The plane touched down at the small airfield just outside the Dragon Infinity Chapel, which was in truth a run down derelict shack. In fact the plane didn't even really touch down on the ground, it sort of coasted in, then when it was low enough to the ground, the flight attendants pushed out the lieutenants and Janos. Raziel and Turel hit each other, effectively knocking themselves out, Rahab was the only one smart enough to grab a parachute from one of the flight attendants and coasted down, and Janos picked up Melchiah and flew him easily to the ground. As for Zephon...
Zephon: Hey! I'm still on the plane!!!!!!
Melchiah: (On the ground) Jump off!
Zephon: I'm not that insane!
Raziel: Really?! We thought you were!
So the plane made a second run back in the hopes of dumping off this other passenger that they really didn't want on in the first place.
Turel: Zephon! We'll catch you! Really we will!!!!
Rahab raced behind the derelict shack where, lo and behold, a trampoline was there. So he dragged it back and set it out in the middle of the tarmac with a hastily painted sign of: 'Land Here, Zephon!' written on it.
Raziel: Do you think he'll actually make it?
Rahab: Nope. Rule number 5 in this fanfic. If Zephon thinks he's going to make it, then he won't. But if he doesn't believe, then he will. It will add...I dunno, spice to this story.
Wow Rahab, you're really catching on to all these rules here.
Turel: (Shouting to Zephon) Zephon, 5th rule!!! Don't believe in making the jump and you'll make it!!!!!!!
Zephon: (Holding onto the door frame of the plane) What?! You want me to die, don't you!!!!! Well put this in your pipe and smoke it Turel, I believe that I am going to make the jump so there!!!! Mwahahaha, I'm the best!
Janos: Why did you tell him that?
Melchiah: It's Turel for you.
So Zephon, summoning up all his courage (which wasn't very much so he borrowed some from the people on the plane) took a pack of bubblegum and began to chew it, then jumped off the plane and down towards the trampoline. *Sigh* Zephon hit the trampoline, but then because of the 5th rule in this fanfic, bounced right back up and away into the sky. So his brothers watched him soar upwards, screaming and cursing the whole way while still managing to chew his bubblegum the whole time. Janos was the first to speak.
Janos: He will come down eventually. Let us make our way to the chapel to save your brother. (Points to the chapel)
And so the *counts her fingers* 5 vampires headed up the steep incline to the chapel. Hey Janos!
Janos: What?
Why didn't you just fly up and grab Zephon? Now he's somewhere out in the sky, most likely heading for outer space.
Janos: (Shrugs his shoulders) I'm too lazy to do anything. And it seemed to me that the child deserved it; he really is a spoilt brat.
Okay then...moving on!!!!
****
Kain was sitting down in the pews, bitching silently to himself how his leather pants were beginning to shrink because of the rain, when he looked up towards the stainglass roof. Now why this chapel had a stainglass roof no one quite understood; some people said it was because dragons, especially the fluffy ones, liked shiny things and above all else stainglass was shiny. Some others mentioned that it was purely for beauty and that when anyone looked up, they would be enraptured by it and blah blah blah, so on and so forth so that when they were getting married, they didn't know who they were marrying and then it was too late. But this is pointless and we're going back to the reason why Kain's looking up at the stainglass roof.
Kain: Because you wrote it?
Hmmm, could be. But not really.
Kain: Why then?
Because at that precise moment Zephon fell through the stainglass window, screaming his head off and fell right into the holy water.
Zephon: AHHHH!!! It burns, it burns me!!! (Skin begins to fry)
Kain: ZEPHON!!! (Runs up to his son and pulls him out of the water) Oh my god, you're alive! (Looks at his son's somewhat charred form) Well, somewhat alive. And I thought you boys were back in Meridian.
Zephon: We were, but then while you were chasing the younger and more good-looking version of yourself, Dumah volunteered to slay the dragon but it was a fluffy pink dragon and then she carted him away somewhere. So to save him we went back into the past and brought Janos Audron here to save Dumah, whom we know is getting married here today. We just didn't expect so see you here! And of course I was coming off the plane but then because Rahab took out that stupid trampoline I was sent back up into space!!! (Muttering to himself) But I'll get back at him, him and that goldfish of his.
This took a few moments for Kain to understand all what Zephon was saying but as long as we know what is happening with this loose plot then everything looks good, doesn't it?
