "I'm shocked and I'm scared and I now have *three* people fighting over my body and I don't know what to do." She wrapped her arms around herself. "I never wanted children, Crais. Giving them up to be a carer was supposed to be this incredible big deal, but I never worried about it. I didn't want it then, I don't want it now, especially not with...."
She didn't finish her sentence, so Crais filled in the blank. "Especially not...with me," he said quietly. He wasn't corrected.
Crais cleared his throat. "It is obvious...that you need some time alone," he said, keeping his voice steady. "I will...leave you now."
He turned and strode out of the medilab. Carma sat back down on the medibed and burst into tears.
***
"So, uh, Pilot said that you wanted to stay here..." Crichton said, leaning on the door frame awkwardly. "You and Crais have a fight?"
Carma shook her head, not looking at him as she made up the bed in her guest quarters. "I had a fight, he didn't do anything," she said quietly.
"What happened?"
Carma turned round at that and looked right at him. "Oh well, let's see. I told him...that I'm pregnant."
Crichton's mouth fell open.
"I also," Carma said, raising her eyes upwards, "told him that I didn't want the baby, that he'd ruined my life. I insulted him and told him...that he wasn't good enough to be the father of my child."
Crichton whistled under his breath. "That's...pretty harsh," he said, still stunned. "I guess he's...well, furious."
Carma shook her head. "No, he's not furious. It would be all right if he were furious. He'd be mad, then he'd get over it and we'd be fine. I...I hurt him. I don't think he's ever going to want to see me again...and I deserve it."
"I'm sure...." Crichton trailed off. He'd started to say that he was sure they'd work it out. But if anyone had said that to him....
"I'm sure you can stay here as long as you want to," he said lamely. They both knew that wasn't what he had started to say.
Carma nodded, turning around as the door closed behind him. The feelings of despair that for a short, blissful time had been a thing of the past were washing over her again. She reached round to the back of her neck and removed her transponder. Talyn didn't need to feel this. She shut off the lights and slowly undressed, then stretched out on the bed. Her mind was on the man that an arn ago she'd never wanted to see again. It seemed that she would get her wish.
***
"You can't!" Jool exclaimed, utterly shocked.
"It's a termination, Jool. People do it every day."
"That doesn't make it right!" Jool insisted, staring at Carma like she'd declared she wanted to murder Pilot to make a dinner jacket.
"Yeah well," Carma said grimly, "it's a lot easier to take the moral high ground when it's not you."
"You're talking about taking a life!"
"It's not a life, Jool, it's a parasite that's frelling with my body, my mind and my life. I don't want it."
"How can you not want it?" Jool asked.
Carma stared at her. "What do you mean, 'how can I not want it'? Not every woman wants children, you know. And are you really telling me *you'd* want to raise a child living this lifestyle?"
"Even if you don't want to keep it, you could find someone else to look after it," Jool pointed out.
"Where?" Carma asked, looking at Jool like she was mad. "It's a half-breed. I'm sorry to shatter your rosy view of the world, but it's not just the Peacekeepers who would want to get rid of it. It's better off this way."
"Don't you think you should take a bit more time to decide?" Jool asked, trying again. "You haven't even known about this for a solar day. You might change your mind."
"I won't."
"Well, I won't do it," Jool declared resolutely. "I don't care what you say, I still think it's wrong and I won't be involved. You'll have to find someone else."
"Who?"
"I don't know," Jool said. "I don't know who, I don't know where and I don't know how you'll get the currency. And I don't care. If you insist on doing this then you'll do it alone."
She got up and stalked out. Carma watched her go. She slammed her fist down on the nearest console. "Frell!"
***
Crais hadn't seen anyone since he'd spoken with Carma the day before. Well, that wasn't quite true, Talyn had been making soothing sounds from above him. It was one of the times when Crais was glad of the absence of the transponder. There were some things that Talyn didn't need to share.
