THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF THE HEIR OF SLYTHERIN
Day 1
Decided to make an image of myself and hide it in a notebook. Not sure why that seemed like such a good idea. Notebook very boring. Already counted all the lines on every page.
Day 726
Doodled in the margins at the back of the book for a while. Am hating self for thinking this was going to help me in any way. Think I might be getting rather musty around the corners. Wish someone would put me in a plastic protective sleeve. Keep getting used as a mug coaster.
Day 768
Picked up by some helmet-headed git named Lucius. Wonder if he has cable.
Day 769
Got stuck inside some little girl's schoolbook. Am hoping she doesn't turn me into one of those girly "Friends 4-Ever" scrapbooks.
Day 770
Have had GREAT idea for getting revenge on person I haven't even met yet. Will possess girl's mind to make her open the Chamber of Secrets! Go me!
Day 771
Have not needed to bother about possessing girl's mind...she seemed quite ready to do it as long as I promised to kidnap her later and let Potter heroically rescue her. Girls are strange.
Day 784
Have released the basilisk and tried to make it eat Potter. Unfortunately, it keeps turning muggle children to stone. Why do idiot Slytherins always have such a one-track mind? Stupid basilisk killed idiot cat as well as muggle children. Snakes really aren't all that smart, despite the hype. Why is it named Mrs. Norris, anyhow?
Some swotty little nancy boy named Draco taking all the credit for muggle attacks. Am not too happy about this. Will send Ginny to do something awful to him.
Day 790
Sent Ginny to do something awful to Malfoy kid late last night. Ginny reported back saying Head of Slytherin House already doing something awful to Malfoy. At least, sounded awful through the keyhole. Will let it go at that.
Day 795
Preparing to leave notebook, hopefully soon. Pages getting all crumpled and covered in "I (heart) HP 4-Ever" scribbles. Ginny not taking very good care of me.
Asked Ginny for picture of Potter to use as murder reference.
Day 796
Asked Ginny for eight more pictures of Potter as reference and maybe one of his shirts. DAMN that boy is adorable!
Day 801
Chamber of Secrets plan now a bust. Letting basilisk take out as many muggle children as it wants or whatever else. Want to shag Potter boy senseless. Lightning scar a total turn-on. Am going to lure him into Chamber for just that reason. Starting to think have been stuck inside a notebook for far too long.
Day 806
New plan not going so well. Potter not really using his Parselmouth abilities to their full potential. Also seems to be slightly thick, or would have easily figured out basilisk problem before. Still totally hot, though.
Ginny complaining her book is all over in "I (heart) HP" doodles. Don't know why she's complaining...half of those aren't even mine. The "I shag (HP) senseless" ones are, though. But you can hardly see them.
Day 825
Decided to take matters into own hands (or pages) and get into Potter's possession. Jumped into toilet and flushed self. In retrospect, bad idea. Am now quite soggy.
Day 826
Now owned by Potter!! Spend most of the time in his sock drawer...very happy. Made up some bogus lie about Hagrid opening the Chamber fifty years ago. Didn't want him to dislike me. Getting all turned on when he flips my pages...
Day 830
BLOODY Ginny stole me back again! STUPID STUPID STUPID girl! Am VERY angry now. Am Lord VOLDEMORT, after all! Was not born with unbelievably convenient name that can be mixed up into perfectly formed moniker for just any reason. Am going to come out of book and lay smack down on everyone, then screw Heir of Gryffindor left, right and center. Do not CARE about minor laws.
Day 839
Got upset when Potter turned me down inside Chamber and tried to kill him. Just got a bit irrational about the whole situation. Was trapped back inside book and supposedly destroyed, but pages of book have not been wholly ruined. *sigh* now back in idiot Lucius' possession. Still carrying torch for Heir of Gryffindor...
Day 1
Decided to make an image of myself and hide it in a notebook. Not sure why that seemed like such a good idea. Notebook very boring. Already counted all the lines on every page.
Day 726
Doodled in the margins at the back of the book for a while. Am hating self for thinking this was going to help me in any way. Think I might be getting rather musty around the corners. Wish someone would put me in a plastic protective sleeve. Keep getting used as a mug coaster.
Day 768
Picked up by some helmet-headed git named Lucius. Wonder if he has cable.
Day 769
Got stuck inside some little girl's schoolbook. Am hoping she doesn't turn me into one of those girly "Friends 4-Ever" scrapbooks.
Day 770
Have had GREAT idea for getting revenge on person I haven't even met yet. Will possess girl's mind to make her open the Chamber of Secrets! Go me!
Day 771
Have not needed to bother about possessing girl's mind...she seemed quite ready to do it as long as I promised to kidnap her later and let Potter heroically rescue her. Girls are strange.
Day 784
Have released the basilisk and tried to make it eat Potter. Unfortunately, it keeps turning muggle children to stone. Why do idiot Slytherins always have such a one-track mind? Stupid basilisk killed idiot cat as well as muggle children. Snakes really aren't all that smart, despite the hype. Why is it named Mrs. Norris, anyhow?
Some swotty little nancy boy named Draco taking all the credit for muggle attacks. Am not too happy about this. Will send Ginny to do something awful to him.
Day 790
Sent Ginny to do something awful to Malfoy kid late last night. Ginny reported back saying Head of Slytherin House already doing something awful to Malfoy. At least, sounded awful through the keyhole. Will let it go at that.
Day 795
Preparing to leave notebook, hopefully soon. Pages getting all crumpled and covered in "I (heart) HP 4-Ever" scribbles. Ginny not taking very good care of me.
Asked Ginny for picture of Potter to use as murder reference.
Day 796
Asked Ginny for eight more pictures of Potter as reference and maybe one of his shirts. DAMN that boy is adorable!
Day 801
Chamber of Secrets plan now a bust. Letting basilisk take out as many muggle children as it wants or whatever else. Want to shag Potter boy senseless. Lightning scar a total turn-on. Am going to lure him into Chamber for just that reason. Starting to think have been stuck inside a notebook for far too long.
Day 806
New plan not going so well. Potter not really using his Parselmouth abilities to their full potential. Also seems to be slightly thick, or would have easily figured out basilisk problem before. Still totally hot, though.
Ginny complaining her book is all over in "I (heart) HP" doodles. Don't know why she's complaining...half of those aren't even mine. The "I shag (HP) senseless" ones are, though. But you can hardly see them.
Day 825
Decided to take matters into own hands (or pages) and get into Potter's possession. Jumped into toilet and flushed self. In retrospect, bad idea. Am now quite soggy.
Day 826
Now owned by Potter!! Spend most of the time in his sock drawer...very happy. Made up some bogus lie about Hagrid opening the Chamber fifty years ago. Didn't want him to dislike me. Getting all turned on when he flips my pages...
Day 830
BLOODY Ginny stole me back again! STUPID STUPID STUPID girl! Am VERY angry now. Am Lord VOLDEMORT, after all! Was not born with unbelievably convenient name that can be mixed up into perfectly formed moniker for just any reason. Am going to come out of book and lay smack down on everyone, then screw Heir of Gryffindor left, right and center. Do not CARE about minor laws.
Day 839
Got upset when Potter turned me down inside Chamber and tried to kill him. Just got a bit irrational about the whole situation. Was trapped back inside book and supposedly destroyed, but pages of book have not been wholly ruined. *sigh* now back in idiot Lucius' possession. Still carrying torch for Heir of Gryffindor...