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The old man cackles insanely, watching the group of adventurers through his crystal ball. He taps a long, thin, wrinkly finger on his chin and ponders. "Now, how shall I deal with this little problem, eh, my sweet?" He says, turning to regard a stuffed ferret.
"Should I turn them all into snails and eat them for supper? Or should I make them go slowly, and have them kill each other?"
The ferret stays stubbornly quiet.
"Oh, I always knew you liked him better!"
Silence.
"Fine, be that way, I wont talk to you either…" The old man pouts in a kidish voice. He swings around, turning his back to the dead creature, his nose in the air. After a few seconds, he giggles and pounces it, clutching the stuffed animal to his chest.
"Awww, how can I stay mad at woo? My wittle snumkins." He coo's, rocking back and forth. Then he sits up, an evil smile on his face.
"Waiittt…I have the PERFECT idea!"
~*~
Van, Hitomi and Allen all gasp as the door crashes to the ground, and a huge cloud of dust rising up around them.
When they're done hacking and wheezing, they slowly peer inside the cabin.
Nothing.
"DAMNIT!" Van snarles, sniffing around. "We were SO close…I'm going to be a stupid puppy forever!" His eyes start to water, and he sniffs dramatically, whipping his eyes with one of his paws. His lower lip quivers and he does a really good impression of a kicked puppy.
"AWWW!!!" Hitomi wails, scooping Van up into her arms and snuggling the hell out of him. "That.Is.So.KAWAII!"
Van chokes and Allen snickers. Then, suddenly, Hitomi goes stiff, dropping Van in the process. He squeaks indignantly and falls flat on his face, his little puppy booty hanging in the air. Allen blinks and steps up to Hitomi, waving his hand in her face.
"Hiiitttoommi! Gaea to Hitomi!" He calls, but Hitomi's stare remains blank, and she doesn't blink.
"Whats wrong with her?" Is Van's muffled question as he grabs his own tail and peels himself off the floor.
"I don't know…she's ju-"
"VAN!!" Hitomi suddenly screams, causing Allen to cry out and stumble backwards. Hitomi huffs and her hands fly to her hips. She stalks over to Van and towers over him, glaring at him with all her might.
"H-Hitomi?" Van answers nervously. This is not good. That's the 'You-are-gonna-get-your-ass-lectured' look…
"How could you DO this to me!?" She cries.
"I-WHAT?? What are you talki-"
"All these years that we've been together, all the moments we've shared, were all for NOTHING??"
Van looks over at Allen, who looks just as puzzled. "Hitomi…What are you talking about? What moments? I've only known you for-"
"OH! So now you're pretending not to know me!"
"I never sai-"
"Is 'use and abuse' your moto? You sick freak!"
"Hitomi, what are you-"
"Are you going to pretend that the night we made love also meant nothing!?"
Allen squeaks and clamps a hand over his nose, and Van goes completely red.
"What?? We never…I mean…WHAT!?"
Millerna and Merle, who were listening from the bushes and only caught 'making love' and 'use and abuse' from their conversation thus far, were in a state of shock. Merle tried more then once to claw Hitomi's face off (with Millerna to hold her back, of course) and Millerna was tempted to go up to Van and smack the crap out of him (with Merle to hold her back, of course.)
Hitomi's eyes fill with tears and she sniffles loudly. "I can't believe you, Van. I thought you were better then this. Were all those words of love and support that you whispered into my ears at night-"
Allen was near tears with laughter, which he was quite unsuccessfully trying to hold back. Van just looked like he wanted to die.
-" Just…just…PILLOW TALK?"
Van takes a deep breath and tries to collect himself. Okay, it's obvious that somehow, she's gone mental. All I have to do is be calm with her. Chicks like that crap, right?
"Hitomi. Listen…I really don't know what you're talking about. As far as I know, we've never really…been in a relationship that's more then friendship. Not that I wouldn't mind…but I don't think we ever…at least…I don't remember…ever…you know…" Van mumbles, doing weird jestures with his paws.
Hitomi starts to bawl. "So you DO hate me!"
"No! No I never-"
"You're sick! You know that? SICK! You never listen to me, we never talk, you don't even take me out anymore!"
Allen, just to let you all know, is currently rolling around on the floor with laughter.
"'Out'?? Hitomi, what in the damn hell-"
"That's it, Van. We're though…It's over."