He got angry. That was what he did. He got angry and he got revenge. He held grudges. And suddenly he couldn't do it. He couldn't get angry. He didn't feel angry. He'd only felt like this once before in his life, after the humiliation he had suffered at Aeryn's hands on Valldon. Only this was worse. He felt hurt and bruised and tired. He didn't even have the strength to hate that.
That experience had killed his last thoughts of Aeryn as a potential partner. He could still look on her as a colleague, someone he respected, but he couldn't love her...if he ever had. The worst part of this was that it hadn't killed his feelings for Carma. He still loved her, regardless of anything she said or did.
Crais sighed. When had he gotten to be so foolish?
***
Carma slowly sorted through Jool's collection of medicines, her heart heavy. Eventually she found what she was looking for. Settling herself on the medibed she took a deep breath and opened the bottle. She took a last glance around her and took a long swig of the contents. Then she lay back and waited.
At the very least, this would solve all her problems.
***
"How far along is she?" Crichton asked, curiously, as he and Jool walked along the corridor.
"Not long. Only a weeken, maybe less."
"A weeken?!" Crichton exclaimed, stupefied. "How on Earth can you tell she's pregnant after only a weeken?"
Jool looked at him strangely. "Teraxian pregnancies only last four monens and most of that is growth. The first monen is extremely active so the effects are seen quickly. Some mothers notice them within a solar day, especially if it's a multiple birth."
"A weeken," Crichton said to himself, stunned "or a solar day? Imagine that, you get home from a great date. The next day, she calls you. Hi, had a great time and oh, by the way, I'm pregnant. Damn, the guys on her planet must have a lot of heart attacks."
Jool grinned. "Sebaceans are the same you know, John. And some other species have even shorter gestation periods. How long is it for your species?"
"What? Oh, about nine monens."
"Nine monens?" Jool asked, amazed. "That's ridiculous. How can it take so long to produce such an inferior species?"
"Thanks Jool," Crichton said wryly.
"And it makes no evolutionary sense," Jool continued. "A pregnant female is vulnerable. Why would you want to extend the pregnancy?"
"Enough of the biology lessen," Crichton said, impatiently. "Do you want to come and see this star cluster or not?"
"I just have to stop by the lab," Jool replied. "I left my viewing goggles there. Are you coming?"
Crichton sighed. "Yeah, fine, just don't take too long about it. At this rate the stars will all have died before we get there."
Jool gave him one of her patented intellectually-superior looks. "It is highly unlikely," she replied.
Crichton rolled his eyes and followed her into the lab.
He heard Jool squeal a microt before he saw Carma. She was unconscious, lying on the medibed. They both rushed to her side.
"Frell, what did she do?" Crichton said.
Jool picked up the bottle lying beside her. "Oh no," she said, almost dropping the bottle as her fingers went numb.
"What did she take?" Crichton demanded. "Do we need to pump her stomach?"
"We can't pump her stomach because we don't have anything to pump it with!" Jool exclaimed. "The only thing we can do is try to make her sick. But I don't know if it will be enough."
"Well what do you have that will do that?" Crichton asked urgently, trying to find a pulse. To his relief, he found a weak one.
Jool, in a panic, scrabbled through her collection. After what felt like an arn she found the bottle she was looking for.
"Pull her into a sitting position," she ordered. Crichton obeyed, supporting her with difficulty. Jool forced her mouth open and poured some of the blue liquid down her throat. For a microt they waited, holding their breath, then Carma threw up. She coughed violently until Jool gave her more of the medicine, which made her sick again. When she had finished, she looked at them with glassy eyes.
"What the hell were you trying to do?" Crichton demanded, worry turning to anger. "You nearly killed yourself!"
"Crichton...." Jool started.
"And you scared us to death!" Crichton added. "Don't ever do that again."
"Crichton!" Jool said, more urgently.
"What?" he asked, fists clenched.
"That's what she was trying to do," Jool said quietly, looking at the semi-conscious Carma.
"What?" Crichton asked.
"The drug she took wouldn't cause abortion, I don't have anything here that would do that. Crichton..." Jool said, helplessly "she tried to kill herself."
