Chapter 15 Breathing in the Night
She closed her eyes and breathed in the night; she let the tears come then, let them pour down her cheeks and glow in the eerie light of the night. She looked out and was about to slip down the veranda again, but there was a knock on her door. She felt it and called, "Hold on!" she ran to the bathroom and quickly washed her tears. She opened the door and smiled at her father, "Hi. What brings you here?"
He laughed, "Mizuuma you act as if we don't live right down the hall."
"Right," she grinned impishly.
"I came to talk to you."
"Really I thought you were dropping by for tea," she said sarcastically.
He shook his head, "You are just like your mother, and sometimes that scares me."
"Oh trust me, it scares me more."
He laughed again, and she offered the room to him. He walked in and looked at the moon, "It's beautiful isn't it?"
"It is," she responded but didn't look because she knew she would want to cry again, "It reminds me of you. You have so much of her in you," he told her and turned, "And I know that it's not always a good thing. And I know too, that you have a lot of me, and maybe that's not a good thing either."
"Nothing from you two is bad," she assured him.
He shook his head and smiled sadly, "That's not true. You have your mother's temper and my silence. Sometimes that's a difficult combination, a worthy one, a good one, but a one hard to tame. Not many people would take the challenge."
"That's okay with me," she told him.
"No, it's not," he informed her, and she stared for a minute, "No Mizuuma, it's not, and I know it. Your mother knows it too because she felt this way for a long time. She felt this way until she found Yukito, and when she lost him she died, like you have."
Her jaw almost dropped when she heard that.
"Don't look at me like that. I was the only one who ever saw your mother after he was gone; I know what it looks like Mizuuma, I know all too well. And she does too, and it hurts because she knows. And I know. I know that feeling too, because when I lost her to Yukito, to my best friend, I died with her love."
She didn't know what to say, because he continued. She had never heard her father speak like this; she had never heard his true emotions come through like this.
"The thing that scares me most," he laughed slightly, but there was a deep sadness, "Is that I see Yukito in him too."
Her eyes widened. What was he talking about? Who was he talking about?
"She loved him so much, and something happened, and she was wounded very deeply. I don't want to see you hurt," he confessed, and she walked up and hugged him gently.
"That will never happen," she told him, "Because I have no idea who you're talking about," she laughed slightly.
"You do," he nodded to her, "You do, and I just wanted to tell you that you have my blessing."
Her eyes dropped, "Dad, he doesn't-he doesn't…" she stopped and smiled at him; a tear ran down her cheek.
He wiped it away and kissed her forehead, "Things change my dear."
"I love you dad," she whispered, and he smiled.
"I love you too, now try and sleep."
She nodded and smiled as he turned and left the room. When he was gone she crumpled in a ball on the floor and cried.
§§§~~~
He listened to her cry and sighed. Umi walked down the hall, "Clef," she whispered and heard her daughter, "Mizuuma," she was about to open the door, but he shook his head.
"Leave her be."
"I don't understand," Umi looked confused.
"Sh…" he kissed her, "Imagine Yukito being alive, and imagine him leaving you because he was afraid."
Her eyes widened, "No," she shook her head, because she knew pain like that, "Clef no."
"Time heals Umi, people can't help time. Well," he shook his head, "Not us anyway."
She closed her eyes regretfully and came close as he wrapped his arms around her, "She'll be okay. Tell me she'll be okay."
"She's strong, like her mother; she'll be okay," he told her, and she looked up at him.
"I wouldn't have chosen him," she said quietly, and his eyes widened.
"What?"
"I've changed; I'm not young anymore. He knew it and I knew it; he knew that we could never be together because with my age came wisdom. I know myself now, I found myself when I found you."
He smiled and kissed her deeply until she could barely breathe, "I've never wanted anyone but you, from the moment I lay eyes on you."
She smiled, and they walked away, praying for their daughter, praying that she would find true happiness.
§§§~~~
She closed her eyes and forced herself to be strong, to push away the feeling that she could feel warming her body. She forced the pain away, and her hands went cold as she walked back to her veranda and sat on her rail. She looked into the moon and got chills.
She thought about what her father said, thought about Yukito and thought mostly about Takeru. She pulled at her heart, and never let herself feel it. She closed her eyes and smiled but felt no joy. She whispered but felt no love. She touched her tears but felt no sadness, and she was at peace with herself. She sighed heavily and fell into bed. She closed her eyes, and in her dreams she saw him. She saw him, and he loved her, and she was able to feel it and feel the love back. But that was only a dream after all.