Allen stops laughing and gasps, horrified. Van blinks. "Over? What's over?"
"Our relationship! It's over between us!"
Now it's Van's turn to look horrified. Oh crap! Does this mean she doesn't want to be my friend anymore? Aw, somehow, I blew it again! Now we're NEVER going to be something more… "B-but…Hitomi…WHAT DID I DO?? I swear I didn't do anything stupid this time!"
"Are you DEAF? You cheated on me!"
Allen makes some sort of a strangled choking sound, and Van squeaks. "WHAT!? Cheated on you?? But…what…I've never been…I mean…with who!?"
"You know who, you sick freak. With…Millerna!"
"What!?" Van cries.
"WHAT!?" Allen snarles. Van snaps his head over to look at Allen, who is slowly unsheathing is sword.
"Wait! Allen! Stop! I swear I never did it! I don't know what she's talking ab- wwaaaiiittt…you don't even like Millerna!"
Allen opens his mouth to retort, then shuts it and blinks. "Hey…that's right. Well, I still have dibs on her. Just incase, you know, she goes back to normal. If she's as good in bed as her sister, then she's MINE, even if she is a nutcase."
Van looks like he wants to puke, and there seems to be some sort of angry screaming coming from one of the bushes.
Van whimpers. "Allen, help me out here. I don't know what to do…I have no idea what she's talking about."
"Well, I think it's obvious what you have to do. Apologize, you moron."
"B-but I never-"
Allen sighs and shakes his head. "It doesn't MATTER. This is the way women are. They get pissy for no reason. It happens all the time. You just got to know how to handle them."
Van still looks lost, so Allen continues. "Just apologize, say you're sorry, that you'll never do it again, and that you love her. Simple."
Van takes on a beautiful shade of white, and shakes his head in protest. "Allen…this is nuts…we're not even-"
"Just TRUST me on this, alright? I AM Gaea's best play-boy."
Van sighs and turns to Hitomi, putting on one of his 'I'm cute, love me' looks. "Hitomi…I'm sorry."
Hitomi stops crying and stares at Van. "Hun?"
"I'm sorry that I…c-cheated on you with…" she shudders. "Millerna…I'll never do it again, because…" He looks over at Allen, who is waving him on. Van gulps and continues. "Because I…err…I…L…I mean I…L-loo…looo…"
Allen squats next to Van, script in hand and whispers. "You're line is 'I love you'."
"I can't say it…"
"Sure you can! It's simple English. I.Love.You. Go on, say it."
"No, you don't understand. I CAN'T say it." Van says through clenched teeth.
"Yes, you CAN." Allen grits out.
"No, I CAN'T."
"CAN!"
"CAN'T!!!"
"CAN DAMNIT!!!!"
"NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I AM INCAPABLE OF SAYING THOSE THREE WORDS!"
"WHAT THE HELL FOR!?"
"I don't friggen know!!" Van whines. "It's like a curse…everytime I try to say something like that, it comes out all wrong and I get slapped."
Allen raises a delicate eyebrow and crosses his arms. "…Show me."
Van sighs. "Alright. You asked for it. But if it really hurts you're getting your leg chewed off." Van turns around and faces Hitomi. Hitomi brightens and clasps her hands together.
He takes a deep breath and goes for it. "Hitomi, I…I…I want you ride you like a cowboy!" Van squeaks and clamps a paw over his mouth. Hitomi gaps, and Allen starts sputtering like an idiot.
"You CREEP!" Hitomi screams, punching Van hard in the face. Now, since Van is nothing but a little puppy, and Hitomi towers over him by a good five feet, you can just guess how hard that hit actually hit him. She sent Van a good 20 feet backwards. Sent his head straight through the cabin walls. Youch. That HAD to hurt.
Allen winces and Millerna dives on top of Merle to keep her from ripping Hitomi apart. Hitomi, meanwhile, is bawling her eyes out. Allen walks up to Van's little puppy fanny sticking out of the wall, grabs his tail, and pulls him out. Van moans and twitches, little swirlies in his eyes.
"Man, Hitomi has one mean right hook." Allen says, poking Van and getting a leg-twitch in response. "Van? Are you okay? I definitely see your point now, but I think I can help you out."
