No Need To Change
Summary: Draco finally acknowledges what he's really known all along.
Warning(s): PG for mild slash (Draco/Harry)
Notes: Short little ficlet, essentially my (slightly different) take on the "Draco likes Harry" theme. Not angsty, but not happy or fluffy, either.
(8/17- fixed typos, grammar errors)
***
Draco Malfoy has a vivid imagination. He dreams of castles, ladies and lords; fantasy worlds rich in detail that others could scarcely comprehend.
There is just one constant variable in Draco's numerous fantasies.
Harry Potter.
In these worlds in Draco's mind, Harry is always the hero, the knight in shining armor, who takes the beautiful princess and saves her from the evil beast. Clever, brave, and dashingly handsome. That's Harry Potter.
Not terribly different from real life, Draco muses to himself.
And it isn't just the fantasy worlds where he sees Harry Potter. It's real life, too.
Every quidditch match he plays; it doesn't matter whether the other seeker is Cho, Cedric, or Harry himself. It's always Harry he sees, Harry he wants to play.
When he duels or fences, he sees Harry in every opponent. It can be rather problematic when the true opponent has very different weaknesses than Harry, but Draco doesn't care.
There is another factor to these matches and duels. Draco always is so awed at Harry, so amazed at his strength, he lets him win. At least, in his dreams he does. In real life, he must fight.
In his dreams, the annoying Mudblood and Weasel are gone. It's just Harry and Draco, talking and laughing as the best of friends who are so different, yet so similar.
They fascinate each other. One has all the courage, one the clever mind. One will only do the right thing, while the other will get his hands dirty, as long as he wins in the end. They are kindred spirits in an odd sort of way, Draco thinks during these fantasies.
In the daytime, Draco goes out of his way to be by Harry Potter. He teases him, spies on him, fights him. Whatever it takes toto get close to him.
When Draco sees Harry, a tingly feeling goes through his stomach. A natural high. A high he doesn't get when he's with anyone else, not even his girlfriend.
Draco Malfoy sits on his bed late one night, puzzled at first. For the first time, he's putting all these thoughts together...these thoughts about Harry. His many thought.
His world...it all revolves around one name, doesn't it? he thinks.
Harry Potter.
Harry Potter.
Harry Potter....
For the first time in his life, the pieces can finally come together, for Draco is more mature than he used to be and can figure this sort of thing out.
The obsession, the constant need to be by Harry, the dreams...it all makes sense.
It makes sense, because the feelings had always been present in his heart and soul, just not acknowledged by his head. Now he has. Now he knows, with every fiber in his being.
As he slowly senses that he's in love with Harry Potter, he doesn't feel happiness or sadness. Just the same, tingly emotion he's always felt when he thinks about Harry.
After all, nothing will change, he reckons. He will still be Harry rival, still won't let him win in real life. And the dreams...Harry will still continue to dominate them. Yet Draco unemotionally accepts that he is a dark wizard, that he will kill him someday.
Acknowledgment is just that...realizing. There is no new emotion, no new life. Tell Harry how he feels? That, to Draco, is just out of the question.
So Draco just sits there, feeling the lovely tingle he's always felt when he's thinking about Harry Potter. The next day, he will continue on with his life, as usual.
No changes, for epiphanies mean nothing without new emotions.
At least not in Draco Malfoy's world, where he feels a sense of hopelessness, convinced he will never have anything he truly wants.
The End