Chapter 4: Too Big for his Boots
Disclaimer: I do not, and never will, own any of the characters you recognise in this story, nor do I want to make any money from it
Since the beginning of term, the third years had experienced two new, and completely different lessons; Arithmancy and Care of Magical Creatures.
Care of Magical Creatures was, quite frankly, a walkover. Their teacher, Professor Kettleburn, looked like a cross between a demented battle captain and a broken puppet. He has a wooden leg, numerous scars, was missing both an ear and one of his front teeth, and had a surprisingly thick shock of wild blonde hair. His lessons, despite being easy, were amazingly interesting. He loved nothing more than to stop everything he was doing and begin to tell a story about one of his many adventures, and it was the general opinion of his students that he had missed his true vocation in life. His stories held whole classes still, enthralling them with tales of suspense, told with great skill and perfect timing.
"-And I crept up, ever so carefully, behind the chimaera, ready to pounce, to mark my place in history, when BOOM!" the class jumped, "it became a beautiful woman, and the real chimaera attacked me from behind. And that, children, is the story of how I got this scar. Now, back to studying these…"
His stories kept everyone quiet even Sirius. Even the Slytherins had nothing bad to say about Kettleburn. For it was, unfortunately, the Slytherins whom they had these lessons with.
"That your girlfriend, Lupin?" Snape taunted as Remus soothed a frisky Hippogriff.
"Well, she's prettier than yours, Sevvy," Remus returned, indicating Nott.
"Do you want any help with that, Evans?" Lestrange asked, still madly in love with Lily.
"I doubt you'd be able to help me if I was grappling with a Flobberworm, Lestrange, so piss off!"
Arithmancy was mind-numbingly difficult, and somewhat boring. There were no interesting anecdotes in this class; in fact, to find the class at all interesting, you had to immerse yourself completely in the work. Remus had no trouble doing this, as he was a natural scholar, but James and Sirius had no sort of concentration, and Lily and Peter simply found the work too hard.
It was also absolutely impossible them to play jokes in Arithmancy, however. The teacher was Professor Dunworthy, the Head of Gryffindor House, and while there was a certain extent to which you could have a joke with him, a certain line you could go up to, that line wasn't very far. He liked the third years to make trouble in other classes, and with some teachers he even encouraged it, but in his own class it was not acceptable. Dunworthy was also obviously a clever man, and would not put up with incompetence from his students. Therefore, rarely a lesson went by when he did not throw Lily, James or Sirius out of the room.
"Are you three out of class again?" Orion exclaimed in surprise, as he walked past during on of his free periods. "Luke won't be pleased."
"Well you can tell Luke-," Lily began.
"That he's turning into David."
"That he can shove his problem up his arse!"
"Sirius!" Orion said, trying to sound angry and failing miserably.
"Luke's getting too big for his boots," Lily said ominously. The three exchanged a look with sparkling eyes, a look that said 'we're up to something'.
"I don't want to know," Orion said nervously. "Just don't make it hurt too much."
"What?" Lily, Sirius and James all exclaimed with mock indignance, their eyes wide.
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"Re, don't you think Luke has got too big for his boots?" James asked when they got back to the dormitory. It was the day after the full moon, and Remus was still in bed, recovering. "Mhmmm," he muttered, somewhat unintelligibly. Angry that he wasn't being listened too, James jumped up onto the bed, shaking Remus' aching bones. "James!" Remus shouted angrily. "That HURT!"
"Sorry," James replied blithely, unaware of any pain he had caused. "But don't you agree with me?"
"If I say yes will you go away?" Remus asked, finally opening his eyes to the sight of his other three friends stood by his bed.
"No," James replied simply. "We've got a great idea for a prank!"
"Ok, what is it?" Remus asked with a hint of annoyance. He realised he was going get no more sleep, and so sat up, tired interest sparkling in his hazel eyes.
"Well, like has been unbearable lately, we had to think of a way to get him," James explained.
"And you know how the Quidditch match is coming up," Lily added.
"And we're all on the team-," Sirius interjected with a brilliant grin which the others returned enthusiastically. He, Lily and Remus had all made it onto the team, as Beater, Chaser and Seeker respectively, beating many older students to the places.
"Well, we thought that would be the best place to do something, because absolutely everyone would see," Lily finished. "The problem was, we didn't know what to do."
"So we thought we'd brew a boil potion, and err – accidentally pour it over him," Sirius said enthusiastically.