Van cracks an eye open, and Allen lifts him up and shoves him in Hitomi's face. "Hitomi? Van has something he wants to say to you."
Hitomi whips around and glares at Van. "I don't want to talk to him!" She shouts, then turns around again and blows her nose onto her sleeve.
"Yeah, well, that's okay, because all you have to do is listen." Allen says cheerfully. Van is fully awake by now, and biting Allen's hand for all he's worth.
"Allen! You moron! I can't say it, remember!? I don't want to end up on the wrong side of a broken window!!"
Allen grins and grabs hold of Van's jaw. "Who says YOUR going to talk?"
Allen clears his throat and puts two of his fingers on the sides of Van's mouth. "Hitomi?" He squeaks in a poor attempt at Van's puppy voice. When Hitomi turns around, he starts to move Van's mouth up and down while talking. "I'm really, really sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it. I am a moron."
Van growls at that one and starts to struggle, but Allen keeps him in a firm hold.
Hitomi sniffles and runs her arm along her nose, a trail of snot left along it. "Really?"
Allen bobs Van's head up and down in response. "Yes. I would never hurt you. You mean the world to me" he squeaks.
Hitomi cries out with glee and claps her hands together. "Oh, Van!"
"RAAAHHH!!" Merle snarls, digging her nails into the soil and pulling herself forward, trying to break out of Millerna's grasp. Millerna has Merle by the tail, and her heels are at least three feet into the ground.
"Merle!" She hisses through clenched teeth. "Stop! Leave them alone! This moment is beautiful!"
"Van-sama is MINE!" She screams, and leaps forward. Millerna is thrown off of her feet and dragged behind Merle.
"M-merle! –Ouch! Stupid stick…- Stop!!!" Millerna screams as she's dragged through the forest, flying over rocks and bushes. Merle ignores her and runs onward, foam starting to form on her mouth.
"Mine, mine, minemineminemine…" She chants.
Millerna grabs a long branch and whacks Merle on the head with it, but it doesn't seem to faze her at all, so she keeps whacking. "MERLE! *whack* stop *whack* leave *whack* them *whack* ALONE! *whackwhackwhackwhack*."
Merle continues to ignore Millerna and the series of bumps that have appeared on her head, and begins to close in on the trio. "SOON!"
Millerna tosses the stick away and tries to stop Merle from running by digging her feet into the floor, but that doesn't work. She looks around frantically for a foothold and spots a tree. She wraps her legs around the base of the trunk and holds on for all she's worth. Merle yelps, does a very impressive back-flip, and lands on her head, her body sticking up in the air. Millerna sighs with relief.
Meanwhile…
"You're the most beautiful girl in the world. Your eyes are like diamonds. Your hair is…very silky."
"Oh, go on!" Hitomi says, giggling.
"You have the nicest…laugh. And you're a very pretty girl." Allen says, moving Van's jaws along to his words. Van fell asleep a good ten minutes ago, but Hitomi didn't seem to notice, so Allen continued to woo her. However, Allen was ready for his finale, which Van had to be conscious for, so when Hitomi looks down at a pretty leaf that blew across her foot, Allen raises Van above his head, and smashes him repeatedly on the cabin wall. Van awakes with a start and starts screaming.
"OW! Owowowowow!! STOP IT YOU IDIOT!" He snarls between smashes. Allen stops and grins down at him.
"Awake, sleeping prince?"
"YES!!"
"Good. Now call Hitomi." Allen orders. Van mutters something about executions and looks over at Hitomi. "Hey, Hitomi." Hitomi looks up and smiles sweetly at him.
"Yes?"
Allen grabs Van's jaw again and clears his throat. "I just wanted to say how much I love and adore you."
Van chokes and turns a pretty red color, but Allen ignores him.
"And want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"
Hitomi gasps, Merle screams, Millerna swoons and Van…well…I'm really not sure what Van is going. It looks like he's drowning…
"OH,VAN! Of course I will! I love you!" Hitomi cries. She leaps forward, grabs Van out of Allen's hand and plants a huge, wet kiss on his…err…lips. Allen dusts his hands off, satisfied.
