8. Sulking

    For ages after that stupid conversation, Albus and Minerva were not on speaking terms. It was absurd, they both knew it. Not that they would agree on it, since they wouldn't agree on anything, anyway, but they both thought it all the same… Albus didn't really know what he had done wrong, and tried to speak to Minerva, but she refused to acknowledge his existence, most of the time. Minerva was aware of the ridicule of the situation, and wanted her friend back, but… But she didn't want to be the little child nobody trusted, but she didn't want to feel like she needed him more than he needed her. But she didn't like his gentle tone when he tried to engage a soothing chat, which in her opinion sounded much like compassion, or even pity, because he knew, being Albus he had to know, how difficult it was for her… She wanted him to miss her, as much as she missed him, and she would wait for that, as long as it would take.

    After about a week of it, Albus stopped trying to speak to her. He knew the whole quarrel hold no sense, and she was angry about things Alastor had said, not him, things he didn't approve. But what could he do to force her? How could he tell her when she refused to listen to whatever he would say? Perhaps if he stopped harassing her every day, she would come back to him, like before. Minerva took in her friend's lack of tries to approach her. And she thought he was just forgetting her. She became angry because she was sure he didn't miss her. After all, he had spent six whole years at Hogwarts without her, why not one more?

    Thinking of it, she couldn't say what she wanted. His attempts to establish contact made her feel like he pitied her. His lack thereof made her think he was just forgetting her. She knew it made no sense, but that was what she felt. Oh, the hell with all that. She didn't like it, all those days without him. It had been about 11 days and 30 minutes -not that she would count, of course- since she decided not to speak to him. She felt about to explode with everything she wanted to tell him. What was the point of living if she couldn't discuss her days with him on the evening? They were behaving childishly, she decided, especially her. She shifted in her armchair. Yes, she was positively sure of it, she would go and see him as soon as he would come back from God knows where, and tell him all that… And that she was just fed up with being considered as a child, not trusted and all, and he would understand. After all he was Albus, so he would understand. On that conviction, she cut off her thoughts, for fear of changing her mind before he came back, and took a muggle book, about which she would have to tell Albus, definitely… She already felt better.

         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     On that same Friday evening, Albus, Carola and Charles were cheerfully coming back to their Common Room. They had had a nice evening with the twins, near the Greenhouse 2, and had even spied a little on Pr Doyle, who had been working in Greenhouse 3. Not that he did anything really interesting, but they found it highly gratifying to laugh at him from behind his back by imitating him when he was working. In any case, he was Head of Slytherin, so it was only fair to take on him their revenge against all he Slytherins. With a twisted mind, one could come up with the idea that it was his responsibility, anyway. After a long and enjoyable evening, the friends had had a hard time deciding to call it a night, and it was very late that they separated themselves.

    So Albus was having a hard job stopping his tiny Gryffindor troop from laughing unconcernedly in the corridors.

"Ssshhh… I'm supposed to be Head Boy!

-And so? We were encouraging interhouses friendship, weren't we?

-Carola! It's far after curfew…

-Oh, calm down, Albus, I already did pretty more than it and was never caught!

-Charles!

-Besides, Carola added, I'm sure Gaïa and Gregory need us to drive any patroller's attention to our part of the castle, because each of them is alone… Do you imagine being caught alone after curfew?"

At that point, they reached the Portrait of the Fat Lady, to Albus greatest relief.

    "Grindylow, Charles stated.

-Is that a good reason for being out so late? The lady complained.

-Grindylow I told you, Charles smirked, not in the least ashamed,

-Oh, all right, all right…"

And they entered the room, laughing.

    Albus took a quick look at the Common Room. Nearly empty, which was normal considering the advanced hour of the day. In an armchair was Minerva tough, alone. And he would have sworn she had looked at him, before turning her head in the other direction, with a hurt look. Was she upset about her day, or something? He headed toward her, but she ignored him. He supposed she had been waiting for someone else.

    Charles had already disappeared in the Boy staircase, but Carola was still on the first step of the Girl's one, and she was observing Albus, for she, too, had noticed Minerva. As Albus immobilized, seeing that Minerva obviously didn't wanted to establish any type of communication with him, Carola came back to the Common Room and to Albus.

    She touched his forearm:

"It's a bit late for a First Year, isn't it?

-I suppose…

-You two still don't speak to each other…"

That was a mere statement, and necessitated no answer.

"Albus, shouldn't you go and see her?

-She doesn't want it.