Kain: Dumah...getting married...here? I was chasing myself down through the sewer system, I managed to get the Soul Reaver, but then lost it and I was chased around by a horrible vacuum cleaner salesman! (Begins to cry; Zephon hugs Kain)
Zephon: It's all right, the horror is over!!!! Waitaminute!!!!
What?
Zephon: Where is the younger Kain then?
Kain: Yeah. He has my sword still.
Umm, well, truth be told guys, he's coming to the wedding too. See the fluffy dragons on the one side of the church?
Kain & Zephon: Yeah.
She's bringing along the other Kain because you need at least one vampire for the groom's side and the younger Kain is in essence Dumah's father, even if it is not true at the moment. Oh, and I might as well say that Dumah now has the Soul Reaver.
Kain: WHAT?!!!!
Fluffy Golden Dragon: Excuse me, if you cannot keep your voice down, then I will ask you to leave. (Finally notices Zephon and the broken roof) I hope you are going to pay for that, young man.
Zephon: Umm, put it to the Sarafan Lord's bill.
Fluffy Golden Dragon: Very well, then. (Makes a tally of the damage and the cost to repair it all, which is about 2000 gold coins, then sends the message off to the Sarafan Lord by the Faerie Express Service, where it'll get you there in no time square. The fairies were thinking of changing the motto, but once again this doesn't matter at all to the story.)
And at that moment the door opened up and in waltzed in none other than the Fluffy Pink Dragon, dressed in a massive white wedding dress that could only fit dragon-size proportions, and holding in one talon Dumah, dressed up in the armour and holding the Soul Reaver over his shoulder, and in the other talon the younger Kain, who was knocked out at the moment. Funny story on how he was knocked out, actually. He was backing away from Dumah and then bashed his head on one of those things that stick upwards in the cave, whatever they're called. So he fell backwards and nearly dropped into one of the lava vents, but Kain was saved by the fried body of the faerie. Just how this was done it doesn't matter, but Kain tried to make a break for freedom without the Soul Reaver, tripped on a rock and bashed his head into the wall. Finally Kain's body got the idea that if he was knocked out, then he wouldn't be able to hurt himself anymore. So it was his body acting on it's own accord and not with Kain's brain that knocked him out. (Everyone confused? Well I'm not explaining it)
Dumah saw Kain and Kain saw Dumah. Zephon saw Dumah and Dumah saw Zephon. Then Kain saw the younger Kain but the younger Kain did not see the older Kain.
Dumah: Dad, you have to help me!!! I don't wanna be married!!!!
Kain walked up next to Dumah, who had been put down by the Fluffy Pink Dragon while she went over to see her relatives. She had also dumped the unconscious Kain in one of the pews and Zephon was checking his pockets for money, but at the moment it is far more important to see what will happen between Kain and Dumah than what Zephon has found in the younger Kain's pockets.
Kain: Give me the Soul Reaver and then I'll help you.
Dumah: But, but, but-
Kain: (Mockingly) But but but! Look, when I die I'll give you the Soul Reaver; I'll promise it to you in my will.
Dumah: Okay. (Hands Kain the Soul Reaver) So what are you going to do to get me out of this predicament?
Kain: Nothing. (Begins to laugh) Maybe this will teach you.
Dumah: Teach me what?
Kain thought long and hard for a moment. What the hell was this actually suppose to teach Dumah? Since Kain could not find or give a reasonable excuse, he simply went back to sitting in the pew with the unconscious Kain and Zephon, who had managed to find in the younger Kain's pockets the following items: a piece of yellow string, two tickets to the 9 Pillars Buffet, a hit list of people he would eventually slay, a small glyph lighter and lint. The older Kain looked at the younger version of himself and punched him just because he felt like it. Does that make you feel powerful, Kain?
Kain: It does!
Dumah: DAD!!!! HELP ME!!!
Zephon: (Looking at Dumah as the Fluffy Pink Dragon picks him up) Maybe we should help him.
Kain: Let's just see where this is going. Besides, it's Janos' duty to save him, not mine. That's the reason you got the Ancient, am I correct?
All the fluffy dragons took their seats as someone began to play the wedding march. The dragon was of course very happy, grinning wildly the whole time and holding Dumah, who was kicking and screaming and not acting the part of the brave and silent warrior.