They stood before him, waiting for his opinions, knowing from experience that Remus could point out any holes in their plans. After thinking it over for a few minutes, Remus finally put them out of their misery. "I see two main problems with that plan," he said slowly. "One: all the teachers will also be there, so something as malicious as a boil potion is bound to get you in serious trouble. Secondly, it's just not very subtle. Not up to the standards of the Magical Mischief Makers. But I do have a better idea…"
"What?" Peter asked, speaking for them all. They were intrigued.
"Doesn't Luke have a new girlfriend he's taking to the match? Well, what about that stuff we got at Zonko's that makes people's clothes disappear?"
"Oh, Remus, that's perfect!" Lily exclaimed. "He won't be able to look anyone in the eye for weeks!"
"Oh, and I bet he's got some really embarrassing underwear that he could be wearing?" Sirius asked, turning to James.
"He does have some that my Gran gave him which have little leprechauns all over them saying 'Hope ye get lucky!'" James said, giggling. "We'll have to make sure he's wearing those."
"But how?" Lily asked.
"That's easy," Peter replied. "Steal everything else."
"The Quidditch match is in three days, and that seems to be a foolproof plan. Maybe not idiot proof though, so I suggest you don't let Sirius anywhere near it," Remus joked, giving it his seal of approval.
"OY!" Sirius yelped indignantly. "You're lucky you're ill, Lupin!"
"You sounded just like and injured puppy then," James laughed.
"What is this, pick-on-Sirius day?" Sirius asked mournfully.
"Yeah," said Lily darting in to tickle him.
"Hey," Sirius said through his giggles, hoping to distract Lily, "When are we going to steal the underwear?"
"At the last possible moment of course," Lily said logically, redoubling her efforts.
"Hey, can't you go fight somewhere else, I'm trying to SLEEP!" Remus finally yelled in exasperation.
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It was four a.m. on Saturday morning, and James and Sirius were cursing what ever divine influence had caused them to think of them plan. They crept silently up the stairs under the Invisibility Cloak, towards the room that Luke, as Head Boy, had to himself. "Why, oh why, did we ever volunteer for this?" James moaned softly.
"Shush," Sirius hissed, all business now that he was on a prank.
They pushed the heavy wooden door open, and were immediately hit by the enormous sound of Luke's snoring. "Lord, he's worse than Pete," James muttered.
"At least we wont have to be so quiet," Sirius replied, so quietly that the air hardly stirred. "Lumos," they said in tandem.
They began to search the room methodically, starting with the most logical place, the drawers. They eventually found Luke's underwear on a bookshelf, and hurriedly appropriated all but the dreaded leprechaun boxers, which they buried in the pile of socks.
"Quick," James breathed. They had been too long already; the birds outside the castle were beginning to sing.
When they reached the safety of their own dormitory, Remus was awake and waiting for them. "Where shall we put it?" James said, looking disgusted to be holding a pile of his brother's underwear.
"Under Frank's bed, no one will think to look there," Remus said practically. "You've got about four hours sleep, night night." He lay back down next to Lily, who was still fast asleep with her teddy cradled in her arms. James and Sirius got back into their own beds, and were soon fast asleep.
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"OH MY GOD!" shrieked a high, female voice. "Oh my God! And at your age too! And with all your friends in the room!"
Peter sat up, sleepily aware there was someone else in the room, and saw the Deputy Head Girl looking at Remus' bed in an obvious state of shock. "What?" he groaned, at the same time as Frank, Remus and Sirius sat up.
"I don't believe it! In a room with all your friends!" she said, still in the same high pitched voice, looking straight at Remus.
"WHAT?" Remus snapped irritably.
"You! And her! In the bed, in the dorm room, in-," she sounded as if she might go on for quite a while, so Sirius interrupted sharply, "Yes, they slept in the same bed, big bloody deal," at the same time as Luke and Orion burst into the room, demanding to know hat all the noise was about.
"What is going on here?" Luke said, while Orion, having taken in the situation at a glance, dissolved into laughter.
Upon hearing yet another angry voice, Lily finally decided it was time to find out what was going on. She sat up and stretched lazily, so that the t-shirt she was wearing rode up, and Sirius couldn't help but notice how Luke's eyes followed it. He frowned to himself.
Shaking himself, Luke snapped out of it. "Kate, I simply sent you down here to make sure this lot wake up for the Quidditch. So why, oh why, were you shouting at," he checked his watch and groaned, "8.50 in the morning?"
"I came in here," Kate said rather breathlessly, "and those two were in the bed together, wearing hardly any clothes, and-,"
"Oh, it's about that," Luke said, finally realising.
