The Wisdom to Know the Difference
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
*Balizabeth steps out of shadows onto stage, and taps microphone. Is this thing on? Okay, here we go...*
All right people, here we go: the chapter you've all been waiting for (I think). That is, if you've been waiting for Harry to talk to the Wesley's, this is NOT the chapter. If you've been waiting for a Sirius-Harry encounter, then you're in luck, because that's what you're getting. I honestly have no idea how long this chapter is going to be. There will be an author's note at the bottom, thanking all of my (six) reviewers. Heh, I don't want to sound demanding or anything, but maybe if I got into the double digits, the Weasley-Harry chapter might come a bit quicker. Or maybe I'm updating too fast...hmmm...is that it? Should I stop updating for a while? Hahaha, you've been warned.
***********************************************************************
Once again, it was breakfast time at the Dursley household. The scene was much like it was a few days earlier...Dudley chomping on his meager breakfast, and trying to decide when the right time would be to steal Harry's, Petunia spying on her neighbors, and Vernon hiding behind a newspaper, his mind clearly on something else. Last came Harry, quiet as usual, slowly finishing his fruit before Dudley could lunge at it. Finally, the tense silence was broken as Vernon cleared his throat roughly, folding the newspaper as he did so.
"You, boy," he said, sneering at Harry. For his part, Harry looked up at his uncle and stopped eating. His uncle continued in what was an obviously planned speech, "I have decided-er, well, your aunt and I have decided- that you have been spending far too much time lazing about. You need to do more work, earn your keep, you see."
Harry knew that he had been working hard at whatever Vernon had told him to do this break, but he just didn't want to argue. He viewed talking to his relatives as wasted breath. Besides, more work might be interesting. It didn't sound as if Vernon was planning a regular run-of-the-mill dusting chore. He patiently waited for his uncle to continue.
"That's why, you see, when Mrs. Figg asked if you might be available to help her with some housecleaning today, I said that you would be more than happy to. Actually, it comes as a rather lucky break, seeing as how Petunia and Dudders and I are going out for the day. Dudley has lost one pound, and we decided to celebrate by taking him somewhere nice. We were going to leave you here, but Heaven knows what we would find when we got back. So, you will spend the day with the old woman, and you best do everything she says or there will be trouble when you get back, you hear?"
Harry nodded, still silent. A day with Mrs. Figg! At least he would be cleaning and there would be no chance to look at old cat pictures. Anything was better than the Dursley's.
"When am I going, then?" Harry asked trying to sound bored. If he sounded like he was actually interested, then Vernon would start to get suspicious.
"As soon as you're done breakfast, so get moving! And be sure to wear some old clothes, no doubt she'll have you on and knee cleaning all day." As for that, Harry had to suppress a bitter laugh. What did he have but old clothes? Everything he owned was a castoff from Dudley, and thus far too large. And he didn't think it would be the smartest thing to wear his cloak and Hogwarts things to Mrs. Figg's. That would certainly raise quite a few questions. He quickly got up, cleaned his plate, and ran upstairs to put on a pair of jeans and a shirt. He then dashed out the door, calling,
"I'm going, then. Have a nice day out," And ran across the street to Mrs. Figg's house. When he got to the door, he rang the bell, and mentally prepared himself for the smell of cats that would soon overpower him. Mrs. Figg answered the door, looking as disheveled as ever.
"Hello, dear!" She said, smiling at him. Harry thought he detected something else in that smile, perhaps concern, or was it just his imagination? "I figured you would want to get right to work, just come this way..." She ushered Harry down the hall, and past a rather impressive mirror. As he walked by, he could have sworn he heard a voice say, "Do something about that hair!" He whipped around, about to question Mrs. Figg, when she said,
"Sorry, dear, the house makes some awful strange noises sometimes, why, at night, I sometimes think I hear people talking!" Harry knew something very strange was going on. And idea began to form in his mind, as he thought back to the end of the term,
"Sirius, go, alert Mundungus Fletcher, Arabella Figg, the old crowd. Lay low at Lupin's for bit..." Arabella FIGG, his mind screamed at him! She's a witch. Once again, he turned around with wide eyes, but they had already reached the room that desired cleaning. Mrs. Figg pushed him inside, saying,
"Just start with the dusting, I'll check in on you later," and she retreated down the hall, closing the door firmly behind her. Was that a wand Harry saw sticking out of her pocket? Harry didn't have time to wonder, because he had just become very preoccupied with the fact that there was someone else in the room with him. The person grinned and said,
"What? No hug? No warm welcome? What a way to greet your godfather!"