Merle has now gone into full-blown rabid mode. I mean we have the foam, we have the cussing, we have the eating dirt, we have the need to taste blood, we even have the psychotic-look-in-the-eye. We also have Millerna, who has tied Merle to three tree's using vines, rope, chains (I have no idea where she found those. Honestly.) and something unidentifiable. She's also pinning her to the tree with her body, and has armed herself with a bazooka. (HEY! That's MINE! Stupid fic characters think they can take my stuff…)
Meanwhile, Hitomi is still kissing Van, who is reduced to a pile of goo in Hitomi's arms, and Allen is snapping pictures of his handy-work.
After a few minutes of smooching, Hitomi releases Van and he oozes off her and lands in a tidy pile of Van-goo on the floor. Hitomi hops around in circles happily, chanting. "I'm getting married! I'm getting married! Oh, it'll be so wonderful! We'll have a big house, and a pretty wedding, and lots of babies-"
Van snaps an eye open. "Babies!? Wait…married!? Oh crap, that's right!" Van pulls himself together and pounces Allen.
"You idiot! What have you done!? I'm not ready to get married yet! I don't even have a ring! My friggen kingdom isn't even finished yet! I-I haven't even gone on a date with her!"
"Well, according to her, you've done a lot more then dating." Allen teases, waggling his eyebrows. Van chokes and turns read again.
"That's beside the point. Look, I don't want to get married yet…and I'm not even human! I still have to catch that stupid old man…"
"So you want to tell her you don't want her?"
"NO!!!" Van screams, a little louder than he had intended. He blushes and shakes his head. "No, just…bah, I'll take care of it."
Van walks up to Hitomi and tugs on her socks. She looks down and smiles at him. "Yes, love?"
Van blushes at the pet name and scratches the back of his head. "When were you…ah…planning on getting married?"
"Tomorrow!" She exclaims happily.
"WHAT!?" Van screams. Hitomi looks taken aback, and she frowns.
"You…you don't want me anymore?" She pouts, her lip quivering.
"No! I mean, yes, yes, of course I do, it's just…ummm…im…err…shy?"
Hitomi grins and pats Van on the head. "Aww, you cutie! I see what your problem is. So, two days then?"
"Umm…I was thinking more along the lines of…a year?"
"WHAT!? You don't want to marry me, do you!"
"No! No, it's just…I want to…err…have time to make myself a better man for you. I mean I need to finish the renovations on Fanalia so you can have a nice place to live. And I need to…err…make more money to support you."
Hitomi starts bawling. She dives down and scoops Van up, snuggling the hell out of him. "You are so SWEET! We're going to be so happy together!"
Van grins stupidly and blushes. "Yeah…"
Suddenly Allen runs up to them, panting like mad. "G-guys…you need to go find this guy on your own. Merle is going nuts, man. She almost took Millerna's throat out. There's no way she can go anywhere near Hitomi. Me and Millerna are going to try to find a way to…em…restrain her, then we'll catch up to you. And hey, this is a perfect opportunity for you two. I also have a lead on where he could be. Some dude was walking along the path and saw Merle. He was about to call the Cat-People-Gone-Loco society, but we stopped him. Seems he knows a lot about these parts. He said he saw some old nutty dude stuffing ferrets down near Hilitia. He matches Omake's description."
"YEAH!" Van suddenly exclaims. "That's right! He always stuffs his dead pets, and he likes ferrets the best. Where did this guy go? I want to ask him more questions."
Allen sweatdrops and draws little circles in the sand with his shoe. "Well…uhh…that's the thing. Before we could ask him more questions, Merle attacked him. She went right for his groin. Millerna says he'll never be able to have kids. Or…do anything else down there…" Allen says, wincing.
Van shakes his head sadly. "I'm so disappointed in Merle…she's never acted like this before."
"Well, you guys better get going. I brought the wagon up over there. We'll catch up to you soon."
~*~
And so, Hitomi and Van set off into the sunset together, while Millerna and Allen stayed behind to try and settle Merle down.
"You want to do WHAT to Hitomi!?" Millerna gasps.
"She's just delirious. I think she's dreaming about what she's saying…is that dog collar ready yet?"
"No. Just a few more adjustments to the tightening mechanism. You said you wanted electric shocks installed into here too, right?"
"Yeah. And could you pass that huge leaf over there? My muffle isn't going too good. Are you sure we should make it out of leather? Wouldn't steal be better?"
"No, leather is fine."
"RAWWRRR!! Mppphh….Hitomi die die die…"
"Shut up, Merle."
End of part 4.
