"Aurora."





"Aurora."
Part four of the "What Am I?" series.
Rating: PG-13. For this part of the series anyways.
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)

He hadn't seen her in a week. He tried so hard to find out what Angel knew, but had failed miserably. He supposed he could call the poof, but he didn't want to let Angel know that he couldn't take care of Buffy. Even if Angel didn't know about their relationship he couldn't go to him for help. If he was ever going to get Buffy to forget his sire he was going to have to do this by himself. He knew that she deserved so much better than him. She deserved to have someone that she could share everything with. And that, as much as he didn't want it to, included going outside in the middle of the day. There was so much that he couldn't give her. He had one thing that he could offer. That was love. He loved her more than anyone ever could. She could find someone who could take her to the beach, someone who she could grow old with, someone who could give her children, but she would never be able to find someone who would love her more than he did. He fell asleep with the thoughts of all he couldn't give her running through his head. He felt empty as he slept.

When he woke he felt her staring at him. She was sitting in a chair near his bed watching him. "What are you doing here luv?" His eyes were still trying to focus. He felt more tired than when he had fallen asleep.

"Just watching you. I was going to wake you, but it looked like you needed the sleep."

"Yeah I guess I haven't been getting much of that lately. Look Buffy, I've been thinking, and I think that it's a good idea for you to stay away from me. You can't have a life as long as I'm in it." He couldn't look at her as he said these words. He wanted more than anything for her to stay, but it wasn't fair to her.

"You can't decide that for me. I need you in my life. You made me feel again. You gave me a reason to stay here. I would have killed myself if it weren't for you. I don't know how you did it, but you showed me what life was like. You showed me how to love again." Her words warmed him. Everything about her made him feel human. He wasn't a demon with her he was a man.

"Buffy you don't need me. You need to be normal. You need to get everything back to the way it was before your life fell apart. For a long time I thought that I could do that for you, but I can't." he didn't know why she all of a sudden was admitting the fact that she needed him. He had wanted nothing more than for her to admit this a couple of weeks ago. Now he just felt like it was holding her back.

"Don't you get it. You're what has kept me alive. I didn't want to admit it, but you are. " Her words completed him. He knew it was wrong, but it didn't matter. She had made her choice and it was him. She crawled into the bed and into his arms. He kissed her forehead and then fell asleep breathing in her scent.

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There was a piece of him that had been filled by her choosing him. He would have been perfectly calm except for the fact that there was still someone after her. He had finally been able to convince her that it hadn't been him who had taken the pictures of her. She had told him that it happened a couple of times. She had caught someone peering in her window and saw a camera in their hand. Then again at the cemetery she had caught someone taking pictures of her. "That was the day I ended up in your crypt accusing you. I was sure it had been you I was chasing. Though in all honesty I really hadn't gotten a good look at them." She had explained.

It didn't make any sense to him. There had been no sightings of the mark of Patofi demons and now there was someone following her around taking pictures of her. And Angel had hinted to Buffy that he should know something about it. He was laying in her bed watching her sleep when he heard someone outside her window. He got up from the bed, careful not to wake her. By the time he had gotten to the window all he saw was a shadow running away.

Spike had felt like he knew the person he saw running away. *It could be that poofter of an ex-boyfriend she had. What was his name again? Oh yeah, Riley Finn.* Spike began to think that it might be fun if it was Riley. *It must be killing him to see us together. He would know that I was in her bed. Maybe if I'm lucky he will be so upset about the whole thing I can get him to kill himself.* Spike smirked at his thoughts. *No if it had been Riley you can bet that he would have attacked me by now. Besides he's off somewhere trying to get another boy scout badge, no doubt.* Even if he really didn't have an idea of who it was, he knew that he couldn't tell Buffy. She didn't need to worry about this. He was going to fix it for her. She admitted that she needed him, but he still felt like he had something to prove. He headed down the stairs leaving Buffy to sleep. He sat down on the couch in the Summer's living room and it wasn't long before Dawn had entered the room. "Hey Spike, whatcha doing here?"

"Just come to make sure that everything was alright with you and your sis." He wasn't to into conversation at the moment. He was still trying to figure out who had been at Buffy's window.

"Last time I checked we were fine. But hey if there's some new four eyed monster after us I could help with the research. I think I'm getting really good with the books that contain English in them." Buffy had entered the room and was glaring at Dawn.

"I don't want you doing any research. And what four eyed monster?" Buffy had the not another one tone to her voice.

"Just the one I made up in my head. I did make it up right Spike?" Dawn had begun to twirl her hair. A habit she had just recently picked up.

"Made up, right." He was just barley paying attention at this point.

"Darn. I was so looking forward to meeting a four eyed monster on my patrol tonight. Oh well I guess I'll just have to settle for your basic I want to suck your blood vampire."

"I better go with you tonight. There's been some talk about some sort of a ritual or something. Could be trouble." Until Spike could figure out who it was at Buffy's window he had better go with her.

"I thought that you just said that there was a no go with the big and scary?" he knew that Buffy didn't mind him going with her, but she had to put a show on for Dawn so that she wouldn't get suspicious.

"Oh right. Well you know what they say strength in numbers."

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Spike had been worn out after patrolling. There hadn't been many vamps, but Buffy had found other ways of tiring him out. God he loved her. He had watched the telly for a while before deciding to just give in and go to bed. When he got to his bed he noticed that there was a body in it. Wrapped tightly in the covers. He couldn't even see her hair, but he had his suspicions as to who it might be.

"Still frustrated about there not being a lot to kill I see. Come to take your frustrations out on me." He slid the covers off of her as he spoke. But it wasn't Buffy. The long auburn hair clung to the covers as he pulled them away. She turned to face him. Her dark brown eyes caught his, he was sorry for what he had done to her. Sorry for what she was. His thoughts drifted back to that night. The night he tried so hard to forget. There had been something different about her. Something that attracted him to her. Dru had told him things about her. Told him this one was special. He would have never thought. He didn't realize it until it was too late. He ran. He was sorry.

"Surprised to see me?" Her voice carried through his memories. It was different now than it had been, but still so much the same.

"Aurora. What are you doing here?"

"Like you care. I didn't come for you if that's what you're worried about. Given up on that long ago." She got up out of the bed and stepped close to him. He hadn't known what it was like. The power that it had.

"Look I'm sorry. I couldn't. You have to leave. You can't stay here." He couldn't let her be here. There was a connection that he had only experienced once and even then he was on the other end.

"Why because of her. I saw you in the graveyard. How could you do it again? When I heard that she had been brought back I should have known."

"I didn't. Is that why you're here? Leave her alone. It's not the same as with you." It had been her. She was the one who was taking pictures of Buffy. She was the one who was lurking around. He had felt her and just didn't want to admit it.

"She has the right to know. Do you have any idea what it's like? It took me years to figure out what happened to me." She was yelling. It was almost as though Spike couldn't hear her. There was so much he was feeling. Guilt, fear, longing, control, abandonment, connection.

"I'm sorry really I am, but it's not the same with Buffy. It wasn't me. You have to go." He had led her out of his crypt. Shut the door behind her and hoped she wouldn't come back.



Part 3 || Part 5