It was Sirius Black.
Harry was literally speechless. What could he say? Sirius was here! He had been looking forward to seeing Sirius, and he was here! Say something, say something! His mind creamed at him. Absurdly, he said the first thing that came to mind,
"I KNEW she was a witch!" Oh, great, Harry. Just great. You see your godfather and all you can talk about is your quirky neighbor. Sirius smiled and said,
"Arabella? Of course! She is here to protect you, after all. Now, no questions" He said quickly as Harry opened his mouth to proclaim his disbelief at the whole thing. "We aren't hear to talk about Arabella. How are you, Harry? How are you really?" The automatic response came out of Harry's mouth before he even thought of it,
"I'm fine." Which was a lie and he knew it. He was sure Sirius knew it too, for why else would he be here?
"Harry, I want the truth. It would worry me more if you weren't fine. You're not supposed to be fine. You're supposed to be hurting and worrying, but not fine."
"You left out guilty," Harry said. As much as he didn't want to talk, he needed it at the same time. However much it hurt, maybe it would feel better later.
"You have no reason to feel guilty, Harry," Sirius said firmly, as me sat on the bed and motioned Harry to do the same. "You are not to blame. It was out of your control."
"How can you say that?" Harry demanded, and it hurt Sirius to hear the pain in his voice. "Voldemort has risen because of me! Cedric is dead because of me! Half the wizarding world is now terrified of me! Sirius, I should have done everything different! If I had known what was going to happen-"
Sirius cut him off, "Knowing what might happen in the future can be the very thing that changes it. You had no way of knowing. It-was-not-your-fault," he enunciated slowly, realizing that he was echoing Remus' very words a few days earlier.
"You don't understand, Sirius!" Harry cried out, the words rushing out of him, the words he had been wanting to say for so long, "If only I hadn't asked him to take the cup! If only he hadn't owed me, then he wouldn't have felt indebted, if only I had done worse in the tournament, then I wouldn't have been even with him at the maze, if only Voldemort wasn't hunting me, if only I could have been smart enough to see that the cup was a portkey-" He could feel tears gathering in his eyes as Sirius stopped him once again. He put his hands firmly on Harry's shoulders, and looked him in the eye,
"I am going to tell you something Harry, if this his how you're going to talk. I want you to listen carefully, understand?" Harry nodded, taking deep breaths, trying to control himself. "If only I had known that something like this would happen. If only Dumbledore had caught on to Moody. If only you had been a little earlier or a little late getting to the cup, you could have been spared that torture. If only Pettigrew were here, you and I could live together. If only your parents had lived, you get have the life you deserve. If only..." Here, his voice broke, but he continued, "If only I had been a better friend to Lily and James. If only I had been a better godfather. If only I had been there when you needed me..." Sirius started to cry, holding his face in his hands. "Shall I keep counting, Harry? I can think up a thousand more. That's what Azkaban is like. All of the "if only's" roll around in your head, driving you crazy. That's what you're doing to yourself, Harry. You're creating your own Azkaban. Are you ready for one more? If only you would let me help you..."
Here Harry started to cry, and he threw himself at Sirius, sobbing, saying, "It wasn't your fault. You weren't to blame, it wasn't your fault...."
"I know", Sirius whispered, rubbing Harry's back, "And it's not your fault, either."
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Whew! So, does that make you cry and turn away in disgust? I hope it's good. Review, review, review! I was afraid that the Arabella thing was bad, but I didn't want to detail it more. The important thing here is Sirius and Harry. So, we have a breakthrough! Let the Harry healing begin!
BlueMoon- Aw, I love lillies! You are too nice. We'll see how long Harry gets to stay at the Weasley's, for safety reasons, it may not be possible to stay very long. But he will get there, don't worry!
rainyday- Thanks. I worked hard on Ron's speech, I thought it was true to his character. Ron is such a good guy, isn't he? Thank you so much for you for saying it's lovely. It motivates me!
Lily of the Valley- Hmmm, good in capital letters, that must really mean something! Thank you!
Okay, everyone else- notice how few reviewers there are! )but thanks a bunch to those that did!) Please, a little more? Pleeeeeassse? It's that little button on your left....