§§§~~~
The next morning she didn't feel much like eating, and decided instead to wander around the gardens. She was walking and looking at the flowers when someone came behind her and called her name, "Mizuuma," she turned and tried not to run away.
"What do you want?" she became her defense, and her voice was hostile.
"You weren't at breakfast," he didn't take it at all personally; he was used to her voice, "I was worried."
"Why?" she demanded, "You are no longer my Guardian. You don't have to worry about me. If I need help you'll be the last person I call. I learned that the hard way," she turned and brushed past him; she didn't even feel it when he grabbed her arm.
"Don't turn away," he begged, and she looked at him. He stood there, with beseeching eyes and never let go of her.
She reached up with freezing fingers and touched his face gently, "I thought I saw something in you," she shook her head and began to walk away, but he caught her wrist.
"Let me help you feel again," he was pleading with her now.
"But you have," she said gently, and they could almost be taken as tender words, "Last night I cried myself to sleep from the feel of your skin upon mine."
His eyes widened as she turned and walked from the gardens.
§§§~~~
"So what shall we do today?" Kojishi asked as Mizuuma walked in.
"Mizuuma!" Fuuchou shouted and smiled. Mizuuma smiled back and tried not to look at her mother who gave her small glances.
"Let's go out and mingle with the commoners," Mizuuma suggested; she wanted to feel. Right now, she needed to feel.
Fuuchou laughed when Ferio grimaced.
"I think I'll pass."
"Ditto," Clef added.
"Um that goes for me too," Fuu put in.
"Well you people in high places can't go out without being ambushed," Umi laughed, and Fuu stuck her tongue out at her.
"No hard feelings," Hikaru added, and Fuu pouted and glared at Ferio.
"You!" she pointed, and he laughed and kissed her, "Why did I have to fall in love with a Prince?" she whined, accenting every word.
"Because of my charm," he told her, and Umi burst out laughing.
"I'm sorry," she turned and gave Hikaru a high-five.
"You two!" Fuu shouted.
"Really," Mizuuma scoffed, "Such children."
This made everyone laugh, and there was no tension until Takeru walked into the room.
"Hey! We found her without you!" Kojishi informed him, and he nodded and looked at Mizuuma, then turned away.
"Well I do believe that we should spend the day with the others that can't leave the palace, and you kids can enjoy the outside for once," Umi told them, and they nodded.
"Okay!" Kojishi shouted, and they all walked outside, laughing and talking.
He watched her, amazed at her strength, her immunity. He wondered how she couldn't pretend nothing was going on. Maybe it's because she really doesn't like you at all, and is just pretending to so she doesn't completely destroy you, his mind told him. No, he wouldn't let himself think that, not even when she never looked at him.
"Race you!" Mizuuma challenged Fuuchou when they mounted their horses.
"You're on!" Fuuchou took off, and Mizuuma galloped after her. Fuuchou won, just barely, and they laughed as the others caught up.
They rode into town and looked around them; it was a rare opportunity when they were able to actually come down from the palace.
"Look palace kids," someone whispered, and Mizuuma smiled; she could feel again.
"They must be important," someone else added.
"Princess," someone bowed low to Fuuchou which made the others gasp and do the same.
"Hey hey hey!" Fuuchou shouted, "Get up before I make you!"
"What?"
"Please," she muttered, "I'm not any different from you. What have I done to make you bow?"
"Well you saved their world," Misao whispered, and his words close to her ear made her giggle.
"Sh…they don't know that," she put a finger to his lips, and pushed him away playfully when he tried to kiss her. He pouted, and she smiled and kissed him.
"Then you must be Guru Clef's daughter," someone came near Mizuuma, and she nodded.
"And you're the Head of the Guard's daughter," another added and nodded to Kojishi who nodded back.
"Well we're sure our parents are famous," Mizuuma muttered.
"Come in and eat something. Have you traveled far? Did you come from the palace?" someone questioned as they led their horses to a nearby barn and brought them in for food.
"Yes we came from the palace, no we haven't traveled far," Hiroji answered, and then they realized the other three for the first time.
"Who are you?" a little girl had the naivety to ask.
"Uh…we're…" Misao wasn't sure they should announce themselves.
"The Sacred Guardians," Kojishi ended the argument.
"Uh oh, you shouldn't have done that," Hiroji told her, and everyone was suddenly kneeling.
"Where are they?" a boy about their age stepped forward.
"Where are who?" Misao asked.
"The Magic Knights of course!" he shouted, and the three girls looked down.
"You?!"
"Do you have a problem with that?" Mizuuma was angry right then, and she drew her sword. There was a crash of thunder though there were no rain clouds. Everyone stood, awed at her power; she truly was her father's daughter.