Dumah: Any guy in my place would do the same!!!
Really? *Camera whirls suddenly to Meridian, where the Sarafan Lord is getting a very bad picture of one of his soap operas* Excuse me, Sarafan Lord, a moment of your time!
Sarafan Lord: What?
If you were in the position that Dumah is in right now (Sarafan Lord reads what has happened before) what would you do? Would you act the same way as him? *Holds out the microphone; camera panes in to get the Hylden general's reaction*
Sarafan Lord: Well first off I would be flattered. Secondly, I would try and talk my way out of it. Thirdly, if talking didn't work out, then I would take the Soul Reaver and kill her. But since Dumah doesn't have the Reaver and I do, then I guess I wouldn't be in his position now, would I?
Any pointers you can give him from someone like you, Sarafan Lord? Words to the wise, a few tips on situations like this that Dumah has now gotten into?
Sarafan Lord: (Looks at the camera) Just give in. It makes everything easier, vampire.
Thank you for your time, Sarafan Lord. (Doesn't look at the camera as he is trying to get a good picture to watch 'Days of Our Lives.')
*Camera goes back to the chapel*
Fluffy Golden Dragon: We are gathered here today to see the marriage-
Zephon: (Standing up dramatically) We need Janos to save the day!!! (Looks to the door) And he'll come through the door...anytime now. *silence* Now would be good. It would be very good right now...
****
Well at that moment Janos, Raziel, Turel, Melchiah and Rahab are running away from a pair of angry billy goats who decided that Janos, being blue sweet grass would have been good to eat. But Janos didn't take lightly to having his wings eaten and as such retaliated by kicking one of the goats off the edge of the canyons. This started a war between the goats and the vampires, who were seriously outnumbered. So the vampires of course ran with the angry animals following behind them, led by L'il Miss Bopeep for some reason or another. And at the same time Turel had taken out a banjo and was strumming a hillbilly chase music on it.
Melchiah: (Panting for breath) Turel, stop that damn noise!
Janos: How can you run and play that horrible instrument at the same time?
Turel: Because I can!
Raziel: I bet if you stopped playing that chase music the goats would stop chasing us!
Rahab: Only one way to find out!
Rahab, being the smart character in this fanfic for those people who couldn't figure that out even if you have read this far, took the banjo and tossed it over the edge of the canyons. Turel gave a small sigh, but it was true for the goats, without the chase music, couldn't chase the vampires. So the war was averted, L'il Bopeep went back with the goats to tending them, losing three to the wolves, and Turel was without a musical instrument. That was until he found the harmonica down the road, but we shan't go into details. The doors to the Dragon Infinity Chapel came into view and Janos raced ahead of the others because everyone could hear the wedding music playing, thanks to the hole in the roof Zephon made.
Janos burst through the doors in a slow-mo scene like that from the Matrix; everything hung still as the Ancient looked at what lay before him. The Fluffy Pink Dragon about to marry Dumah, the other dragons watching on in happiness, the two Kain's pounding the crap out of everyone, Zephon healing from his injuries thanks to the holy water, and Mr. Whispers waiting with her children to sing a couple of songs that the Fluffy Pink Dragon had chosen beforehand when the ceremony was done.
Suspense was in the air.
Then Janos tripped on the red carpet, sailed down the aisle and crashed into Dumah, knocking him effectively out of the way as the pink dragon bent to give him the kiss that would seal the marriage. But she kissed Janos instead so now the Ancient was married to the Fluffy Pink Dragon but hell, Dumah was off the hook!
Dumah: (Doing a victory dance) Hell yeah!!! I am the best!!!
But to cool Dumah down, a bolt of lightning zapped him, charring him nicely and making him faint. Well Zephon went through his pockets too and found only a note saying: Kill Raziel when this is all over. Zephon didn't care to ponder the meaning of the note and neither will we because it doesn't matter. The rest of the lieutenants came in at that moment and of course the usual greeting their father-deal-and-explaining-what-happened-to-them happened, but I'm not gonna write that because it would take too much time.
Fluffy Pink Dragon: (Looking at Janos) Meow?
Janos: Oh. My. God.
Fluffy Pink Dragon: (Shrugging her shoulders) Meow. Translation: Oh well, at least I get to marry somebody today.
