"It's Always The Same Song."
Part one of the "What Am
I?" series.
Rating: R. For this part
of the series anyways.
Spoilers: I don't have the
time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained
in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything
fun. I only borrow it for a while.
Feedback: Let me know what
you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)
He had been around for over a century, yet he had never felt so alive. It was her. The way she smiled, the way she smelled, the way her face scrunched up when she was thinking too hard, all of her. Hell he even loved her when she was hitting him in the face. It was hard. When she wasn't there he felt empty and the demon inside him was restless. It wanted to kill, to torture, to destroy. Not even the chip in his brain could keep his demon at bay, but when she was around it was clam leaving the humanity in him, which had been suppressed for so long by the demon, to control his actions. He felt human again when he was with her, sure there was the missing breathing and heart beating, but he felt human.
He stood at the bottom of the stairs knowing that she was the only one home. Her sister had left for a friends nearly an hour ago and the witch was out trying to mend her relationship with her lady love. The door had been unlocked. *You'd think with all the demons out there who try to kill her she would learn to lock the bleedin' door* he had thought as he walked inside. She was up in her bedroom. He could hear her rummaging through a drawer looking for something. He had thought about going to her, but he knew that if he went to her in her room with her bed it would all be too tempting. And he wasn't sure about her mood. There were times when she would rip him apart, call him disgusting, and ask him to leave. And then there were other times when she ripped him apart, called him disgusting and took him to bed anyways. So he stood at the bottom of the stairs, waiting.
He heard her door open and her footsteps started down the hall. He leaned against the wall sticking his hands in the deep pockets of his duster. Then she stopped and turned around heading back to her room. He straitened his posture, growing impatient. He couldn't stand there waiting for another twenty minutes for her to come down the stairs. *Prolly changing her outfit again. Women* He thought as he heard her footsteps once again heading towards the stairs. She spotted him immediately.
"What are you doing here?" she said as she pulled her hair up tying it back with a holder.
"Thought maybe you were gonna patrol. Might want some company is all." His tone was suggestive. He moved closer to her, gazing into her eyes with his sharp blue ones. He could tell her thoughts were drifting to memories of nights they spent together. Nights where she had screamed his name and asked him not to leave. Nights where he realized she needed him. She might not love him as he loved her, maybe she never would, but she needed him. He listened to her, comforted her, gave her an escape from her life. No one would ever be able to be for her what he was. He was her confidant, her traitor, her friend, her enemy, her man, her demon, her Lover.
The silence between them gave him power. He loved the way he could say things that would leave her at a loss for words. Her skin had turned a light shade of pink, and her eyes had avoided his gaze, but he kept on staring.
He touched the top of her hand with his and proceeded to move it up her arm. He stopped for a moment when his hand reached her bare shoulder. The black tank top she wore made her golden hair shine more than usual and he removed the holder she had just moments ago tied it back with. He ran is fingers through her soft hair. When his hand reached the back of her neck he pulled her closer to him. He inhaled the scent of her hair and broke the connection their eyes had and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead. "God slayer, you can get me hard just by walking in the room." He knew the instant the words left his mouth that he shouldn't have said it. Knew she would make a big thing about his words. And sure enough she pushed him off her.
"You're sick Spike." She started to walk away, but he grabbed her arm.
"If I'm so sick, luv, why have you suddenly become all hot and bothered?" She kneed him in the groin and broke out of his grasp as he yelped and bent from the pain.
"I am not 'hot and bothered' over you." She grabbed her coat and headed out the door.
"Right." he said sarcastically, just loud enough for her to hear. He straitened and began to follow her out of the house still feeling the pain that she had inflicted on him.
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As he followed her into the graveyard he felt bad about what he had said. Not because he was sorry he said it, but because she had taken it the wrong way and had left him to follow her. It always happened. He always said something to piss her off. If he tried to start anything with her he was always left alone, unsatisfied. The only time he got anywhere with her is when she came to him. He figured it was because if she started everything between them she could blow it off telling herself that she was just using him. However, if she gave in to him there would be no way to justify it. He didn't care. She could twist it any way she wanted to, she still came to him. He made her feel things.
Just as they had reached the graveyard she stopped and turned to him. "Why don't you just go home? I don't need you tonight." She had her hands on her hips trying to stand behind her statement.
"Is that so. And I suppose you didn't need me last night, or the night before that, or the one before that either. That didn't stop you. It's always the same song. You don't need me, you beat me, and then before you know it you're under me. You know maybe I will just go. Getting a little tired of the cold bitch who can't make up her mind." He turned to leave and almost instantly she had kicked his feet out from under him sending him to the ground.
"How dare you judge me? You don't' know anything." She was standing above him and hit his face.
"That so. Lets see, told me you don't need me, hit me in the face, all that's left is the taking me to bed." She hit him in the face even harder than she did before, but it didn't bother him. He gave her one of those incredibly sexy 'you know I'm right and I'm going to get my way' half smile, half smirk looks that he always gave her. She got up off him and walked away.
"Well that was fun. Had a nice time. See you then," he said as he stood and started walking in the direction of his crypt. He had started to think that she was just going to let him leave this time. He had made it halfway home before he heard her running up behind him. He turned to face her and she knocked him to the ground. This time, however, instead of hitting him in the face she captured his mouth with hers. As their tongues intruded each other's mouths he could feel her frustration. It wasn't frustration with him, rather frustration over her life. Her body was pressed tight against his and he knew that she could feel how excited he had become over the contact they had. He broke the connection of their mouths and placed his hands on her shoulders lifting the upper part of her body so he could look at her face.
"Tell me you need Me.," his
tone almost sounded hurt. He wanted her to say it so that maybe she would
admit it to herself. But she wouldn't answer him instead she lowered her
mouth back to his kissing him with more heat and power than she had done
just moments ago. He had forgotten about his request and kissed her back
with just as much passion as she had put into it. She had put her hands
around his neck and was trying to pull them to their feet without breaking
the connection of their mouths. Then suddenly she seemed to give up. Her
body pressed tight against him once again pushing him down hard against
the ground. He was fine with this. He needed her now and if the had stood
he was sure that she would have led him back to his crypt, which wasn't
far away, but would have felt like an eternity if he had to wait. Besides
taking her here in the graveyard where anyone could see them excited him.
Then he realized that she had completely stopped moving. Her mouth hung
open directly above his, but she had not lowered it to meet his like she
usually would have. It all felt strange. He looked into her eyes and saw
pain. Then he smelt it. He had no idea how bad it was until the hand, that
was trapped between her body and the ground right above her hip, felt it
trickle off her body. He filled with fear. His hand covered in her blood.
Part 2