-Are you sure? What else would make her wait until such an hour?

-I wonder…"

Carola sighed.

"Look, go upstairs, I'll speak to her, ok?"

And she went, without letting him the chance to answer anything.

         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Minerva was confused. She had wanted to conclude peace with Albus, but somehow… She had waited for him, but not for the cheerful him that had come through the portrait. He certainly didn't miss her. That was obvious, and why refusing to see the obvious. He could enjoy himself greatly without her. He didn't want to be her friend, not really; it wasn't important to him. She should have seen it before. Further along that line of thoughts, she was shutting herself in a depressed state when a noise made her open her eyes. Carola was sat in front of her.

    "Good evening, Minerva"

    She didn't seem angry with her, or about to blame her for anything.

     "Good evening, Carola"

    Though, Minerva suspected her to be here because Albus had asked her to. That would be it. He wanted to check if the child was ok without him… As if…

    "Can I talk to you?"

    If she refused, they would think she wasn't coping with the situation.

    "Yes, you can"

    Carola seemed to hesitate. So there she was, she would say it now, that Albus was worried about her…

    "Well… You know, I see Albus and you are not speaking"

    It was coming.

    "and I know it's none of my business"

    True.

    "so I won't ask you why or pry in it,"

    Good point… Though that's what she's doing anyway, prying.

    "unless you want to tell me."

    There she stopped a bit. As Minerva didn't reply –no she wouldn't whine, sorry if they're deceived- she went on: "Ok, you don't want. So what I were to tell you anyway, is that perhaps you don't see it, but Albus is suffering from it, and I think you're als-"

    At the previous statement, Minerva had stayed silent, but couldn't stop her eyes from widening, and Carola had perceived it.

"Minerva, don't you know it?

-He doesn't seem that sad…

-He is.

-Prove it."

She hadn't wanted to say that. She bit her lower lip. She was fishing for a proof, and Carola had to notice it.

"So you truly don't think he misses you?"

Minerva turned her eyes away.

"He loves you very much, you know.

-He doesn't need me, came the bursting answer.

-Why do you think so?

-I'm just a child for him.

-But you are just a child, aren't you?

-Yes, Minerva pronounced rather reluctantly, of course… Bitterness was impossible to keep out of her tone… but that doesn't mean he can't trust me or count on me or anything.

-I think he trusts you, Carola replied after a moment of reflection,

-And I think you're wrong.

-Well… I'm supposed to be one of his friends, and… He never confided much to anybody, you know."

Minerva sighed.

"Possible…

-You know it… Then why are you sulking?

-I'm not."

That was hurting… She was too sensitive, she thought, no doubt about that.

"It looks like you are, then."

Minerva felt tears trying to poke out of her eyes, so she got up and nearly ran out of the room, in an attempt to hide them for what little dignity she still felt like having She vaguely threw a "Good Night" to Carola as she passed her.

         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Later that night, Minerva still couldn't sleep… So that was what they all thought, that she was only childishly sulking. Then she would show them, that she wasn't. Because that's not what she did, was it? No… Sulking was just a stupid attitude; she, was trying to express something. Yes, that would be it. Anyway, to the point, she could survive without all of them 7th Year. Or perhaps it was just stupid, to befriend people so far from her own age. The thought had never occurred to her, but she had heard people saying so, not too loud, not to convincingly. And here she was, wondering… Perhaps they were ridiculous, and she just looked like a baby gripping the protection of older ones. Worse, perhaps it was how Carola saw her, or even Albus. Ouch, that was painful. The thought hit her as if a dagger had suddenly, of his own will, tore her heart… And she refused it. That was utterly, totally impossible. Yet… just like horrible thoughts always do, it lingered awfully for days, becoming bigger, seeming less and less improbable… and then more and more probable.

    Once she caught herself daydreaming in Defence against the Dark Arts; several times she had to admonish herself because her week of History of Magic was turning in a torture... She often didn't listen to her friends' chatting during meals, sometimes even didn't hear them. Life was turning a very nasty shade of grief… Aggravated by Carola's words. Because whatever she said, Minerva had been attentive to them, and she found herself doubting about her assumptions, supposing she could be just imagining everything. Her head was a terrible mess, and worse.