So Janos, now married to a Fluffy Pink Dragon, was carted out of the chapel with the rest of his new 'in-laws' and that was the end of that.
Note – Okay, it wasn't really the end. Janos managed to escape and use the Chronoplast chamber to get back to his original time while the wedding party was going on, and from then on holed himself up in his fortress, not coming out to even get the morning paper and was sure as hell not going to help anyone out anymore. And that's the end of that!
Dumah: Brothers!!!!!
Raziel, Turel, Zephon, Rahab & Melchiah: Dumah! (Everyone gives a big bear hug)
Younger Kain: (Finally wakes up) Huh? What happened?
Melchiah: We averted a wedding for our brother.
Turel: Well it was Janos who did the work; gotta love that Ancient! And now we can all go home! (Everyone heads out to doors of the chapel)
Kain: Wait a minute! (Everyone stops) I have some business to finish up here. (Looks at the younger Kain) Here, this should help you conquer all of Nosgoth and get the original Soul Reaver back to you in no time, younger version of me who will soon turn into me because of all the stress that will come onto your shoulders.
The master vampire handed the younger version of himself a copy of the 'Complete Walkthough of Blood Omen 2' promising strategies that would eliminate any and every foe that came his way. And with that, Kain walked out with the Soul Reaver once again in his possession, his six sons by his side as they caught a taxi back to Meridian and then to the Chronoplast chamber and finally home. Of course before they actually went home Kain beat the crap out of Sebastian, Faustus and Marcus once again because hell, if they were there, they why pass up the chance to hurt them once again? But overall, the days of insanity are over in Nosgoth...or are they???
*cue the weird and creepy music*
Would you people like to know all the rules of this pointless fanfic just for the hell of it?
Do you find yourself asking what happened to Magnus after he got away from the pile of construction tools?
Which vampires exactly got first-class seating on the plane and which did not?
How did that trampoline that Rahab used for Zephon actually wind up there?
How does Sebastian fit all that stuff underneath his cape?
What happened to Mr. Whispers and her children?
Where did Vorador and the Cabal relocate while their HQ was being rebuilt?
Did Raziel ever get another mirror?
Has Moebius and Hash'ak'git gotten out of the hospital yet?
What happened to the banjo when Turel threw it over the edge of the cliff?
Was the Santa Village ever rebuilt?
And who the hell was snickering in the shadows when DHA had her chair broken?
Click to the next chapter to find out!!
Zephon: Hey! I'm still on the plane!!!!!!
Melchiah: (On the ground) Jump off!
Zephon: I'm not that insane!
Raziel: Really?! We thought you were!
So the plane made a second run back in the hopes of dumping off this other passenger that they really didn't want on in the first place.
Turel: Zephon! We'll catch you! Really we will!!!!
Rahab raced behind the derelict shack where, lo and behold, a trampoline was there. So he dragged it back and set it out in the middle of the tarmac with a hastily painted sign of: 'Land Here, Zephon!' written on it.
Raziel: Do you think he'll actually make it?
Rahab: Nope. Rule number 5 in this fanfic. If Zephon thinks he's going to make it, then he won't. But if he doesn't believe, then he will. It will add...I dunno, spice to this story.
Wow Rahab, you're really catching on to all these rules here.
Turel: (Shouting to Zephon) Zephon, 5th rule!!! Don't believe in making the jump and you'll make it!!!!!!!
Zephon: (Holding onto the door frame of the plane) What?! You want me to die, don't you!!!!! Well put this in your pipe and smoke it Turel, I believe that I am going to make the jump so there!!!! Mwahahaha, I'm the best!
Janos: Why did you tell him that?
Melchiah: It's Turel for you.
So Zephon, summoning up all his courage (which wasn't very much so he borrowed some from the people on the plane) took a pack of bubblegum and began to chew it, then jumped off the plane and down towards the trampoline. *Sigh* Zephon hit the trampoline, but then because of the 5th rule in this fanfic, bounced right back up and away into the sky. So his brothers watched him soar upwards, screaming and cursing the whole way while still managing to chew his bubblegum the whole time. Janos was the first to speak.
Janos: He will come down eventually. Let us make our way to the chapel to save your brother. (Points to the chapel)
And so the *counts her fingers* 5 vampires headed up the steep incline to the chapel. Hey Janos!
Janos: What?