The old man cackles insanely, watching the group of adventurers through his crystal ball. He taps a long, thin, wrinkly finger on his chin and ponders. "Now, how shall I deal with this little problem, eh, my sweet?" He says, turning to regard a stuffed ferret.
"Should I turn them all into snails and eat them for supper? Or should I make them go slowly, and have them kill each other?"
The ferret stays stubbornly quiet.
"Oh, I always knew you liked him better!"
Silence.
"Fine, be that way, I wont talk to you either…" The old man pouts in a kidish voice. He swings around, turning his back to the dead creature, his nose in the air. After a few seconds, he giggles and pounces it, clutching the stuffed animal to his chest.
"Awww, how can I stay mad at woo? My wittle snumkins." He coo's, rocking back and forth. Then he sits up, an evil smile on his face.
"Waiittt…I have the PERFECT idea!"
~*~
Van, Hitomi and Allen all gasp as the door crashes to the ground, and a huge cloud of dust rising up around them.
When they're done hacking and wheezing, they slowly peer inside the cabin.
Nothing.
"DAMNIT!" Van snarles, sniffing around. "We were SO close…I'm going to be a stupid puppy forever!" His eyes start to water, and he sniffs dramatically, whipping his eyes with one of his paws. His lower lip quivers and he does a really good impression of a kicked puppy.
"AWWW!!!" Hitomi wails, scooping Van up into her arms and snuggling the hell out of him. "That.Is.So.KAWAII!"
Van chokes and Allen snickers. Then, suddenly, Hitomi goes stiff, dropping Van in the process. He squeaks indignantly and falls flat on his face, his little puppy booty hanging in the air. Allen blinks and steps up to Hitomi, waving his hand in her face.
"Hiiitttoommi! Gaea to Hitomi!" He calls, but Hitomi's stare remains blank, and she doesn't blink.
"Whats wrong with her?" Is Van's muffled question as he grabs his own tail and peels himself off the floor.
"I don't know…she's ju-"
"VAN!!" Hitomi suddenly screams, causing Allen to cry out and stumble backwards. Hitomi huffs and her hands fly to her hips. She stalks over to Van and towers over him, glaring at him with all her might.
"H-Hitomi?" Van answers nervously. This is not good. That's the 'You-are-gonna-get-your-ass-lectured' look…
"How could you DO this to me!?" She cries.
"I-WHAT?? What are you talki-"
"All these years that we've been together, all the moments we've shared, were all for NOTHING??"
Van looks over at Allen, who looks just as puzzled. "Hitomi…What are you talking about? What moments? I've only known you for-"
"OH! So now you're pretending not to know me!"
"I never sai-"
"Is 'use and abuse' your moto? You sick freak!"
"Hitomi, what are you-"
"Are you going to pretend that the night we made love also meant nothing!?"
Allen squeaks and clamps a hand over his nose, and Van goes completely red.
"What?? We never…I mean…WHAT!?"
Millerna and Merle, who were listening from the bushes and only caught 'making love' and 'use and abuse' from their conversation thus far, were in a state of shock. Merle tried more then once to claw Hitomi's face off (with Millerna to hold her back, of course) and Millerna was tempted to go up to Van and smack the crap out of him (with Merle to hold her back, of course.)
Hitomi's eyes fill with tears and she sniffles loudly. "I can't believe you, Van. I thought you were better then this. Were all those words of love and support that you whispered into my ears at night-"
Allen was near tears with laughter, which he was quite unsuccessfully trying to hold back. Van just looked like he wanted to die.
-" Just…just…PILLOW TALK?"
Van takes a deep breath and tries to collect himself. Okay, it's obvious that somehow, she's gone mental. All I have to do is be calm with her. Chicks like that crap, right?
"Hitomi. Listen…I really don't know what you're talking about. As far as I know, we've never really…been in a relationship that's more then friendship. Not that I wouldn't mind…but I don't think we ever…at least…I don't remember…ever…you know…" Van mumbles, doing weird jestures with his paws.
Hitomi starts to bawl. "So you DO hate me!"
"No! No I never-"
"You're sick! You know that? SICK! You never listen to me, we never talk, you don't even take me out anymore!"
Allen, just to let you all know, is currently rolling around on the floor with laughter.
"'Out'?? Hitomi, what in the damn hell-"
"That's it, Van. We're though…It's over."