Ciao! Balizabeth
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
*Balizabeth steps out of shadows onto stage, and taps microphone. Is this thing on? Okay, here we go...*
All right people, here we go: the chapter you've all been waiting for (I think). That is, if you've been waiting for Harry to talk to the Wesley's, this is NOT the chapter. If you've been waiting for a Sirius-Harry encounter, then you're in luck, because that's what you're getting. I honestly have no idea how long this chapter is going to be. There will be an author's note at the bottom, thanking all of my (six) reviewers. Heh, I don't want to sound demanding or anything, but maybe if I got into the double digits, the Weasley-Harry chapter might come a bit quicker. Or maybe I'm updating too fast...hmmm...is that it? Should I stop updating for a while? Hahaha, you've been warned.
***********************************************************************
Once again, it was breakfast time at the Dursley household. The scene was much like it was a few days earlier...Dudley chomping on his meager breakfast, and trying to decide when the right time would be to steal Harry's, Petunia spying on her neighbors, and Vernon hiding behind a newspaper, his mind clearly on something else. Last came Harry, quiet as usual, slowly finishing his fruit before Dudley could lunge at it. Finally, the tense silence was broken as Vernon cleared his throat roughly, folding the newspaper as he did so.
"You, boy," he said, sneering at Harry. For his part, Harry looked up at his uncle and stopped eating. His uncle continued in what was an obviously planned speech, "I have decided-er, well, your aunt and I have decided- that you have been spending far too much time lazing about. You need to do more work, earn your keep, you see."
Harry knew that he had been working hard at whatever Vernon had told him to do this break, but he just didn't want to argue. He viewed talking to his relatives as wasted breath. Besides, more work might be interesting. It didn't sound as if Vernon was planning a regular run-of-the-mill dusting chore. He patiently waited for his uncle to continue.
"That's why, you see, when Mrs. Figg asked if you might be available to help her with some housecleaning today, I said that you would be more than happy to. Actually, it comes as a rather lucky break, seeing as how Petunia and Dudders and I are going out for the day. Dudley has lost one pound, and we decided to celebrate by taking him somewhere nice. We were going to leave you here, but Heaven knows what we would find when we got back. So, you will spend the day with the old woman, and you best do everything she says or there will be trouble when you get back, you hear?"
Harry nodded, still silent. A day with Mrs. Figg! At least he would be cleaning and there would be no chance to look at old cat pictures. Anything was better than the Dursley's.
"When am I going, then?" Harry asked trying to sound bored. If he sounded like he was actually interested, then Vernon would start to get suspicious.
"As soon as you're done breakfast, so get moving! And be sure to wear some old clothes, no doubt she'll have you on and knee cleaning all day." As for that, Harry had to suppress a bitter laugh. What did he have but old clothes? Everything he owned was a castoff from Dudley, and thus far too large. And he didn't think it would be the smartest thing to wear his cloak and Hogwarts things to Mrs. Figg's. That would certainly raise quite a few questions. He quickly got up, cleaned his plate, and ran upstairs to put on a pair of jeans and a shirt. He then dashed out the door, calling,
"I'm going, then. Have a nice day out," And ran across the street to Mrs. Figg's house. When he got to the door, he rang the bell, and mentally prepared himself for the smell of cats that would soon overpower him. Mrs. Figg answered the door, looking as disheveled as ever.
"Hello, dear!" She said, smiling at him. Harry thought he detected something else in that smile, perhaps concern, or was it just his imagination? "I figured you would want to get right to work, just come this way..." She ushered Harry down the hall, and past a rather impressive mirror. As he walked by, he could have sworn he heard a voice say, "Do something about that hair!" He whipped around, about to question Mrs. Figg, when she said,
"Sorry, dear, the house makes some awful strange noises sometimes, why, at night, I sometimes think I hear people talking!" Harry knew something very strange was going on. And idea began to form in his mind, as he thought back to the end of the term,
"Sirius, go, alert Mundungus Fletcher, Arabella Figg, the old crowd. Lay low at Lupin's for bit..." Arabella FIGG, his mind screamed at him! She's a witch. Once again, he turned around with wide eyes, but they had already reached the room that desired cleaning. Mrs. Figg pushed him inside, saying,
"Just start with the dusting, I'll check in on you later," and she retreated down the hall, closing the door firmly behind her. Was that a wand Harry saw sticking out of her pocket? Harry didn't have time to wonder, because he had just become very preoccupied with the fact that there was someone else in the room with him. The person grinned and said,
"What? No hug? No warm welcome? What a way to greet your godfather!"
