Part 5

I hear Gabriel's very last words. I begin to feel faint. My vision blurs and my knees buckle. I fall to the floor and I feel Gabriel at my side. He lifts me up and leans me against a tombstone.

A tombstone that should have had my name on it. I should have been 6 feet under, decayed and only bones. Worms squirming in and out of me. The unexpected thought makes me want to vomit.

My eyes flutter open. He stands in front of me and I hope that maybe this is some lapse of time again and that there's a good explanation for this.

"I know what I said is a shock, but I have some explanations," he says.

"Explanations? Yeah, I want some answers," I say.

"This started when you were shot at the Crashdown...."

Oh no.

"I was there, to bring you to the after life when a boy did something to you...."

Oh God.

"He brought you back somehow. That's unexplainable."

Oh frickin' God.

"How do you know that?" I stammer.

"I'm a messenger. Do you remember seeing me at the Crashdown that day?" he asks.

"Sorta, I mean, I guess from everything that happened I sorta went on with life like I was never shot, but I do remember you. I had this dream that was like instant reply. You were going to bring me upstairs, but Max healed me," I say with complete understanding.

"It wasn't a dream, but more like a replay like you said. What did he do to you?" he asks. He sits next to me. This time he's the one asking the questions.

"Shouldn't you know? You're like an angel. Don't you have this sort of knowledge?"

"I'm only told what I have to know."

"But don't you want to know more? Don't you ask questions?" I ask.

What kind of life is it without knowing things?

When I was in the dark about Max, I didn't know how to react. But now, with my new found knowledge, how do I react to this?

"Wait a second, if I'm dead then what am I doing here?" I ask, afraid to hear the answer.

"You're not technically dead. See, when Max did whatever he did, he not only healed you, but brought you back from the dead. But the thing that we "upstairs" don't understand is that this occurs sometimes, where someone is brought back to life. But you shouldn't see the people, you shouldn't have seen me. You should me completely normal. Is there something I should know about Max?" he asks. He looks at me and I'm not sure if I should say anything.

I hesitate because I'm not sure how to answer, but I do. I just tell him like I told Alex.

"He isn't from around here," I say. I get a blank response. "He's an alien."

Again I get a blank response.

"Like from outer space?" he asks.

I can't believe that he doesn't believe about aliens.

"Gabriel, you're an angel, and you don't believe in aliens?"

"In my time I haven't met aliens. I've only dealt with human clients who have died in normal circumstances. I'm sorry if I sound unmoved, but it's incredible. I never thought they existed."

"Yeah well, they do and you can't tell anyone. So can you help me? How can I be alive? Is that possible?" I ask. I begin to cry now because I'm so confused. Am I alive? Am I dead? Am I halfway in between? What is it? Am I supposed to be here?

"Liz, please try to understand me. I will help you as much as I can. I will go back and get you answers. You have been through enough and you deserve something for your troubles. I'll walk you home so you can get some sleep," he says with kind words.

I wipe my tears with the back of my hand and begin to stand. "Why are they still here?" I ask about the people we saw by the tombstones.

"Because they are still bound to the living. They can't accept that they are dead, so they remain here in limbo, so to speak. But again, your case is different," he says.

"So I am supposed to do the whole 'Sixth Sense' thing?" I ask. Let me remind me that at this point I'm beyond hysterical and into a catatonic 'what the fucking hell am I going to do?' kinda state.

He snorts a little and says, "No, you don't have to help anyone, but you will probably see the world a whole lot differently."

Am I going to be busy writing in my journal tonight?

It's Saturday night and I've done tons of research on the internet. Nothing! It's the god damn internet and nothing!

The waiting is killing me. I don't think those are the best words to use.

Everytime I hear someone use those words or phrases like "I would die to have that lipstick," it's going to bring on a whole new meaning.

It's so frustrating trying to find anything. I haven't spoken to Maria or Alex yet. I know they have called, but what can I tell them?

I keep thinking over and over that I'm not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be somewhere else. Maybe I would have gone to the same place Grandma went to when she died. She would have joined me and we could have been happy together.

I've compiled a list of the possible ways Max is related to this.

1) Max healed me. When he made that connection he brought me back to life. He resurrected me.

2) The reasons I have this overwhelming sense of lust and attraction for Max is because he brought me back to life. Without him I wouldn't be here. So maybe I'm on the ball with this. If we have this connection, then when I'm not with him I'm gone, into those time relapses. When I'm with him, I'm alive. I remember thinking about that. It's kinda like I'm his slave. Without him, there's no me.

This isn't possible. I mean this just can't be. I want to be independent, be my own person. Not have my life depend on whether Max is with me or not.

So does that mean that all my feelings for Max are fake? That whatever we share is because my existence depends on it?

The overbearing feeling that I was going to die without him when we were apart after the Eraser Room session.

God, that's it. I don't love Max. I'm being selfish. I have to have him or that's itI'm gone forever.

But that's not true.

Every kiss, every hug, every glance has been sexual healing.

Before I knew of Max, Isabel, and Michael's origin, before the shooting, I knew I had feelings for Max. Deep inside I knew. I just never really realized it. I never understood how Max could have such feelings for me. He sees me like no one has ever seen me. In his eyes I am beautiful. And I've seen past the alien origins, past everything abnormal. If he's such an alien, then how come I feel like he's more human than any of us?

It's just too much right now.

Too much to handle.

How do I come to terms with this?

How do I react when I see Max in school? I can avoid him but in class? For god sakes, we have bio together.

How do I react when I see dead people walking in the streets?

Do I say, "Hi, I'm dead too, can you give me any pointers?"

Everyone will think I'm a freak. A freak who is dead.

No this isn't going to happen.

I'm going to break this curse. I'm going to free myself from the bond.

And from there, break apart my feelings for Max, whether I do indeed believe he is my soul mate or not. Because right now that's all I can think about.