Allen stops laughing and gasps, horrified. Van blinks. "Over? What's over?"
"Our relationship! It's over between us!"
Now it's Van's turn to look horrified. Oh crap! Does this mean she doesn't want to be my friend anymore? Aw, somehow, I blew it again! Now we're NEVER going to be something more… "B-but…Hitomi…WHAT DID I DO?? I swear I didn't do anything stupid this time!"
"Are you DEAF? You cheated on me!"
Allen makes some sort of a strangled choking sound, and Van squeaks. "WHAT!? Cheated on you?? But…what…I've never been…I mean…with who!?"
"You know who, you sick freak. With…Millerna!"
"What!?" Van cries.
"WHAT!?" Allen snarles. Van snaps his head over to look at Allen, who is slowly unsheathing is sword.
"Wait! Allen! Stop! I swear I never did it! I don't know what she's talking ab- wwaaaiiittt…you don't even like Millerna!"
Allen opens his mouth to retort, then shuts it and blinks. "Hey…that's right. Well, I still have dibs on her. Just incase, you know, she goes back to normal. If she's as good in bed as her sister, then she's MINE, even if she is a nutcase."
Van looks like he wants to puke, and there seems to be some sort of angry screaming coming from one of the bushes.
Van whimpers. "Allen, help me out here. I don't know what to do…I have no idea what she's talking about."
"Well, I think it's obvious what you have to do. Apologize, you moron."
"B-but I never-"
Allen sighs and shakes his head. "It doesn't MATTER. This is the way women are. They get pissy for no reason. It happens all the time. You just got to know how to handle them."
Van still looks lost, so Allen continues. "Just apologize, say you're sorry, that you'll never do it again, and that you love her. Simple."
Van takes on a beautiful shade of white, and shakes his head in protest. "Allen…this is nuts…we're not even-"
"Just TRUST me on this, alright? I AM Gaea's best play-boy."
Van sighs and turns to Hitomi, putting on one of his 'I'm cute, love me' looks. "Hitomi…I'm sorry."
Hitomi stops crying and stares at Van. "Hun?"
"I'm sorry that I…c-cheated on you with…" she shudders. "Millerna…I'll never do it again, because…" He looks over at Allen, who is waving him on. Van gulps and continues. "Because I…err…I…L…I mean I…L-loo…looo…"
Allen squats next to Van, script in hand and whispers. "You're line is 'I love you'."
"I can't say it…"
"Sure you can! It's simple English. I.Love.You. Go on, say it."
"No, you don't understand. I CAN'T say it." Van says through clenched teeth.
"Yes, you CAN." Allen grits out.
"No, I CAN'T."
"CAN!"
"CAN'T!!!"
"CAN DAMNIT!!!!"
"NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I AM INCAPABLE OF SAYING THOSE THREE WORDS!"
"WHAT THE HELL FOR!?"
"I don't friggen know!!" Van whines. "It's like a curse…everytime I try to say something like that, it comes out all wrong and I get slapped."
Allen raises a delicate eyebrow and crosses his arms. "…Show me."
Van sighs. "Alright. You asked for it. But if it really hurts you're getting your leg chewed off." Van turns around and faces Hitomi. Hitomi brightens and clasps her hands together.
He takes a deep breath and goes for it. "Hitomi, I…I…I want you ride you like a cowboy!" Van squeaks and clamps a paw over his mouth. Hitomi gaps, and Allen starts sputtering like an idiot.
"You CREEP!" Hitomi screams, punching Van hard in the face. Now, since Van is nothing but a little puppy, and Hitomi towers over him by a good five feet, you can just guess how hard that hit actually hit him. She sent Van a good 20 feet backwards. Sent his head straight through the cabin walls. Youch. That HAD to hurt.
Allen winces and Millerna dives on top of Merle to keep her from ripping Hitomi apart. Hitomi, meanwhile, is bawling her eyes out. Allen walks up to Van's little puppy fanny sticking out of the wall, grabs his tail, and pulls him out. Van moans and twitches, little swirlies in his eyes.
"Man, Hitomi has one mean right hook." Allen says, poking Van and getting a leg-twitch in response. "Van? Are you okay? I definitely see your point now, but I think I can help you out."