"Yes! Disgusting, I call it," Kate said angrily.
Remus spoke up clearly, "if I might be allowed to explain-,"
"Lily always sleeps in here," Sirius said with a dramatic sigh.
"And it's better that she sleeps in a bed than on the floor," Peter added, while Remus looked annoyed at all the interruptions.
"And I just pick whichever of them I feel like," Lily added, grinning directly, and flirtatiously, at Luke.
Kate blushed at this simple explanation. "Well, still think it's wrong," she began.
"It's all their fault anyway," Frank said, indicating Luke and Orion. "If they hadn't locked them all in here, it would never have started."
"True, too true," Sirius said, still in drama mode.
"Well," Luke said shortly, anxious to change the subject, "I sent Kate up here to wake you 'cos you all have a Quidditch match in two hours."
"I don't, why did you have to wake me up?" Frank snapped, while Lily, Sirius and Remus grinned.
Luke looked towards the bed of his younger brother, who was still fast asleep, only one foot visible. "Will someone please wake my brother up!" he moaned.
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The Gryffindor Quidditch team flew out onto the pitch to huge applause. "I give you Matthews, Allerton, Black and Potter, and Evans, Black and Lupin, the new members of the team, who've met in the middle for a last minute team talk," yelled the sixth year Hufflepuff who commentated.
Of course, they had not met for a team talk, but for a last minute discussion on who should pour the potion over Luke. "We'll do it at the end?" James asked.
"No, everyone'll be too busy celebrating to notice, I say we do it now," Lily argued.
"Lil's right, and I think she should do it," said Remus, exchanging a glance with Sirius.
"'Cos Luke fancies you, Lil, or at least he thinks you're pretty," Sirius began.
"Can't see why," James muttered.
"And if you go flirt with him, it'll add extra salt to the wound," Sirius finished.
The group split up, each going to take a warm up flight over one of the stands. Lily flew directly to the Gryffindor stands, looking for Luke, and soon spotted. She found the little vial of potion in her pocket and loosened the stopper, then flew down to Luke, who was sitting at the front with his new girlfriend.
"Hey, Luke" she said, grinning. "Going to wish me good luck for the match?" The girl, a blonde fifth year, glared at her.
"From what I've heard, I don't need to."
"Why not?" Lily asked, flying until she was right next him.
"Because you're supposed to be very good."
As Luke was talking, Lily discreetly dribbled a few drops of his back, his top and his trousers. She had a feeling the people behind might have seen, but that did not matter; they would be too curious to see what happened to tell. "Got to go, see you," she said hurriedly, and flew off to where the others were waiting, as Luke's girlfriend interrogated him.
"Did you do it?" James asked.
"Of course," Lily replied scornfully.
Within seconds, everybody present turned to the Gryffindor stand, as the stadium filled with derisive laughter. Luke could be seen, blushing furiously, in the middle of a crowd of laughing Gryffindors, wearing only his leprechaun boxers.
"Nice boxers, Luke," Orion called as he flew past. Luke turned an even deeper shade of crimson as his embarrassed girlfriend flounced off. Lily, Sirius, James and Remus were laughing even harder than everybody else as they took their places for the start of the match.
They were playing Hufflepuff, widely reputed to be the easiest of the Hogwarts' teams. The Captains shook hands, and the games began.
It was, as they had expected, an easy match. All three of the new players excelled, performing the kind of daredevil antics that not many people were prepared to try. They were 50-0 up when the only exciting incident of the match happened. James was speeding towards the Hufflepuff Keeper, Quaffle in hand, being pursued by a Bludger. Sirius shot after him, intent on hitting the bludger away, and Amos Diggory, a Hufflepuff Beater flew up, intent on hitting the Bludger on. There was a short tussle that ended with Diggory hitting Sirius over the head with his bat, and Sirius punching him in return. Unable to find out who was to blame, Madam Hooch awarded each team a penalty, and the score was soon 60-0. Sirius and Diggory parted with scowls, and spent the rest of the match trying to wind each other up.
After an hour and a half, Remus saw the snitch and dived for it. The other Seeker was at the other end of the pitch, and Remus caught it easily. They players congratulated themselves, and the celebrations began, minus only the Head Boy.
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When the third years reached their dormitory late that night, full of high spirits, they got a nasty shock to find Luke sat on Sirius' bed.
"Hello," he said ominously. "Let's have a talk about today."
Frank left hurriedly, and the others gulped.
A/N: that's the end of this chapter; if you liked it, leave me a review! Things are going to get a lot more angsty in the coming chapters…