"Let Her Cry."
Part eight of the "What Am
I?" series.
Rating: PG-13. For this part
of the series anyways.
Spoilers: I don't have the
time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained
in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything
fun. I only borrow it for a while.
Feedback: Let me know what
you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com) I
He woke before she did and took the opportunity to just look at her. She was at peace. She wasn't the slayer at this moment. She was just Buffy. She was a girl who had been through so much, had so little time to be herself. He wondered if the only time she actually got to be herself was when she was like this. When she was sleeping. He moved his body closer to hers so that her chest was pressing against his. He put his hand behind her head and just held her like you would a baby. He felt sorry for her. When she woke up she would once again have to be the slayer. She would have to save the world.
He knew that when she woke he was going to have to tell her everything. He knew there was a chance that she was going to hate him. He knew that there was nothing that he was going to be able to do. The world seemed smaller. His views of it had always been so large. He had been to every continent in his life and he knew how massive it all was, but at this moment it seemed small. It seemed like there was nothing outside of Sunnydale. Nothing outside of his crypt. The whole world could fit into this tiny space, because that is where she was. Nothing else mattered. Then she stirred. The fear of loosing her rang through his whole body, tearing up the linings of his nonexistent soul. He hadn't feared anything in the longest time. He was above it.
The first thing she did when she opened her eyes was move her mouth to meet his. It was a kiss that they had never shared before. To Spike it was more meaningful than anything between them. This kiss wasn't about need, fear, passion, depression, lust, frustration, or domination like everything they had ever shared was. This kiss simply said that she had missed him. That she had wondered where he was and that part of her was worried about him.
There was a long silence after their mouths parted. He did not know where to start. There were so many things that she needed to know. Before he could get his thoughts straight she spoke. "It got late and I just kinda fell asleep."
"S'Alright."
"Where did you go?" He could tell that this really wasn't what she wanted to talk about.
"Had an unexpected trip. Nothing for you to worry about." He brought her hand to his face and kissed the inside of her palm.
"I know you heard about the girl who was in the magic shop." She turned her body and leaned her back against his chest.
"Yeah, about her…" Before he could finish she cut him off.
"She was a slayer. How could no one have told me about this? There were never any 'Hey Buffy, by the way, there was this one slayer who got turned into a vamp and for some reason she can go out in the day and won't really die if you drive a wooden stake through her heart.'"
"No one knew about her. She…" Once again he was cut off.
"They had to have known she died. The next slayer was…" He put his hand over her mouth silencing her.
"You have to listen to me. Slayers aren't meant to be turned. When it happened… There was nothing I… It was too late. I turned her." He could feel her body tense in shock. "I didn't know that she was the slayer at the time. I didn't realize it 'til after it was already done."
She pushed away from him and sat on the edge of the bed not looking at him. "You." She said quietly like she didn't want to believe it. "You never said anything. Not even when you told me about the others."
"The one rule you have as a vampire is to kill the slayer, not make her live-forever. I left her there. I didn't tell a soul. I haven't even seen her since that night."
"Why is she different? Why can she do what other vampires can't?"
"I don't know." He really didn't. When he left after he had changed her, he never looked back. Never wondered about her. He felt guilty for leaving her, but not enough to make sure she was all right.
"Why is she here?"
"She's here to end the chosen one." He moved closer to her, putting his hand on her shoulder.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" She pushed his hand away.
"Buffy you have to understand. I didn't know!"
"And that is supposed to make it ok?"
"No it's not. But it isn't any worse than any of the other things that you know I've done. I was evil, but I've changed. You've changed me." She fell silent. He didn't know if she believed that he had changed, but she wasn't trying to kill him so that was a good sign.
"What if I'm like her?" Her question came out of nowhere.
"You're not."
"You said it yourself I came
back wrong. What if it's because I'm the slayer?" Tears came flooding from
her eyes. How he wished that she hadn't been brought back. Wished that
she didn't have to be feeling the pain that all this had caused her. He
wrapped his arms around her and this time she did not push him away, rather
she turned to face him and buried her face in his chest. Sobbing.
Part 7 || Part 9