Van cracks an eye open, and Allen lifts him up and shoves him in Hitomi's face. "Hitomi? Van has something he wants to say to you."
Hitomi whips around and glares at Van. "I don't want to talk to him!" She shouts, then turns around again and blows her nose onto her sleeve.
"Yeah, well, that's okay, because all you have to do is listen." Allen says cheerfully. Van is fully awake by now, and biting Allen's hand for all he's worth.
"Allen! You moron! I can't say it, remember!? I don't want to end up on the wrong side of a broken window!!"
Allen grins and grabs hold of Van's jaw. "Who says YOUR going to talk?"
Allen clears his throat and puts two of his fingers on the sides of Van's mouth. "Hitomi?" He squeaks in a poor attempt at Van's puppy voice. When Hitomi turns around, he starts to move Van's mouth up and down while talking. "I'm really, really sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it. I am a moron."
Van growls at that one and starts to struggle, but Allen keeps him in a firm hold.
Hitomi sniffles and runs her arm along her nose, a trail of snot left along it. "Really?"
Allen bobs Van's head up and down in response. "Yes. I would never hurt you. You mean the world to me" he squeaks.
Hitomi cries out with glee and claps her hands together. "Oh, Van!"
"RAAAHHH!!" Merle snarls, digging her nails into the soil and pulling herself forward, trying to break out of Millerna's grasp. Millerna has Merle by the tail, and her heels are at least three feet into the ground.
"Merle!" She hisses through clenched teeth. "Stop! Leave them alone! This moment is beautiful!"
"Van-sama is MINE!" She screams, and leaps forward. Millerna is thrown off of her feet and dragged behind Merle.
"M-merle! –Ouch! Stupid stick…- Stop!!!" Millerna screams as she's dragged through the forest, flying over rocks and bushes. Merle ignores her and runs onward, foam starting to form on her mouth.
"Mine, mine, minemineminemine…" She chants.
Millerna grabs a long branch and whacks Merle on the head with it, but it doesn't seem to faze her at all, so she keeps whacking. "MERLE! *whack* stop *whack* leave *whack* them *whack* ALONE! *whackwhackwhackwhack*."
Merle continues to ignore Millerna and the series of bumps that have appeared on her head, and begins to close in on the trio. "SOON!"
Millerna tosses the stick away and tries to stop Merle from running by digging her feet into the floor, but that doesn't work. She looks around frantically for a foothold and spots a tree. She wraps her legs around the base of the trunk and holds on for all she's worth. Merle yelps, does a very impressive back-flip, and lands on her head, her body sticking up in the air. Millerna sighs with relief.
Meanwhile…
"You're the most beautiful girl in the world. Your eyes are like diamonds. Your hair is…very silky."
"Oh, go on!" Hitomi says, giggling.
"You have the nicest…laugh. And you're a very pretty girl." Allen says, moving Van's jaws along to his words. Van fell asleep a good ten minutes ago, but Hitomi didn't seem to notice, so Allen continued to woo her. However, Allen was ready for his finale, which Van had to be conscious for, so when Hitomi looks down at a pretty leaf that blew across her foot, Allen raises Van above his head, and smashes him repeatedly on the cabin wall. Van awakes with a start and starts screaming.
"OW! Owowowowow!! STOP IT YOU IDIOT!" He snarls between smashes. Allen stops and grins down at him.
"Awake, sleeping prince?"
"YES!!"
"Good. Now call Hitomi." Allen orders. Van mutters something about executions and looks over at Hitomi. "Hey, Hitomi." Hitomi looks up and smiles sweetly at him.
"Yes?"
Allen grabs Van's jaw again and clears his throat. "I just wanted to say how much I love and adore you."
Van chokes and turns a pretty red color, but Allen ignores him.
"And want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"
Hitomi gasps, Merle screams, Millerna swoons and Van…well…I'm really not sure what Van is going. It looks like he's drowning…
"OH,VAN! Of course I will! I love you!" Hitomi cries. She leaps forward, grabs Van out of Allen's hand and plants a huge, wet kiss on his…err…lips. Allen dusts his hands off, satisfied.
