THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF HARRY POTTER
Day 1
Am back at school and waiting for new crisis to occur. Already have minor crisis to avert, in the form of tying Ron's ankle to bedpost to keep him from getting out of bed at night and sneaking into the second-year girl's dormitories.
Day 2
Have gained clingy and annoying fanboy by the name of Colin Creevey. Am most upset by this. Wish people would just leave me alone.
Day 5
Had to have picture taken with stuffed-up git Lockhart today. Hate Lockhart. Hate Colin. Hate Colin taking pictures of me with Lockhart. Hate Lockhart pawing at me while picture being taken.
Day 8
Sat through three-hour long speech by Wood about the importance of Quidditch...as if I didn't know! Wood will probably jump off the tower if we don't win the Cup this year.
Was startled when shrieking blonde-haired muggle girl burst through the window and kidnapped Wood. Who's going to be our Keeper now?
Day 9
Relieved to hear that Wood was returned later last night, though he seems dazed and unable to account for where he's been, or why only half his clothes returned with him. Also smells vaguely of chocolate syrup.
Day 13
Cannot get rid of Colin. Is like some sort of irritating stick-on hood ornament. Smacked him square in the face when he walked into me in the hall. Bad idea, as he seemed to enjoy it. Am now constantly bombarded by Colins on the way to class. All over in bruises. Would take Ron along as protection, but he's probably somewhere letting Hermione smack him.
Day 23
Flich's cat got attacked by something called the Heir of Slytherin! Why is it named Mrs. Norris, anyway? Just KNOW that this means bad news for me. And now quite jumpy about the Slytherin Heir, possibly because of what scary little elf-man told me before school. Would rather not talk about him though, as he seems to be almost completely CGI.
Day 27
Am not happy Malfoy is Seeker for Slytherin. I'm the only prominent character Seeker in this story, thank you! Will whomp him good when the first game comes. Wish he would stop spilling my books in the corridor and watching me bend over to pick them up. Some people can be so vindictive.
Day 33
List of people I officially hate:
*Lockhart *Malfoy *Snape *Colin *Dursleys
Will think of more later when I get the chance.
Day 37
Got into fight with stupid Malfoy over who ruled more as a Seeker. Punched him in his smarmy face, go me! Helmet-headed freak pinned me down and started to unbutton my shirt. He wants my shirt! He must be the Heir of Slytherin!!
Day 40
Have locked all of my extra shirts (as well as new stash of underwear) in my trunk.
Day 42
Colin ambushed me outside of Charms today and asked if I would be willing to pose for some rather "candid" shots. He was eying me funny...he must want my shirts too! Damn Slytherin's wickedness, corrupting even the Gryffindors! YOU WON'T GET MY SHIRTS, EVIL PRESENCE!
Day 45
Have now taken to dashing upstairs between classes to make sure my shirts are OK. Refuse to change with the others for Quidditch practice for fear my shirts will be stolen. Also am uncomfortable when Fred and George drop everything to watch me change.
Day 50
Big Quidditch match coming up soon...Wood being absolute slavedriver on the field. Wants up to win more than anything, especially since it's Slytherin on their stupid new Nimbus Two-Thousand and Ones. Never fails...you buy a nice model and six months later they come out with a better one.
Day 66 GRYFFINDOR BEAT! Take THAT, Suckerins! On a worse note, have no bones in my arm. Moron Lockhart tried to fix my broken arm and made it no arm at all. Really kind of gross. Am now in infirmary regrowing bones and thinking up a new victory dance to do when I see Malfoy tomorrow.
List of possible taunts:
SUCKERINS SLIPPERINS SLIVERINS? Swotty little nancy boy -----(probably this one)
Day 74
Decided with Hermione's and Ron's help to find out what Slytherin common room looks like and whether it's nicer than ours. Also want to know if Malfoy is plotting to steal my shirts. Exploded half the class in Potions today as distraction so Hermione could hook the ingredients. Noticed she hooked quite a lot of other things too.
Day 75
Potion going well. Snape cornered me in the hall after dinner. Just knew he suspected me all along. He wondered if I wouldn't mind telling him WHY I lobbed a firecracker into another student's cauldron during class. Told him I had no idea what he was talking about. He said well in that case, he wondered if I wouldn't mind taking off my shirt. HE'S THE HEIR OF SLYTHERIN! HE WANTS MY SHIRTS!! I shrieked for him to go back to the Chamber he crawled out of, hurled my sweater at him to buy time and made tracks up to the dormitories.