Crichton looked aghast. He looked down at Carma, stunned. "I thought whatever she did with Talyn and the kermit was supposed to have fixed her?"
"I think it did," Jool said, pushing Carma's hair off her forehead. "It fixed the symptoms. It just...didn't fix the problem. She's been through a lot and I'm sure I only know a tiny fraction of it. This just...pushed her over the edge again."
Crichton looked up. "You think we should call Crais?"
Jool nodded. "I don't know if she'll want to see him, but he's the one who knows her best."
"I'm not sure he'll want to see *her*," Crichton said. "It sounds like she said some pretty unforgivable things."
"Like what?" Jool asked, her brow furrowed.
"Like she didn't want him to be the father of her children."
Jool looked stunned. "She wasn't in her right mind. He'll have to understand that."
"Yeah," Crichton said, grimly. "For her sake, I hope he will."
"This is ridiculous and I'm not going to discuss it."
Carma rolled onto her other side, turning her back on Crais.
"We require an answer," Crais said quietly.
"Well, I don't have one for you," Carma said, exasperated. "I didn't try to kill Scorpius. End of discussion. I expect you to trust me, or at least wait until I don't feel so frelling awful to interrogate me."
"Are you unwell?" Crais asked, concerned.
Carma sighed, rolling onto her back and turning her head back to face him. "After effects of...whatever it was. Is it me, or is it really hot in here?"
"I am not uncomfortable."
"It is me," Carma said, pulling off her jacket and throwing it on the floor. "Anyway, as I said, this is still ridiculous. There is absolutely no logical reason why I would want to kill him and I wouldn't try to even if I did. You *do* realise how ridiculous this is, don't you?"
"Yes," Crais answered, "but I have no other explanation."
Carma groaned. "We'll figure it out later, I promise. Right now, I have to take a cold shower. Why won't Talyn turn down the temperature?"
Crais himself had just begun to feel thankful that he was wearing his jacket. "The temperature is already below optimum," he answered, his brow furrowing in concern.
Carma shrugged that off and headed to the shower, pulling off her t-shirt as she walked. For the first time Crais noticed an odd marking, like a tattoo, on her upper back. Before he could question her about it, she disappeared into the bathroom. Dismissing it, he returned to wondering what had happened before.
***
"So, what did she say?" Crichton asked.
"That it was ridiculous that she would attack Scorpius."
"Which is true," Crichton sighed, "but doesn't help us. It was either her or Talyn and they both deny it. There's no way of knowing what happened unless one of them admits it."
"I believe that she was not involved," Crais said firmly.
Crichton half-smiled. "Great, now you're being the trusting one and making me look paranoid. Did she give you a personality transplant or something?"
"Apparently," Crais answered, not smiling. "However, I suggest that we remain vigilant, in case it occurs again."
"You think she'd agree to be fitted with a tracking device or something?"
"I will...make the suggestion. In the meantime, I see nothing else that can be done," Crais said, moving to leave.
Crichton nodded vaguely as Crais left, then leant his head on his hands. "Damn," he muttered. "There's never anything that can be done."
***
Crais found Carma working out in Moya's exercise room. Her combat skills, already surprisingly good for a civilian, had improved dramatically since she'd come aboard. He'd discovered early that the best way to resolve an argument with her was to wear them both out until neither cared who had been right.
She looked hot, he noticed. Her face was red, glowing from exertion, and her forehead was damp with sweat. She was beating the punch-bag senseless, as if her goal were to break through it. Her breathing was heavy and she'd obviously been at this for some time.
"Carma," he said, slowly approaching her. Receiving no answer, he reached out a hand to her shoulder. She spun quickly and, using a move he'd taught her, flipped him off his feet. He fell hard onto his back, momentarily winded. A brief glance at her glassy-eyed expression told him she wasn't playing with him. He grabbed her waist as she tried to straddle him and flipped her over his shoulders. She hit the floor with a grunt and didn't try to get up. Moving to his feet, he gripped her arm firmly and pulled her to her feet. Her eyes had focused more, but the heat radiating from her body almost made him drop her again.