Merle has now gone into full-blown rabid mode. I mean we have the foam, we have the cussing, we have the eating dirt, we have the need to taste blood, we even have the psychotic-look-in-the-eye. We also have Millerna, who has tied Merle to three tree's using vines, rope, chains (I have no idea where she found those. Honestly.) and something unidentifiable. She's also pinning her to the tree with her body, and has armed herself with a bazooka. (HEY! That's MINE! Stupid fic characters think they can take my stuff…)
Meanwhile, Hitomi is still kissing Van, who is reduced to a pile of goo in Hitomi's arms, and Allen is snapping pictures of his handy-work.
After a few minutes of smooching, Hitomi releases Van and he oozes off her and lands in a tidy pile of Van-goo on the floor. Hitomi hops around in circles happily, chanting. "I'm getting married! I'm getting married! Oh, it'll be so wonderful! We'll have a big house, and a pretty wedding, and lots of babies-"
Van snaps an eye open. "Babies!? Wait…married!? Oh crap, that's right!" Van pulls himself together and pounces Allen.
"You idiot! What have you done!? I'm not ready to get married yet! I don't even have a ring! My friggen kingdom isn't even finished yet! I-I haven't even gone on a date with her!"
"Well, according to her, you've done a lot more then dating." Allen teases, waggling his eyebrows. Van chokes and turns read again.
"That's beside the point. Look, I don't want to get married yet…and I'm not even human! I still have to catch that stupid old man…"
"So you want to tell her you don't want her?"
"NO!!!" Van screams, a little louder than he had intended. He blushes and shakes his head. "No, just…bah, I'll take care of it."
Van walks up to Hitomi and tugs on her socks. She looks down and smiles at him. "Yes, love?"
Van blushes at the pet name and scratches the back of his head. "When were you…ah…planning on getting married?"
"Tomorrow!" She exclaims happily.
"WHAT!?" Van screams. Hitomi looks taken aback, and she frowns.
"You…you don't want me anymore?" She pouts, her lip quivering.
"No! I mean, yes, yes, of course I do, it's just…ummm…im…err…shy?"
Hitomi grins and pats Van on the head. "Aww, you cutie! I see what your problem is. So, two days then?"
"Umm…I was thinking more along the lines of…a year?"
"WHAT!? You don't want to marry me, do you!"
"No! No, it's just…I want to…err…have time to make myself a better man for you. I mean I need to finish the renovations on Fanalia so you can have a nice place to live. And I need to…err…make more money to support you."
Hitomi starts bawling. She dives down and scoops Van up, snuggling the hell out of him. "You are so SWEET! We're going to be so happy together!"
Van grins stupidly and blushes. "Yeah…"
Suddenly Allen runs up to them, panting like mad. "G-guys…you need to go find this guy on your own. Merle is going nuts, man. She almost took Millerna's throat out. There's no way she can go anywhere near Hitomi. Me and Millerna are going to try to find a way to…em…restrain her, then we'll catch up to you. And hey, this is a perfect opportunity for you two. I also have a lead on where he could be. Some dude was walking along the path and saw Merle. He was about to call the Cat-People-Gone-Loco society, but we stopped him. Seems he knows a lot about these parts. He said he saw some old nutty dude stuffing ferrets down near Hilitia. He matches Omake's description."
"YEAH!" Van suddenly exclaims. "That's right! He always stuffs his dead pets, and he likes ferrets the best. Where did this guy go? I want to ask him more questions."
Allen sweatdrops and draws little circles in the sand with his shoe. "Well…uhh…that's the thing. Before we could ask him more questions, Merle attacked him. She went right for his groin. Millerna says he'll never be able to have kids. Or…do anything else down there…" Allen says, wincing.
Van shakes his head sadly. "I'm so disappointed in Merle…she's never acted like this before."
"Well, you guys better get going. I brought the wagon up over there. We'll catch up to you soon."
~*~
And so, Hitomi and Van set off into the sunset together, while Millerna and Allen stayed behind to try and settle Merle down.
"You want to do WHAT to Hitomi!?" Millerna gasps.
"She's just delirious. I think she's dreaming about what she's saying…is that dog collar ready yet?"
"No. Just a few more adjustments to the tightening mechanism. You said you wanted electric shocks installed into here too, right?"
"Yeah. And could you pass that huge leaf over there? My muffle isn't going too good. Are you sure we should make it out of leather? Wouldn't steal be better?"
"No, leather is fine."
"RAWWRRR!! Mppphh….Hitomi die die die…"
"Shut up, Merle."
End of part 4.