Day 80
Caught Colin going through my clothes in the dorm today. Good LORD, is everyone around here the Heir of Slytherin? I'm so confused!! Have taken to wearing two or three shirts at a time every day. Uncomfortable, but at least I know they aren't being stolen.
Day 87
Used the Polyjuice potion to get into the Slytherin common room. Malfoy, supposing that we were Crabbe and Goyle, yapped a whole lot about his father's super-secret hidden room full of illegal Dark Arts crap under the dining room floor, as well as his father's super-secret recipe for cherry rum cake. Ron and I were falling asleep through the whole bloody spiel, plus the room was hideous. Ugly slimy stone wall, big spiked chandelier, axes on the wall...not much of a common room. More like the Viking Room.
Finally started talking about the shirt incident. Just KNEW I had him this time! He'll not steal my shirts again! But all he seemed to want to jaw about was what's under my shirt...I don't get it! He can't steal anything under my shirts because I don't WEAR anything under...under my...oh, noooooo....
Day 88
Am hiding from Malfoy. Am hiding from Ron. Am hiding from everybody male. Am hiding in the baths, scrubbing skin with block of soap to take away unpleasant revelations...not clean...not clean....
Day 90
Entered Chamber of Secrets with Ron and Lockhart, careful not to let them walk behind me. Got into actual chamber alone. Confronted Tom Riddle and found out he was Lord Voldemort! Summoned sword of Godric Gryffindor to defeat him and his terrible basilisk. Only basilisk didn't show, and Riddle kicked sword out of my hand and began tearing at my shirt, muttering excitedly under his breath.
Little did he know, I was wearing all sixteen of my shirts at once! After ripping the fifth one off he got angry and tried to kill me. Was rather angry myself and figured if he was going to ruin my shirts, which I risked life and limb to protect all year, I would ruin his stupid book. Stabbed book and Riddle disappeared. Am very relieved, though minus five good shirts. Saved Ginny from where she had collapsed and fainted, though she seemed to come awake almost instantly when we were back among other students.
Saved the day once again, much to my annoyance. Gryffindor beat for the House Cup and am looking forward to going home and not getting the trousers ripped off me every time I enter a room. I hope.
Day 1
Am back at school and waiting for new crisis to occur. Already have minor crisis to avert, in the form of tying Ron's ankle to bedpost to keep him from getting out of bed at night and sneaking into the second-year girl's dormitories.
Day 2
Have gained clingy and annoying fanboy by the name of Colin Creevey. Am most upset by this. Wish people would just leave me alone.
Day 5
Had to have picture taken with stuffed-up git Lockhart today. Hate Lockhart. Hate Colin. Hate Colin taking pictures of me with Lockhart. Hate Lockhart pawing at me while picture being taken.
Day 8
Sat through three-hour long speech by Wood about the importance of Quidditch...as if I didn't know! Wood will probably jump off the tower if we don't win the Cup this year.
Was startled when shrieking blonde-haired muggle girl burst through the window and kidnapped Wood. Who's going to be our Keeper now?
Day 9
Relieved to hear that Wood was returned later last night, though he seems dazed and unable to account for where he's been, or why only half his clothes returned with him. Also smells vaguely of chocolate syrup.
Day 13
Cannot get rid of Colin. Is like some sort of irritating stick-on hood ornament. Smacked him square in the face when he walked into me in the hall. Bad idea, as he seemed to enjoy it. Am now constantly bombarded by Colins on the way to class. All over in bruises. Would take Ron along as protection, but he's probably somewhere letting Hermione smack him.
Day 23
Flich's cat got attacked by something called the Heir of Slytherin! Why is it named Mrs. Norris, anyway? Just KNOW that this means bad news for me. And now quite jumpy about the Slytherin Heir, possibly because of what scary little elf-man told me before school. Would rather not talk about him though, as he seems to be almost completely CGI.
Day 27
Am not happy Malfoy is Seeker for Slytherin. I'm the only prominent character Seeker in this story, thank you! Will whomp him good when the first game comes. Wish he would stop spilling my books in the corridor and watching me bend over to pick them up. Some people can be so vindictive.
Day 33
List of people I officially hate:
*Lockhart *Malfoy *Snape *Colin *Dursleys
Will think of more later when I get the chance.