    The day of Halloween, she was nearing a nervous collapse. She simply had to talk to Albus. Instead of being excited about the Halloween Party, she stayed on her bed that day, trying to make something sensible out of her anguish, in order to be able to speak to Albus. Milane, Joyce and Lilian were happily chatting about the Feast. It would take place in the Common Rooms of each house, and they were allowed and encouraged to come disguised. Milane, Joyce and Lilian had a bit of a problem, though, transfigurating their clothes in what was supposed to be different animals.

"Min', come here!" Milane called.

-Why?

-Come on, get out of your depression!"

After a reasonably ill-tempered grunt, Minerva's head poked out of her curtains, and let hear an audible sigh.

"What do you think it is?" Milane asked, not in the least impressed, pointing at Joyce.

Minerva nearly smiled… At least her mouth twisted, but she caught it back in time. "Err… A black Pumpkin that has blown up?"

Lilian sat heavily, with a discouraged face.

"Min, could you help us with transfiguration… our costumes are going to be awful if you don't!

-Well, I could try, but I'm as much a 1st Year as you…

-Yea, but you're better at transfiguration, Joyce pointed out, come on!

-All right… she gave in, So… What are you supposed to be?

-A bat." She said flatly.

Half an hour later, Minerva looked proudly at a bat, a werewolf (they had had to consult a book about its exact appearance), and a ghost… Well, Milane still had a bit of colours, but she was relatively translucent, and could always say she was a poltergeist if she was asked.

"So, what will you be?" A smiling Milane asked.

-Oh…"

A look of painful realization crept up on Minerva's face, considering her three comrades' mischievous faces.

"Nothing, I'll come as me

-You won't!

-And why, please?

-Because we won't let you!

-I'm not in a mood to celebrate… Beside, I won't be able to transfigurate correctly if it's on me…

-Oh, come on, we'll help you; we're not that hopeless! Milane laughed,

-And we could ask older students, Lilian offered.

-What about those 7th Year you were always…" Joyce was stopped by a cough from Milane, but Minerva had caught it nevertheless, and sat back.

"Oh, Min', a transparent Milane said smoothly, sitting next to her, you can't go on like that… I swear, people would think you were in love and you broke up" Minerva smiled at that idea, "Ah, at least I made you laugh! See it can be useful to tell stupidities!"

    Finally, after dinner, Minerva agreed to be a black cat, though she suspected she would have to explain to lots of people what a black cat and Halloween had to do… Anyway, it was a good thing she had only agreed after Dinner, because her costume was not really… easily removable! Milane's colours, or lack thereof, had already attracted them lots of comment, although she wasn't the only one who had come to Dinner in her Halloween's outfit.

    Minerva was quite proud of her whiskers, which she had sprouted with the help of a mirror, and of the ears Milane and Joyce had given her, after a hard time trying to shape them correctly. Lilian had done her a nice tail, which she had repaid by giving her red eyes and bat's hands. What they all had to admit, though, was that the fur had been the most difficult part!… But finally, they had succeeded! The only thing Minerva had refused was the fur on her face, "How would people know it's me, otherwise?"… And so her body was all covered in black fur. Minerva felt a bit naked, at the beginning, but soon became more familiar with her temporary state.

    "You make a nice giant cat", a teasing Lilian concluded.

         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Some hours later, Minerva was sat in a deserted corner of the Common Room. Having finally escaped her friends, she could give a searching glance to the whole room. She would have sworn Albus had disappeared at a point of the evening, and then come back, and she was trying to spot him. Then she heard someone sit on an armchair, beside her. She raised her eyes and stayed petrified at the sight of the… creature in font of her. It was a Vampire. An actual vampire… staring at her in a way she utterly disliked. And then it spoke:

    "You're nice in cat"

    And she sighed.

    "Albus you frightened me!

-I saw that, sorry if the costume was too good, it was Charles' idea to make me paler.

-Well, change it back, she said, still shocked, you're too creepy…"

Albus laughed, took out his wand and broke the charm that was on his face.

"Where are your usual friends, by the way?

-In the Hufflepuff Common Room I think, or perhaps Ravenclaw, I'm not sure. I left them there because I wanted to see you.

-Err… nice, she said, staring at him again, are you forced to keep those… err… fangs, though?

-I think the tooth are indeed an important part of the character, sorry!… Anyway, glad to see a vampire scares you more than the usual me. Does it mean my case isn't fundamentally hopeless?"

A brief silence passed, before they both raised their heads again and their eyes met.

"Can we go elsewhere? Minerva asked in a rush,

-You definitely don't like it in here, do you?

-Even less when there's a Party going on, let's go!"