"Bialar," she whispered, as if she hadn't quite realised that it was him before that moment, "I feel so...."
Her knees buckled, Crais only just caught her. Inwardly cursing himself for not realising that there was something seriously wrong, he hauled her limp body into his arms and headed for the medilab. With difficulty, he managed to activate his comms as he moved.
"Jool," he said, remarkably calmly, "please meet us in the medilab immediately."
***
Crais paced up and down outside the medilab door. Jool had brought Carma round quickly enough, taken steps to cool her down and performed a series of scans. Then she'd raised an eyebrow, given him a sideways glance that he couldn't read and suggested to Carma that she might like Crais to wait outside. Crais, who had confidently expected Carma to tell Jool that that was not necessary, had been surprised - and none too pleased - when Carma had agreed. He had a bad feeling about this. A very bad feeling.
Carma herself, at that moment, was in a state of complete shock. She hadn't spoken a word since Jool had told her the results of her scans, and that had been rather more than a few microts ago. Jool, not known for her saint-like patience, gave up waiting for Carma to respond and decided to send Crais in anyway. She had a feeling she didn't want to be there when the shock wore off.
Crais started when the door opened and Jool came out. He looked at her expectantly. "You can go in now," Jool said. Crais nodded and took a step towards the door. "Good luck," Jool added, grinning at him in a way that worried Crais intensely. She was gone before he could query it though, so he approached the medilab with trepidation.
His presence instantly brought Carma out of her catatonic state. She jumped off the medibed, still not looking completely secure on her feet, and advanced on him. "You frelnik!" she swore loudly at him. "How could you frelling do this to me?!"
"Do what?" Crais asked, now thoroughly confused and no less worried. "What is the matter?"
"The matter, Captain Catastrophe, is that I am pregnant!" Carma fumed.
This being the first time in his life that Crais had ever been on the receiving end of those words, he would have liked to have spent a short time in a state of shock himself. Unfortunately, Carma robbed him of the opportunity by taking a slug at him.
"I say again, how could you do this to me?" Carma demanded, doing a frighteningly good impression of a raging bull. "I assume you do have a contraceptive implant? Is it too much to ask that you might think to have it *checked* once in a while?"
"It is perfectly active," Crais answered, still trying to fully grasp the situation.
"Oh, it's perfectly active, is it?" Carma screamed. "Well then why am I standing here telling you that I'm pregnant?! I have an implant too, you know. The odds of this happening are infinitesimal! But look who I'm talking too. Bialar Crais, the man who always beats the odds. Was there, oh I don't know, ANY other thing you could have applied this to? You couldn't take up gambling? Save a civilisation or two with daredevil stunts? No, instead you have to *ruin* my life!"
"The responsibility is not entirely mine," Crais said, astonishment partly turning to anger. "And, I assure you, it was not intentional."
Carma rolled her eyes. "Oh that's a great comfort, Crais."
"I am as shocked by this as you are!" Crais exclaimed. "It does not help that you are accusing me of deliberately plotting this against your will. You are behaving completely irrationally."
"I know I'm behaving irrationally, Crais," Carma shot back, anger threatening to turn into tears. "I'm shocked and I'm scared and I now have *three* people fighting over my body and I don't know what to do." She wrapped her arms around herself. "I never wanted children, Crais. Giving them up to be a carer was supposed to be this incredible big deal, but I never worried about it. I didn't want it then, I don't want it now, especially not with...."
She didn't finish her sentence, so Crais filled in the blank. "Especially not...with me," he said quietly. He wasn't corrected.
Crais cleared his throat. "It is obvious...that you need some time alone," he said, keeping his voice steady. "I will...leave you now."
He turned and strode out of the medilab. Carma sat back down on the medibed and burst into tears.
***
"So, uh, Pilot said that you wanted to stay here..." Crichton said, leaning on the door frame awkwardly. "You and Crais have a fight?"
Carma shook her head, not looking at him as she made up the bed in her guest quarters. "I had a fight, he didn't do anything," she said quietly.
