chapter 4*dr. pepper the phone rapist
bchan: *waits a moment, then knocks on door*
Brodi: *answers door* Ah, hello bchan.
bchan: *gets very very happy* BRODI! *tries to tackle Brodi, but the strings stop her and she ends up crumpled on the ground*
Brodi: What in the name of Great Buddha, bchan!?!?! *steps out of bus* You've usually totally violated the restraining order by now! I should be pinned to the ground right now! Are you feeling alright?
bchan: Splendid, except for the fact you're standing on my hand, god you weigh a lot; I'm tied up in strings, and I am crumpled up on the ground…
Brodi: *picks bchan up and then sets her on the ground standing up*
bchan: *swoon* Brodi touched me… *swoony-swoon*
Brodi: err… why are you tied up in string and why are you swooning?
bchan: *stops swooning mid-swoon* the… the… wheelbarrow did it! It did this to me!
Brodi: What? What wheelbarrow? I don't see one.
bchan: *gestures behind her* Behind me.
Brodi: *picks up bchan and moves her to the left and she swoons again* Oh, that one. Wait, how could a wheelbarrow tie some one up with string if it's an inanimate object?
bchan: Reincarnation.
Brodi: Huh?
bchan: You ramble on and on about all that Zen stuff, don't tell me you don't know what reincarnation is.
Brodi: I do know what reincarnation is, but, an inanimate object?
bchan: It used to be a phone rapist in a past life. It was reincarnated as a wheelbarrow as punishment for its phone rapist actions.
Brodi: Err… right… Wait a minute, why would a phone-rapist-turned-wheelbarrow want to tie you up?
bchan: It said it was because I look like Tallulah.
Brodi: Who's Tallulah?
bchan: The wheelbarrow told me Tallulah was the woman he loved, but she dumped him because he was a phone rapist.
Brodi: What is a phone rapist anyway?
bchan: Someone who calls people on the phone and tells them that they are cutting their wrists with an orange peel.
Brodi: Huh?
bchan: I dunno, that's what Dr. Pepper told me.
Brodi: Who's Dr. Pepper?
bchan: The phone rapist.
Brodi: Oh. I thought Dr. Pepper was the one who invented carbonated beverages.
bchan: He's a kinky one, that Dr. Pepper…
Brodi: Oh, okay… how do you know all this?
bchan: Dr. Pepper told me.
Brodi: You need help, bchan.
bchan: *laughs* Yeah, really. Someone ate my Oreos. I smell the man stench of betrayal…
Brodi: No, that's just Eddie. bchan, I'm serious! You need help!
bchan: True, my fridge has been broken into. Do you know who the Oreo thief is?
Brodi: I'm serious. Did you know-
bchan: Eddie stole my Oreos? That butthead!
Brodi: No-
bchan: I mean seriously, some things are sacred in this world! Like my Oreos!
Brodi: bchan!
bchan: I may have to kill him!
Brodi: *pulls bchan into a hug* bchan, Buddha loves you. Buddha loves you very much. He is here to help you, because he loves you. Buddha loves you a lot.
bchan: *gets very delighted at this* I love you too, Broderick. *licks Brodi's cheek*
Brodi: Hey, don't call me tha-
bchan: *lick* I love you. *lick*
Brodi: Eeew, stop-
bchan: *lick, lick*
Brodi: Stop it, bch-
bchan: You can't resist me, can you? *gives him a very long lick with lots of slurping*
Brodi: That is gross and disgustin-
bchan: *lick* Well if you want me lick *lick* you 1 gross times, which would be 144 *lick* licks, then it would be 9 *lick* licks, make that 10 down, 134 licks to go!
Brodi: *under breath as bchan keeps licking him and keeping count of licks* Buddha help me…
bchan: *nine minutes of solid licking later* Hahaha, Brodi, only 100 licks to go! *lick, lick* 98…
Brodi: *shrieks* STOP IT!!! IT IS DISGUSTING!
bchan: *stops mid-lick* Normally you are very quiet, Brodi… the meek shall inherit the earth, you know.
Brodi: The meek normally are not licked incessantly.
bchan: You're just lucky, Brodi…
Brodi: Stop it---
Marisol: *appears at the door in Brodi's boxers and some kind of top that is very disgruntled, I'm out of ideas, so I'll let you imagine. Let's keep this PG-13 though, okay?* Brodi, what is going on out here!?! Come back to bed, will you? Oh, by the way, what's up with Eddie? He's rummaging around rambling something about soap or something. *touches Brodi's cheek*
bchan: *gasp* Marisol!!! You evil mean lady, you-