changes have been made. the unclear parts have hopefully been cleared up. i have no firsthand experience with cutting, please forgive any further errors. if you can't email me with what you want changed.
handprint
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She stared into the flame.
She could feel it building inside her. The pain. The confusion. The self-loathing. The feeling that she was trapped. Trapped by her emotions. They were swimming around inside her, making her head spin and her stomach churn.
No matter where she went, her demons followed. They haunted her at night, screaming around in her head, refusing to let her sleep.
No one knew. Knew that she never slept at night, knew how close she was to the edge. She used make-up to cover the bags under her eyes, a smile to cover up what she felt. No one knew. She made sure of it.
She suffered alone, with nothing to take her away from her thoughts, swirling madly inside her brain.
She couldn't focus on anything; the only clear thing was the pain. It grabbed her heart and squeezed until she couldn't think of anything else. Trapped by her emotions. She needed out.
Reaching to the side, she grabbed the knife. It had had been her friend's hunting knife. She knew it was extremely sharp. She turned it over in her hands, staring at it. After a few minutes, lost in her thoughts, she held the knife over the flame, watching as it heated up.
She slowly brought it to her arm, her mind in turmoil. Putting the flat of the blade just above her elbow, she slowly slid it up to her shoulder, savoring the burn. The intense pain drowned out the other thoughts, other emotions. Grateful for the relief, she removed the blade and held it back over the flame. Her arm still hurt, but the other thoughts were started to seep back in.
Desperate to free herself, she brought the knife up to her shoulder, understanding for the first time why an animal in a trap would gnaw off its own leg. Using the blade this time, she pressed down and slowly carved a line sloping down over her bicep to the crook of her arm. Her arm was on fire, leaving no room for other thoughts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Shalimar." She winced, the voice on her com-ring sounded unusually loud in the silence. "We need you in the lab."
"I'll be right down," she replied, wondering how her voice could sound so steady. She checked her arm again, opting for another layer of gauze before putting on a baggy sweatshirt to hide it. It was throbbing intensely and she knew it would for a long time still. She blew out the candle and put it back on the nightstand. Finally, she picked up the knife and wiped it off. She briefly considered throwing it away, but instead wrapped it in cloth and carefully put it in a drawer.
Just in case.
end
handprint
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She stared into the flame.
She could feel it building inside her. The pain. The confusion. The self-loathing. The feeling that she was trapped. Trapped by her emotions. They were swimming around inside her, making her head spin and her stomach churn.
No matter where she went, her demons followed. They haunted her at night, screaming around in her head, refusing to let her sleep.
No one knew. Knew that she never slept at night, knew how close she was to the edge. She used make-up to cover the bags under her eyes, a smile to cover up what she felt. No one knew. She made sure of it.
She suffered alone, with nothing to take her away from her thoughts, swirling madly inside her brain.
She couldn't focus on anything; the only clear thing was the pain. It grabbed her heart and squeezed until she couldn't think of anything else. Trapped by her emotions. She needed out.
Reaching to the side, she grabbed the knife. It had had been her friend's hunting knife. She knew it was extremely sharp. She turned it over in her hands, staring at it. After a few minutes, lost in her thoughts, she held the knife over the flame, watching as it heated up.
She slowly brought it to her arm, her mind in turmoil. Putting the flat of the blade just above her elbow, she slowly slid it up to her shoulder, savoring the burn. The intense pain drowned out the other thoughts, other emotions. Grateful for the relief, she removed the blade and held it back over the flame. Her arm still hurt, but the other thoughts were started to seep back in.
Desperate to free herself, she brought the knife up to her shoulder, understanding for the first time why an animal in a trap would gnaw off its own leg. Using the blade this time, she pressed down and slowly carved a line sloping down over her bicep to the crook of her arm. Her arm was on fire, leaving no room for other thoughts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Shalimar." She winced, the voice on her com-ring sounded unusually loud in the silence. "We need you in the lab."
"I'll be right down," she replied, wondering how her voice could sound so steady. She checked her arm again, opting for another layer of gauze before putting on a baggy sweatshirt to hide it. It was throbbing intensely and she knew it would for a long time still. She blew out the candle and put it back on the nightstand. Finally, she picked up the knife and wiped it off. She briefly considered throwing it away, but instead wrapped it in cloth and carefully put it in a drawer.
Just in case.
end