"N-no," he stuttered and bowed slightly.
"Didn't think so," she unsummoned her sword.
Suddenly people were ambushing her for miracles and spells and things she didn't understand.
"I don't study under my father," she tried to explain, but they wouldn't hear it. She was overwhelmed with people, and she turned and left the place quickly. Takeru followed her silently. Little did he know that someone had snuck out before him.
He was able to track her easily though he didn't know how. He guessed that somehow they were connected, Guardian to Knight. When he found her she was speaking in hushed voices to the boy she had challenged.
"My name's Atasuke."
"Mizuuma," she introduced herself, "Knight of Storm," she added after a bit of hesitation.
He laughed slightly.
"What?"
"You don't have a very good Guardian," he told her, and Takeru's hand went to the hilt of his sword.
"Why do you say that?"
"Well shouldn't he be following you everywhere you go? That's what the legends say anyway," he asked curiously.
"Sure," Mizuuma responded, "He follows me everywhere," she nodded, "He's really good at it."
"Then where is he?" he inquired.
"Dunno," Mizuuma shrugged.
"I don't understand."
"Well," she sighed, "Really he's not my Guardian anymore. He's supposed to be, but I don't trust him enough to believe in him."
His heart shattered again. Every time she touched him or smiled at him it became whole again, and every time she destroyed it again.
"Why don't you trust him?"
"You ask a lot of questions," she told him.
"Sorry."
"You should be," she snapped, and he stood.
"I'll leave."
"You don't…" but he had already gone. She shook her head and sighed heavily. She closed her eyes, and wished that he was there.
He stepped from where he was hiding in the shadows and glared fiercely at her, "So you don't believe in me?" he demanded.
Her eyes snapped up, and she looked at him, "How didn't I know you were there?"
"I'm immune to you anymore," he told her, "And I've learned to hide from you."
"Why? So you can see the way that you're torturing me? Do you really like killing me? Why don't you just draw your sword and do it the easy way? It'll be a lot less work," her eyes were dark, and he was surprised at her words. Somewhere, though they were hurtful, they gave him his heart back because they showed that she cared.
"You're only torturing yourself Mizuuma."
She looked into his green eyes and smiled, "Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't waste my time caring about you," she stood and wiped the grass from her skirt.
"So I'm a waste of your time?"
"Basically," she nodded and began to turn. He caught her again.
"I don't believe you."
"Don't touch me!" she screamed, and he pulled back.
"Who is he?" he asked softly, and Mizuuma didn't understand, "Who is he Mizuuma? Who's doing this to you?"
"What?" she whispered.
"You said that the one you loved turned away from you; who?"
"I never said…" she began, but he stopped her.
"You don't need to say everything for me to be able to see it in your eyes. You won't let me touch you because you feel that you're being unfaithful to him I know it. That's why I'm torturing you right? Because I won't stop caring about you? Because you feel that you're being unfaithful by looking at me?" he questioned.
"I…"
"God Mizuuma you deserve the best," he told her and sighed; his eyes were pained, "You deserve everything. He isn't right for you if he hurts you like this. I know that you want best; you deserve best, but Mizuuma please, take what you can. I don't care if you hurt me, I don't care, if only you'll just let me in."
"I…he…you…" she wasn't sure what to say as he poured his soul out to her. She didn't even know how to begin to explain.
"Please," he whispered and itched to touch her, but he didn't want to hurt her anymore. He didn't realize that it wouldn't hurt her, it would heal her; he didn't know, "Don't kill yourself. You deserve to be free, give me a chance. Take second-best, please."
*Dun dun dun! I made a semi-cliffhanger! Ha! Hm…interesting, technically this story is going to be longer than my sequel, but chapter wise it's shorter. I was wondering what you guys liked, shorter chapters or longer ones? Just curious because see I have another idea for a fanfiction! Ah! One following the second series when the Magic Knights are about 25 and Fuu and Hikaru are Cephirosick because Umi wrote a book…well that's all I'm going to say ^.^ so anyway tell me what your opinions are…well…on anything! I'm glad to hear feedback! Anything, flames, suggestions, comments anything! So until next chapter (my last) Ja! Oh, by the way, I'll release details of my next fic in the next chapter so stay tuned! Ha I sound like a record company who's releasing some new artist's material. Wow, never thought I'd say that.*
Tori:
"Why do we crucify ourselves every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for youCrucify myself every day
And my HEART is sick of being in chainsGot a kick for a dog
Beggin' for LOVE
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl
If you kill the bird
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in"
~Tori Amos, Crucify, Little Earthquakes