Why didn't you just fly up and grab Zephon? Now he's somewhere out in the sky, most likely heading for outer space.
Janos: (Shrugs his shoulders) I'm too lazy to do anything. And it seemed to me that the child deserved it; he really is a spoilt brat.
Okay then...moving on!!!!
****
Kain was sitting down in the pews, bitching silently to himself how his leather pants were beginning to shrink because of the rain, when he looked up towards the stainglass roof. Now why this chapel had a stainglass roof no one quite understood; some people said it was because dragons, especially the fluffy ones, liked shiny things and above all else stainglass was shiny. Some others mentioned that it was purely for beauty and that when anyone looked up, they would be enraptured by it and blah blah blah, so on and so forth so that when they were getting married, they didn't know who they were marrying and then it was too late. But this is pointless and we're going back to the reason why Kain's looking up at the stainglass roof.
Kain: Because you wrote it?
Hmmm, could be. But not really.
Kain: Why then?
Because at that precise moment Zephon fell through the stainglass window, screaming his head off and fell right into the holy water.
Zephon: AHHHH!!! It burns, it burns me!!! (Skin begins to fry)
Kain: ZEPHON!!! (Runs up to his son and pulls him out of the water) Oh my god, you're alive! (Looks at his son's somewhat charred form) Well, somewhat alive. And I thought you boys were back in Meridian.
Zephon: We were, but then while you were chasing the younger and more good-looking version of yourself, Dumah volunteered to slay the dragon but it was a fluffy pink dragon and then she carted him away somewhere. So to save him we went back into the past and brought Janos Audron here to save Dumah, whom we know is getting married here today. We just didn't expect so see you here! And of course I was coming off the plane but then because Rahab took out that stupid trampoline I was sent back up into space!!! (Muttering to himself) But I'll get back at him, him and that goldfish of his.
This took a few moments for Kain to understand all what Zephon was saying but as long as we know what is happening with this loose plot then everything looks good, doesn't it?
Kain: Dumah...getting married...here? I was chasing myself down through the sewer system, I managed to get the Soul Reaver, but then lost it and I was chased around by a horrible vacuum cleaner salesman! (Begins to cry; Zephon hugs Kain)
Zephon: It's all right, the horror is over!!!! Waitaminute!!!!
What?
Zephon: Where is the younger Kain then?
Kain: Yeah. He has my sword still.
Umm, well, truth be told guys, he's coming to the wedding too. See the fluffy dragons on the one side of the church?
Kain & Zephon: Yeah.
She's bringing along the other Kain because you need at least one vampire for the groom's side and the younger Kain is in essence Dumah's father, even if it is not true at the moment. Oh, and I might as well say that Dumah now has the Soul Reaver.
Kain: WHAT?!!!!
Fluffy Golden Dragon: Excuse me, if you cannot keep your voice down, then I will ask you to leave. (Finally notices Zephon and the broken roof) I hope you are going to pay for that, young man.
Zephon: Umm, put it to the Sarafan Lord's bill.
Fluffy Golden Dragon: Very well, then. (Makes a tally of the damage and the cost to repair it all, which is about 2000 gold coins, then sends the message off to the Sarafan Lord by the Faerie Express Service, where it'll get you there in no time square. The fairies were thinking of changing the motto, but once again this doesn't matter at all to the story.)
And at that moment the door opened up and in waltzed in none other than the Fluffy Pink Dragon, dressed in a massive white wedding dress that could only fit dragon-size proportions, and holding in one talon Dumah, dressed up in the armour and holding the Soul Reaver over his shoulder, and in the other talon the younger Kain, who was knocked out at the moment. Funny story on how he was knocked out, actually. He was backing away from Dumah and then bashed his head on one of those things that stick upwards in the cave, whatever they're called. So he fell backwards and nearly dropped into one of the lava vents, but Kain was saved by the fried body of the faerie. Just how this was done it doesn't matter, but Kain tried to make a break for freedom without the Soul Reaver, tripped on a rock and bashed his head into the wall. Finally Kain's body got the idea that if he was knocked out, then he wouldn't be able to hurt himself anymore. So it was his body acting on it's own accord and not with Kain's brain that knocked him out. (Everyone confused? Well I'm not explaining it)
Dumah saw Kain and Kain saw Dumah. Zephon saw Dumah and Dumah saw Zephon. Then Kain saw the younger Kain but the younger Kain did not see the older Kain.