She took his hand and led him to her dormitory, "Minerva, I…" "I don't care, Albus, they may think what please them!" "All right, all right" he said unwillingly.

    Minerva settled on her bed, and Albus sat on the floor, because she frankly preferred not to have to see him, or rather his tooth if she could help it.

    "So, what is it I did so wrong, to deserve your anger?"

    Minerva took a deep breath, and began to calmly explain all she had thought before in the afternoon, to rationally make a list of it. Then she became a bit less quiet. And finally, she was crying as she spoke, on and on, not stopping, and Albus not interrupting her. She finished sobbing. "Sorry, I had to get it out of my system, but I guess it touched me emotionally"

    Albus stood up, sat near her on the bed, put an arm around her shoulders and took a handkerchief.

    "I guess my handkerchief will agree with that", he said, the tiniest smile in his voice.

She blew her nose, and he added :

    "I'm sorry if I let you believe all that. I never saw you that way, and I'm pretty sure none of my friends did. Even Alastor doesn't think you're annoying; he's just a bit gruffly and doesn't like little girls… But he confessed me he knew you weren't like his sister. You know, he finds her a bit… well, a bit girlish indeed."

    At that point, Minerva dried her last tears, and half-smiled.

    "You know, and we all know you're my friend, I mean an entire friend, and I don't care how old you are, you're still more reasonable than Charles, and perhaps more human than Alastor, although I suspect him of softening, recently" Minerva snorted, and he chuckled. "All right, not much, I admit"

    "Anyway" he went on "I never was a very open person, I don't confide much, and I don't want you to think I don't trust you, because I do. I often don't want to share my burdens with my friends, because I don't want to annoy them, and perhaps since you're younger I hesitated even more to tell you lots of things, but… I mean… It's normal, and believe me, it's not because I don't think high of you. I do…" He paused a bit. "Well I don't really know what I'm supposed to add… I love your company, and I have a lot of respect for you, and… I'll try not to be too protective on the future, but… I think you understand I can't just let you handle the same problems as I would expect from an adult. You handle things a bit ahead of your age yet, if you ask me, and I admire you for coping with it, but… You're still a child, aren't you…"

    Minerva cuddled. From the depth of his cloak, which covered her, a little voice came:

"I suppose so." Then a little louder, "Albus…

-Yes?

-Could you please took those… tooth away…"

He laughed but did what he was asked.

"Thanks, it wasn't easy to speak to a vampire, you know…"

He smiled.

"Albus?

-Minerva.

-Just promise me you'll tell me about the important things happening in your life, ok?

-As far as I can, he said after a sigh, and then, in a whisper, I swear…

-Thanks."

    They stayed some time in silence, in thoughts, until finally,

"Minerva?

-Mmm…

-You're so nice in cat form, it would be a shame not to get back down, where everybody can see you, wouldn't it?

-Mmmm…

-And the others will be waiting for me, along with your friends I think…

-I suppose"

    So they got up, Albus charmed back a vampire's dentition, and they went down the stairs, to the Common Room, where Minerva was overwhelmed by a group of lively friends, while Albus eclipsed himself discreetly through the portrait door, to whatever house in which his friends were.

                                                    ***

A.N.

Review, now? Please? I feel like nobody's reading, and I know it's August, but it's not a reason… I'll turn in a sulking Minerva, if nobody wants to review! Puppy dog eyes… Beside, if you review I'll certainly read your fics, because I like to know who reviews my work, and there's so much fics on the site that I can't read everything, so I have strange manners to chose, jumping to an author I never read before because someone makes him "ad", or reading my reviewer's fics…

Speaking of shameless "ad" (aka reading-advice), I had a long ff.net exploration yesterday, and I discovered some of Aemos' fics, which are worth reading, really, go and check it, now! I only read Dancing with Tears in my Eyes, I don't wanna close my eyes and Missing You so far, and they are nice fics! GO ON, GIVE IT A TRY! And I was totally seduced by Keysaer Lachlanny's Love is strange… It's only a personal judgment, and I suspect my subconscious is as influent on that opinion as my literary appreciation, but I think all of you should read it if you're looking for a touching 20-year-old-Ginny trying to initiate a love story with Snape while staying in character… Go and cheer her, she needs it! (If anybody's interest in what my subconscious has to do with it, or if anybody just wants to laugh at me, check the review I let for her first chapter, it was a bit late and I was tired enough to dwell on that sort of personal matter, even though now this review is on the net and everyone can see it… Audible sigh…)