"What happened?"
Carma turned round at that and looked right at him. "Oh well, let's see. I told him...that I'm pregnant."
Crichton's mouth fell open.
"I also," Carma said, raising her eyes upwards, "told him that I didn't want the baby, that he'd ruined my life. I insulted him and told him...that he wasn't good enough to be the father of my child."
Crichton whistled under his breath. "That's...pretty harsh," he said, still stunned. "I guess he's...well, furious."
Carma shook her head. "No, he's not furious. It would be all right if he were furious. He'd be mad, then he'd get over it and we'd be fine. I...I hurt him. I don't think he's ever going to want to see me again...and I deserve it."
"I'm sure...." Crichton trailed off. He'd started to say that he was sure they'd work it out. But if anyone had said that to him....
"I'm sure you can stay here as long as you want to," he said lamely. They both knew that wasn't what he had started to say.
Carma nodded, turning around as the door closed behind him. The feelings of despair that for a short, blissful time had been a thing of the past were washing over her again. She reached round to the back of her neck and removed her transponder. Talyn didn't need to feel this. She shut off the lights and slowly undressed, then stretched out on the bed. Her mind was on the man that an arn ago she'd never wanted to see again. It seemed that she would get her wish.
***
"You can't!" Jool exclaimed, utterly shocked.
"It's a termination, Jool. People do it every day."
"That doesn't make it right!" Jool insisted, staring at Carma like she'd declared she wanted to murder Pilot to make a dinner jacket.
"Yeah well," Carma said grimly, "it's a lot easier to take the moral high ground when it's not you."
"You're talking about taking a life!"
"It's not a life, Jool, it's a parasite that's frelling with my body, my mind and my life. I don't want it."
"How can you not want it?" Jool asked.
Carma stared at her. "What do you mean, 'how can I not want it'? Not every woman wants children, you know. And are you really telling me *you'd* want to raise a child living this lifestyle?"
"Even if you don't want to keep it, you could find someone else to look after it," Jool pointed out.
"Where?" Carma asked, looking at Jool like she was mad. "It's a half-breed. I'm sorry to shatter your rosy view of the world, but it's not just the Peacekeepers who would want to get rid of it. It's better off this way."
"Don't you think you should take a bit more time to decide?" Jool asked, trying again. "You haven't even known about this for a solar day. You might change your mind."
"I won't."
"Well, I won't do it," Jool declared resolutely. "I don't care what you say, I still think it's wrong and I won't be involved. You'll have to find someone else."
"Who?"
"I don't know," Jool said. "I don't know who, I don't know where and I don't know how you'll get the currency. And I don't care. If you insist on doing this then you'll do it alone."
She got up and stalked out. Carma watched her go. She slammed her fist down on the nearest console. "Frell!"
***
Crais hadn't seen anyone since he'd spoken with Carma the day before. Well, that wasn't quite true, Talyn had been making soothing sounds from above him. It was one of the times when Crais was glad of the absence of the transponder. There were some things that Talyn didn't need to share.
He got angry. That was what he did. He got angry and he got revenge. He held grudges. And suddenly he couldn't do it. He couldn't get angry. He didn't feel angry. He'd only felt like this once before in his life, after the humiliation he had suffered at Aeryn's hands on Valldon. Only this was worse. He felt hurt and bruised and tired. He didn't even have the strength to hate that.
That experience had killed his last thoughts of Aeryn as a potential partner. He could still look on her as a colleague, someone he respected, but he couldn't love her...if he ever had. The worst part of this was that it hadn't killed his feelings for Carma. He still loved her, regardless of anything she said or did.
Crais sighed. When had he gotten to be so foolish?
***
Carma slowly sorted through Jool's collection of medicines, her heart heavy. Eventually she found what she was looking for. Settling herself on the medibed she took a deep breath and opened the bottle. She took a last glance around her and took a long swig of the contents. Then she lay back and waited.
At the very least, this would solve all her problems.