Dumah: Dad, you have to help me!!! I don't wanna be married!!!!
Kain walked up next to Dumah, who had been put down by the Fluffy Pink Dragon while she went over to see her relatives. She had also dumped the unconscious Kain in one of the pews and Zephon was checking his pockets for money, but at the moment it is far more important to see what will happen between Kain and Dumah than what Zephon has found in the younger Kain's pockets.
Kain: Give me the Soul Reaver and then I'll help you.
Dumah: But, but, but-
Kain: (Mockingly) But but but! Look, when I die I'll give you the Soul Reaver; I'll promise it to you in my will.
Dumah: Okay. (Hands Kain the Soul Reaver) So what are you going to do to get me out of this predicament?
Kain: Nothing. (Begins to laugh) Maybe this will teach you.
Dumah: Teach me what?
Kain thought long and hard for a moment. What the hell was this actually suppose to teach Dumah? Since Kain could not find or give a reasonable excuse, he simply went back to sitting in the pew with the unconscious Kain and Zephon, who had managed to find in the younger Kain's pockets the following items: a piece of yellow string, two tickets to the 9 Pillars Buffet, a hit list of people he would eventually slay, a small glyph lighter and lint. The older Kain looked at the younger version of himself and punched him just because he felt like it. Does that make you feel powerful, Kain?
Kain: It does!
Dumah: DAD!!!! HELP ME!!!
Zephon: (Looking at Dumah as the Fluffy Pink Dragon picks him up) Maybe we should help him.
Kain: Let's just see where this is going. Besides, it's Janos' duty to save him, not mine. That's the reason you got the Ancient, am I correct?
All the fluffy dragons took their seats as someone began to play the wedding march. The dragon was of course very happy, grinning wildly the whole time and holding Dumah, who was kicking and screaming and not acting the part of the brave and silent warrior.
Dumah: Any guy in my place would do the same!!!
Really? *Camera whirls suddenly to Meridian, where the Sarafan Lord is getting a very bad picture of one of his soap operas* Excuse me, Sarafan Lord, a moment of your time!
Sarafan Lord: What?
If you were in the position that Dumah is in right now (Sarafan Lord reads what has happened before) what would you do? Would you act the same way as him? *Holds out the microphone; camera panes in to get the Hylden general's reaction*
Sarafan Lord: Well first off I would be flattered. Secondly, I would try and talk my way out of it. Thirdly, if talking didn't work out, then I would take the Soul Reaver and kill her. But since Dumah doesn't have the Reaver and I do, then I guess I wouldn't be in his position now, would I?
Any pointers you can give him from someone like you, Sarafan Lord? Words to the wise, a few tips on situations like this that Dumah has now gotten into?
Sarafan Lord: (Looks at the camera) Just give in. It makes everything easier, vampire.
Thank you for your time, Sarafan Lord. (Doesn't look at the camera as he is trying to get a good picture to watch 'Days of Our Lives.')
*Camera goes back to the chapel*
Fluffy Golden Dragon: We are gathered here today to see the marriage-
Zephon: (Standing up dramatically) We need Janos to save the day!!! (Looks to the door) And he'll come through the door...anytime now. *silence* Now would be good. It would be very good right now...
****
Well at that moment Janos, Raziel, Turel, Melchiah and Rahab are running away from a pair of angry billy goats who decided that Janos, being blue sweet grass would have been good to eat. But Janos didn't take lightly to having his wings eaten and as such retaliated by kicking one of the goats off the edge of the canyons. This started a war between the goats and the vampires, who were seriously outnumbered. So the vampires of course ran with the angry animals following behind them, led by L'il Miss Bopeep for some reason or another. And at the same time Turel had taken out a banjo and was strumming a hillbilly chase music on it.
Melchiah: (Panting for breath) Turel, stop that damn noise!
Janos: How can you run and play that horrible instrument at the same time?
Turel: Because I can!
Raziel: I bet if you stopped playing that chase music the goats would stop chasing us!
Rahab: Only one way to find out!