It was Sirius Black.
Harry was literally speechless. What could he say? Sirius was here! He had been looking forward to seeing Sirius, and he was here! Say something, say something! His mind creamed at him. Absurdly, he said the first thing that came to mind,
"I KNEW she was a witch!" Oh, great, Harry. Just great. You see your godfather and all you can talk about is your quirky neighbor. Sirius smiled and said,
"Arabella? Of course! She is here to protect you, after all. Now, no questions" He said quickly as Harry opened his mouth to proclaim his disbelief at the whole thing. "We aren't hear to talk about Arabella. How are you, Harry? How are you really?" The automatic response came out of Harry's mouth before he even thought of it,
"I'm fine." Which was a lie and he knew it. He was sure Sirius knew it too, for why else would he be here?
"Harry, I want the truth. It would worry me more if you weren't fine. You're not supposed to be fine. You're supposed to be hurting and worrying, but not fine."
"You left out guilty," Harry said. As much as he didn't want to talk, he needed it at the same time. However much it hurt, maybe it would feel better later.
"You have no reason to feel guilty, Harry," Sirius said firmly, as me sat on the bed and motioned Harry to do the same. "You are not to blame. It was out of your control."
"How can you say that?" Harry demanded, and it hurt Sirius to hear the pain in his voice. "Voldemort has risen because of me! Cedric is dead because of me! Half the wizarding world is now terrified of me! Sirius, I should have done everything different! If I had known what was going to happen-"
Sirius cut him off, "Knowing what might happen in the future can be the very thing that changes it. You had no way of knowing. It-was-not-your-fault," he enunciated slowly, realizing that he was echoing Remus' very words a few days earlier.
"You don't understand, Sirius!" Harry cried out, the words rushing out of him, the words he had been wanting to say for so long, "If only I hadn't asked him to take the cup! If only he hadn't owed me, then he wouldn't have felt indebted, if only I had done worse in the tournament, then I wouldn't have been even with him at the maze, if only Voldemort wasn't hunting me, if only I could have been smart enough to see that the cup was a portkey-" He could feel tears gathering in his eyes as Sirius stopped him once again. He put his hands firmly on Harry's shoulders, and looked him in the eye,
"I am going to tell you something Harry, if this his how you're going to talk. I want you to listen carefully, understand?" Harry nodded, taking deep breaths, trying to control himself. "If only I had known that something like this would happen. If only Dumbledore had caught on to Moody. If only you had been a little earlier or a little late getting to the cup, you could have been spared that torture. If only Pettigrew were here, you and I could live together. If only your parents had lived, you get have the life you deserve. If only..." Here, his voice broke, but he continued, "If only I had been a better friend to Lily and James. If only I had been a better godfather. If only I had been there when you needed me..." Sirius started to cry, holding his face in his hands. "Shall I keep counting, Harry? I can think up a thousand more. That's what Azkaban is like. All of the "if only's" roll around in your head, driving you crazy. That's what you're doing to yourself, Harry. You're creating your own Azkaban. Are you ready for one more? If only you would let me help you..."
Here Harry started to cry, and he threw himself at Sirius, sobbing, saying, "It wasn't your fault. You weren't to blame, it wasn't your fault...."
"I know", Sirius whispered, rubbing Harry's back, "And it's not your fault, either."
*********************************************************************
Whew! So, does that make you cry and turn away in disgust? I hope it's good. Review, review, review! I was afraid that the Arabella thing was bad, but I didn't want to detail it more. The important thing here is Sirius and Harry. So, we have a breakthrough! Let the Harry healing begin!
BlueMoon- Aw, I love lillies! You are too nice. We'll see how long Harry gets to stay at the Weasley's, for safety reasons, it may not be possible to stay very long. But he will get there, don't worry!
rainyday- Thanks. I worked hard on Ron's speech, I thought it was true to his character. Ron is such a good guy, isn't he? Thank you so much for you for saying it's lovely. It motivates me!
Lily of the Valley- Hmmm, good in capital letters, that must really mean something! Thank you!
Okay, everyone else- notice how few reviewers there are! )but thanks a bunch to those that did!) Please, a little more? Pleeeeeassse? It's that little button on your left....
Ciao! Balizabeth