Day 37
Got into fight with stupid Malfoy over who ruled more as a Seeker. Punched him in his smarmy face, go me! Helmet-headed freak pinned me down and started to unbutton my shirt. He wants my shirt! He must be the Heir of Slytherin!!
Day 40
Have locked all of my extra shirts (as well as new stash of underwear) in my trunk.
Day 42
Colin ambushed me outside of Charms today and asked if I would be willing to pose for some rather "candid" shots. He was eying me funny...he must want my shirts too! Damn Slytherin's wickedness, corrupting even the Gryffindors! YOU WON'T GET MY SHIRTS, EVIL PRESENCE!
Day 45
Have now taken to dashing upstairs between classes to make sure my shirts are OK. Refuse to change with the others for Quidditch practice for fear my shirts will be stolen. Also am uncomfortable when Fred and George drop everything to watch me change.
Day 50
Big Quidditch match coming up soon...Wood being absolute slavedriver on the field. Wants up to win more than anything, especially since it's Slytherin on their stupid new Nimbus Two-Thousand and Ones. Never fails...you buy a nice model and six months later they come out with a better one.
Day 66 GRYFFINDOR BEAT! Take THAT, Suckerins! On a worse note, have no bones in my arm. Moron Lockhart tried to fix my broken arm and made it no arm at all. Really kind of gross. Am now in infirmary regrowing bones and thinking up a new victory dance to do when I see Malfoy tomorrow.
List of possible taunts:
SUCKERINS SLIPPERINS SLIVERINS? Swotty little nancy boy -----(probably this one)
Day 74
Decided with Hermione's and Ron's help to find out what Slytherin common room looks like and whether it's nicer than ours. Also want to know if Malfoy is plotting to steal my shirts. Exploded half the class in Potions today as distraction so Hermione could hook the ingredients. Noticed she hooked quite a lot of other things too.
Day 75
Potion going well. Snape cornered me in the hall after dinner. Just knew he suspected me all along. He wondered if I wouldn't mind telling him WHY I lobbed a firecracker into another student's cauldron during class. Told him I had no idea what he was talking about. He said well in that case, he wondered if I wouldn't mind taking off my shirt. HE'S THE HEIR OF SLYTHERIN! HE WANTS MY SHIRTS!! I shrieked for him to go back to the Chamber he crawled out of, hurled my sweater at him to buy time and made tracks up to the dormitories.
Day 80
Caught Colin going through my clothes in the dorm today. Good LORD, is everyone around here the Heir of Slytherin? I'm so confused!! Have taken to wearing two or three shirts at a time every day. Uncomfortable, but at least I know they aren't being stolen.
Day 87
Used the Polyjuice potion to get into the Slytherin common room. Malfoy, supposing that we were Crabbe and Goyle, yapped a whole lot about his father's super-secret hidden room full of illegal Dark Arts crap under the dining room floor, as well as his father's super-secret recipe for cherry rum cake. Ron and I were falling asleep through the whole bloody spiel, plus the room was hideous. Ugly slimy stone wall, big spiked chandelier, axes on the wall...not much of a common room. More like the Viking Room.
Finally started talking about the shirt incident. Just KNEW I had him this time! He'll not steal my shirts again! But all he seemed to want to jaw about was what's under my shirt...I don't get it! He can't steal anything under my shirts because I don't WEAR anything under...under my...oh, noooooo....
Day 88
Am hiding from Malfoy. Am hiding from Ron. Am hiding from everybody male. Am hiding in the baths, scrubbing skin with block of soap to take away unpleasant revelations...not clean...not clean....
Day 90
Entered Chamber of Secrets with Ron and Lockhart, careful not to let them walk behind me. Got into actual chamber alone. Confronted Tom Riddle and found out he was Lord Voldemort! Summoned sword of Godric Gryffindor to defeat him and his terrible basilisk. Only basilisk didn't show, and Riddle kicked sword out of my hand and began tearing at my shirt, muttering excitedly under his breath.
Little did he know, I was wearing all sixteen of my shirts at once! After ripping the fifth one off he got angry and tried to kill me. Was rather angry myself and figured if he was going to ruin my shirts, which I risked life and limb to protect all year, I would ruin his stupid book. Stabbed book and Riddle disappeared. Am very relieved, though minus five good shirts. Saved Ginny from where she had collapsed and fainted, though she seemed to come awake almost instantly when we were back among other students.
Saved the day once again, much to my annoyance. Gryffindor beat for the House Cup and am looking forward to going home and not getting the trousers ripped off me every time I enter a room. I hope.