Rahab, being the smart character in this fanfic for those people who couldn't figure that out even if you have read this far, took the banjo and tossed it over the edge of the canyons. Turel gave a small sigh, but it was true for the goats, without the chase music, couldn't chase the vampires. So the war was averted, L'il Bopeep went back with the goats to tending them, losing three to the wolves, and Turel was without a musical instrument. That was until he found the harmonica down the road, but we shan't go into details. The doors to the Dragon Infinity Chapel came into view and Janos raced ahead of the others because everyone could hear the wedding music playing, thanks to the hole in the roof Zephon made.
Janos burst through the doors in a slow-mo scene like that from the Matrix; everything hung still as the Ancient looked at what lay before him. The Fluffy Pink Dragon about to marry Dumah, the other dragons watching on in happiness, the two Kain's pounding the crap out of everyone, Zephon healing from his injuries thanks to the holy water, and Mr. Whispers waiting with her children to sing a couple of songs that the Fluffy Pink Dragon had chosen beforehand when the ceremony was done.
Suspense was in the air.
Then Janos tripped on the red carpet, sailed down the aisle and crashed into Dumah, knocking him effectively out of the way as the pink dragon bent to give him the kiss that would seal the marriage. But she kissed Janos instead so now the Ancient was married to the Fluffy Pink Dragon but hell, Dumah was off the hook!
Dumah: (Doing a victory dance) Hell yeah!!! I am the best!!!
But to cool Dumah down, a bolt of lightning zapped him, charring him nicely and making him faint. Well Zephon went through his pockets too and found only a note saying: Kill Raziel when this is all over. Zephon didn't care to ponder the meaning of the note and neither will we because it doesn't matter. The rest of the lieutenants came in at that moment and of course the usual greeting their father-deal-and-explaining-what-happened-to-them happened, but I'm not gonna write that because it would take too much time.
Fluffy Pink Dragon: (Looking at Janos) Meow?
Janos: Oh. My. God.
Fluffy Pink Dragon: (Shrugging her shoulders) Meow. Translation: Oh well, at least I get to marry somebody today.
So Janos, now married to a Fluffy Pink Dragon, was carted out of the chapel with the rest of his new 'in-laws' and that was the end of that.
Note – Okay, it wasn't really the end. Janos managed to escape and use the Chronoplast chamber to get back to his original time while the wedding party was going on, and from then on holed himself up in his fortress, not coming out to even get the morning paper and was sure as hell not going to help anyone out anymore. And that's the end of that!
Dumah: Brothers!!!!!
Raziel, Turel, Zephon, Rahab & Melchiah: Dumah! (Everyone gives a big bear hug)
Younger Kain: (Finally wakes up) Huh? What happened?
Melchiah: We averted a wedding for our brother.
Turel: Well it was Janos who did the work; gotta love that Ancient! And now we can all go home! (Everyone heads out to doors of the chapel)
Kain: Wait a minute! (Everyone stops) I have some business to finish up here. (Looks at the younger Kain) Here, this should help you conquer all of Nosgoth and get the original Soul Reaver back to you in no time, younger version of me who will soon turn into me because of all the stress that will come onto your shoulders.
The master vampire handed the younger version of himself a copy of the 'Complete Walkthough of Blood Omen 2' promising strategies that would eliminate any and every foe that came his way. And with that, Kain walked out with the Soul Reaver once again in his possession, his six sons by his side as they caught a taxi back to Meridian and then to the Chronoplast chamber and finally home. Of course before they actually went home Kain beat the crap out of Sebastian, Faustus and Marcus once again because hell, if they were there, they why pass up the chance to hurt them once again? But overall, the days of insanity are over in Nosgoth...or are they???
*cue the weird and creepy music*
Would you people like to know all the rules of this pointless fanfic just for the hell of it?
Do you find yourself asking what happened to Magnus after he got away from the pile of construction tools?
Which vampires exactly got first-class seating on the plane and which did not?
How did that trampoline that Rahab used for Zephon actually wind up there?
How does Sebastian fit all that stuff underneath his cape?
What happened to Mr. Whispers and her children?
Where did Vorador and the Cabal relocate while their HQ was being rebuilt?
Did Raziel ever get another mirror?
Has Moebius and Hash'ak'git gotten out of the hospital yet?
What happened to the banjo when Turel threw it over the edge of the cliff?
Was the Santa Village ever rebuilt?
And who the hell was snickering in the shadows when DHA had her chair broken?
Click to the next chapter to find out!!