***
"How far along is she?" Crichton asked, curiously, as he and Jool walked along the corridor.
"Not long. Only a weeken, maybe less."
"A weeken?!" Crichton exclaimed, stupefied. "How on Earth can you tell she's pregnant after only a weeken?"
Jool looked at him strangely. "Teraxian pregnancies only last four monens and most of that is growth. The first monen is extremely active so the effects are seen quickly. Some mothers notice them within a solar day, especially if it's a multiple birth."
"A weeken," Crichton said to himself, stunned "or a solar day? Imagine that, you get home from a great date. The next day, she calls you. Hi, had a great time and oh, by the way, I'm pregnant. Damn, the guys on her planet must have a lot of heart attacks."
Jool grinned. "Sebaceans are the same you know, John. And some other species have even shorter gestation periods. How long is it for your species?"
"What? Oh, about nine monens."
"Nine monens?" Jool asked, amazed. "That's ridiculous. How can it take so long to produce such an inferior species?"
"Thanks Jool," Crichton said wryly.
"And it makes no evolutionary sense," Jool continued. "A pregnant female is vulnerable. Why would you want to extend the pregnancy?"
"Enough of the biology lessen," Crichton said, impatiently. "Do you want to come and see this star cluster or not?"
"I just have to stop by the lab," Jool replied. "I left my viewing goggles there. Are you coming?"
Crichton sighed. "Yeah, fine, just don't take too long about it. At this rate the stars will all have died before we get there."
Jool gave him one of her patented intellectually-superior looks. "It is highly unlikely," she replied.
Crichton rolled his eyes and followed her into the lab.
He heard Jool squeal a microt before he saw Carma. She was unconscious, lying on the medibed. They both rushed to her side.
"Frell, what did she do?" Crichton said.
Jool picked up the bottle lying beside her. "Oh no," she said, almost dropping the bottle as her fingers went numb.
"What did she take?" Crichton demanded. "Do we need to pump her stomach?"
"We can't pump her stomach because we don't have anything to pump it with!" Jool exclaimed. "The only thing we can do is try to make her sick. But I don't know if it will be enough."
"Well what do you have that will do that?" Crichton asked urgently, trying to find a pulse. To his relief, he found a weak one.
Jool, in a panic, scrabbled through her collection. After what felt like an arn she found the bottle she was looking for.
"Pull her into a sitting position," she ordered. Crichton obeyed, supporting her with difficulty. Jool forced her mouth open and poured some of the blue liquid down her throat. For a microt they waited, holding their breath, then Carma threw up. She coughed violently until Jool gave her more of the medicine, which made her sick again. When she had finished, she looked at them with glassy eyes.
"What the hell were you trying to do?" Crichton demanded, worry turning to anger. "You nearly killed yourself!"
"Crichton...." Jool started.
"And you scared us to death!" Crichton added. "Don't ever do that again."
"Crichton!" Jool said, more urgently.
"What?" he asked, fists clenched.
"That's what she was trying to do," Jool said quietly, looking at the semi-conscious Carma.
"What?" Crichton asked.
"The drug she took wouldn't cause abortion, I don't have anything here that would do that. Crichton..." Jool said, helplessly "she tried to kill herself."
Crichton looked aghast. He looked down at Carma, stunned. "I thought whatever she did with Talyn and the kermit was supposed to have fixed her?"
"I think it did," Jool said, pushing Carma's hair off her forehead. "It fixed the symptoms. It just...didn't fix the problem. She's been through a lot and I'm sure I only know a tiny fraction of it. This just...pushed her over the edge again."
Crichton looked up. "You think we should call Crais?"
Jool nodded. "I don't know if she'll want to see him, but he's the one who knows her best."
"I'm not sure he'll want to see *her*," Crichton said. "It sounds like she said some pretty unforgivable things."
"Like what?" Jool asked, her brow furrowed.
"Like she didn't want him to be the father of her children."
Jool looked stunned. "She wasn't in her right mind. He'll have to understand that."
"Yeah," Crichton said, grimly. "For her sake, I hope he will."